He goes before us...

I am linking up with my precious friend Linny's Memorial Box Monday posts over at http://aplacecalledsimplicity.blogspot.com/  Stop by her blog... you will be entertained, encouraged and challenged to walk out your faith!:)

 

Have you ever gone through those times where you have been praying for leading, direction, and movement of some kind from the Lord.  You can tell the Lord is doing something... you just have no idea what it is yet...

 

Shortly after Levi was born Greg and I started to praying over a certain situation together.  It was something we both felt even though we hadn't really talked specifically about it before...

 

We prayed for months and months.  We had a few instances where we felt the Lord was maybe showing us what His plans were for our family... But time and time again, it was still unclear...

 

Then, sort of out of no where came Uganda and our trips with the Go Team from International Voice of the Orphan... Honestly, upon our return last year, I was ready... my mind was mulling over how we could get the whole family there to do ministry.  Yep, this "I don't think the Lord will EVER lead me over seas to do ministry!" girl had a BIG TIME change of heart!  I was researching online... talking to people... waiting... 

 

Greg, my steady Eddy, was my voice of reason... He felt strongly that it wasn't the right time for that.. maybe someday... not then...   I followed Greg's leading and we continued to wait to see the Lord's plans unfold...

 

Slowly but surely the Lord was revealing His will and plan for our family... but it was not at all what I would have imagined...

 

Years earlier I had asked for prayers for friends from the seminary who had lost a son...

About 9 mos after their loss, our Samuel was stillborn...

About 9 mos. later, Joel, the baby we were going to adopt was also stillborn...

Then so sadly these same friends lost another son, to SIDS just a couple of weeks after Joel was born...
All of this occurring over an 18 mo. time span. 
 

 

Our hearts were broken for them... Here are my words from a post that I actually wrote in July 2009 after returning home from the funeral for their little guy...

 

I can't help but wonder if the Lord has something in store for Greg and Jerry together. What are the chances that 2 out of maybe 10-12 of the men in their same program at the seminary would have 2 major losses in the last 18 months? They certainly will have personal insight into grief and loss like many pastors may not have. I have no idea, maybe the Lord just gave them to each other to support one another through all of this.

This is the same family that we now serve with in ministry here at our new home.  I never in a million years would have imagined that the Lord would call us to the same church to actually serve side by side... I just wouldn't have even thought it possible..., yet in the same breath... I wondered way back, almost 4 years before if God didn't have something bigger in mind for the 2 of them.  Mainly in my head it was because they both had experienced the loss of a child, more than once... (We were so hoping that Joel would end up being ours... I know that is different than losing a child that is already yours... does that make sense?) 

So here I stand in awe of a God that can move mountains to make His plan come to fruition...

I stand in awe of a God who sees the bigger picture and goes before us, always preparing the way for us...

I stand in awe of a God that would place us in ministry with people we can relate to, and really admire... ( I continually pray that the Lord would bind our hearts together in love for each other and His people here in this place)

I am so thankful that the Lord sees the future and knows exactly where He will place us, and use us and when that will happen... Honestly, when I look back I am kind of glad I didn't know all that was in store for Greg and I along the way these past 20 years of married life...

I am just so thankful that nothing surprises our Lord and that all the while He is going before us preparing the way!
 

 

 

 

 

MEMORIAL BOX MONDAY:)

Today I am participating in Linny's MEMORIAL BOX MONDAY series... you can check out other stories and her amazing blog at www.aplacecalledsimplicity.blogspot.com

 

Once again God has shown His amazing provision:) 

 

A few weeks back when we went to our adoption agency to meet with our adoption case worker for our 2nd post placement visit, and to meet with Isaiah's birth parents we mentioned about the call that Greg had to another church in Illinois...

 

Being that we are in prayer over this decision, we wanted to make sure they were aware of the possibility of a move for our family and what that meant for finalizing the adoption of this

sweet little man...

