A Sweet Birthday Surprise for Levi Ryan!

I have a precious friend from FMSC who happens to be one of the luckiest (blessed) people I know...

She wins more contests than any other I know... And we were so blessed to be on the receiving end of one of her sweet WINS:)

Meet my friend Alyssa... We work every Monday together and not long ago when it was her birthday, I had 120 of our closest FMSC volunteer friends sing to her... I introduced her as one of the most generous people I know... I meant it...If there is a task, she willingly takes it on, and generously gives from her heart.  Whether it is cupcakes for my parties, games for my littles, or sweet birthday surprises...  She is always giving...

She knows how much Levi loves the CUBS so she entered a drawing at her local library for 4 tickets to a cubs game... She said people were buying up tons of tickets...

She bought her 1 ticket, said a prayer for Levi... and BAM!!! She was the winner:)

And then she told me she wanted to give the tickets to Levi for his birthday... I DIED!!! 

Here we are together with the amazing basket she created for Levi to give to him on his birthday... Did I mention she is incredibly talented and creative... Seriously, she is so artistically gifted... something I am not... so I love it!

One of the reasons Levi Ryan's  love for the cubs is so special to us, is that his biological dad Ryan was a CUBS lover.  He had Cystic Fibrosis and was even chosen to throw out the first pitch at a CUBS game when he was little... I couldn't wait to take Levi to a game... 

A big Happy Birthday to Levi as he was unwrapping all of the goodies in his basket, CUBS W car flags, chocolate, fan finger, T-shirt, and more:)  He was thrilled!

Last Sunday, game day FINALLY arrived.  Levi was able to pick who he was going to take with to the game. Unfortunately Greg had an injury the day before so Jojo got to take his spot, and Anna had never been to a game so she came too:) 

We battled the Chicago traffic to the free bus shuttle and made our way to Historic Wrigley Field!  What an atmosphere!  It is such a special place!

And what a game it was!  13-5 Cubbie win for the books! It was such a fun game to watch!  

Levi enjoying some cotton candy while Anna and Jojo were enjoying the game:) I seriously, loved watching them all have so much fun!  It was the perfect distraction and pick me up after a tearful goodbye to Caleb as he headed to OK for 6 weeks... 

One of the most precious parts of the day was seeing Levi as we found Ryan's brick outside Wrigley Field!  Ryan's mom had told me a rough area of where it was, and it was surprisingly easy to find!  I look forward to the day when Levi will understand more of who his bio dad was and how his life came into being. 

 I remember before we adopted Levi as an embryo, I was talking with a dear friend... She loves us deeply and walked closely with me through everything we had been through with the stillbirth of Samuel, the stillbirth of baby Joel (the baby we were going to adopt) 8 mos. later, and my miscarriage.  She sweetly said, "If you do get pregnant, no one would have to know this baby was adopted???"  

I immediately replied, "I couldn't do it. If a baby was conceived, how could I keep that miracle to myself?"  It would be a part of that child's story, and something that deserved to be told  

I still feel that way, and Sunday was another full circle moment for me...

It is like God smacks me over the head in these moments... "Do not miss the miracle of this moment Sara!!" 

This brick at Levi's feet with Ryan's birth and death date, was lovingly placed there by a family missing their son, brother, father, and husband...  Ryan...

And there Levi sits, with that same brick at his feet... This living breathing Levi Ryan... 

 His WHOLE life made possible by this sweet man, our donor mom, AND AN AMAZING GOD WHO IS SO FAITHFUL through it all! 

It seriously blows me away...

What a miracle and what a special day it was!

So friends, don't miss the miracle of the moments that God gives you as well...

 I pray all of our eyes are wide open so we can take in and appreciate all the sweet blessings God has for us to take hold of each day! 

God's AMAZING provision ALWAYS!

Good Morning Friends!  I have the most amazing story of God's faithfulness! 

In this broken world it is SO good and SO IMPORTANT to recall the faithfulness of God through the little and BIG moments of life. 

Whether it is recalling…

The times that he walked us through challenging circumstances in each adoption journey…

Or the time he literally moved in my heart to contact a complete stranger, our embryo donor mom, with the strangest question of all… “Would you consider our family for your embryos?” And then came Levi… and some most precious relationships to my heart….

Or the time he literally moved a stranger’s family all the way from Sweden… because He knew it would be the family that we “needed” to help walk along side our broken hearts as we begun to heal after losing our sweet Samuel.

Or the time we arrived at our new home here to find the refrigerator stocked upon our past midnight arrival… Breakfast for 9 coming right up after we woke up exhausted after literally dodging tornadoes in the van and moving truck on the move up to Illinois…

Time and time again I can recall His incredible faithfulness to protect and provide for us… and this past fall and Christmas has been no different…

The adoption journey is a stretch for most people… It is costly, both emotionally and financially… 

With each adoption we have opened that door saying, “ Yes Lord, we are willing to open our hearts and home to another precious child to love… Move if it is your will…”  And move He has…  At times I look back and am amazed at the fact that He multiplied our finances to allow us to adopt Hope, Isaiah, and do Levi’s embryo adoption all within 4 years… It should have been impossible on a pastor’s salary… But that is always when God moves…

And moving mountains is exactly what God has been doing behind the scenes as of late.  Let me explain our recent car situation… We have a big van that carries all of us, a small car that gets good gas mileage, and a vintage 1993 jeep that came to us at a steal of a price from church members that were moving.  (Caleb did recently purchase his own car that is up on blocks in the garage providing the perfect bonding opportunity for Greg and him as they work to fix it up)

This past fall, on my way to work I literally phoned a friend asking to borrow their moped… The car I was driving was making me deaf (muffler troubleJ) and almost had me asphyxiated by the time I got to work… It just so happened that our cars were having trouble all at the same time and we only had one working car… And with Greg’s job, me working very part time for FMSC, 2 teens with jobs, a busy houseful… it just wasn’t cutting it on a daily basis while Greg worked to get the cars repaired.  These friends were so very gracious to loan us a car till we had ours up and running again. 

