So it is 7 am and I just got back from a long run around Pretty Lake, the lake where we lived before moving to the seminary. And let me tell you when the sun in rising over the lake it is beautiful. Anyone who knows me, knows that for me to be on the computer by 7 and already have a run in, is not at all normal. I got up early so I could run with my brother. Running is always so much better with someone to talk to, at least that is my philosophy. We did the first lap together and then I did 2 more on my own. It was so nice out, I didn't want to stop. The weather is perfect. I love running when I can't literally feel the heat radiating off the pavement, it was nice.
We are having such a nice vacation. Praise God. We got up here really late Thursday night, like 4 in the morning late. Greg drove the whole way. What a great man. Friday we were so blessed to go to a going away party for the principal and his wife from St. Pauls, our old church before going to sem. It was so nice to be with our old church family. This was the first time any of them had seen us since losing Samuel. All I can say is that it just felt great to be with all of them. It is weird that there is just a sense of peace about being amongst people who knew me before Samuel. They weren't afraid to ask about him, and how we are doing regarding all of that. It was a great night. I left feeling so at peace in my heart, just being able to be me, and not having people be uncomfortable with it, the new me who I am now. I don't want to sound mean at all, and I don't always know how to describe that feeling, but you just know and can sense clearly when people are uncomfortable or comfortable with you and where you are at. They can't fake it. I have ALWAYS been a very approachable person, so to sometimes feel unapproachable just because of my loss feels so not normal to me. Anyways, it was really nice to be amongst old friends.
My high school reunion was Saturday night. My husband was such a trooper. He hung out with some friends spouses while I visited quite a bit. I know it wasn't the most fun for him, but honestly I never would have wanted to be there with out him. It was actually really fun. I had kind of mixed feelings about going before I went. You know these are people, many of which I hadn't spoken to in 10 years or more. Greg and I decided ahead of time that our answer to the "How many children to you have?" question would be... 4 living with us and explain to them that we lost our little baby boy last fall. I kind of wondered how people would respond, but amazingly, they were so gracious, sympathetic, and were truly sorry for our loss. It was a really nice surprise.
One thing I have decided was that if I have been given this situation in life, (trust me I never would have asked for it), I don't want it wasted... I want God to use it in some way... So I kind of felt like I was going to lay it out there and maybe let God use it. And I was able to express to people my trust that God does have a plan for our family. Then there were lots of close friends that I got to reconnect with, which was so nice. To get warm hugs from people who know what we have gone through and care was so nice. I really did have some great friends. All in all, it was a great night.
Yesterday we were able to go to our old church. We were able to see some people that we didn't see Friday night, so that was really nice. We are going to have to stop at the church office though, because we didn't really get a chance to talk with the pastor, he also lost a child this year. And Heather, where were you?... we WILL stop in this time:) Greg is marrying one of his former youth kids up here in September so he needs to meet with the pastor to iron out the details. They came over yesterday for some marriage counseling... They are such a precious couple. Jojo was running around and we were all laughing because they were our first baby sitters for the kids after we had Jojo. Lots has changed in the last 4 years.
Well, I am off to start my day. The big boys get back tonight. Praise God for his protection of them so far. I can't wait to see them. My mommy heart is never at ease unless are my kids are here an accounted for... I think that is why there is always a hole in my heart. How can you be completely at ease when someone is missing. My kids aren't all here. Sure Samuel, and baby Joel are in a safer, much better place than here, but it still doesn't feel quite right.