JUST BECAUSE... HE KNEW YOU WOULD BE OURS....

 Just because... I can't resist that sweet smile...

 or those questioning eyes...

 or those round full squeezable cheeks...

 or that sticky, sweet little hand... grasping for mine...

I can't stop thanking God... just because He knew you, little Mr. Levi, would be the perfect gift for our family...

I still find it absolutely miraculous that he came to us like as one of the 2 above... most likely the one on the left.  Of course the photo above was taken after they thawed the embryos and he was already growing and multiplying... 

I often imagine that moment when the Lord breathed life right back into that growing little one... AMAZING!  MIRACULOUS!

I can not help but wonder how someone can look at the above photo and at the photo below and question when life begins... 

I am always SO very thankful that Levi's donor mom valued his life enough to not just discard her remaining 7 embryos  (Can you imagine our little Levi could have just been thrown out???!! It breaks my heart to even think of it!)  

I am always SO thankful that Levi's donor mom valued his life enough to allow him the chance to grow and thrive...  and to be ours...

AND... I am always so thankful that the Lord saw fit to miraculously allow she and I to find each other... A beautiful friendship... 2 hurting hearts... mended together in such a way to give this sweet little pumpkin life!

What an amazing Gift she and the Lord have given us... 

With God all things are possible!  

And this little man is a walking, living, breathing, example of what is possible with the Lord's help!

Memorial box Monday

 

I am SUCH a work in progress...

Sometimes I have to almost laugh when some people give the impression that they have it all together, ... that they have arrived, so to speak... that there isn't much room for improvement or growth in their life...

(Am I the only one who feels like they will never fully arrive or have it all together until we meet the Savior face to face??) 

I was so excited to be able to participate in Linny's blog hop... Memorial box Mondays... because this is a story that shows the Lord's deep love for us, His amazing power to transform us and His faithfulness through every step of the journey...

I am a little ashamed to admit my response to my dear husband after we had returned home from the hospital after Samuel was stillborn at 40 weeks and one day...  If you can imagine in a matter of 24 hours I had gone from thinking any second I would have this precious boy in my arms to having to deliver and then hold the still, lifeless body of my 5th born...  He wasn't moving... wasn't pink... But in spite of it all He was beautiful and precious and dearly loved!

I distinctly remember Greg trying to comfort me and telling me, "God is going to use this Sara, He is going to use you to help someone else down the road!'

My response... (I can remember it as plain as day)  "That is not good enough... that still does not make losing my son worth it!  Let someone else do it!"  I know Greg heard that response from me over and over again... (I cringe now thinking I said those things!!)

I remember others, who hadn't really been through any major trials quoting Romans 8:28 to me... "That the Lord will work good for those that love Him and are called according to His purpose."  In those early days, right after my loss...  I knew God's word would hold true... but right then it sounded so cliche... it just didn't help, especially coming from those who hadn't known deep pain or couldn't possibly understand the trauma of what I had just gone through.   I know that they meant well and I can totally appreciate that now... but in those first weeks it just seemed to make me feel more and more like people didn't understand the depth of what I was going through... and that if I didn't embrace that immediately that there was something wrong with me... something wrong with the way I was grieving...

(This is a side note... if you ever quoted scripture to me in those early days...please don't be offended by what I just said... I don't at all mean it to be taken badly.  I am so appreciative of those who reached out to me... I am thinking maybe some day I will do a post on ways that you can physically and practically reach out to those in the throws of grief...I do appreciate every effort that people made)

  I know part of it was being totally in shock and adjusting to the fact that my baby didn't  get to come home with me...  I know that there were a lot of things that came into play but ultimately in those early days of my grief that is truly how I felt...

I was soooo sad... I was soooo angry... I could not think of one possible reason that would be worth the Lord allowing my child to be taken from me...

Oh how a few years can change a perspective... It didn't take me real long... maybe months before  my prayers changed from literally the only desperate 3 words I could get out... "HELP ME, LORD, HELP ME!!!"  (I even shudder know remembering being in that place that there is literally all my prayers consisted of... I was such a shell... just trying to survive...)

  But finally a few months later my prayers had progressed and changed to  "Lord please don't waste this pain... Please use if Father... for something... for anything... Please just allow something good to come from this hurt... Please put the pieces of this shattered heart back together again so that I can  help other hurting people!"

And now, almost 4 years later, I am hearing those words my husband  said, echoing in my ears...  "He will use it Sara... He won't leave you here... in this desperate place!"

In the last year the Lord has been so faithful to allow me to see how God is still using Samuel and using the deep wounds and hurt that my heart had felt, to minister to others.  I have spoken numerous times with women (some that I barely knew before) that specifically searched me out to talk to when they were hurting because they knew that I had experienced deep pain and could understand what they were going through. 

