That little boy is actually this little boys (below) biological father... Isn't the resemblance amazing?
The stories I have heard of Levi's biological daddy are wonderful and so very special to us... ( I am so very thankful to have a relationship with his bio mom and grandma and other extended family!)
Thinking about Levi's Ryan's biological dad Ryan evokes a crazy amount of different emotions...
Awe over the type of personality he had and how he lived, given that he had the terrible disease Cystic Fibrosis...
Wonder as I hear story of his selflessness... (He turned down his first wish with the "Make a Wish" Foundation because his whole basketball team couldn't come with him to practice with the Chicago Bulls... He didn't want anyone to feel bad, so he ended up with his second wish, being a park ranger for a day...)
Joy as I heard of how he and his wife felt welcoming his twins into the world, Levi's full biological siblings...
A sweetness in my soul when I watch Levi and know that some of his character traits come from him...
And at the same time a feeling of overwhelming longing... longing to TRULY know him... see him... get an even clearer picture of who this man was, who makes up half of who my son is...
And a sadness when I try to resolve in my mind all it took in getting our son to us...
If this sweet man had not passed away, Levi would have been his and his wife's son... That would have been the plan all along had his life not ended at the young age of 27... Knowing and Living with grief and loss, my heart literally ached last week on Ryan's birthday... I know how much he is missed... I know how much it still hurts even years later... I know the longing for heaven...
I can't help but go there... and think of the hurt and pain his young wife went through when she was widowed so young with 2 small children.. and to think of the hurt and pain that his parents and siblings went through when they had to say goodbye... Not a moment of that is lost on me...
This sweet little boy would never have been ours if Ryan had lived a full life... It is hard to resolve it all in my mind... Ryan had to die for Levi to become ours... And literally my heart hurts at the thought...
Yet... EVERY SINGLE TIME I look at this beautiful boy I know with out a doubt that...
God created him for us...
God breathed life into what was frozen for 5 years, for us...
God allowed that sweet tiny embryo to take hold and make a warm home inside of me for 9 mos, for us...
God sustained his precious life while I was on bed rest in the hospital for 7 weeks, for us...
God brought forth this boy that healed so much hurt that was inside of me and our family, for us...
God knew exactly what we needed and he gave us Levi Ryan...
God took the very best of his biological parents and wove them together to make the most amazing, sweet, joyful, funny, little man, FOR US...
I don't think I will ever be able to fully understand why Ryan had to die... why Samuel our son had to die... I don't think it is really God's plan for me to understand this side of Heaven... But what I do know...
Is that God has taken the hurt of 2 families and brought forth the life of the most amazing little boy who will turn 5 in less than a week...
God creatively has knit our families together in the most beautiful way and my heart is FOREVER thankful for the gift of being this sweet little boy's mama...
I will never forget a conversation I had with a dear friend weeks before we did the frozen embryo transfer with Levi... She had walked through a lot with us and loved us. She was SO concerned for me and the fact that the odds weren't in our favor for the embryo to take... We had already suffered the loss of 3 babies during pregnancy...
I remember just looking at her with total peace in my heart and saying, "I know there is no guarantee, but I have a peace about it... and for us, IT IS TOTALLY WORTH THE RISK!"
Levi is worth every second of worry, fear, uncertainty, joy, thankfulness, elation, and overwhelming awe in the gracious plans of our amazing faithful God!
(Ryan at the cubs game where he threw out the first pitch:)
( I have to laugh because we aren't a big baseball family, but Levi is a cubs lover... His biological dad loved the cubs!)
And this all just makes our family bigger... I can't wait to meet this amazing man in Heaven one day... I often can't help but think of the fact that he is a daddy up in heaven with his kids down here... and we have a little boy and 2 other babies in heaven with their parents down here... Maybe they have all met:)
Levi is his son... He is my son... He is our son... Really He is God's son... And with it all my heart falls deeper in love with a Savior who makes this all possible...
Astounding to me really! This story will never get old...
As we prepare for holy week and the death and resurrection of our Savior I am continually reminded that we believe in a God who really has made this all possible...
He redeems what was lost and hurting, breathes life back into what was once frozen, and resurrects what was dead...
What a gift for all of us!
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