My whole life changed forever.
My heart broke, yet swelled with love for my new son.
I said hello and goodbye to my baby all in one day.
I nuzzled his sweet skin next to my face.
I kissed the bridge of his perfectly formed nose.
I smelled in his scent trying to cement it into my memory knowing I wouldn't be able to ever smell it physically again.
I stroked that sweet little peach fuzz hair, that part in front of a babies ear on their face. (That is one of my favorite parts of my babies... so precious.)
I ran my fingers over his soft skin.
I kissed his sweet rosy red lips.
I Eskimo kissed his little Neumann nose.
I held his tiny hand in mine.
I gazed at his sweet little feet that would never take their first steps here on earth.
I admired how plump and full my son had grown inside of me.
I snuggled his whole body close to mine just wanting to feel him close to me while I had the chance.
I begged God, "Please Lord breathe life into my son."
I heard my husband say," Right now I wish I had the power to heal."
I saw my children's world change forever, they now had lost a brother.
I heard questions from my children that I will never have an answer for.
I saw my children's hearts shatter as they realized Samuel would never come home with us.
I inspected every inch of his perfectly formed body.
I thanked God for His power to create life.
I handed my son over to the nurse for the last time.
I saw her carefully wrap his body up and take him from the room.
I felt a piece of my heart go with him.
I rejoiced that my son was safe in Jesus arms.
I mourned that my son would never again, this side of Heaven, be in MY arms.
11 weeks ago today I wondered why would God allow this to happen to our family.
11 weeks ago today I said I still believe you are Christ, son of the Living God.
11 weeks ago I said I will still follow you God, good or bad, happy or sad, heartbroken or filled with joy, with or with out my son here with me.