A Sweet Birthday Surprise for Levi Ryan!

I have a precious friend from FMSC who happens to be one of the luckiest (blessed) people I know...

She wins more contests than any other I know... And we were so blessed to be on the receiving end of one of her sweet WINS:)

Meet my friend Alyssa... We work every Monday together and not long ago when it was her birthday, I had 120 of our closest FMSC volunteer friends sing to her... I introduced her as one of the most generous people I know... I meant it...If there is a task, she willingly takes it on, and generously gives from her heart.  Whether it is cupcakes for my parties, games for my littles, or sweet birthday surprises...  She is always giving...

She knows how much Levi loves the CUBS so she entered a drawing at her local library for 4 tickets to a cubs game... She said people were buying up tons of tickets...

She bought her 1 ticket, said a prayer for Levi... and BAM!!! She was the winner:)

And then she told me she wanted to give the tickets to Levi for his birthday... I DIED!!! 

Here we are together with the amazing basket she created for Levi to give to him on his birthday... Did I mention she is incredibly talented and creative... Seriously, she is so artistically gifted... something I am not... so I love it!

One of the reasons Levi Ryan's  love for the cubs is so special to us, is that his biological dad Ryan was a CUBS lover.  He had Cystic Fibrosis and was even chosen to throw out the first pitch at a CUBS game when he was little... I couldn't wait to take Levi to a game... 

A big Happy Birthday to Levi as he was unwrapping all of the goodies in his basket, CUBS W car flags, chocolate, fan finger, T-shirt, and more:)  He was thrilled!

Last Sunday, game day FINALLY arrived.  Levi was able to pick who he was going to take with to the game. Unfortunately Greg had an injury the day before so Jojo got to take his spot, and Anna had never been to a game so she came too:) 

We battled the Chicago traffic to the free bus shuttle and made our way to Historic Wrigley Field!  What an atmosphere!  It is such a special place!

And what a game it was!  13-5 Cubbie win for the books! It was such a fun game to watch!  

Levi enjoying some cotton candy while Anna and Jojo were enjoying the game:) I seriously, loved watching them all have so much fun!  It was the perfect distraction and pick me up after a tearful goodbye to Caleb as he headed to OK for 6 weeks... 

One of the most precious parts of the day was seeing Levi as we found Ryan's brick outside Wrigley Field!  Ryan's mom had told me a rough area of where it was, and it was surprisingly easy to find!  I look forward to the day when Levi will understand more of who his bio dad was and how his life came into being. 

 I remember before we adopted Levi as an embryo, I was talking with a dear friend... She loves us deeply and walked closely with me through everything we had been through with the stillbirth of Samuel, the stillbirth of baby Joel (the baby we were going to adopt) 8 mos. later, and my miscarriage.  She sweetly said, "If you do get pregnant, no one would have to know this baby was adopted???"  

I immediately replied, "I couldn't do it. If a baby was conceived, how could I keep that miracle to myself?"  It would be a part of that child's story, and something that deserved to be told  

I still feel that way, and Sunday was another full circle moment for me...

It is like God smacks me over the head in these moments... "Do not miss the miracle of this moment Sara!!" 

This brick at Levi's feet with Ryan's birth and death date, was lovingly placed there by a family missing their son, brother, father, and husband...  Ryan...

And there Levi sits, with that same brick at his feet... This living breathing Levi Ryan... 

 His WHOLE life made possible by this sweet man, our donor mom, AND AN AMAZING GOD WHO IS SO FAITHFUL through it all! 

It seriously blows me away...

What a miracle and what a special day it was!

So friends, don't miss the miracle of the moments that God gives you as well...

 I pray all of our eyes are wide open so we can take in and appreciate all the sweet blessings God has for us to take hold of each day! 

And just like that... she is 8!

Anna and Hope June 2011... Awwww... where has the time gone?  

And just like that, our Hopie girl turned 8! 

            

HOPE: to look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence... to expect... 

When we were waiting for a child after Samuel died... We were grieving with Hope... waiting with Hope... and Waiting for Hope!   We were expecting that if it was in His will, the Lord would add to our family through adoption and He answered with our Hopie girl!

She is full of spunk... and a whole lot more... Raising her has taught us a lot and taught us that there is so much about parenting that we don't know or understand...

She were able to spend her birthday with out of town relatives so that was especially fun for her!