 

(I know too yummy huh???:)

 

 

During this visit our agency rep left to talk with the agency director and it was determined that we HAD to finalize here in the state of Oklahoma... If we decided to move and finalize in another state we would need to totally redo our home study  ($1,000's of dollars later:(  and then if there were hang ups and the adoption wouldn't be finalized with in 9 mos. for some reason it could jeopardize the whole adoption... Hello??? No thank you... FINALIZATION IN OKLAHOMA IT IS!!!:)

 

They were so gracious to allow us to get it done as quick as possible in the event that Greg's accepts this other call out of state... but that also meant our balance was due ASAP...

 

So I requested them to let me know exactly what our remaining balance was...

(Now, I LOVE LOVE LOVE our agency... I can not say one negative thing about them... TRULY, they are amazing!!!)

 

When they came back with the amount... it was about $3000 more than what I was thinking it would be...How could I have been off by that much?  I thought that I had paid off half... But I was wrong...

When I asked for an itemized bill, I could clearly see where I had miscalculated... and the expenses I had missed...

 

Adoption is expensive... BUT SO WORTH IT!  And honestly, if I was to try and figure out how we have paid for 3 adoptions on my husband's pastor's salary in less than 3 years it would be impossible... more like a miracle...

All I can say is that He will move mountains if it is His plan for you to add to your family through adoption... he has done it for us again and again...

God has such a way of stretching the income to always be MORE THAN ENOUGH! 

 

And honestly, that same day that I received the itemized bill I was staring at Isaiah in my arms while we sat on the bench in Samuel's garden thinking...

 

I WOULD PAY A MILLION DOLLARS FOR YOU!!!

He is such a precious gift!

 

 

So where would we come up with the extra money we hadn't been planning on spending...
 

Enter our sweet, but WAY TOO SMALL for our family of 9...pop up camper:)

 

 

Literally 2 days ago I posted that we wanted to sell our pop up camper to help pay for the last of Isaiah's adoption expenses... Now, it wasn't worth $3000... so we didn't ask for that... we asked for $2300 knowing most likely someone would try to chew us down EVEN MORE on the price...

 

Yesterday a friend came out to look at it... I knew I had another person coming to look tonight that had first dibs on it... but told my friend I would let her know if that didn't work out...

 

Well tonight I emailed her back saying it was still available and shortly after got an email telling us that they would pay US OUR ASKING PRICE... for it ...

 

Praise Jesus!  God has such an amazing way of providing... It isn't the HUGEST amount of money, but it gets us well on our way to the extra I wasn't planning on spending...  I always seem need these gentle reminders that He will provide...

 

Here we sit on the edge of having to make a pretty big decision on if we will stay here at this Church or move and answer the call to serve another church...

 

It is no coincidence that we are going to be finalizing Isaiah's adoption right now... I know that the Lord will provide for any situation or circumstance... but as the mama of this house of 9 with uncertainty in the future it gives my heart GREAT reassurance to see HIS FAITHFULNESS unfold before my eyes time and time again! 

 

Faithful God!



Memorial box Monday... family building...

Take me back to the year 1992...
My boyfriend of 2 months at the time, (now husband Greg), had just been diagnosed with cancer...  He had gone home from college for Christmas vacation and wouldn't be returning...

I remember as plain as day the phone call I received from him in January 1992 about a week after his diagnosis... "Sara, they are wanting me to make some decisions to protect my ability to have children someday... what do you think I should do???"

Honestly, I almost fell over... In my head I was thinking... ok, kind of nice of him to consider asking my opinion... BUT... we had only been dating 2 months... we weren't engaged... I really didn't feel like it was  my decision to make... I remember replying that he should do whatever he felt was right...

His words regarding his decision was that if the Lord wanted him to have kids someday, the Lord would work it all out!!  (Man, the faith of my husband is shown to be sooooo strong over and over again!!!)  From there he started  4 months of chemo and 2 months of radiation...