I have had friends share things that they are going through that they haven't shared with many if any people, but they did share with me specifically because they knew that I had been through the fire and somehow (only by the grace of God) survived it and was still moving forward.. They specifically said that seeing my life or hearing my story  had given them Hope for their future...  even though at that moment their world was turned upside down.

I am not being prideful  at all.   I can recognize that it isn't me at all, but completely the Lord working...  I find it hard to believe, honestly. I am just totally in awe of our father to truly take that which was a jumbled tangled up mess of a life just trying to survive...Literally living moment by moment...

To moving me to a place to show me plain as day the good that has come from Samuel's life.  I can see clearly the word's of Roman's 8:28 played out.  He can work through the most unlikely people,  even the likes of me...:)  and the likes of my son who only lived the 40 weeks, one day in my womb:)

I am thankful that He is using the ordinary,short, life of my sweet precious Samuel to bring extraordinary comfort to others...

I am so thankful that the Lord is the one who can bind up the broken hearted... and then use that battered, wounded, and shattered heart to point others to His love and faithfulness to them. 

Thank you Lord for not wasting that pain...

He won't waste yours either...:)

Our Hope Jubilee

 READY... SET... GO!! (Hilarious or what??)

 NOT AN OUNCE OF FEAR...

 IN THIS LITTLE GIRL...

 SHE IS OUR HOPE...

 SHE IS OUR HOPE JUBILEE:)

After Samuel died... We longed and prayed for the Lord to fill our empty arms with another child... 

Not one ever to replace our Samuel... no one could... but a new child... 

The exact child that He had planned to be a Hintz... the exact child that He knew would soothe a hurting heart... fill empty arms that literally ached to hold a little child...

After 10 months of waiting that phone call finally came... "We have a little girl for you!  You can come get her this afternoon!"  AHHHH!  We could HARDLY believe it!  You should have seen our whole family as we drove the 2 hours to get there... CRAZY EXCITED! A LITTLE FREAKED OUT TOO!

The Lord was making a way in the wilderness, he was bringing water to the desert... Those of you that know us personally and know all of the reasons that Hope came to our family at 10 1/2 months of age KNOW that the Lord completely changed the direction of her life when she came to us... 

And He completely changed the fabric of our family...He was about to show us clearly what it means FOR US to be adopted as HIS child... To be able to receive the inheritance He promises those who believe in Him... 

It was free to us, this gift of eternal life...

So today we celebrate 2 official years of Hope being a Hintz!

Yay God!!!  YAY GOD for moving those mountains that needed moving to bring her to us!   BIG mountains that we weren't sure would or could be moved!  We are MOST thankful for our Hope Jubilee...

The meaning behind the Name Hope is quite obvious...  

I always loved the name Jubilee... it's sweet meaning is:  A season or an occasion of joyful celebration.

She certainly is an occasion for joyful celebration!   Honestly, Jubilee suits here to a tee with her spunky, fun giggles and energy!

A big Happy Birthday to my mom:)  I am blessed with a super mom... and it is so special to me that Hopie shares her gotcha day with my mom's birthday:)

NEVER ONCE...

This song touched my heart deeply today...

I got an email from one of the MOST precious people in my life needing prayer today... my heart was burdened and heavy for her... She is one of the people that I would call after Samuel died and express my "crazy" thoughts to... She NEVER ONCE judged me... just loved me and walked right along side of me during the darkest of times... I felt so alone at times... but she was ALWAYS there... 

As I was driving home from my MEND (Mommy's enduring Neonatal Death) support group that I help lead, I had this song playing...

These women are some of the strongest I know... Some of what they have gone through is unimaginable to most... But there is a fellowship among these women that I can hardly describe... We had 2 new gals tonight... one of which held her 26 week old precious son 2 weeks ago as he slipped from this earth to eternity... Hard Hard things to shoulder and carry through this life...

I was so encouraged by this song... 

simple basic words... 

simple basic truths...

That no matter what trial or hardship you are going through...

even if the Lord seems quiet or even silent at times... 

even when you think there is NO WAY that you can take another step on your own...

YOU NEVER WALK ALONE...

THE LORD IS FAITHFUL TO NEVER LEAVE YOUR SIDE...

HE WILL CARRY YOU THROUGH THE FIRE TO THE OTHER SIDE WHERE IT IS EVEN POSSIBLE TO CRY OUT WITH JOY IN YOUR HEART... 

"GOD YOU ARE SO FAITHFUL!!"