We are so thankful that God chose us to be her family!  Adoption is such a gift and has changed our family in so many ways.  We are in awe of all that He has done for us and through Hope's life so far.

 Our prayer for her is that she will seek HIM always, that she will follow him closely and know that she is deeply loved by him and us... That she will always know her life has great value,she was created with a great life purpose, and that she will trust him with her future!

What a difference a YEAR makes... and then there was JOY...

 A year ago we posted these photos sharing that we were hoping to expand our family through adoption... We were waiting to be matched...

Little did we know that a mama had already contacted our agency after seeking out alternatives to carrying her baby full term... but it was too costly for her to end her pregnancy... She had now decided to seek out to make an adoption plan...

Little did we know what the Lord had already put in place and that just a mere 3 1/2 weeks later we would get a call that we had been chosen by this sweet mama to raise her baby...

Little did we know that in less than 3 months we would hold that babygirl in our arms...

All we knew that day was that we had opened up the door for the Lord to work...

We were just going to step forward in faith waiting on God's plans to unfold and His will to be done...

(Truth be told when we first had started to pursue finding an agency to do our Illinois homestudy, I was flat out told that "NO ONE would pick our family with 7 other kids in the house" 

Truth be told, I was discouraged that day... but within minutes of that really downer conversation, our case worker from Isaiah's adoption agency had called to talk to me about something new their agency was going to possibly try in a different area of adoptions... 

God knew I needed to talk with her and my heart was immediately encouraged in what I already knew but needed to be reminded of... It was all in His perfect hands... The BEST place for it to be...

Little did I know that He was already working much out behind the scenes... 

And work He did... and fast!  

And just like that (with a whole lot of added drama, a birthmom changing her mind on Christmas day, an extended 5 week stay in Arizona to get paperwork through... ) She was in our arms!!!

Kaliyah Joy, is just that! Filled with JOY!  She is such a little sweet heart! 

She has become a bit more serious as of late and she checks out people who aren't family with a little more intensity than normal:)

But she knows her family... She knows loads of attention... Loads of hugs, holding, kisses, snuggles, laughs, and LOVE!  

We can't get enough of her and her sweet squishy self! 

God knew she needed us...

And more importantly, God knew we needed her just as much!  

She is a perfect fit for our family! 

Adoption isn't ever easy... but worth every penny, sacrifice, heartbreak, stretching, and beautiful moment along the journey! (I have a story of God's incredible faithfulness to provide that I will share soon! We are blown away!) 

We are BLOWN away by the gift of this sweet sweet baby girl...

BLOWN away that He chose us for her...

And that just like we have adopted her and taken her as our own...

God does the same for us...

adopts us as HIS children...

Just like we love her... He loves us a million times more!

Just like God saw sweet Kaliyah so close to not ever having a chance to live a full life outside her birthmom... 

God saw us with out any chance of living a full life in eternity and He redeemed us through His son...

She is ours... and we are HIS...

My heart is full... 

My heart is overflowing...

Just a year later... What a difference HE can make in our lives... 

FOR LIKE EVER!!!! Our hearts are filled with joy!!

This little beauty is officially a Hintz!!! We found out today that her adoption is indeed finalized!!! We are rejoicing and praising God for this great news!!!

From this little peanut right after birth to a beautiful 6 month baby girl... We are so grateful to have had this precious time her!!

1 day old with her birth mom... Oh the emotions that flood my heart when I think of her and her sacrifice and love for Kaliyah!!!

This beautiful little baby whose life almost never made it out of the womb, was perfectly and wonderfully knit together by a creator who never makes mistakes....

This little one's life who came into being much to the surprise of many...

Wasn't a surprise to the one who so perfectly formed her little being... All with a great and special plan for her life!!

This little one, whose mom almost took her back as her own on Christmas Day, changing her mind about the adoption and deciding to parent her...

Only later did she painstakingly choose the ultimate love for her baby... to sacrifice her own desires instead for giving kaliyah's a future she could not... ( One of the absolute very HARDEST things I have ever witnessed!!!)  She is such a strong loving mama!!

What a roller coaster of emotions!!

And now she is ours FOR EVER!! 

She is a gift... She is good natured, easy going, happy, smiley, a great hugger, and just downright sweet!  And we are overwhelmed to be able to have a front row seat to watch the Lord show off by all he has planned for her life!!