We knew we had to do something because all of the cars were getting high in miles and replacing them all at the same time wouldn’t be feasible for us financially… So Greg began to look at different options for replacing our smaller vehicle… After a few months of looking we did find a good deal on a car with good gas mileage… We were so grateful that now we could have one newer very reliable car.

That brings me to the present… On the 23^rd of December Greg, most of the kids and I, and a close friend went down to the city to give a Christmas party for about 30 kids at an inner city school.  We arrived home and right before dinner our head pastor called and asked that we all bundle up and meet him up by the front of church in 10 minutes.

We all got ready and headed up to church across the snowy parking lot… When we got up to church we were greeted by the head pastor’s family, a few more close friends, the church communications director, and a gal that works for a Lutheran Charity organization near by…

The kids were all asking what was up... and I told them I felt like there must be members coming to Christmas carol to us or something...

They had us all lined up by the door…

And up drove a brand new 2017 Ford Transit van…with a huge red bow on it...

There before us was a gift for our family from a very generous donor… a gift from God… a new van…

 It has so many things on it that I would never think we would have in a car… It is beyond my wildest dream of what I would think we could ever own…

We were absolutely floored! It took Greg 5 minutes to pick his jaw up off the floor… I was in tears as well as a few of the kids…

I was just totally blown away… How could someone be so very generous?  Why would someone do this?  We are so undeserving of this amazing gift…

And just like that God knocks our socks off with His continued provision for us… And as usual, it isn’t just a van that works, but He goes above and beyond to give us so much more than we thought possible…

I spoke with the donor last week and the wife said, “We have been so blessed!  It is from God, our money is your money.”  And she meant it… She knows that their financial security is a gift from God and they wanted to share with us what really has come from HIM… Wow, it seriously reminds me of the early church where everyone shared what they had with those in need... That doesn't happen that often anymore... and most have a very different view of their own money certainly being their own... I was blown away by their amazing view on their finances, their kindness, and their tremendous generosity to us!!! 

So I share this not at all to boast about this gift, that couldn't be further from my heart... I share rather to encourage your hearts…

Don’t ever underestimate the power of God to do whatever it is that you need him to do… If you feel Him leading you to do something... GO FOR IT!  Take that leap of faith... I know HE will be faithful to you, just as I have seen his faithfulness time and time again.  

Early on January 1st, I was reflecting on all the ways He has taken care of us and all that He is to me… He has taken me from broken hearted and redeemed my shattered life... 

He is my healer, my comfort, my salvation, my rock, my daily provider. 

He will do the same for you…

Save you…

Comfort you…

Heal you…

Be your joy and rock…

And be your PROVIDER!!!

Things certainly don’t always come to pass as we would think or hope that they might.  His ways are certainly not our ways… but His ways are best for sure…

Rest in the promises of His love for you… and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt He wants to take care of you… Never does He leave or forsake us… and so often He will blow us away with the amazing ways that He takes care of us in the best ways possible for us…

His way… 

Beans and rice day three...

I have been struggling a bit as life moves full speed ahead... College applications, fafsa forms, soccer games, work, ministry needs, keeping track of Louis as he travels the nation for FMSC's mobilepack team, homeschooling, laundry, laundry, more laundry:)  

I am constantly trying to keep the priorities in place that we value the most... Our relationships with Jesus, our relationships with each other, and then all of the other things that get thrown in with life as a family of ten!:)

Can anyone else relate to trying to balance it all... Get it all done... Keep what is truly important at the top of the to do list??

Just yesterday we had to make a decision to not participate in a winter activitiy for the sake of limiting the schedule... There was some sadness... Some guilt on my part... but lets be real... With 10 people in the house even when we limit outside activities, the schedule can get out of control... 

So in an effort to keep our hearts and minds in check this holiday season... We started our beans and rice challenge just a few days ago... 

And the expressions on day one say it all...

Gosh I love these hilarious kids!!! I am SO THANKFUL that they are mine!

It has been a couple years since we did this before Thanksgiving... We started it as a way to be able to even in the slightest bit prepare our hearts for Uganda and to try to get a gut check on our over abundance here in America and in our family...

That over abundance affects us in every aspect of life...

We literally are busting at the seems with our "stuff" and need to do a major overhaul in purging... This goes for everything... Jam packed closets, jam packed pantry, jam packed freezer...  I could go on and on...

Truly I am extremely frugal... My dad used to say my mom was frugal and could stretch a buck to $2... But that I could stretch it to $10... But yet when I find a good deal, and with a large family, I buy in bulk... Good on the pocket book, but there still comes a time to clean it all up... 