If you are hurting today, be encouraged by this video... He will never leave you or forsake you... The heavier the burden gets, PRESS FURTHER INTO HIM... 

The Lord can shoulder the heaviest of BURDENS...

If you need someone to talk to or have any special prayer requests please leave them in the comments or email me at hintzmom27@yahoo.com

Don't forget to pause the music down on the sidebar on the right so you can hear the video...

 

More Blue Hole!

Sweet Jojo and big bro Caleb:)

Anna wearing her new Land's End swimsuit... I love how you can usually find great modest swimsuits at Land's End for young girls at a great price at the end of the season...  I usually order a bunch of sizes and then I can return the ones we don't want at Sears here in town:)  Very Convenient!!!:)

When Hope is somewhere new she is sooooo good!  She is totally happy and occupied checking out all the new things to see and do!

Levi... so yummy ... Love his long eyelashes!

Lou, Hope and Jojo taking a break from washing dishes:)

Ahhhh... we are settling in back at home after the camp out!  I ordered EVERYTHING I need for the school year today and it feels soooooo good!  A definite burden lifted off my shoulders.  I sort of held off early in the summer wondering if we would sell our house and have to move... I didn't want to have to move any more than we already had to move... That wasn't God's plan... Then time just got away from me and here we are 2 weeks out from school beginning... YIKES!!! 

(Those buyers who looked at our house 2 times in one day just a week ago... they said we are their number one choice... they are debating if they will build or buy our house... My gut feeling is that they will build... You never know...  God sees the big pictures... I am so thankful for that!)

I actually feel really good about the upcoming school year.  We will be doing the coop again and the boys are taking an Algebra course online.  Hopefully it will all come together.  It usually takes about a month before I breath a sigh of relief and exclaim, "We are finally in a groove!" 

Ok, gotta run... heading to watch a movie with the older boys and my sweet young friend Katie!:)

Blue Hole camping 2012

 A little bit of sass from our Hopie girl:)

 Taking photos to be used at our Adoption agencies annual fundraiser... this year Tim Tebow's mom, Pam Tebow will be speaking...  It should be AMAZING!

 Chilling on the beach with Anna, Hope and Lee...

 Me and my love...

This is our first time to REALLY get the pop up out and working... we have tried a couple of times and it just hasn't happened...

Well, let me just say... we have gotten rusty as campers... or maybe it is just the fact that we have 2 more kids than the last time we camped:):)  It is so dry here... you wouldn't believe how much dirt we attracted...

We loved the pop up, but let me just say that a 6 man camper makes for some cozy sleeping with 8 people:)

We had a ball ...

• skipping rocks for hours on end...
• having a dance party in one half of the pop up...
• watching the hail fall out side during a thunderstorm... (I truly think that our family camping FINALLY  brought rain to our dry drought experiencing land:)
• heading to sonic for half price shakes...
• helping a stranger look for his wedding ring in the lake that flew off while playing football with Caleb... we never did find it... it was like looking for a needle in a haystack..:( bummer...
• literally being locked in the campground overnight...( now that was different:)
• seeing 3 fellas sneak in the campground late at night , wearing headlights, and spearing something in the lake (truly, it sort of freaked me out!)
• eating lots of fried pickles...
• enjoying the company of friends one day...
• having our dirty dishes licked clean by some varmints... eeewwww!
• reading a book together late into the night

It was really fun... We even had a chance to have a family meeting. We need to do those more often:)  It is nice to give everyone a chance to be heard...

 I think the next time we will need to stay a little longer... It is a lot of work just getting to the campsite... I think we need to enjoy it a little longer next time... I will post some more pictures from the camp out soon:)

SLIPPING AWAY...

I can literally feel Summer slipping right through my fingertips...

Today I had numerous moments of feeling totally overwhelmed...

Sort of overwhelmed with the sheer number of things that have to happen in the next couple of weeks...

I had a Dr.s appt... We are still trying to figure out why I am making the kidney stones.  Praise God, I haven't passed any since my 2 procedures last fall... but my calcium levels are still high...

Her suspicion is that most likely I have a tumor on my parathyroid... one more round of blood work in a few months, most likely some scans and then possibly surgery... FUN!  She said most times they are benign, so that is what we are praying for... I feel a total peace about it all at this point:):)

While I was at the Dr. the kids were getting the house ready for another showing... The previous people who looked twice wanted more info today... We will see, God knows just the right buyer... it only takes one... Honestly, I have loads of mixed feelings on it... I love our neighbors... love our yard...love our house... love living more in the country... but am trusting God and my hubby's leading on this one...

School starts 2 weeks from tomorrow... There will be some big changes for Miss Hopie... I hope to fill you in soon on that...


