CALEB AND HIS JAWBREAKERCALEB CONTINUES TO WANT TO BE A CANDY MAKER WHEN HE GROWS UP:)
I THOUGHT THAT FUTURE ASPIRATION MIGHT PASS BY NOW... THAT DOESN'T SEEM TO BE THE CASE... HE HAS EVEN ASKED WHAT KIND OF COLLEGE YOU NEED TO GO TO BE A CANDY MAKER...YIKES!
ANNA, JOJO, AND RYANEThis week we were so fortunate to have Greg's cousin, one of Jojo's Godmothers here for the week. She is a fellow runner and is training for a marathon. So she made me a part of her training. Yikes! She was whipping my rear back into shape with her morning and nightly runs. Actually, I loved having someone to run and talk with, it makes the exercise time pass so much more quickly. I miss it already... come back Ryane:)
We would talk and run. Have you ever been running while crying? Let me tell you, it isn't easy, nor a pretty sight. But in the end it felt kind of good. Last night she played Hope Now, an Addison Road song for me . I sat at the edge of the bed just listening, and crying. Ryane sat with her head on my shoulder, her arms around me. Wow, great song, it just spoke to me where I am at and what I am going through right now.
I know I have said it before, but being in one of the valleys of my life, I have found having Hope for my future to be difficult at times. I don't know that people can completely relate to what I am feeling unless they have gone through grief. For me there is always a sense of sorrow to each day. Sometimes it is just a kind of numbness that is just there. Sometimes it is sense of sorrow that is there even amidst the good moments of laughing with my kids or Greg. And sometimes it is a deep, raw, sorrow full of despair. That is SOOOO unlike me... I can't believe I am even saying it... But it is real and it is the truth of how I feel at times.
I just want to feel JOY again, to feel HOPE again. I know that the Lord can and will restore that in His time. For now I want to grieve well, face it head on. I don't want it to come back to bite me months or years down the road because I didn't do something I should have now. I know I will probably cry when I think of Samuel many, many years down the road. But I can't wait until the time when I can think of him and can remember holding him, kissing him, feeling his body in my arms, snuggling his precious face to mine, and feel joy in remembering all of that and not just pain. That time will come.
I KNOW that I am so blessed to have my wonderful husband and my four children that are still here with me. So to hear that song ministered to me and and I want to claim that HOPE that I can have in the future that God has planned for me and my family, a future so unlike what I had planned.
HOPE NOW: BY ADDISON ROAD
If everything comes down to love,
Then just what am I afraid of?
When I call out Your name,
Something inside awakes in my soul.
How quickly I forget I'm Yours.
I'm not my own.
I've been carried by You,
All my life.
Everything rides on hope now,
Everything rides on faith somehow.
When the world has broken me down,
Your love sets me free.
When my life is like a storm,
Rising waters all I want is the shore,
You say I'll be ok and,
Make it through the rain.
You are my shelter from the storm.
Everything rides on hope now,
Everything rides on faith somehow.
When the world has broken me down,
Your love sets me free.
You've become my hearts desire.
I will sing Your praises higher,
Cause Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free.
1 comment:
I've said this b/f to moms who are grieving and I've heard them "say" it, but it's hard sometimes to just sit and feel the grief. I too want to face it head on, but there's times when I just don't want to feel sad anymore and I begin to think that if I don't ever think about Felicity, the sadness will go away. I know though in my heart, that this sadness is here to stay. It won't always feel this raw and intense, but it will always be with us. As much as I hate that outlook, I feel like as long as the sadness is with me, Felicity is close. When that sadness is gone, I'll be in Heaven and instead of just being close, she'll be in my arms again! How I long for that day! I pray for you Sara - our grieve is so fresh so I know that the daily things I'm dealing with are probably the same things you're dealing with. Bless you and thanks for sharing the song, I'd not heard it before.
Post a Comment