GREG'S ORDINATION...AND MY PORTION

That's a whole lot of pastors:)

Greg and his very proud parents



Greg and his sister Lisa and daughter Maddie.

All of us with the birth mother's family... she is on the left of Greg.

Well, the day is finally here and over. I know for those of you who have never been to an ordination... it looks like a big deal. I am not sure I had ever been to one and given that I grew up in a Lutheran church that wasn't super traditional, this too was new for me. And when one of our friends kids asked me about Mr. Greg's bat man cape... I had to snicker a little. I couldn't tell you the name of it myself:)

But it does feel good to have it done. It was a lot of hard work on Greg's part and a lot of sacrifice on a lot of other people's part. We have had so many people that have supported us financially and with prayers and encouragement while we were at the seminary. We are so thankful for them. And we are thankful to be at this point. Now we will see how the Lord uses Greg in his ministry... he has such a creative, compassionate heart and has so many ideas of things that he wants to do at our church... I pray the Lord gives him stamina and perseverance for the road ahead.

We were so blessed to have our parents here, and Greg's sister. We had some dear friends, the Northends, from the seminary here too. Our pastor from our home church prior to going to seminary flew down for it as well. And our sweet friends the Tiews and Stocktons were here as well. It is so nice to be surrounded by family and friends that we call family. I love the distraction of company and hustle and bustle of it all. It is so nice to have a bit of a break from the daily grind of the reality of living without my son. I don't know how to explain it, I still thought about Samuel and even Joel everyday... many times a day. ( I will post about the differences of the two for me sometime) It is ALWAYS on my mind to a certain degree. I am sure if you haven't had a loss, that might not make sense to you. But I guess the intensity is lessened a little when we have company around. It was nice.

So the big boys are with my parents traveling to Colorado. Please pray for their safety if you think of it. I used to be very laid back, not a real worrier at all... but that has changed a quite a bit. When you lose a child, then lose a child that you were hoping to add to your family through adoption... and lose them in such similar circumstances... When you see the heartache of your friends when they lose 2 children in a matter of 18 months....YOU KNOW there is no guarantee that you won't lose another or all of them for that matter. So there you have it, the fear that is present in my heart and mind many days. I know the Lord is in control... but that also means I don't know what His plan is... and it also means that you live with the reality of... if God allowed you to lose a child before... he may allow it again. I am not trying to be a pessimist... just a realist. We all hope and pray that our children will grow old... but really we have no idea the number of their days.... With Samuel it was 9 months and one day this side of heaven, with Joel roughly 196 days. I guess the truth of the matter is I trust that God is sovereign... but it doesn't always mean I like the ways things play out. I will trust that His ways are best... even when it doesn't feel like it or makes NO sense to me.

I just read this today in my Beth Moore bible study:

The favor God has on His children causes that "lot" to tumble out on the table in such a way that, instead of destruction, the child will discover that her portion turned into destiny one trusting step at a time. When all is said and done, she will see that the portion God assigned her was good. Right. Rich. Full of purpose.

Here you are beloved, Satan tried to destroy you along your life's path, but clearly, he didn't get his way. You're still standing, aren't you? Instead of falling apart, your lines are starting to fall together. Piece by piece.

Once you wrap you mind around the favor God has had on you and the richness of the portion He assigned to you even through disaster, you can't help but share your portion with others.

I totally can not say yet that what has happened in the last year in our family is good, or even right. I trust that because allowed it, that it is best. But my heart feels so much the contrary, this isn't as it should be. I pray that with time I will fully feel in my heart that this was good and right. But I have said it before that I feel that when I emerge from the fire of the deep grief I still feel that I will feel a richness for what the Lord has taught me and what he will have done in me. I do want to see this whole experience as full of purpose... but I just don't really see what that is yet.

To my fellow mommies out there who have lost children... I want to encourage you today. I love you all more than you know. I love the support I have received from you and the encouragement that you give to me. I love that I don't feel as alone in this journey because of the bond that we share. I love that there are people out there who GET me, and really GET all the aspects of what I have gone through. Ladies, let's continue to trust one step at a time that this lot we have been cast will reveal part of our destiny as women of God. I can't wait to down the road see the amazing ways he will use our struggles, grief and tragedies to further the work of His kingdom here on earth. Let's continue to spur one another on and give God the glory for each victory and proclaim His glory through each defeat we may have.