I have 2 sweet friends that have babies that were born into Heaven a year ago this week... My heart is so heavy for them... I was blessed to get to spend time with both of these young ladies today:):)  I have a hard time separating myself from what they must be feeling.  I think because when something like that happens to you, you remember how alone you felt... you remember what it was like to somewhat relive it all again on that first anniversary...

I just can not help but want to do EVERYTHING in my power to help them get through the first birthday in the best way possible for them... that looks differently for everyone... ( I know really not too much of that is in my power... but I want them to know that they are loved, supported, not judged in their grief and that their little girls matter to us... we won't forget them!)   I know this weekend will have me and my family honoring the beautiful lives of these two precious baby girls Emily and Autumn...

If you think of it, would you pray for their mommies this week...

We are getting the pop up ready for a little excursion... should be interesting... the kids have been jazzed about it for weeks:)

Here are a few pictures from a neighbors birthday party a few weeks back...

Quite a day... actually a fairly normal day for us:)

Happy 42nd Birthday to my sweet hubby!  We are so blessed to have him as the daddy of the house and the leader of this home!  I know it may seem like he is taken for granted sometimes... but I know how easily we never could have had a married life together or these precious kids together had he passed away from his cancer 20 years ago... I DO NOT take his precious life for granted... I need to make sure my actions show him that loud and clear!  Sorry babe, for when in my humaness I fail in that arena... You are loved and treasured!

What a day... He spent all morning helping build the pre-schools new playground up at church... (totally my Greg to WANT to do that on his birthday)  He wouldn't have missed it:) 

All of that while I got the house ready for a showing (yes, I think I have failed to mention here that our house is for sale) not an easy task with 4 little ones at home... and especially when they arrive early.... ahhhhh!  

I went grocery shopping, come home... unload groceries on the counters... start feeding the kids, get lunch going, put dinner in the crock pot, and low and behold who is at my door??? The realtor.  I totally thought she forgot something here... Nope, they wanted to see the house again... 

Well... literally the house looked like a tornado had hit in the 15 minutes we had been home... Rushed to pick up food off the floor, tried to get a hold of Greg who was on his way home... no answer... pile kids back in the van... meet Greg in the driveway... tell the realtor to excuse all the little messes that  occured in that short time... 

Head to sonic for slushies... Greg had also brought home a young man from church who is staying with his grandparents for 2 weeks... A homeschooled kid from the DC area... who had lost his father a little less than 3 years ago... INCREDIBLE  kid... offered to help me at least 4 different times today... a total joy to have here in our home:)  The boys were already planning a potential sleepover in a few days!

The rest of the day... much more relaxed... ate Greg's birthday meals and had red velvet cake, Granny's recipe which NEVER turns out like hers... it was still pretty tasty though:)  

After dinner life consisted of a little role reversal... Greg cleaning up the kitchen (I know... sad on his birthday) me and the older boys cleaning out the garage... I had mentioned to Greg earlier that just because we are a big family (meaning numerous bikes, scooters, bins of clothes etc) that didn't mean our garage had to be a walking nightmare:)  

He wasn't sure we could make it look any better... So the boys and I tackled it in about an hours time... Wow... Greg's first words were, "What did you do with it all!"  (I think he was truly afraid it had pitched everything)  Literally, just a few things to good will, all the garbage out, cardboard to the car to take to recycling, the stack ready for Craig's list, and all the rest put up on the shelves we have in the garage...   It just needed some serious organizing.

Now to some... it is still probably a VERY full, somewhat messy garage... but it was HUGE progress for us... and the kitchen was amazing when G was done!  Ahhh... my mind is more settled now with less messes...

Never did hear back from the realtor... oh well, God knows exactly the family who needs this house:)  But I would love for him to bring them here sooner, rather than later... because it is so hard to keep a house show ready at the drop of a hat with 6 kids at home... But honestly, I am just so thankful to have a house to keep clean at this point:)  We will see what he has in store...
So now off to bed...

Missing...

MISSING PRETTY LAKE...

MISSING THESE SWEET EXTRA PUMPKINS IN THIS PICTURE... 

MISSING VACATION...

WE ARE TRYING TO SQUEEZE OUT EVERY LAST OUNCE OF SUMMER BEFORE IT IS BACK TO THE GRIND IN A COUPLE OF WEEKS...

HOW CAN SUMMER BE ALMOST OVER? 

SWIMMING IN A CRYSTAL CLEAR LAKE IS ONE OF OUR FAVORITE SUMMER ACTIVITIES... WHAT'S YOURS???