So we are intending to eat beans and rice for lunch till Thanksgiving... (It will do our  hearts good to realize what many have as maybe their only meal of the day)  we plan to give away what we will save on lunch food to one of our favorite ministries. 

We intend to eat from the freezer, pantry, stockpile of food... Only running out for essentials.  This may require some creativity, but I am determined! 

We intend to purge... Taking a room at a time or closet at a time... And I intend on getting everyone involved!!😳😳 Really... Everyone!😊 

I know this will take longer than just making it to Thanksgiving, but I am hoping and praying that it sets our hearts in a better place before the holidays... 

We intend to focus on the gifts we have and not on what we don't have... 

I am all about simplifying, savoring the moments (even more needed as these kids get bigger and more involved), and treasuring each precious person in our lives... But sometimes the clutter can distract, overwhelm, and really take away from our happiness and the beauty set right before us...

Anyone else need to hit the reset button on life before the holidays? 

Join us in getting rid of the non essentials and instead on focusing and cherishing the beautiful precious things around you!!  To God be the glory!

He is his son... He is my son...

Last week would have been this little boys 35th birthday...

That little boy is actually this little boys (below) biological father... Isn't the resemblance amazing?

The stories I have heard of Levi's biological daddy are wonderful and so very special to us... ( I am so very thankful to have a relationship with his bio mom and grandma and other extended family!)

Thinking about Levi's Ryan's biological dad Ryan evokes a crazy amount of different emotions...

Awe over the type of personality he had and how he lived, given that he had the terrible disease Cystic Fibrosis...

Wonder as I hear story of his selflessness... (He turned down his first wish with the "Make a Wish" Foundation because his whole basketball team couldn't come with him to practice with the Chicago Bulls... He didn't want anyone to feel bad, so he ended up with his second wish, being a park ranger for a day...)

Joy as I heard of how he and his wife felt welcoming his twins into the world, Levi's full biological siblings...

A sweetness in my soul when I watch Levi and know that some of his character traits come from him...

And at the same time a feeling of overwhelming longing... longing to TRULY know him... see him... get an even clearer picture of who this man was, who makes up half of who my son is...

And a sadness when I try to resolve in my mind all it took in getting our son to us...

If this sweet man had not passed away, Levi would have been his and his wife's son... That would have been the plan all along had his life not ended at the young age of 27... Knowing and Living with grief and loss, my heart literally ached last week on Ryan's birthday... I know how much he is missed... I know how much it still hurts even years later... I know the longing for heaven...

I can't help but go there... and think of the hurt and pain his young wife went through when she was widowed so young with 2 small children.. and to think of the hurt and pain that his parents and siblings went through when they had to say goodbye... Not a moment of that is lost on me... 

  

This sweet little boy would never have been ours if Ryan had lived a full life... It is hard to resolve it all in my mind... Ryan had to die for Levi to become ours... And literally my heart hurts at the thought... 

Yet... EVERY SINGLE TIME I look at this beautiful boy I know with out a doubt that...

God created him for us... 

God breathed life into what was frozen for 5 years, for us...

God allowed that sweet tiny embryo to take hold and make a warm home inside of me for 9 mos, for us... 

God sustained his precious life while I was on bed rest in the hospital for 7 weeks, for us...

God brought forth this boy that healed so much hurt that was inside of me and our family, for us...

God knew exactly what we needed and he gave us Levi Ryan... 

God took the very best of his biological parents and wove them together to make the most amazing, sweet, joyful, funny, little man, FOR US... 

I don't think I will ever be able to fully understand why Ryan had to die... why Samuel our son had to die... I don't think it is really God's plan for me to understand this side of Heaven... But what I do know...

Is that God has taken the hurt of 2 families and brought forth the life of the most amazing little boy who will turn 5 in less than a week...

God creatively has knit our families together in the most beautiful way and my heart is FOREVER thankful for the gift of being this sweet little boy's mama... 

I will never forget a conversation I had with a dear friend weeks before we did the frozen embryo transfer with Levi... She had walked through a lot with us and loved us.  She was SO concerned for me and the fact that the odds weren't in our favor for the embryo to take... We had already suffered the loss of 3 babies during pregnancy... 

I remember just looking at her with total peace in my heart and saying, "I know there is no guarantee, but I have a peace about it... and for us, IT IS TOTALLY WORTH THE RISK!" 

Levi is worth every second of worry, fear, uncertainty, joy, thankfulness, elation, and overwhelming awe in the gracious plans of our amazing faithful God! 

(Ryan at the cubs game where he threw out the first pitch:)

( I have to laugh because we aren't a big baseball family, but Levi is a cubs lover... His biological dad loved the cubs!)

And this all just makes our family bigger... I can't wait to meet this amazing man in Heaven one day... I often can't help but think of the fact that he is a daddy up in heaven with his kids down here... and we have a little boy and 2 other babies in heaven with their parents down here... Maybe they have all met:) 

Levi is his son... He is my son... He is our son... Really He is God's son... And with it all my heart falls deeper in love with a Savior who makes this all possible... 

Astounding to me really!  This story will never get old... 

As we prepare for holy week and the death and resurrection of our Savior I am continually reminded that we believe in a God who really has made this all possible...

He  redeems what was lost and hurting, breathes life back into what was once frozen, and resurrects what was dead... 

What a gift for all of us!

What family...

