22 years...

Greg and I have officially spent more of our lives together than apart...
22 years of wedded bliss... HAH!!

In all honesty, my heart is full of gratefulness... I would be lying if I said that all 22 years were good years... But I will say, that all 22 were growing years...

It was through some of those most difficult years, especially after the death of our son Samuel, that my heart truly knew even more the reasons the Lord put us together...

 Not many would have loved me through that darkness that consumed me at times...
Not many would have been so faithfully patient with me through my grief...
 Not many would have continually encouraged my heart that "WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS..."

He never pushed... always accepted where I was at... tenderly loved me when I was probably hard to love at times... He loved me through the WORSE of the for better or worse that we vowed to 22 years ago...

When I think of the man that God gave to me... I think... Wow, we couldn't be more different than each other in so many ways... That makes for some challenging times when wading through a life of 7 moves, 8+children, job changes, mountains of dirty diapers and dirty cars/bedrooms/garages:)

But that also makes for a balancing out of our lives... What would we do without our Safety Patrol Man to reel me back in and set more realistic ideas before us some days? What would we do with our goofy dancing daddy who can get us all to laugh? What would be do without the faithful provider and protector of our family?

He is loyal, funny, compassionate, hardworking,  a steady eddy, patient, faithful, one who is willing to be stretched and grown, and one who beyond a shadow of a doubt loves his kids and me deeply...

He has allowed me to passionately pursue the things I love... orphans, adoption, homeschooling, leading MEND (our local infant loss support group), missions, traveling... He has graciously and joyfully sent the kids and I off on numerous loooooong road trips entrusting us into the Lords care so willingly while he stayed back to work hard to provide for our crazy adventures:)

We have walked through...
So many joy filled years, along with difficult years....
So many challenging parent moments, along with so many amazingly beautiful miraculous moments..
So many days full of laughter, along with tears...

Together we have watched God crack open our broken, fault ridden hearts and seen God bring new life to our marriage and hearts...

Together we have cracked the door to God's plans for our family wide open and said yes to moving away from family and heading to the seminary with 4 kids...

Together we have walked through cancer, the death of a child, disappointments, and joys beyond our wildest dreams...

Together we have said to our gracious God again and again, "Our family is yours..."
And time and time again He has blown us away with the births of all 5 of our biological kids and knocked our socks off through the adoption of Hope and Isaiah...

Together we have watched God breathe life back into what was once frozen... FOR FIVE YEARS.... and miraculously bless our family with Levi Ryan... (I will forever stand in awe of his power, might, and healing touch to bless us in such a way)

The past 22 years of our marriage are NOTHING of our doing... (well I am pretty sure the rough, stubborn, ugly parts were probably all our doing:)

But the growth and the beautiful parts, they are all GOD'S DOING...

It is because of HIS abundant faithfulness and grace that we stand here 22 years later, loving each other more, relying on each other for love and support as we daily parent the beautiful, sometimes wild blessing of our 7 kids here with us now, and stand committed together for the long haul...

Committed to see what God has in store for the next week, next year... Lord willing, the next 22 years... (Maybe the Lord will come back before then... wouldn't that be AWESOME?!!)

I can still say, 22 years later, just like I did the day that we were married... That HE HAS CHOSEN YOU FOR ME...

And I am still so grateful to God that HE Chose you for me... always will be...

I Love this song by Steven Curtis Chapman... says a lot of what I feel today:)

21 years...

21 years ago we said I DO...

I DO in sickness and in health...

I DO for better and for worse...

And I would say in the past 21 years we have pretty much covered it all... We have said I DO through cancer, the stillbirth of our son, adoption, job loss, many many moves, going back to school full time with 4 kids in tow, miscarriage, adoption, loads of laugh and loads of tears...

Some of those 21 years have looked beautiful... 

And some not so much... Just keeping it real :)

We are two very different people with two very different up bringings, trying to blend that all together to make a marriage, family, and life that resembles what God would desire most for us:)  sometimes we do a decent job of that... And others, not so much...

Here is a confession... There are times I get discontent and jealous of all of the posts about being "best friends" and "soul mates" that I read about on Facebook... (Hear my heart I truly mean NO offense to those of you that really feel that... I am SO happy for you and I praise God for that gift in your lives:)

What I do FULLY know is that I married GOD'S BEST ONE FOR ME:)!

ONE who would tenderly persevere through loving a heartbroken wife...

ONE who would journey with me to welcome 3 beautiful gifts into our home through the miracle of adoption...

