In just a few days it will be 5 weeks since I have left my home...
We have been blessed while we have been here to be able to worship on Sundays at a great church, preaching right now from the book of Judges (I remember that being a previous favorite sermon series at our church before we left for the seminary) This has been no different.... so good!
This past Sunday I was over come...
Over come with emotion over so many things...
This past week I think I knew of 4 people close to me that were experiencing the death of loved ones... My heart was breaking for these people who were experiencing great loss...
A friend of mine finding out about the death of her grand baby... a baby her daughter delivered today still... (my heart breaking for this sweet mama who is just embarking on a grief journey I know all too well)
My Oklahoma mother, my kids Oklahoma grandma, who was a lifeline to me in my days of grief after Samuel died... I will never forget going to her home for the first time in Oklahoma, I had heard of her, but never had met her... She is one of the most hospitable people I have ever met... She welcomed me with open arms and that first night told me of her daughter that had passed away years before just a few months after her daughter's own wedding... (A bond was immediately formed and greatly strengthened over the months that passed) I remember helping her move out of that house, and how carefully her daughters beautiful wedding dress was still packaged up...
Just last week she lost another daughter... Burying more than one child... a grief so hard to bear... I can hardly imagine... my heart hurts for her...
Stories of lives that seemed to be cut short... yet lives that God knew the exact number of days even before time began...
My sweet precious Samuel... not long after his spirit left the warmth of my womb and went right to his Heavenly home... the first face he ever saw was the face of His heavenly father...
Oh dear Elisha, one of the gems at The Gem Foundation in Africa... A smile that just lit up the room... He knew how loved and precious he was... He passed away just a few days after celebrating the wedding of the orphanage founder while she was on her honeymoon... Sweet Elisha with the broken body... now made perfectly whole... no more wheelchair needed in Heaven for this beautiful boy...
My sweet niece Ella and her Grandpa... my sister in Love's dad who in one short week will be gone for a whole year... He too had been paralyzed the last few years of his life... I can just picture him running and jumping around Heaven... I know how hard those anniversary days can be...
As we were worshiping on Sunday... singing...
Jesus Paid it all,
All to HIM I owe,
Sin had left a crimson stain,
He washed it white as snow.
O Praise the one who paid my debt,
And raised this life up from the dead...
Immediately my heart was filled with an undeniable longing for Heaven... I must admit, of course my longing for Heaven has increased greatly since Samuel died... But on Sunday it was literally at my fingertips... I was filled with a literal ache for my heavenly home...
This life is filled with so many beautiful things... yet so much trouble, stress, loss... and at times great sorrow... We hurt big because we love BIG!
I was once again at a loss for the amazing work of Jesus on the cross for me... a miserable sinner...
I do...
I owe it all to HIM...
My sin, your sin, my kids sin, my husbands sin... all leaving a terrible crimson, blood red stain...
Yet, He washes us white as snow... His red blood shed to make us white as snow... he removes those sins as far as the east is from the west...
And then... He makes Heaven possible... for you and me one day...
Already for my son Samuel... for Elisha ... for Deena's 2 daughters, for Katy's dad, for that precious little baby boy born still just tonight...
They are already there in glory... Right now... With perfect bodies... experiencing the fullness of the Lord... right before their very eyes...
Oh the hope of heaven... I can not tell you the peace and joy it brings to my heart... When I look around and see the hurt, and as I hurt with people... my heart cries... how much longer Lord? Come now Jesus... Come quickly...
And then I am reminded simply that He knows the perfect time... I can fully trust in His goodness amidst all the hard things to know He already knows when that time will be and in the mean time...
He is stronger...
He wants to carry those burdens...
He wants us to lay them down...
He wants us to fully embrace this life...
He wants us to live in light of eternity...
What a gift it is... a free gift... one that won't ever get old for me...
I owe Him big time, yet it is debt I could never repay...
Couldn't ever come close to repaying...
And he doesn't even want us to try...
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