Who would welcome your family with open arms night after night for well over a month...
What teenagers would give up their beds and bedrooms for almost 5 weeks...
Who would share their home with your family of ten and could literally make it feel like home...
What wife would cook day after day for a crew of 19 without complaint...
What family would turn their holidays upside down to allow a birth mom, her older child, and your      whole crew share in a one of a kind Christmas Eve and Day...

What family would cry and pray with you as your longed for adoption fell apart right before Christmas dinner...

What family would put up with sharing their beds, bathroom, bikes, Lego's, etc. for an unlimited unknown amount of time...
What family would cart you all over town picking up medical records, carting around your birth mom...
What family would put up a newborns cries in the middle of the night...
What family would love you and your crew like family...

This family... that is who...

Seriously, before we came many asked where we would be staying out here...

When I mentioned that we were staying with friends, almost every single person asked for how long we would stay with them.  Even ahead of time I knew that I would probably need to stay on longer than the rest of the family and I made it clear that when the time came that we had stayed long enough that I was more than willing to get a hotel if need be... They assured me... No way!!! 

Not one of us ever dreamt that we would be here for 5 weeks.  Not one of us dreamt that our paperwork would take this long to clear all three states... 

But even more importantly...Not one of us probably thought that being together for this long would go soooooo incredibly smoothly... 

They so joyfully shared their home with all of us, except Greg, for 2 weeks.  And again so sacrificially allowed Anna, Jojo, Kaliyah and me to stay for 3 more weeks.  

And to be honest as much as I want to get back to my home and the rest of my family... I honestly am sad... It has been such a special time...

We have all said it has TOTALLY been a GOD thing...

Seriously, after 5 weeks of being together... the kids did not have one disagreement with one another... They have had a blast and have enjoyed every bit of their time together... It has been so sweet to watch them together... 

After 5 weeks of sharing the kitchen, meals, bathrooms, laundry rooms, my dear friend Kimmey Sue and I have not gotten tired of one another.  It has been a total joy... It has been such a special time... While I longed for our paper work to get done more quickly... being here in their home with their 7 beautiful children was a absolutely a delight.  It has been fun and such a gift to actually spend so much time with them.  

I know having others in your home, especially for an indefinite amount of time can't be the easiest... But not once did she and her husband Bruce or the kids make me or the kids feel like a Burden,  like they were tired of us, or like we should be gone any sooner than we will be... 

We have laughed that our time together sweating in the African sun on missions trips wiping snotty nosed kids and holding orphans with soaked through diapers prepared us for this extended time together... we have lived with each other... 

And so we leave late tomorrow night to get back to life as it should be for both of our families... 

But we leave with somewhat sad hearts, but especially extremely grateful hearts... 

Grateful for great friends...

Grateful for God totally paving the way for the last 5 weeks to be such a special time...

Grateful for God working behind the scenes to use these friends as a special part of our journey to Kaliyah... 

Longing...

Tomorrow will be a month that we have been here in Arizona staying with friends...
In just a few days it will be 5 weeks since I have left my home...

We have been blessed while we have been here to be able to worship on Sundays at a great church, preaching right now from the book of Judges (I remember that being a previous favorite sermon series at our church before we left for the seminary)  This has been no different.... so good!

This past Sunday I was over come...
Over come with emotion over so many things...

This past week I think I knew of 4 people close to me that were experiencing the death of loved ones... My heart was breaking for these people who were experiencing great loss...

A friend of mine finding out about the death of her grand baby... a baby her daughter delivered today still... (my heart breaking for this sweet mama who is just embarking on a grief journey I know all too well)

My Oklahoma mother, my kids Oklahoma grandma, who was a lifeline to me in my days of grief after Samuel died... I will never forget going to her home for the first time in Oklahoma, I had heard of her, but never had met her... She is one of the most hospitable people I have ever met... She welcomed me with open arms and that first night told me of her daughter that had passed away years before just a few months after her daughter's own wedding... (A bond was immediately formed and greatly strengthened over the months that passed) I remember helping her move out of that house, and how carefully her daughters beautiful wedding dress was still packaged up...
Just last week she lost another daughter... Burying more than one child... a grief so hard to bear... I can hardly imagine... my heart hurts for her...

Stories of lives that seemed to be cut short... yet lives that God knew the exact number of days even before time began...

My sweet precious Samuel... not long after his spirit left the warmth of my womb and went right to his Heavenly home... the first face he ever saw was the face of His heavenly father...

Oh dear Elisha, one of the gems at The Gem Foundation in Africa... A smile that just lit up the room... He knew how loved and precious he was... He passed away just a few days after celebrating the wedding of the orphanage founder while she was on her honeymoon... Sweet Elisha with the broken body... now made perfectly whole... no more wheelchair needed in Heaven for this beautiful boy...

My sweet niece Ella and her Grandpa... my sister in Love's dad who in one short week will be gone for a whole year... He too had been paralyzed the last few years of his life... I can just picture him running and jumping around Heaven... I know how hard those anniversary days can be... 

As we were worshiping on Sunday... singing...

Jesus Paid it all, 

All to HIM I owe,

Sin had left a crimson stain, 

He washed it white as snow.

O Praise the one who paid my debt, 

And raised this life up from the dead...

