Thursday, April 30, 2009

6 MONTHS SINCE WE HELD HIM IN OUR ARMS...HE WILL ALWAYS BE IN OUR HEARTS

OUR BALLOON RELEASE


CALEB


ANNA...ISN'T HER EXPRESSION PRECIOUS...



LOU




JOJO

Boy has the weather here in Oklahoma matched my mood over the last 2 days. It has rained pretty much all day the last 2 days. Isn't it comforting to know that the Lord collects our tears? That comforts me, even when the tears that fall are like the rain that floods the earth, he knows them all, he collects every single one, each one is seen by HIM.
My sweet husband came home from jury duty yesterday with a beautiful flower arrangement for me. I will have to take a picture of it to post later. He told me that when the florist asked what the flowers were for, he couldn't get it out to her, he was too emotional. My poor sweet husband, what a tender heart he has... and I am so blessed by that. Have I told you before that I am married to the best guy ever? He then needed to explain to our sweet house guest, the birth mother, why yesterday and today were going to be hard for us. She was very understanding. The kids are just falling in love with her. We are having lots of great discussions with her, she is very open with us. Please pray that God uses this time to really help her focus on Him and His plan for her life. Today she said she wrote a song about God's purpose for her. That just warmed my heart.
I don't know why, but I really felt a need to do something to celebrate Samuel's life yesterday and today. I never imagined anniversary type days to be really that much different than other days, but the truth is they are. Today I couldn't help but remember October 30th, the one and only day I got to hold and snuggle my sweet boy in my arms this side of Heaven. I couldn't help replay what happened that day, the emotions, our time as a family with him. It is so precious to me. I miss his wonderful, funny little toes. I miss his sweet newborn smell. I miss just pressing his face to mine... I just miss him, all of him, every stinking, precious piece of him.
I know Greg thought it was a little crazy, but for some reason I wanted to write some messages on balloons and send them up to Samuel. Now I know that He wasn't really going to get them... The kids understood that too. And for all of you environmentalists out there... sorry... but it felt like the right thing to do. The big boys wrote out their messages. The teacher in me wanted to correct thier spelling... but I let it go this time:) I copied what Jojo and Anna wanted to say to him on their balloons. Greg did his before he left for jury duty again, and I had my balloon too. The kids and I went outside and let them all go together. We watched them till we couldn't see them anymore. Then we held hands and prayed and thanked God for the sweet, precious, short, life of Samuel.
Today I had a great conversation with my sister-in-law. We were talking about the verse in James where it says to Consider it pure joy, when you face trials of many kinds. It dawned on me for the first time it says... Consider it pure joy. It doesn't say jump and and down for joy. Are we really supposed to be joyful when a loved one gets cancer, when we know how they will suffer? Are we really supposed to be joyful when our child dies? Are we really suppose to be joyful when someone gets killed by a drunk driver? I completely understand that when a believer dies they are immediately with Jesus in paradise... Heaven, just like the thief on the cross. That fact brings me great comfort. But I kind of feel that the joy part comes in knowing that God will sustain you through those trials. He will work good from those trials. The joy comes in knowing who God is and what He will do through the trial... not necessarily having joy, excited, jolly joy for the trial or cancer or death itself. It is more like reminding us to consider what will be the end result of the trial. We certainly know God does his greatest growing and changing of us in the challenges of this life. For that we can have joy. Now I am no theologian and who knows I may be completely off base on this... I will have to get my husbands opinion... :)
So today we thank God for our 5th child, our 4th son, our Samuel. We thank God for the wonderful 9 months we had with him celebrating that he was a part of our family. We are so thankful God chose us to be his family. And we thank God for sustaining us over the past 6 months.



You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book. Psalm 56:8

50 comments:

Tonya said...

It is so nice when the weather matches the way we feel. I left the hospital on a Friday, left Grady's sweet, soft little self on a Friday. It was raining. And it rained every Friday after that for a very long time. That brought me comfort in a strange way...

This post was beautiful, and I felt every word of it deep in my heart, too. I have read that verse in James that you referred to, and I never really knew how to interpret it - thanks for giving me some clarity on it.

I love the balloon release. I'm going to post about the balloon release we did at Grady's service next Wednesday. It was amazing! There's just something about sending a message toward heaven to them....

Praying that you have a peaceful day today. May your heart be comforted.

Love,
Tonya

Rachel said...

Sara - The balloon release is beautiful, we plan on doing the same for Felicity's first year Heaven day! It's something very tangible for kids, I think, even though they know the balloons don't go to Heaven. I like to think those messages were carried to Samuel by the angels, who whispered your words in his ears. I also love the book of James and I never thought about the one word "consider" It's very reflective and fitting for us. Hope the sun (and Son) is shining down on you today!

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