Sunday, September 30, 2012

October...

Today we had a pot luck at church...
Afterwards I was talking with a gal...
She told me she would be praying for me this month...
(Honestly, I sat there staring for a moment... what was she referring to???  I know what this month is... but did she???)
SHE DID... SHE REMEMBERED... She said she knew it would be a hard month... It will be... It always is...
Fall used to be my favorite season... now I still love fall... hate the feelings it brings with it...

Talked with a profs wife from seminary 2 days ago...
She wanted me to possibly contact a gal that just experienced a stillbirth a week ago...
I am more than willing...

I was trying to explain to her how it being almost 4 years since I held my Sweet Sweet Samuel seems next to IMPOSSIBLE...
It truly feels more like 1 year...
I think that because the feelings and experiences surrounding his death and birth were soooooo very intense and traumatic too, that you just don't feel those types of feelings often at all... so because of the depth of pain and the intensity of those feelings... they still seem fresh in many ways... hence the reason to everyone else 4  years seems like four years... but to me I remember it like it was yesterday... but it really feels like it COULD NOT POSSIBLY  be more than a year ago...

More than any of that ... I am sitting with tears streaming down my face because she remembered and cared enough to mention it to me... She remembered his life... As a mom who thinking of her son daily, still cries tears for him often and longs deeply for the day when there will be  NO MORE goodbyes... Her remembering his precious life meant the world to me...

So as we enter October, here's to being 4 years closer to Heaven!!  Come Lord Jesus Come!

I just stumbled across this blog project... I think I will try to participate in some of it...

 http://carlymarieprojectheal.com/2012/09/capture-your-grief-this-october-2012-for-pregnancy-infant-loss-awareness-month.html  (you may need to cut and paste it to get to the site:)

Could he be any more beautiful??  

2 comments:

Tesha said...

How very wonderful that she remembered! I want to participate also in the photo project if I can. Love the sweet picture of Samuel. Praying for you my friend!

Tonya said...

No! He could not be any more beautiful or perfect. He is perfect in every way and more beautiful than words. You nailed it when you said the emotions are so raw that it couldn't have been more than a year ago. I feel the same way. Missing our boys. Longing for the day we are all together FOREVER! Love you much!!!!!