Immediately my heart was filled with an undeniable longing for Heaven... I must admit, of course my longing for Heaven has increased greatly since Samuel died... But on Sunday it was literally at my fingertips... I was filled with a literal ache for my heavenly home... 

This life is filled with so many beautiful things... yet so much trouble, stress, loss... and at times great sorrow... We hurt big because we love BIG!  

I was once again at a loss for the amazing work of Jesus on the cross for me... a miserable sinner... 

I do...

I owe it all to HIM...

My sin, your sin, my kids sin, my husbands sin... all leaving a terrible crimson, blood red stain...

Yet, He washes us white as snow... His red blood shed to make us white as snow... he removes those sins as far as the east is from the west... 

And then... He makes Heaven possible... for you and me one day... 

Already for my son Samuel... for Elisha ... for Deena's 2 daughters, for Katy's dad, for that precious little baby boy born still just tonight... 

They are already there in glory... Right now... With perfect bodies... experiencing the fullness of the Lord... right before their very eyes... 

Oh the hope of heaven... I can not tell you the peace and joy it brings to my heart... When I look around and see the hurt, and as I hurt with people... my heart cries... how much longer Lord?  Come now Jesus... Come quickly...

And then I am reminded simply that He knows the perfect time... I can fully trust in His goodness amidst all the hard things to know He already knows when that time will be and in the mean time...

He is stronger... 

He wants to carry those burdens... 

He wants us to lay them down...

He wants us to fully embrace this life...

He wants us to live in light of eternity...

What a gift it is... a free gift... one that won't ever get old for me...

 I owe Him big time, yet it is debt I could never repay... 

Couldn't ever come close to repaying... 

And he doesn't even want us to try... 

Day by day...

UPDATE as of 1:30 mountain time today...

I am on my way to the medical records office in Phoenix for full medicals requested by Alabama... The Adoption agency director is REALLY going to bat for us to get Alabama to push it through today and then AZ to push it through possibly today... With the upcoming holiday this would be a HUGE  BLESSING... We are so grateful to her!   This is going to take a miracle since it has taken us this long to not even get through the first state yet... But God's knows and He is in control... :)

Original post:

As the days tick by... Some of us here in AZ awaiting the clearance of our interstate adoption paperwork to clear and some of us waiting 1800 miles away in IL., there are  lots of things happening for the 7 of the Hintzes back at home in Chilly Illinois...

Dad Getting little guys and hopie ready for school each day... 

High school boys taking care of preschool boys after school (They are such great brothers!)...

Snowy walks to church... 

Facetiming with mom, Anna, Jojo, and Kaliyah...

And on our end in sunny Arizona there is a lot happening for the 4 of us:)

Day trips to Sedona to catch a glimpse of God's beautiful creation... (The friends we are staying with had a job 20 minutes from Sedona, so we tagged along)
Long walks with toddlers...
School work with Anna and Jojo (YAY... Science is mostly completed for the year... all of our book science is done... now just observations and projects!!!)

Lots of snuggle time with precious baby Kaliyah:)

Sweet get together with precious friends...

We are so thankful that even though we left our house 3 1/2 weeks ago and have been separated for a lot of that time... God is blessing us all with sweet times and lots of memories being made!  

So here is the ICPC status... 

Basically tomorrow starts day 1... Yep, you read that right DAY 1!!! Even though we are post relinquishment by 17 days, it is still day 1... 

 God willing our packet will be sitting on the ICPC Alabama desk tomorrow sometime.  God willing she will pass it through maybe tomorrow or shortly there after...  We have found Alabama to be not so easy to get through... We had new affidavits that needed to be written up, signed and notarized, that will go from the Alabama lawyer (who knew we would need an Alabama lawyer????) and be in ICPC  possession tomorrow morning! 

With the ways things have gone there are any number of things that could happen.  There was even one mention of a family that had to take the baby back to the state of the birth mother before they could clear that state.  OH GOODNESS, Please pray she is gracious, (that she won't make us do that and) that she will find all the paperwork needed right in front of her, and that she will pass us through that state asap.  

Then we need to clear Arizona... We are HOPING  by Friday... 

Then we need to clear Illinois...  God willing that happens by next Wednesday... This is all BEST case scenario... :)

As always we know that it could happen that we are cleared mid next week... 

AND then again, it very well might not happen...

 Please continue to pray that God moves any mountains in the way... Pray for safety and protection of Greg and the kids back home and then for us here...  And pray for patience that we all can just take it all in stride...

WE KNOW THAT NONE OF THIS TAKES  THE LORD BY SURPRISE... He knows the exact time that we will get clearance.   It will all be in HIS perfect timing:) 

Thankful...

 Kaliyah is giving the thumbs up even though we are still pretty much "stuck" in AZ for paperwork to clear...

The sad part is it has to clear 3 states and it just went to the first today... We have had rights terminated for 10 days and we are still at step one... 

It has to clear Alabama, then Arizona, then Illinois, before we can come home. And it looks like it because it had to clear a third state and there was a little glitch in that process, it may cost a bit more... Erggggg.... We are praying that the Lawyer in Alabama is gracious to us... 

I have an out of town friend coming to my town to see the baby and I in Chicago next week Wednesday!!! Please pray that our paperwork starts to move really quickly so that we don't have to change flights and make different plans.. 

Our friends have been so good to keep us all here so long... 2 weeks 2 days and counting... They have been a literal Godsend, displacing their own kids from rooms and beds so that I could stay with the baby.  Anna and Jojo stayed as well so that we could be working on school and not falling behind at all.  

