I wanted to give you all an update on my appointment today with the high risk doctor. I am going to lay it all out there and I think I will try to post tomorrow about where I am at spiritually with everything that is going on. ( It was interesting because after I woke up way too early by my standards this morning, 6 am, checked on Levi with the doppler because he didn't seem to be moving enough, then I researched some stillbirth sites... Just to make sure I wasn't missing something.... Then g and I had a huge discussion about our faith in the midst of all of this.... I will try to post on that tomorrow)
Any ways back to the doctors visit. He sure does look precious up there huh? It looks like he has chubby cheeks already:)
My blood pressure was fine... Yay!!! My protein was fine:). Levi did great on the non stress test and the biophysical profile. Yay Levi!!! Those are all great things. Praise God!!!
Here is where it gets dicey for me... Last week she had said that my placenta as aging a little prematurely, but that it was nothing to worry about and that we would monitor it. It was a stage 2 last week. 0 is normal and 4 is the worst. Well low and behold, today we were at a stage 3... Ugh! She really didn't seem concerned, I of course was. She said that the function was still fine because everything pointed to that in the tests done with Levi.
She even went on to say that we could be at stage 4 with tiny black spots where the placenta wasn't working anymore and that if the function was fine and Levi was fine that we wouldn't have to deliver immediately. I just said REALLY??? Just thinking... You have got to be kidding me... How would I be expected to go home OK with that and go on with life as normal??? I know she is the high risk doctor and obviously knows WAY more than me, but she also hasn't lived through what I have.
In my mind I think... How do we know when the placenta will finally not do it's job when it is showing signs of premature aging? Will it be too late? I want to fight for my baby, but struggle when she really has an answer for everything and doesn't seem worried. Am I just over reacting? I feel like his safety is somewhat in my hands ( I know ultimately God is in control:). But I am supposed to be watching for movement changes.... Ummmm yeah! I can be watching him move all around on the ultrasound monitor and barely even feel any of it?? I guess my aging placenta is acting like a buffer to me. It just seems like I can't really win... in my book, I want him to be moving all the time so I know that he is. Does this make sense? Please if anyone has been in my shoes let me know if you have feelings about any of what I said.
So now the whole bp thing seems to be responding great to the Meds and the bedrest... But this placenta thing is more of the concern. Would you please pray with me for a miracle, that my placenta would stop aging right now, continue functioning exactly how it should, and that none of this would affect Levi. Also pray that although he needs to sleep that he would be active and that his movements would reassure me. I am also praying that if something is not right, that I would know it, recognize it and be able to act quickly to get Levi exactly whatever help he needs.
My next appointment is Monday with my regular doc but I will still have the nst ( nonstress test) and the bpp (biophysical profile) done on Levi! it melted my heart to see a 4 d picture of him... MELTED... MY... HEART!!
Lord, please heal my body and allow it to work exactly how it should. Please watch over this little miracle ,Levi, that you have allowed to grow inside of me. Thank you for each day we have with him. Please Lord protect Him from any harm if That is your will Lord! Please give us peace father as we on your timing for his precious little life. FILL us with your peace! We need it Lord! We know that you promise to be with us... please Lord make your presence known and felt in our lives today:)
12 comments:
I'm praying Sara! I'm so sorry for this twist. YES, Levi is PRECIOUS!!! I can't wait to show my girls his little face. I want to talk to you today. I do have some thoughts on this & would like to share something Dr. Joe said to me during my pregnancy with Matthew. I will call you later... Love you!
Sara, I think I would be feeling exactly as you are. It's hard enough to not be anxious during a pregnancy after what we've been through, let alone when you're told news like that. I don't think you're overreacting. I will pray for you. I can't imagine.
My thought is that you should have a serious talk with your doctor about your concerns and tell her how anxious it makes you. I think I would be demanding (kindly) even more monitoring if they aren't going to do anything else.
I feel for you, I really do!
Sara,
I will be praying in one accord with you. Proverbs 3:5,6 comes to mind..."trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your steps." I know it is so hard because of Samuel's death and what you know and have experienced. (I remember this well with all my pregnancies...especially after Josh went home to be with the Lord, Ben's premature birth at 30 weeks, and then blood pressure issues with Jed, and uterine issues with Faith.....it is so hard to not have fear wrapped around our faith...but keep walking by faith, not by sight (2 Cor. 5:7), God is faithful. He will deliver you and He holds Levi in the palm of His mighty and strong hands. Praying that along each step, God gives you wisdom and discernment, and praying this for the doctor's, as well.
Trusting the Lord with you for healing and peace.
Much love sweet friend,
Stacy
One thing after another huh? GOOD NESS!!!! Praying for you as always~
My son was stillborn due to placental infarction which was multiple "dead" spots or black spots in the placenta. At first they told me it was a cord accident, but after sending my placenta to pathology they determined mine was caused by the placenta. Placental infarcts can be caused by high blood pressure. Please seek a second opinion. I know doctors can't promise you anything, but my doctor brushed of my concerns on a Friday and on Monday my son was gone. Praying for you and your sweet boy.
Sara, I will pray for you. This was one of the hardest parts for me about being pregnant again. I was constantly weighing my responsibility with God's sovereignty. I hated feeling like Hannah's life was in my hands, and as much as I told myself God had written her life before I was even born, I couldn't help but feel like it was my job to keep her healthy and alive.
I prayed and had others in my life pray that God would give me wisdom and discernment and make it clear when I needed to seek medical care and intervention and when I needed to relax.
You know that what happened when Hannah was born was because I went in the L&D b/c I felt her movements were funny and I pushed to have even more monitoring... they pushed up my high risk appt. and that's when they discovered that she was starting to struggle.
Doctors need to listen to us b/c we do know our babies best... BUT we cannot do ONE SINGLE thing to add a day to our babies' lives.
All of this said- I would push for more monitoring and maybe a second opinion. My high risk doc always brushed off my concerns, until that day he decided it was better to deliver early than to wait. I think that high risk doctors are a little bit unflappable and distant- they are very good at what they do, but underestimate their patients' knowledge or the discernment we've been given as moms.
I am praying for you and Levi. He is adorable!!
Hang in there, Sara. God will never leave you.
love,
ebe
Sara,
Praying for you and little Levi.
Anna
I just wanted to let you know that you and baby Levi are in my thoughts and prayers!
hi sara,
i do not think you are overreacting at all. after my miscarriage, i was the same way during my pregnancy with will. constantly thinking about every little thing. even though we know God is in control, you just can't help it. you are in love with levi and want to take care of him. make sure all your doctors know your concerns and where you are coming from so you can at least feel you are doing all you can.
praying that God gives you the guidance you are seeking and all turns out okay.
connie
Oh, Sara, what a cute little man you have! And how difficult it is to hand everything over to the LORD. We are praying for all of you!
Praying for you and every concern.....I know I would be feeling the exact same way....
Hi Sara,
I said a prayer for you and little Levi right now. I'm praying for you to have peace and to be able to rest in God's grace- knowing he has all the details taken care of for you and Levi both! :+)
Amanda
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