11 WEEKS AGO

11 WEEKS AGO TODAY:

My whole life changed forever.

My heart broke, yet swelled with love for my new son.

I said hello and goodbye to my baby all in one day.

I nuzzled his sweet skin next to my face.

I kissed the bridge of his perfectly formed nose.

I smelled in his scent trying to cement it into my memory knowing I wouldn't be able to ever smell it physically again.

I stroked that sweet little peach fuzz hair, that part in front of a babies ear on their face. (That is one of my favorite parts of my babies... so precious.)

I ran my fingers over his soft skin.

I kissed his sweet rosy red lips.

I Eskimo kissed his little Neumann nose.

I held his tiny hand in mine.

I gazed at his sweet little feet that would never take their first steps here on earth.

I admired how plump and full my son had grown inside of me.

I snuggled his whole body close to mine just wanting to feel him close to me while I had the chance.

I begged God, "Please Lord breathe life into my son."

I heard my husband say," Right now I wish I had the power to heal."

I saw my children's world change forever, they now had lost a brother.

I heard questions from my children that I will never have an answer for.

I saw my children's hearts shatter as they realized Samuel would never come home with us.

I inspected every inch of his perfectly formed body.

I thanked God for His power to create life.

I handed my son over to the nurse for the last time.

I saw her carefully wrap his body up and take him from the room.

I felt a piece of my heart go with him.

I rejoiced that my son was safe in Jesus arms.

I mourned that my son would never again, this side of Heaven, be in MY arms.

11 weeks ago today I wondered why would God allow this to happen to our family.

11 weeks ago today I said I still believe you are Christ, son of the Living God.

11 weeks ago I said I will still follow you God, good or bad, happy or sad, heartbroken or filled with joy, with or with out my son here with me.