Fast forward 3 + years... we are married... trying to conceive and getting NO WHERE!!!  Hmmmm..... we wondered what the problem was... we decided to seek some answers to why it wasn't happening for us... but we pretty much felt like we knew the answer to that question...duh!!! 

But boy, doesn't God have a sense of humor???   I still sort of find it amusing that I was the one with the problem... never would have thought that... especially since the Lord CLEARLY MADE ME A BABY LOVER!!!  I just never foresaw myself having trouble getting pregnant... but it was a problem on my end...
\
If you have never had fertility issues... count yourself soooooooo fortunate.... It is so hard... Such an emotional roller coaster each month as dreams are dashed.  As much as I knew that the Lord was in control and had great plans for me... Not getting pregnant was not part of my plan AT all!  It was heartbreaking... I so longed to carry a baby... and even today after carrying 6 babies, my heart pains when I hear of women who are having fertility problems... people can be so insensitive and have a hard time understanding that struggle if they havent' walked it themselves...  (Today I was watching a movie that had a character who was infertile... tears were streaming down my face... I remember that pain so well!)

Well fast forward almost 18 years... After many years of trying, and really much much trying for all but one of our kids, I never in a million years could have imagined how the Lord would work out His plans for our family... there has been a lot of heartache... (Oh my, the tears!!!)  a lot of healing... plans I could never have predicted... plans I still struggle to understand sometimes...

I never anticipated sub fertility (nice term huh?... that is what one doctor labeled me:) miscarriage, stillbirth, or a failed adoption due to another stillbirth to be a part of our family building story,  but it is...

And so is...

Great healing...physically and emotionally...
Adoption...
Embryo adoption...
Circumstances that have me longing for Heaven in a way I didn't know was possible...
A new family life purpose and mission...

The other day, as I am many days... I was literally over come with TOTAL gratefulness to our Lord!  I was staring at Levi, totally and utterly dumbfounded that God would give us such a gift... And as I tucked Hope in to bed and she gives me that sassy little snicker of hers... I am reminded a fresh of His gifts that we just never know could be right around the corner...

 I know that EVERY SINGLE one of my kids are a TOTAL blessing... I treasure deeply every single one!  But I think those that come after such trial tend to throw the grace and love of the Lord RIGHT IN OUR FACE!  Which I love... it helps me never take them, any one of them for granted!!!

He is soooo faithful!  He knew exactly how He would build our family... While, I would love to have every one of my kids here with me... I trust in His plan... His best plan for our lives and long for the day when we can all be together in eternity!

We are looking forward with joy to see who the next little Hintz is that the Lord has planned for our family!  What an adventure!  

 He has done immeasurably more than I could have asked or imagined... FAITHFUL GOD!!!

To read other encouraging Memorial box Monday stories go to Linny's blog at
www.aplacecalledsimplicity.blogspot.com

Memorial box Monday

 

I am SUCH a work in progress...

Sometimes I have to almost laugh when some people give the impression that they have it all together, ... that they have arrived, so to speak... that there isn't much room for improvement or growth in their life...

(Am I the only one who feels like they will never fully arrive or have it all together until we meet the Savior face to face??) 

I was so excited to be able to participate in Linny's blog hop... Memorial box Mondays... because this is a story that shows the Lord's deep love for us, His amazing power to transform us and His faithfulness through every step of the journey...

I am a little ashamed to admit my response to my dear husband after we had returned home from the hospital after Samuel was stillborn at 40 weeks and one day...  If you can imagine in a matter of 24 hours I had gone from thinking any second I would have this precious boy in my arms to having to deliver and then hold the still, lifeless body of my 5th born...  He wasn't moving... wasn't pink... But in spite of it all He was beautiful and precious and dearly loved!

I distinctly remember Greg trying to comfort me and telling me, "God is going to use this Sara, He is going to use you to help someone else down the road!'