God knows exactly the time that we are supposed to go back home to IL... So we are trusting in His great plans for our family! 

 We would love for you to pray that God miraculously would pass our paperwork through the officer of that state so that we can start getting this thing moving forward each day:)  

UPDATE AS OF 2:00 PM TODAY:

Alabama called and wants our birth mom to go in and meet with a social worker to go over history and make sure everything was done right... then God willing they will work through the paperwork.  

That means having to get a homeless gal, who doesn't own a car, down to some government office for a meeting... in a timely manner... because all is on hold until this meeting happens.  

 I feel horrible for her... This should be a time of healing for her (maybe even a fresh start), not a time to rehash all the details of a very difficult situation in her life. I sort of have a bad feeling about it... Our birth mom  is being great and is willing to do anything to help get us on the road home with Kaliyah...  My prayer is that it happens quickly, that they can meet with her in a timely manner and more importantly that she has peace in her heart through it all.  

Kaliyah's Birthday

The day started off early... real early...
Our 4 am induction got moved back... literally at 3:30 after we all were up they called to tell her to wait a bit to come in that there had been an emergency at the hospital... that was reassuring....

We grabbed McDonald's and literally got to the hospital by 4:30...

Our birth mom had been 4 cm dilated and 80% effaced for over 3 weeks... we assumed it wouldn't be a long labor...

We checked in and monitored the baby for a few hours... She wasn't quite as reactive to the contractions as they would have liked so they did an ultrasound to check the fluid level...

AWESOME!!! We got to see baby girl moving on the screen... and a beautiful strong heart beating, which was awesome!

 That was such a treat for us since we hadn't been able to be at any ultrasounds during her pregnancy  due to being in two different states.

The day was dragging on and all I could keep praying was that God would allow Greg to still be there for the birth... Originally the induction was planned for the 21st, leaving plenty of time for Greg to get back for Christmas eve services.  But with an induction on the 23rd, he now had a plane ticket set to leave at 2am on the 24th... we were sort of running out of time...

Bit by bit we got the induction process going by starting pitocin, getting an epidural, and then they finally around 4 in the afternoon, with the birth mom still at a 4 + cm, broke her water... We had been waiting for this ALL day... and within a half hour she was complete and ready to push...

We waited for the doctor, and then with our caseworker on one side, and me on the other holding her leg during pushes, and Greg just off to the side we watched this beautiful little pumpkin enter the world.

What an amazing gift from our Birth mom to us... being able to see her enter the world... watching her take her first breath... and listening to her first cry... Something we were not at all sure would happen... But I am praising God for the gracious heart of our birth mom to include us in these very special moments... Something we will treasure and remember forever!  

Kaliyah Joy just a few minutes old... Apgar scores of 7 and 9:)

What a big girl... bigger than we all expected... and a beautiful head of hair!!

Daddy holding his third daughter for the first time... Just before jetting off to Illinois for Christmas Eve services... Little did we know that his flight back out would be canceled and his time with Kaliyah would be so short... But we were praising God in the end it went quick so that he was still around for her birth!

Her first bow...

My very first picture with my new daughter!  Doesn't it kind of look like she is looking at me?  She is an absolute treasure!!!

We are absolutely so thankful for this sweet baby girl!  What an amazing and wonderful day her birthday was! We are in love!!!

She is God's little girl first... part 2

Back to the Christmas day story about our sweet little girl...

So knowing that our birth mom had pretty much changed her mind and decided that she was going to parent Kaliyah, she had gone back into the bedroom to pack up her things. She was now deciding if she was going to take Kaliyah with her or if she would put her into cradle care (kind of like foster care) for the night... 

I knew my kids were going to be so sad to see the baby leave...  They were growing more and more attached by the minute...  My heart was hurting for them too... The stress in the house was high and seriously most of us had been crying at one point or another... It was rough... Yet ALL A PART OF GODS DIVINE PLAN...

I can't tell you the undeniable need I had to go share my heart with her... As I said yesterday (go back and read part one of this story if you haven't had a chance yet:) my intent was not at all to try to convince her to place the baby for adoption... But rather to express to her how much we were hurting for her, how much we loved her, her older daughter, and Kaliyah... 

So there I stood in the hallway before knocking... literally just praying that God would fill my mouth with the words she needed to hear... Not mine, but his words... I knew before going in that in no way did I want to add to the burden and turmoil she was feeling, but rather express my love to her... I felt like she really needed to know she was loved, was worthy of love, and that she had ours... I knew that I was walking into that room with the prayers of many behind me... (Mind you all of this was going on with Greg all the way across the country being updated by the boys through text and calls...)

I walked in and could immediately see she had been crying... This poor girl...  In a nut shell I told her that I knew Kaliyah was God's little girl, that I knew that she didn't in any way belong to me or our family.  I told her how sorry I was for all that she was going through and feeling... That I was so sorry for how she was hurting... I told her how much we loved all of them and really wanted the very best for Kaliyah, and them, whatever that was.  Of course at this point we were both in tears... 

I just knew in my heart if the tables were turned that this would be an impossible decision for me to make... Pretty much as soon as I expressed my heart to her... She looked right at me and said, "I'm going to go ahead with my adoption plan."  