My heart is blown away by this gift!  We are so undeserving!! 

We are all broken...

Let's be honest...
That right there is a hard thing... sometimes easier for some than others...

I am not a pessimist... we have a wonderful life... but in all honesty, it wasn't all that long ago when there were days that I wasn't sure I would survive...
TRULY...
I wasn't sure I wanted to survive...
And if I am totally honest, there are still days that my heart aches for my baby boy and I long more for Heaven than the day that is ahead of me...
These days now are few and far between now... but still present...

But being in ministry as a pastor's wife, leading an infant loss support group, I hear and see first hand many with broken hearts ALL THE TIME...

Having just experienced the blessing of Kaliyah and seeing the sorrow and pain of her birth mother as she handed over this precious little bundle she loved, showed me afresh the huge amount of brokenness that loads of people are dealing with daily...

Your brokenness might come from a place of abuse, abandonment, an area of sin that you are in bondage to, a bad job situation, the loss of a loved one, depression, addiction, loneliness, your own bad choices, dealing with someone else's bad choices, serious illnesses, battles of the mind...
I could go on and on...
Some of them could be things that maybe we had a part in creating... but most probably are areas that are really just a cross that we have to bear (ours by no action on our own part) and a result of sin being a part of this world...

Some of these areas of brokenness might be something that is bearable, a burden that you carry but that you realistically can carry in this life and still function...

Others areas of brokenness are all consuming... Really they may have you in a place of survival... I have been there... not a good place to be at all...

Could the Lord heal us of these thorns in our sides instantly... FOR SURE... does He still heal in this way today... I believe He can and does... but it doesn't always seem to work that way... Some times He heals instantly... Sometimes He heals slowly over time... Sometimes He uses modern medicine... Sometimes He uses things we may never suspect... And sometimes He heals us in Heaven...

I really do believe that these areas of brokenness, while in the moment may seem impossible and unbearable, are areas that the Lord is going to use in amazing, inconceivable ways if you let Him... But yes, I know that it takes time to get to that point in the healing process...

And in all honesty, I meant what I said... we are all broken in one way or another... I wouldn't ever judge you in your brokenness... I wouldn't judge why you are broken and I would pray that you would do the same for me and others... not judge...

There is nothing worse than feeling judged in your hurt, when you are already hurting and in need of great healing...

I have a precious friend from the state we previously lived in that was involved in the same home school coop with me...

She was amazing... We opened our hearts to each other and she was never afraid to mention Samuel's name, check in with me regarding how I was feeling, and was a listening ear, always able to make me laugh.  She was also going through a particular  time of brokenness... Very few there knew what was going on for her outside the doors of our coop... but I did... I am sure she didn't share all the hard unbearable details with me, but oh the prayers that were offered up for her family during this time... I knew they had sought help from doctors all over the country... Then on top of all of that she lost her dad very suddenly... talk about hard...

I have so much love and respect for her... I love that she has shared their story... I love that she is being open and honest about a part of their story that isn't easy to share... This is HUGE and could bless others in a HUGE way...
She and her son recently shared a video about a type of therapy that has been a huge blessing to her, her son, and as a result her whole family... It has changed their lives... I wanted to share her video because if there is anything that might help another person in a similar situation I would love for others to experience healing in one way or another... I believe it offers great hope for the future...

Please watch when you have a free moment... I am so touched that they shared their story to help others who are going through the struggles of mental illness...


Hayden from BMC Ferrell on Vimeo.

Here are just a few words from my sweet friend Michelle about sharing this video...
Someone asked me if they could share and yes, that's totally fine. It's our goal to share our story so that we can bring awareness not only to NF, but also to the struggle of living with mental health disorders and the lack of modern medicine's ability to truly cure the brain. Mental health disorders carry such a negative stigma, and unless we educate, people who struggle will continue to be labeled. 


I am so touched that they shared their story to help others who are going through the struggles of mental illness... I do not deal with depression on a regular basis, but it is something I struggled with after losing our son in 2008... My heart goes out to those that struggle in this area...

Here is a link to learn more about neuro feedback...

http://www.abundantlivingneurofeedback.com/

I would love to see people showing deep love, care, and concern for all who struggle with illnesses of any kind... I am so thankful that God can use so many different ways to help and heal us...

He is his son... He is my son...

Last week would have been this little boys 35th birthday...