My response... (I can remember it as plain as day)  "That is not good enough... that still does not make losing my son worth it!  Let someone else do it!"  I know Greg heard that response from me over and over again... (I cringe now thinking I said those things!!)

I remember others, who hadn't really been through any major trials quoting Romans 8:28 to me... "That the Lord will work good for those that love Him and are called according to His purpose."  In those early days, right after my loss...  I knew God's word would hold true... but right then it sounded so cliche... it just didn't help, especially coming from those who hadn't known deep pain or couldn't possibly understand the trauma of what I had just gone through.   I know that they meant well and I can totally appreciate that now... but in those first weeks it just seemed to make me feel more and more like people didn't understand the depth of what I was going through... and that if I didn't embrace that immediately that there was something wrong with me... something wrong with the way I was grieving...

(This is a side note... if you ever quoted scripture to me in those early days...please don't be offended by what I just said... I don't at all mean it to be taken badly.  I am so appreciative of those who reached out to me... I am thinking maybe some day I will do a post on ways that you can physically and practically reach out to those in the throws of grief...I do appreciate every effort that people made)

  I know part of it was being totally in shock and adjusting to the fact that my baby didn't  get to come home with me...  I know that there were a lot of things that came into play but ultimately in those early days of my grief that is truly how I felt...

I was soooo sad... I was soooo angry... I could not think of one possible reason that would be worth the Lord allowing my child to be taken from me...

Oh how a few years can change a perspective... It didn't take me real long... maybe months before  my prayers changed from literally the only desperate 3 words I could get out... "HELP ME, LORD, HELP ME!!!"  (I even shudder know remembering being in that place that there is literally all my prayers consisted of... I was such a shell... just trying to survive...)

  But finally a few months later my prayers had progressed and changed to  "Lord please don't waste this pain... Please use if Father... for something... for anything... Please just allow something good to come from this hurt... Please put the pieces of this shattered heart back together again so that I can  help other hurting people!"

And now, almost 4 years later, I am hearing those words my husband  said, echoing in my ears...  "He will use it Sara... He won't leave you here... in this desperate place!"

In the last year the Lord has been so faithful to allow me to see how God is still using Samuel and using the deep wounds and hurt that my heart had felt, to minister to others.  I have spoken numerous times with women (some that I barely knew before) that specifically searched me out to talk to when they were hurting because they knew that I had experienced deep pain and could understand what they were going through. 

I have had friends share things that they are going through that they haven't shared with many if any people, but they did share with me specifically because they knew that I had been through the fire and somehow (only by the grace of God) survived it and was still moving forward.. They specifically said that seeing my life or hearing my story  had given them Hope for their future...  even though at that moment their world was turned upside down.

I am not being prideful  at all.   I can recognize that it isn't me at all, but completely the Lord working...  I find it hard to believe, honestly. I am just totally in awe of our father to truly take that which was a jumbled tangled up mess of a life just trying to survive...Literally living moment by moment...

To moving me to a place to show me plain as day the good that has come from Samuel's life.  I can see clearly the word's of Roman's 8:28 played out.  He can work through the most unlikely people,  even the likes of me...:)  and the likes of my son who only lived the 40 weeks, one day in my womb:)

I am thankful that He is using the ordinary,short, life of my sweet precious Samuel to bring extraordinary comfort to others...

I am so thankful that the Lord is the one who can bind up the broken hearted... and then use that battered, wounded, and shattered heart to point others to His love and faithfulness to them. 

Thank you Lord for not wasting that pain...

He won't waste yours either...:)

Memorial box Monday...

I am so glad that Linny is bring back her Memorial Box Monday blog hop... It is so good to be reminded of God's faithfulness...  Now I really need to find a little box around our house to start to collect some small things to remind myself of the ways God has remained faithful in our lives...