It was almost like I didn't hear it... Seriously, I couldn't believe what I was hearing... In my mind I was thinking... What???? 25 minutes ago you were in a totally different place in your thoughts... I wanted to reassure her that I really wanted her to be at peace with this... That I was in no way coming in to try to convince her of anything... I wanted her to know deep in her heart on her own, that she was making the right decision for them all... She said it again, "I'm gonna go ahead and let you have her."  

Unbeknownst to anyone, when she had gone back to the bedroom she called her brother who previously had not said one positive thing in regards to the adoption.  In fact he had been totally against it and had not been treating her kindly since hearing of her plan... (Why did she call him since he was totally against the adoption??  Why did she call him when he had said and shared with others many hurtful things about her?? Maybe she just wanted someone to support her in keeping the baby... I am not really sure... But he did just the opposite...)  

Right away he told her... "You are doing the right thing... There is NOTHING for her here.  Really there isn't anything for you here."  It was as basic and truthful as that... 

When you are with out a home, job, or many of the daily things we totally take for granted... And really no one in your family is in a different position to provide any help to you, your 9 year old, and especially not to a newborn.  When they haven't in the past been able to help you... I think she just knew...

She had called on the person who had been totally against the adoption from the start, who was now totally in favor of her placing the baby... I was totally dumbfounded and overjoyed and yet heartbroken still for her. I cried and hugged her... 

And then just like that... She asked what was for dinner... I literally laughed out loud when she asked that... It seemed so out of the blue... But when someone has spent a part of their life not knowing where the next meal might come from it makes perfect sense... 

And for the rest of our time with her that night, and this past Sunday and Monday she was like a new person... You could see that she was feeling way more at peace... The Holy Spirit had given her comfort.   That was one of my deepest desires was that she would feel a peace and that she would be confident in her decision.  

When I walked out of that room and into the kitchen all eyes were just waiting trying to read from my face what had happened in that room... I told them what happened and that we best be trying to get dinner on the table... 

I look at this this beautiful little girl... and I am amazed... 

Amazed that God can move mountains when he wants to...

Amazed by the power of prayer to bring peace and comfort to hearts needing it...

Amazed that  He can use the exact people we would never expect Him to use to accomplish his plans... 

Amazed that He has bonded these two families in such a special and unique way...

Amazed by this tiny miracle that we get to share our lives with now... 

Amazed that God so faithfully and graciously walked with us through the stress of that day and even more so...

Amazed that He carried our sweet birth mom to a place where she could out her deep deep love for this sweet girl, make a decision that she knew was best for Kaliyah... (in fact since she has been home she has texted and told me how thankful she is that Kaliyah is loved and isn't having to live through what she is right now...)  so sad... it breaks my heart for her... 

Would you please pray for her in the days ahead when she comes to mind... I know she misses Kaliyah, Pray that she and her daughter find a safe place to stay, that God would provide work for her, and most of all that she would know deep in her heart how much she is loved by us and even so much more so... Loved by GOD! 

Thanks for journeying with us...

She is God's little girl first...

I want to be honest and real about the journey of adoption...
When anyone asks me about adoption, one of the first things I say is, "Adoption is not for the faint of heart!" And when I say that, I mean for anyone involved... First and foremost for the the birth parents, in some instances members of their family, the caseworkers, and the adoptive family...

I also want to be abundantly clear on how much we want to love, honor, care for, support, and respect the birth parents of our kids.  The reality is that most birth parents (I know that isn't always the case...) really aren't coming from ideal situations at all... Many are in these situations because of drugs, alcohol, homelessness, abuse, neglect, rape... I could go on and on...

In a perfect world, lets be realistic, there is rarely a birth mom who wants to give  up their baby... after they have carried that baby for 10 months... Most if given a perfect situation would parent that child...  But unfortunately very few of them are in that position...

 So enters the beautiful redeeming and very difficult possibility of adoption for these women...

But even women who aren't really in any position to parent, those that seem firm in their adoption decision, those that may have even sought out an abortion as an option, those that don't seem to be bonded to that baby at all during the pregnancy... All of these moms can and will often change their minds and decide to parent the babies they have been carrying...

Like I said there is no easy adoption... for really anyone involved...

And so it was and probably will continue to be in this adoption journey... sometimes absolutely beautiful and sometimes.... absolutely heart wrenching...

Christmas morning... like no other really... Our gracious friends were so sweet to have an additional 10 people in their home, on Christmas Day,  and given it was a pretty tense situation... none the less... they opened up their home and hearts so graciously to share Christmas day with all of us...

In a home with 18 kiddos it wasn't long before we were all crowded around the tree to start opening some presents... The kids had all had a chance to hold Kaliyah the night before and they were smitten already... Some might think it odd to spend the day together; the birth family and my family.... But it really wasn't.  I knew that if she needed time with the baby this was really all she was going to have... And I wanted her to not have regrets about not spending this short time with her.  It was a different, but precious time for everyone.  Even our birth mom and her older daughter, through the generosity of friends had lots of gifts to open.  We got the most beautiful gift from our friends... I love it and am going to have to find a perfect spot to hang it in our home...

Most of the morning  that sweet little baby girl was resting in her birth mom's arms... with an occasional break with one of us holding her... I could see the gravity of the situation and the tension of having to potentially say goodbye was weighing extremely heavily on her... She was in turmoil...  What was really hard and making things harder by the moment, were the constant calls from home...

