Thursday, January 29, 2009


Anna and Jojo caught again holding hands.....PRECIOUS

The big boys being pulled on the sled

The end result.... a wipe out and Caleb laughing being pulled by the car.

It really was a whole lot safer than it looks. I could hear the kids laughing from the other side of the neighborhood. That was good for my soul:) Yesterday was Snow Day #2. Today is Day #3. I know for all of my Wisconsin friends, it is hard to believe. When I was growing up we needed a good foot of snow to shut things down.
Yesterday we had a Dr.'s appt. down town that we had to get to. We took it slow and the roads were actually a lot better than we anticipated. On the way home we had to drive right by where our good friends the Tiews live. Now this is where the "How you grew up" factor comes into play. The kids were begging us to stop. I thought, how fun to surprise them all the way in town on a day when most people are held up at home. (This coming from the girl whose father drove all the way across town in a snowstorm that shut down a Wisconsin city, in his long underwear, to meet my college boyfriend... Yes it was Greg... and yes he still married me:) You gotta love my dad, he is the best) Greg who grew up in maybe not quite such a crazy home, but still such a great home, thought... we should just get home, the roads aren't the greatest. At times I call Greg the safety patrol man. I mean that with the best of intentions in my heart, he is a great protector:) (I love you honey:)... So we did end of stopping and hit their local High School sledding hill. I never knew that card board boxes could fly down a hill like that. We had 7 of us piled on the big box. It was fun for everyone. Our friends are so great, they even invited their uninvited guests to stay for lunch.
We talked about how 1 year ago we were at the seminary with them discussing where we could all possibly be living the next year. We had an idea it would either be Oklahoma or Wisconsin for us, they thought maybe Texas or California. God clearly had His hand in putting both of us here Tulsa. I don't know what we would have done with out them here when Samuel was born. They had the kids that day when we went to the Dr. when Samuel had stopped moving. They rejoiced with us when we thought we had heard a strong heartbeat. They then kept the kids all night, ready to wake them all up at any time when Samuel was born to come and be with their little brother, while Greg and I waited all night at the hospital to deliver our son whom we knew was already in His Heavenly Fathers arms. To me that is one of God's small miracles in this whole Samuel thing. He knew Samuel wouldn't stay on earth with us, that did not take God by surprise. But He also knew that we would need people who knew the kids well and could comfort them when we couldn't and He knew we would need people who have known us for more than 10 years when we now were in a brand new city. God was faithful to provide so much of what we needed that day through them.
It was 3 months ago today that we knew Samuel had already entered his eternal home. Praise God I have had a much better last 2 days. There is still sorrow and many tears but my heart hasn't literally felt the heaviness that has just made itself at home there for the last 3 months. I know many don't like to hear it, and wish that I would just feel better already. To them I just say, they maybe have never had a loss like I have. I am not trying to dwell on my loss, but I know I have said it before, I want to face the grief head on and deal with it now, not in 5 years because I stuffed it. That is why this is my blog. I am just telling it like it truly is for me and my family on this road that we never would have dreamed we would have to walk. Not much is held back here.
I laughed with a friend the other day because I said, I always feel a deep sense of sorrow. I just wake up feeling that way and even as I go through my day, the sorrow is never far away. But I was thankful for that... just the sorrow, and that it wasn't the deep hopeless despair that I have also felt at times. Sorrow, I can deal with that... so funny how just persistent sorrow can be a GOOD thing compared to the despair. Oh how my perspective has changed. And I mean that whole heartedly that I am thankful for days when I just feel sorrow and can still function and attend to my other kids and home.
But the last 2 days have been different, even better. Praise God for His comfort and peace. Could it be that Greg has been home with us so much more this week than normal because of the weather? Who knows, but whatever it is, I will take it! Funny what an up and down road grief is... Yeah, I am on the up:) I know the downs will come again, but I am thankful for the ups when I have them.
Thank you Lord for walking this road with me. Thank you for being there with me, even when I don't feel you at all, I know you are still there and see my pain. And I know you see me now and rejoice in the peace that you send that is comforting my weary heart:)

The following verse was on a plaque that I got for Greg's parents when Greg was being treated for his cancer 17 years ago. It is amazing how God's words apply to so many seasons of life. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever!
I waited patiently for the Lord (I am still working on this:)
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the Lord
and put their trust in HIM.
Psalm 40:1-3
A picture of our 2nd Ebenezer stone coming soon!!!

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