That little boy is actually this little boys (below) biological father... Isn't the resemblance amazing?

The stories I have heard of Levi's biological daddy are wonderful and so very special to us... ( I am so very thankful to have a relationship with his bio mom and grandma and other extended family!)

Thinking about Levi's Ryan's biological dad Ryan evokes a crazy amount of different emotions...

Awe over the type of personality he had and how he lived, given that he had the terrible disease Cystic Fibrosis...

Wonder as I hear story of his selflessness... (He turned down his first wish with the "Make a Wish" Foundation because his whole basketball team couldn't come with him to practice with the Chicago Bulls... He didn't want anyone to feel bad, so he ended up with his second wish, being a park ranger for a day...)

Joy as I heard of how he and his wife felt welcoming his twins into the world, Levi's full biological siblings...

A sweetness in my soul when I watch Levi and know that some of his character traits come from him...

And at the same time a feeling of overwhelming longing... longing to TRULY know him... see him... get an even clearer picture of who this man was, who makes up half of who my son is...

And a sadness when I try to resolve in my mind all it took in getting our son to us...

If this sweet man had not passed away, Levi would have been his and his wife's son... That would have been the plan all along had his life not ended at the young age of 27... Knowing and Living with grief and loss, my heart literally ached last week on Ryan's birthday... I know how much he is missed... I know how much it still hurts even years later... I know the longing for heaven...

I can't help but go there... and think of the hurt and pain his young wife went through when she was widowed so young with 2 small children.. and to think of the hurt and pain that his parents and siblings went through when they had to say goodbye... Not a moment of that is lost on me... 

  

This sweet little boy would never have been ours if Ryan had lived a full life... It is hard to resolve it all in my mind... Ryan had to die for Levi to become ours... And literally my heart hurts at the thought... 

Yet... EVERY SINGLE TIME I look at this beautiful boy I know with out a doubt that...

God created him for us... 

God breathed life into what was frozen for 5 years, for us...

God allowed that sweet tiny embryo to take hold and make a warm home inside of me for 9 mos, for us... 

God sustained his precious life while I was on bed rest in the hospital for 7 weeks, for us...

God brought forth this boy that healed so much hurt that was inside of me and our family, for us...

God knew exactly what we needed and he gave us Levi Ryan... 

God took the very best of his biological parents and wove them together to make the most amazing, sweet, joyful, funny, little man, FOR US... 

I don't think I will ever be able to fully understand why Ryan had to die... why Samuel our son had to die... I don't think it is really God's plan for me to understand this side of Heaven... But what I do know...

Is that God has taken the hurt of 2 families and brought forth the life of the most amazing little boy who will turn 5 in less than a week...

God creatively has knit our families together in the most beautiful way and my heart is FOREVER thankful for the gift of being this sweet little boy's mama... 

I will never forget a conversation I had with a dear friend weeks before we did the frozen embryo transfer with Levi... She had walked through a lot with us and loved us.  She was SO concerned for me and the fact that the odds weren't in our favor for the embryo to take... We had already suffered the loss of 3 babies during pregnancy... 

I remember just looking at her with total peace in my heart and saying, "I know there is no guarantee, but I have a peace about it... and for us, IT IS TOTALLY WORTH THE RISK!" 

Levi is worth every second of worry, fear, uncertainty, joy, thankfulness, elation, and overwhelming awe in the gracious plans of our amazing faithful God! 

(Ryan at the cubs game where he threw out the first pitch:)

( I have to laugh because we aren't a big baseball family, but Levi is a cubs lover... His biological dad loved the cubs!)

And this all just makes our family bigger... I can't wait to meet this amazing man in Heaven one day... I often can't help but think of the fact that he is a daddy up in heaven with his kids down here... and we have a little boy and 2 other babies in heaven with their parents down here... Maybe they have all met:) 

Levi is his son... He is my son... He is our son... Really He is God's son... And with it all my heart falls deeper in love with a Savior who makes this all possible... 

Astounding to me really!  This story will never get old... 

As we prepare for holy week and the death and resurrection of our Savior I am continually reminded that we believe in a God who really has made this all possible...

He  redeems what was lost and hurting, breathes life back into what was once frozen, and resurrects what was dead... 

What a gift for all of us!

Happy 7th to our Hopie girl!

Here is our  Hopie girl turning 7 just a couple of weeks ago... 

