Missing you...

I often wonder about the exact moment he met his Savior face to face... I think about the Lord softly calling his name as he was ushered from this life in my womb right into the gates of Heaven...

Was he feeling any pain?
If it truly was a cord accident... Did he sort of just fall asleep... and open up his eyes to meet his Savior?

It bothers me that I was sound asleep and no idea what was going on...
mmmm... It is hard not to think about the details of that day October 29th 2008 early in the day when I first realized something was wrong and later that day when my worst fears were confirmed...

So Here I am 4 years since the day he went to Heaven...

I love him more and more with each passing day...
I miss him just as much as I did back then...
My heart swells with thankfulness for the gift of his precious life...
I am so thankful for the healing the Father has done in my heart...
In the same breath I am thankful for those that understand that even though he has been gone for 4 years and my heart is still healing or maybe learning how to better cope.. I still have bad days... I still ache for him... I still think about him sooooo often... and that is completely normal...

I love you so much Samuel, my life is forever changed because of the time that I had with you.  You are one of the greatest gifts of my life.  Even though you never breathed a breath of air on this earth you mattered.  Every single minute of your life had value.  God created you for a purpose!  God knit you together perfectly and your life brings Him glory!  I rejoice in that.   When I think of the thing that I desire most for my kids it would obviously be that I could spend eternity with them.  I am so thankful that you are in the presence of our Heavenly Father and that you are safe.... much safer than you would be here with us:)  And I am so thankful for the Hope that I can have to see you again...

Missing you so deeply today... Longing and aching for our whole family to be together again... So thankful that even though life seems long and hard at times... in the scope of eternity, life here on earth is just a little blip:) Can not wait for you to show me around when I arrive in God's perfect timing...