Oh how I miss my sweet little boy. I can not believe that it is the New Year already. I think that I completely lost the whole month of November and most of December. It is kind of a blur looking back. As hard as October 30th was for me, I would go back in a second just to hold and snuggle Samuel again. My arms feel so empty without him here. We knew God was going to add to our family in 08, we just never imagined we wouldn't take that child with us into the next year. So saying goodbye to 2008 is bittersweet, it will always be Samuel's year. The year we spent loving him growing inside of me and saying goodbye to him all too soon. Oh how I long for Christ's return and heaven so much more than I ever did before. Come Lord Jesus, Come.
My sweet sister had sent me a devotional that she photocopied from a book called The Heartbeat of God. It was called one who hears.
ONE WHO HEARS
Incline Thine ear, O Lord, and answer me; for I am afflicted and needy. Psalm 86:1
O God, you are the One Who Hears. Be gracious to me O Lord... my soul is greatly dismayed, but You O Lord---how long? Return, O Lord, rescue my soul; save me because of Your loving kindness... You know my frame; You are mindful that I am only dust. Dear Abba, today, I am weary; today; I am weak; today, I am wandering. Sweet Savior , strengthen my faith, I pray. Please God Hear my cry; give heed to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to You, when my heart is faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I ... lift me up, I pray and renew a steadfast spirit within me... Revive me, O Lord, according to Your Word. I need You; for You are my hope, my only living hope. Yes, I do know You will run to me, and I do know You will rescue me. So then, I will wait for You, my soul does wait, and in Your word do I hope. My soul waits for the Lord more than the watchmen for the morning; indeed, more than the watchmen for the morning. Yes I know my Lord will come.
Psalm 6:2-4, Psalm 103:14, Psalm 61:1-3, Psalm 51:10, Psalm 119:107, Psalm 130:5-6
Obviously, I love all of the verses and they are some I repeat to myself out loud just to remind of God's faithfulness. The neat thing was my sister had gotten me one of those little name cards that have your name and the meaning on it. Well, she went back to get one with Samuel's name on it to send to me along with the devotional. When she picked it up she then read what Samuel means... God Has Heard.
So I need to keep reminding myself when I think of my sweet Samuel and am grieving our loss, that God has heard all of my cries in this past year and He will continue to hear them in the next year. He is faithful and His mercies are new every morning. Kind of like the manna he sent for the Israelites, only enough for that day. His mercies will be good for that day... and then the next day we will get a fresh supply. Praise God, because I need it!
I am excited to see what God will do in 2009. (Did I just write that I am actually excited about something???) I am praying that the intensity of the pain will be lessened as we continue to move ahead. I am praying that at some point I will be able to look back and remember Samuel with Joy and not soooooo much sadness. I am praying for God's will to be done in our lives. And I am praying that He will fill us with HOPE for the future He has planned for us.