This story isn't at all new to those of you who frequent my blog... but it will be a little recap for anyone new:)

I think the most obvious sign of God's faithfulness these days is our Levi... I think I need to look for a snowflake ornament to add to my box... he is our snowflake baby...

After 2 1/2 years of trying to get pregnant.... In February of 2008 the Lord blessed us with the pregnancy of our sweet Samuel... We were beyond overjoyed as we wondered if we would ever have anymore biological children .  (The Lord was already stirring in our hearts a desire to adopt:)  When he was born still at the end of October, we were devastated.  As much as we never lost faith in our God, (Greg of course was rock steady the WHOLE time) I had some wrestling in store with God.  It was sort of like I had to wrestle out the questions and how it all worked into my faith... I knew I still believed 100% in the saving power of my God... but I was hurting so badly and complete despair pretty much summed up where my heart was at... I was heartbroken over losing a life I had planned with Samuel here on earth.  I am thankful for the healing power of our God that He brings in His time...

In November 2009, in an absolutely amazing miraculous way, the Lord saw fit to allow me to come across a sweet gal who had been widowed just 5 months before Samuel died.  She had 2 young children that she and her husband had conceived through IVF...  We found each other on the blog of a mutual friend.  Here she was valuing the lives of the 7 frozen babies that she still had from their IVF treatments.  She was wanting to find a loving Christian family for them.  She wanted to give them a chance at life...

Never in a million years would I have ever thought that this was how the Lord would work... He allowed us to adopt those 7 sweet babies in June of 2010... I conceived our precious Levi in July of 2010 through the process of a Frozen Embryo Transfer, we finalized our adoption of Hope in August of 2010 and praise God, Levi was born safely in March of 2011...

The Lord has tied our families, ours and  the donor mom's together in such a unique and precious way.  We all value life that God creates from the moment it is conceived... He took Levi who was frozen for five years and breathed the breath of life right back into him. It amazes me to this day!!!  That is a miracle!!!  He has taken such hurt and pain in all of our lives and worked Levi's precious life into the whole equation to show us how much He loves us. 

I just never imagined that the Lord would build our family in the way he has.  When I see Levi... every single time... I am reminded of our good and gracious God who can even work through blogs to make miracles happen.  Levi is a display of our great God's power, creativity, and splendor.  The joy and happiness he adds to this family is like a healing salve to our hearts.  He is pretty dog gone adorable too:)

Memorial Box Monday

I have to say I have been a lurker on Linny's blog for awhile... this woman amazes me. You will have to check out her blog at www.aplacecalledsimplicity.blogspot.com They have the most amazing story of how God created their family and it inspires me... lots of beautiful children through her own womb and adoption.

So I decided to join in her Memorial Box Monday post because after I read her post... I knew I had to post about an amazing way God showed His provision in our life in our early years of Marriage.... God is amazing how he provides... isn't HE???

So here is just one of the many stories of God's provision in our life... He IS a mountain moving God...


Just one week after we got married we moved from Wisconsin to Texas to both start our new jobs as teachers at a Christian school. I had always known that if God ever blessed us with kids that I wanted to be home with them... truly that was one of the only things I had wanted in life... to be a wife and a mother and to be able to be with my child after they joined our family.

Well, as it turned out it wasn't easy to conceive for us. The ironic thing was that it had nothing to do with the cancer treatments that Greg had received, but had everything to do with me. Praise God that after 4 years of marriage we were blessed with our Louis. Throughout that pregnancy Greg and I did a lot of discussing. His mom had stayed home with him for a couple of years and then went back to work as a preschool teacher and was able to take him with her. He grew up in a home where his father was a parochial teacher as well, so I know he had his doubts that we could do it financially with out me working. He had good reason to wonder.... we didn't make all that much:)

We decided we would try it and trust God to provide... (I was so ecstatic... it was a dream come true for me) Since Greg and I had taught at that school for a few years we knew many of the families at the church and school. We decided that I would take care of one other little girl during the day and then pick up kids after school and provide care for them at my home. (I have to give a shout out to Christa, one of the sweet little girls that I watched after school, she isn't so little anymore but a beautiful college age girl... wooh that makes me feel old Christa:)

This is where the story gets interesting...Greg and I had served the church in many ways over those first few years of marriage, praise team, youth counselors, etc. At one point Greg had served on a committee, (the funny thing is neither Greg or I can remember what the committee was even for) He had served with a group of men...