ONE who could hang with a more "passionate" (emotions all over the place:):) kind of wife...

ONE who would joyfully love a house full of kids with me...

 

ONE who "wears the pants" on a daily basis, but who loves us enough to let is go explore when he stays home to provide for us and hold down the fort...

ONE who trusted God and me enough to let me stay home with Louis 17 years ago.. Oh how we have seen The Lord provide abundantly!!!

So while our marriage, like I would guess many of yours, is full of times of struggling to understand each other better...

It is also FULL... 

FULL of a commitment to be in it "FOR THE LONG HAUL!"...

FULL of a house brimming with kids...

FULL OF Faith in Jesus and the plans He has for our family...

FULL of thankfulness that God saw fit to bless us with each other:)...

FULL of a dedication to seek help when and if it is needed...

FULL of forgiveness... (We have lots of opportunities to ask for that:)

FULL of learning to try to believe the best in eachother... (I have been known to have a sensitive side:)

FULL of a lot of love...

So today... Even though we are miles apart... Me and the kids almost to Phoenix, and Greg back at home,  We joyfully and thankfully celebrate 21 years :). We know we aren't promised tomorrow and each day is a gift:)

Photo shoot with the little guy...

 

With those deep penetrating eyes...

 

 

and such perky expressive eyebrows...

 

 

And yummy chubby cheeks...

 

 

and a smile that will melt your heart...

 

We are one step closer to making him ours forever...

We had our last post placement visit yesterday...

 

Now we just wait to get a court date to finalize...

 

Since his birth parents rights are already terminated there really aren't any worries... It is just always such a paperwork mountain... long wait... and when he is finally in your arms... It is SUPER NICE to make it official...

 

(Louis took some pictures of Greg and I the other day and we scooped up Isaiah for a few:)  

THROUGH THE FIRE

The Lord was gracious in the days leading up to Samuel's birth to allow circumstances to bring Greg and I to a place of closeness. We had been really busy with things and Greg had been gone A LOT. The day before Samuel went to be with the Lord Greg decided to fore go the church softball playoffs to stay home on the evening of my due date. That was the last night we felt our sweet son move around inside of me. That night I felt so cared for by Greg knowing that He could have been out, he chose to stay home and spend some time with his family. Little did I know how much more cared for I would feel in the next days as Greg was so strong for our whole family.

I will never forget him having to tell Louis, Caleb, Anna, and Jojo that their baby brother wasn't going to be alive with us on earth. I could never have done it... but Greg did. Greg prayed in the delivery room before I started pushing. I just thought there was no way I could start to push, knowing that the outcome of our sweet baby would be so different than what we were planning and hoping for. There would be no cry from this little one once he emerged from my womb. I was encouraged and strengthened by Greg's prayer. I was strengthened by God to push out our big 9 lb 2 oz Samuel Mark at 9:41 that morning on October 30th 2008. Later that afternoon after we all left the hospital Greg was so strong to go and explain to all of the neighbors what had happened to spare me the discomfort of running into all of them days or weeks later and then having to explain that we didn't have our baby at home with us. He has been a rock to me.

Yes, we have been through the fire in the last 2 1/2 months and it hasn't been easy. But PRAISE GOD our marriage is stronger than ever. The reason I mention all of this is 2 fold. One, I can be a fiercely independent person, sometimes to a fault. In the last months since Samuel's passing I have learned to really rely on my husband. He may not be grieving in the same way I am. But he has been there for me 100%. Now we laugh at the fact that I am way more high maintenance than I ever have been in the past. We both have enjoyed the closeness we have shared recently... I just wish it wouldn't have been a result of losing our child.

The second reason I mention it is because last week Greg and I went to see a Christian counselor. She was awesome. One of the things she mentioned to us was that 75% of marriages where the couple loses a child, end in divorce. WOOH! That hit me hard. I know you all can do the math... but that is only 1 out of 4 marriages making it through the death of child. Yikes... not good odds. We are determined to not let this tear us apart but to bring us closer together. It is no fun going through the fire, but I am praying the Lord is refining us both, making us, as a couple, more into the couple He wants us to be.

A couple of other things about the counselor. It is amazing how God provides. I was referred to her by MEND, a support group for families that have lost children by miscarriage, still birth, or in the first year of life. This counselor herself lost a baby by stillbirth a few years ago. His name was also Samuel. Her living son who has been born since... his name is Caleb. I thought that was pretty special. She was a blessing to us both.