THE BOYS AT ATWOODS... WE LOVE THAT STORE, BUT WE HAD TO LAUGH AT THE SIGN FOR 10 CENT HOT DOGS, WITH A LIMIT OF 6 PER CUSTOMER. PART OF THE FUNNY PART IS THAT YOU HAVE TO KNOW MY BROTHER MARK AND HIS WIFE JANE. MARK IS MY BROTHER THAT I HAVE ASKED YOU TO PRAY FOR IN THE PAST. HE HAS A LIVER DISEASE (PRAISE GOD HE IS DOING PRETTY WELL RIGHT NOW)... SO MY SWEET, VERY HEALTHY SISTER IN LAW DOES A GREAT JOB COOKING VERY HEALTHY FOOD FOR HIM... SO 6 HOT DOGS SOUNDED LIKE A BIT MUCH:)
ANNA AND SOPHIE
The house is quiet and I miss my family. We had so much fun with them here. The kids loved their cousin time. We showed them all there is exciting in our neck of the woods...as much as there is here that is somewhat exciting. We walked down to the Arkansas river, hit the antique shop in downtown, went running, played with a lot of water balloons, spent a lot of time on the trampoline, and hung out a lot at home.
I can't tell you how many times this weekend, we made the comment that it seemed that someone was missing, that there weren't enough kids here. Their oldest daughter is at college so we missed her, but we also commented knowing that Samuel was missing too. It felt wierd. He has left a hole in our family, one that could never be replaced. Even if we go on to have more children or to adopt more children, that hole will still be there. No child could replace him. Obviously there would be more love and joy added to the family, but I don't think it will ever take away the hole, the missing piece.
We especially treasure company and being with family who are willing to hear the truth of life right now. They may not always like what they hear, but they are willing to talk about it, and share their insight. It is a learning experience for all of us. Anyone who knows my family, knows that we are a communicating family. My mom can be quite quiet, but my dad always made sure we hashed things out. Things generally didn't get swept under the rug ever in my house. So now being almost 6 months out after losing a child I can see their concern as I share with them where I am at... but most of all I am thankful they are willing to listen and share back. We also had some good laughs and that felt good. So it was nice to just be together.
We had a busy Easter Week. Greg was super busy with services, and that is something we are pretty used to from past churches. But what we aren't used to is our major missing of him when he isn't around. Of course we always wished he was home with us, but since Samuel there is a new found dependance on each other which is so nice. I know I have said it before, but I was very independant, probably to a fault. Now there is such a closeness there, that is really missed when he isn't home with us, and we aren't spending time together. It is a good thing:) We treasure each other so much more. We are all looking forward to seeing Greg again, we can't wait to enjoy some daddy, husband time tomorrow since that is his day off. YEAH!!!
As I celebrated Christ's resurrection today I couldn't help but think of my son. Wow, I am so thankful for what Christ did for us so that we can have that assurance of where Samuel is right now, and where we will spend eternity. I have to be honest though, thinking of Samuel in Heaven with our Lord doesn't always bring me comfort. I don't ever want to cheapen what Christ did for us. But right now I still really want him in MY arms. Obviously, I am thankful for where he is, and that he is safe, perfect and whole, but I still miss him terribly... it still doesn't feel right at all. I am sure there will come a day that I really will be able to rejoice for where he is. I know Samuel being there is the best thing for Samuel, he has been spared much pain and sorrow that he would've have endured in this life. But for the rest of us here, it is hard. We sang a song in church today, one that we had picked for Samuel's memorial. That of course just takes you right back to that day, that time, those feelings and memories, still so fresh. That was hard. I was glad to have family with me, sitting next to me.
So tonight I am thankful for all that my Savior did for me, for my family, for my son in Heaven worshipping him, for you. I will never forget when I saw The Passion of the Christ. I don't think I had ever really envisioned the brutality to the fullest degree that Christ endured going to the cross for us until I saw that movie. And to think He went through that for us, to save us. That is amazing love. I keep reminding myself of God's great love for me and my family and that His love for us doesn't change depending on our circumstances, joys or trials. His great love remains the same... regardless of how I feel. I will continue to proclaim His power and faithfulness to sustain and strengthen us each day.