Ok, fast forward to about when Louis was about 2 months old. The school year had begun. We had figured out that with the money I was bringing in watching the kids, we would be just a little over $200 dollars short each month... We just moved ahead knowing God would work it all out.

One afternoon I was at school picking up the kids and was stopped by a sweet little girl. She was the daughter of one of the men that had served on the committee with Greg. She came up to my vehicle and gave me an envelope and said, "My mom wanted me to give this to you."

In the envelope was a letter. He wrote about knowing that money would be tight for us being young and now just on Greg's salary. They were really thankful that Greg and I had given a testimony in church about saving ourselves for marriage and each other. They had a sister that had come that one Sunday wem talked and it had been just what she needed to hear. The crazy thing was he had written this verse on his note Galations 6:6 Anyone who receives instruction in the word, must share all good things with his instructor. We were just 2 young early 20 somethings who had given a short testimony... we certainly didn't feel like instructors at all! We were floored by that... (Obviously, that was all God's work, not ours at all:) (Please don't at all think I am sharing any of this to say look at me or us... But truly to say Hey look at God, look what He has done... that is my heart.) This man and his wife had gotten married a little later in life and were blessed abundantly financially... he felt God leading him to share out of his abundance with us... (he even offered to let us use his really cool sports car some night for a date... we never did, bummer, that would have made for a fun memory:) I was shocked, just the note itself was amazing, such an encouragement to us.

Then I looked at the check... can you imagine what the check was for??? First off, I don't think that I had ever seen a check that big... it was for $2500. Yes, it would certainly cover what we would have been short that first year I stayed home with Louis and with just a little leftover. How did he know that we needed $2400? I am still amazed at the number that God laid on this mans heart... truly amazed. I drove right over to the the High School that Greg was now working at and drug all 6 of those kids in with me to show him the awesome handiwork of God right in our hands. I think that moment took away all doubt in Greg's mind that God would take care of us. We felt like that was God's will for our family for me to stay home with Louis and He provided completely.

Still to this day people wonder and ask us how we do it with just Greg working as a Pastor and me home with the kids... and now with us trying to tackle an adoption and all that will entail. Now, I am one frugal gal, (my dad always says that my mom can stretch a buck to five...but I can stretch it to ten... I love that Dad:) Actually I find it kind of fun to try to stretch all that God has given us financially and make it work for us... but it isn't me doing the work it is all God. I could NEVER stretch it like God does. And it continually amazes us... CONTINUALLY. That is it, God will and does continually provide for us. We have no want for anything...nothing! He provides more than we could ever need. He has provided ABUNDANTLY!

You are right Linny. He is our miracle working, mountain moving, awe inspiring, gasp giving God.

Ok, that was kind of a novel... but that was fun, sharing about the goodness of our GREAT God!

And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink, do not worry about it. For the pagan world runs after such things, and your Father KNOWS that you need them, But seek His kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well. Luke 12:29-31

UPDATE:

This is funny, my friend Mary just reminded me in my comments that same year God also abundantly provided for a vacation for Greg and I. Not only did He meet our needs but even for a vacation... something that we certainly didn't need but wanted. Isn't that almost crazy??

We had referred our sweet friends Mary and Chris to the realtor we had used and because of that she entered us into a drawing for a vacation package she was giving away... and guess who won? Yep, us. So we won a cruise that of course we took with Chris and Mary. What great memories, thanks for reminding me of that:)