My boyfriend of 2 months at the time, (now husband Greg), had just been diagnosed with cancer... He had gone home from college for Christmas vacation and wouldn't be returning...
I remember as plain as day the phone call I received from him in January 1992 about a week after his diagnosis... "Sara, they are wanting me to make some decisions to protect my ability to have children someday... what do you think I should do???"
Honestly, I almost fell over... In my head I was thinking... ok, kind of nice of him to consider asking my opinion... BUT... we had only been dating 2 months... we weren't engaged... I really didn't feel like it was my decision to make... I remember replying that he should do whatever he felt was right...
His words regarding his decision was that if the Lord wanted him to have kids someday, the Lord would work it all out!! (Man, the faith of my husband is shown to be sooooo strong over and over again!!!) From there he started 4 months of chemo and 2 months of radiation...
Fast forward 3 + years... we are married... trying to conceive and getting NO WHERE!!! Hmmmm..... we wondered what the problem was... we decided to seek some answers to why it wasn't happening for us... but we pretty much felt like we knew the answer to that question...duh!!!
But boy, doesn't God have a sense of humor??? I still sort of find it amusing that I was the one with the problem... never would have thought that... especially since the Lord CLEARLY MADE ME A BABY LOVER!!! I just never foresaw myself having trouble getting pregnant... but it was a problem on my end...
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If you have never had fertility issues... count yourself soooooooo fortunate.... It is so hard... Such an emotional roller coaster each month as dreams are dashed. As much as I knew that the Lord was in control and had great plans for me... Not getting pregnant was not part of my plan AT all! It was heartbreaking... I so longed to carry a baby... and even today after carrying 6 babies, my heart pains when I hear of women who are having fertility problems... people can be so insensitive and have a hard time understanding that struggle if they havent' walked it themselves... (Today I was watching a movie that had a character who was infertile... tears were streaming down my face... I remember that pain so well!)
Well fast forward almost 18 years... After many years of trying, and really much much trying for all but one of our kids, I never in a million years could have imagined how the Lord would work out His plans for our family... there has been a lot of heartache... (Oh my, the tears!!!) a lot of healing... plans I could never have predicted... plans I still struggle to understand sometimes...
I never anticipated sub fertility (nice term huh?... that is what one doctor labeled me:) miscarriage, stillbirth, or a failed adoption due to another stillbirth to be a part of our family building story, but it is...
And so is...
Great healing...physically and emotionally...
Adoption...
Embryo adoption...
Circumstances that have me longing for Heaven in a way I didn't know was possible...
A new family life purpose and mission...
The other day, as I am many days... I was literally over come with TOTAL gratefulness to our Lord! I was staring at Levi, totally and utterly dumbfounded that God would give us such a gift... And as I tucked Hope in to bed and she gives me that sassy little snicker of hers... I am reminded a fresh of His gifts that we just never know could be right around the corner...
I know that EVERY SINGLE one of my kids are a TOTAL blessing... I treasure deeply every single one! But I think those that come after such trial tend to throw the grace and love of the Lord RIGHT IN OUR FACE! Which I love... it helps me never take them, any one of them for granted!!!
He is soooo faithful! He knew exactly how He would build our family... While, I would love to have every one of my kids here with me... I trust in His plan... His best plan for our lives and long for the day when we can all be together in eternity!
We are looking forward with joy to see who the next little Hintz is that the Lord has planned for our family! What an adventure!
He has done immeasurably more than I could have asked or imagined... FAITHFUL GOD!!!
To read other encouraging Memorial box Monday stories go to Linny's blog at
www.aplacecalledsimplicity.blogspot.com
6 comments:
This post makes me happy! chris and mary
Love you...
Love you...
Wow, I can't believe how much you've been through to build your family and to know we are not alone in our journey as well. I had 3 early losses prior to my 2 year hold blessing with us now. Only to then be thrilled to have a baby brother who was found to have Trisomy 13. Porter we carried almost to term and was born to live 38 minutes and touch the lives of many. II became interested in your blog too because I am a Cystic Fibrosis research nurse and understand the journey of those that live with CF. love to read about your family. Thank you for sharing your journey.
Wow, I can't believe how much you've been through to build your family and to know we are not alone in our journey as well. I had 3 early losses prior to my 2 year hold blessing with us now. Only to then be thrilled to have a baby brother who was found to have Trisomy 13. Porter we carried almost to term and was born to live 38 minutes and touch the lives of many. II became interested in your blog too because I am a Cystic Fibrosis research nurse and understand the journey of those that live with CF. love to read about your family. Thank you for sharing your journey.
God is so awesome! You truly never know what is "right around the corner" of life, do you? So grateful God always goes ahead of us... and makes a way. :)
Lisa
We need to get together btw. :)
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