Life has been busy and I am just getting to posting about it now:)
She loved being Queen for the day and picking all of her meals:)  Pizza and soda is a favorite in this house, as well as ice cream for breakfast:)

Welcoming Hope into our family came clear out of the blue one Friday morning...

"What are you doing this afternoon?"  our agency asked Greg.  "Could you make a trip to OKC to pick up a 10 month old baby girl?"  

I will never ever forget getting a phone call from Greg to fill me in on the call he had just received.

We didn't expect to have to tuck her in bed every night for 7 months wondering if she would get to stay...  

Our hearts were tender...

 We had just 14 months before left a hospital with out our newborn son Samuel who was stillborn... and just 4 months before we had to plan the funeral and bury the baby boy we had been planning on adopting... 

Our hearts were more than tender... 

And there she came... our hope!

She came quietly at first... 

She came sillier as time went on...

She came with her own degree of sass, spunk, and naughtiness at times... 

But we loved her anyways:)  

We had been longing for a little child to hold in our aching arms... 

We had been longing to show her our full devoted love...

We had been longing to make her our own!

The agency director, Hope and I signing saying she was now home forever...  We were overjoyed!

Hope and Anna on the day of her finalization:)  Anna was beaming! She finally had a sister!

Happy Birthday Hope Jubilee Marie Hintz!
We are so thankful for this special girl!!  We celebrate her precious life!

Morning company:)

The other morning I awoke to this smiling face next to me:)

 I rolled over and said, "I love you buddy!"

And His response... "And I am a MIRACLE!!!"  

Yes you are my sweet Levi, yes you are!  He is an amazing miracle from God that was allowed to join our family through embryo adoption... He and I were talking about it today in the car and I can't wait till he can really understand his own amazing miraculous story! 

And then this little rascal came to join us in bed... and that was the end of the peaceful resting!  He is all boy and never sits still... But he makes for many laughs!  I love love love every moment with both of them!  I am so thankful that we get to do preschool together this year... What a treat for this mama! Hopefully they would say the same thing:)

Have a blessed Monday friends... from Zay and Levi!!:)

2 months!!!

Moments of wonder if you would really be ours!!!

Hours of prayers for safety and protection over your life!!!

Many tears and heartbreaking moments in our journey to you!!

Absolute joy watching you enter the world!!!

Complete awe and thankfulness for your birth mom as I watched her sacrifice so so very much because she loved you!!

2 months of cuddles, kisses, full hearts, thankfullness, treasuring moments, talking with birth mom, dying over her cuteness, celebrating her life, moments of exhaustion, feeding, swaddling, her head on my chest, watching sibling love grow, and absolute joy and thankfulness that she is ours forever! 

We are blown away that God had her for us!!! She is such a gift!!

Her first few days...

The crew welcoming baby Kaliyah home from the hospital in Arizona... They were TOTALLY enamored with her right from the start...

Sisters...  I am so thankful to have this picture...

Jojo is like a little baby whisperer... seriously so good with her... 

Hopie, our very busy little girl, shone when she held her! And she still is such a big helper!

Caleb enjoying some snuggles before we opened gifts on Christmas Day!  (These were all taken before her birth mom changed her mind that day... everybody was falling in love already... it took like 1.5 seconds!:)

Totally Isaiah... in the midst of crazy circumstances this is what you get... A little bit of Zay Crazy!!

Kaliyah Joy... Christmas Day... 2 days old!

 Sweet Baby Girl!  Looking back at these pics makes me realize how light her skin was at birth... She has already changed so much!  What a treasure every moment with her is...

Enjoying baby Kaliyah...

Louis and Emma with Kaliyah 2 days old:)

Mom and Anna enjoying snuggles with this little sweetie...

She loves Jojo so much... and he is so good with her:)

She is just the sweetest, softest, most wonderful Christmas gift ever!!!

I have gotten behind on blogging since we got home 2 1/2 weeks ago...

That was mostly due to the fact that I came home to the crew sharing a stomach bug, literally days after we were clear of that one, almost everyone got a really bad respiratory bug... Dad and mom included.  

I think we are all on the mend and praising God for that! Thankfully Kaliyah is the only one who didn't get either bug!  I still am in shock!  I think the sanitizing and donated breast milk have had a lot to do with her staying healthy!  So grateful!

We are enjoying every second with her... She is a really easy baby and is so sweet!