Monday, September 10, 2012

MEMORIAL BOX MONDAY...

HE KNEW WHAT I NEEDED TO HEAR...

I can't really explain it...  Sometimes I don't know how to explain it, and at other times I know that it just isn't the right time to explain it... 

For the last year or so, there have been things that have been so heavy on my heart...
Things that have me in prayer and seeking the Lord's will and guidance in a deep and longing way.

Sometimes these things have left me feeling hurt and ultimately pretty lonely...
I would say that in the past few weeks those feelings have intensified...

There is confusion, lack of patience, sometimes  a loss of ambition and perseverance, and then at other times almost an ambivalent feeling...(And no, I am not depressed... just have a lot swirling around in my mind:)

I never in a million years would have thought that I would be married to a pastor.  It just wasn't on my radar and really not even on Greg's when we were first married... 

But now, after 19 years of marriage and 4 of those with him as a pastor, I can say we are experiencing life differently than ever before...The opportunities for ministry are wonderful.  They are such a gift...  There are different joys and blessings, but there are certainly different challenges as well...


But for me there is a loneliness I didn't really anticipate... I know that God has called our family here to this place at this point in time... This place of ministry...

I think part of it stems from our time at the seminary... 
There, you are with a whole community of people who are walking life with you... even though we were all different people, we were experiencing this unique experience together... Living on campus, you literally had a handful of friends right outside your door...

Then we moved back to the real world...  new home, new jobs, new life,  and a new baby on the way.  Then 3 months after the move, the new baby that was on the way due any day now dies and goes straight to heaven and you find yourself in a place you never thought you would be...  I had been so lonely before Samuel died... missing my seminary sisters so badly... then Samuel died and grieving took a front seat... 

There are certain things that I know the Lord has called Greg and I to...
and I think those are the things that I am SOOOOO PASSIONATE about, but end up resulting in me feeling a little bit "out there" lonely...

I was really struggling with some of these feelings last week... 
Then I got a facebook message from a gal that Greg and Louis went to Africa with last Feb.  

Mind you, I have never met this great gal, but have talked with her daughter (who also went to Uganda last Feb.) via Skype when Louis and her talk...I have been hearing for months how hilarious these girls are .... Louis and Greg were always telling us of funny experiences with them when they had been on the trip together.

This sweet lady was asking for our address...
Hmmm... she had me thinking... but of course all I could come up with were funny things that she and Greg and Louis had laughed about in Uganda... 

A few days later a package arrived... specifically addressed to me...
Inside was this...

The MOST beautiful prayer shawl... She wrote a very sweet note along with it... 
She mentioned that when she makes her prayer shawls she is always asking the Lord who it is for... She said it was clear that the Lord wanted her to give it to me... She reminded me clearly how much the Lord loves me... Loves each one of us...

To know that she was praying for me as she made it was such a gift to me...

It was like this sweet hug from Heaven... I so badly needed that reminder.  I was an automatic reminder to me that the Lord is the ONLY one who can truly fill those empty spaces in our hearts... He is the only one who has perfect timing right when we need it!  He is the only one who won't disappoint us... He is the only who has the power to heal the wounds we have or who can carry the burdens that we are lugging around.  We are His workmanship... He created us beautifully for His purposes that are probably far bigger than what we can imagine... 

So Thank you Alicia, for listening to the Lord's leading.  You blessed me beyond what you could know... He knew that was exactly what I needed to receive and your words were exactly what I needed to hear... Such encouragement from our savior straight through the beautiful hands of His child right to mine!:)

5 comments:

Susan A said...

What a beautiful story that the Lord has shown you His love through Alicia :) On my desktop there is a random verse, it says,

I have covered thee in the shadow of mine hand (Isaiah 51:16).

Thought I'd share :)

Thank you for sharing :)

Renee said...

Beautiful and honest story of Dods love coming ion such a special way and with such a great daily reminder for you. You are wrapped in his love.

Tesha said...

I have felt that loneliness also even more so in the last seven months since Jonathan went to heaven. It is such a treasure to know that God loves us and sends us little things that mean so much. It is wonderful that you were blessed like this, you so deserve it. I pray the good lord would pour out a double portion of joy in your life.

insimplicity said...

Thanks for being "real". He does show Himself strong on our behalf. I love this testimony of that!

Mom Of Many said...

Sweet friend, Your vulnerability is refreshing. I think so many people assume ministry is a frolic in the park, but there is something so profoundly lonely about it all, it's weird. Thankful for how the bloggy world opens up doors to new friendships with like-minded people. I am grateful for the love of God being poured out on you in such a beautiful way by someone you've never even met. Beautiful. Thank you for sharing.