Even in the hospital she shared with me that her mom was telling her, "just bring that baby home!"  (She had hid her pregnancy from most back home so when she left not many knew she was even expecting... well that wasn't the case anymore)  She had family members that had spilled the beans about the pregnancy to pretty much everyone back home... She was getting calls constantly from home saying numerous really mean, hurtful things... even those closest to her, people you really should be able to trust  were telling others that she was selling the baby... Many, many hurtful things said by those you would expect would be supporting her at a time like this... that wasn't the case... And really... the calls kept coming...

By mid afternoon my stomach was in knots... I KNEW she was wavering... I could see it all over her face... she had made a couple sort of off comments that made it even more clear... Not comments saying she was changing her mind, but more subtle comments that I could tell she was now uncomfortable with her previous adoption plan...

Our friends have a big hunting tent set up in the back for the kids to have an extra place to hang with 21 of us in the house... The big kids were out there so I went out to visit with them.  Our birth mom had taken the baby to the bedroom and been back there with the door closed for a couple of hours... I needed prayers... The teens and I were discussing things and we prayed together... I sincerely felt like, if I had known that she was still firm in her adoption plans I wouldn't have cared how much time she spent alone with the baby... but that peace over her plans was no longer there in my heart at all... it wasn't in the kids hearts... it was not longer in the case workers heart. (prior to this day since the day this adoption was set into motion, she had consistently felt that this birth mom was extremely firm in her adoption plan... more so than most moms)

After she finally came out of the back room, The husband, our friend, went over to the birth mom asked to hold the baby and asked how she was doing?  Her words were, " I think I am going to have to keep her..."

I went out and shared with Anna, who was immediately in tears.  I went to praying in my room... The husband had the teens praying and texting friends they knew would pray...

I want to tell you... I wasn't praying that she would place the baby with us... One thing I remember my sweet friend Becky saying to me many years ago regarding waiting and adoption was... " You don't want a baby God doesn't want for you... or one that isn't meant to be yours..."  I have held fast in that over the years.  In an adoption journey, there are a lot of families you get shown to... and I have always wanted to have the exact baby God has planned for us... not one sooner, in all honesty!!!

Truly, I was praying that His will be done and I was repeatedly telling Him that I trusted Him... I also recalled the words of my wise friend Linny, "Praise Him ahead of time for what He will do!"  I wasn't claiming to know that she would still place her with us, but I was praising Him for what He was going to do regardless of if it was going to be in line with the desires of my heart or not... I was on my knees in my bedroom earnestly praying...

I knew that our friend, the caseworker was just in the other room talking with the birth mom... basically she was asking what her plans were, and when she confirmed that she was thinking that she was going to have to keep her, the caseworker pretty much said, that if she was intending on parenting or was wavering at all that she and her daughter had to go back to her apartment, that there were too many hearts that were getting attached to this baby and it wasn't fair to make it any worse.  Our birth mom  went to one of the back bedrooms to pray and decide if she would take the baby with her now when she went back to her hotel or if we would arrange for cradle care till she was sure on her decision to parent... but the baby would not be staying here with us...

I was immediately told that she had pretty much changed her mind and was leaving... Honestly, I didn't cry right away... I was actually pretty shocked... While you know it is always a possibility, this situation seemed really good right from the start.  I am not sure we would have dragged the whole family out here if we thought there was a decent chance she would change her mind and parent this baby...

Our friend the case worker was calling the head of the agency and I was in the kitchen with the husband... He still had Kaliyah in his arms and something happened where he was going to have to hand her off to me... He asked if I was ok with it... Of course I grabbed her... I told him, I was fine with it... I knew she was God's girl first... not really mine... And that is when the tears started flowing... I knew she never really belonged to me... kind of like any of my kids... They belong to HIM  first... They are HIS, really they are just on loan to us... 

Could I understand why she was wavering and was now planning on parenting that precious one?  100%  If the roles were reversed I don't think I could do it... Could I relate to all that she was feeling?  No way... I haven't walked in her shoes.   I could empathize, as I have carried a baby full term that didn't get to come home to me, but went home to Heaven... But I could also TOTALLY recognize that this was a completely different situation...

My heart was breaking...  I was hurting for Greg and I and our kids... but I WHOLEHEARTEDLY was hurting for her... Really, even more so, I was hurting for her and her older daughter... First to be at the point in life to have to consider adoption for your child, and even more so for the lack of support, love and care she had in her life during this time... to have to walk through this alone (she has great support here from agency people, and new friends... but not in her own life personally)... It just wasn't fair...

 Here right before me,  I was seeing the full pain that goes along with adoption and it was gutwrenching...

All the teens were in the kitchen with us... silent prayers constantly being lifted up... They had texted numerous people and we had a small little army of prayer warriors praying all across the US... After talking with the the caseworker too, I decided I would head in to her room, Kaliyah still in my arms and share my heart... Never with an intent to change her mind at all... NOT FOR A SECOND WAS THAT MY INTENTION, but really just to sincerely express to her how much we loved her, her older daughter and Kaliyah...

All I could ask was that the Lord would give me the words she needed to hear, His words, no matter what they were...  I prayed before I knocked on the door and went in...

Part two... coming tomorrow... sorry... too much to share in one sitting... Thanks for journeying with us...