NOW THAT WAS A FUN NIGHT:)

 Jojo hunkering down in the back of the pick up truck.... getting ready for the movie:)

 Our Hope before the movie began...Doesn't she have such beautiful dark eyes... so precious!

 The sun is setting it is almost time...

Tonight Greg and I took the kids to the drive in movie theatre... I can't remember the last time I had been to one... For sure not since we were married 19 years ago...

Talk about ideal... the kids didn't have to sit still squashed in one little seat...They had room to move around. It was out doors so if Levi squawked a little it was just fine... The homemade caramel corn was delicious!  (Good job Caleb!)  It was far more comfortable laying on a bunch of blankets than in the theatre and the weather was PERFECT!  To top it off, the new Ice Age movie was really cute!

I think we will try it again sometime, obviously sooner than 19 years from now:)

Delightful night...

My sweet friend Lisa and I and baby Greta:).... mmmm... it was such a treat to get my hands on that little girl, she is such a doll!

Greta's baptism at a local park...  a beautiful night:)

The precious Harbaugh crew:)

What a special evening last Friday... We were blessed to be able to get together with some sweet friends for the baptism of their little girl Greta.  

Lisa and I have connections that totally were laughable and shocking when I first found out.  I have known her grandma and grandpa  for as long as I can remember.  I grew up with her aunts and uncles going to youth group with my older brothers.  She was actually born and raised in the church that Greg was serving in before we moved to go to the seminary.  We knows slews of the same people.  When I found out that she literally lived probably one mile (as the crow flies) from me, I almost fell over.  

We are extremely like minded in many ways... We share many of the same passions!  The crazy thing is we really should see each other SO much more often than we do... but when we do, the talk flows freely and it is a great blessing to me. 

This past Friday, our family was greatly blessed to witness Greta's baptism in a beautiful park near by.  We took a quick hike through the shaded woods and then headed back to their home for brats... a true Wisconsin meal:)  YUMMO!  The kids swam in the pool and we had some lively discussion.  It greatly encouraged my heart.  Thank you Lord for bringing me friends who share my heart! 

My attempt at sour dough bread...

 The sour dough starter...

 Home ground wheat flour...

 Mixing the dough...

 Four loaves ready to go in the oven...

The finished product... It tastes much better than it looks:)  But I will admit, it was much more dense than when  my friend makes it... I am a total work in progress in this department:)

I have a sweet friend Lula who makes the most amazing sourdough bread... Honestly, she is one of the best cooks I know... Delicious food every time we eat with them.  Always homemade... everything from scratch... I have such a long way to go in making bread like hers...  It is totally different than yeast dough... sourdough doesn't rise much... (or at least my understanding is it isn't really supposed to rise much... and mine didn't:)

She has been so sweet to give me some of her starter mix... I have been so lazy that it has gone bad before I got going on the bread with the last couple of batches I had.  I am determined this go around to keep mine going... you have to feed it flour and water every couple of days. Then in a couple of weeks you will have enough to mix and start making bread...  

This is right up my alley (I love healthy food.... I love doing my own research on nutrition... but I can make a mean batch of puppy chow in the same breath... everything in moderation is what works best in our house. )

  I am so thankful to feel like I have the energy to start doing things like this... I love cooking and baking from scratch... so I am hoping to make this more of the routine around here again... Honestly, after Samuel died... I think we would have eaten anything that wasn't moving that I could get my hands on... It is amazing the sweet things that you treasure after a loss, that you took for granted before...

Our favorite way to eat it is as an open faced avocado and salami sandwich with mustard... So yummy! 

The special cousin bond!

 Enjoying custard at LeDucs with some of the cousins:)
I love that some of my kids best buddies are their cousins... they are inseparable when we are together... And they miss them like crazy when we aren't together...

 Caleb and Lindsey in a hard fought battle of arm wrestling...

 Some of the cousins after the lake church service we had at Pretty Lake...

 I think the groom isn't so sure of this family he married into... he was getting a warm welcome by my brother,whom my kids affectionately call "Johnny Boy" :)

I can't believe that a whole week has passed since we left Wisconsin... 

 I am not sure I will ever really get fully used to being away from home.  This trip back was a bit emotionally charged so it seemed especially hard to leave.  Someone today told me that living away from family was a deal breaker for them.  Not so in ministry... There is a part of me that wishes that could be the case for us too...

It is such a gift to have the support, fellowship and encouragement of family close by.  But really I ultimately would rather be where the Lord wants us than to be by family if He doesn't want us there.

None the less, I would be being less than honest if I didn't admit that it is hard sometimes.  

Sometimes you long for the help of mom, dad, or your brothers and sisters.

Sometimes you long for the love of people who know you deeply and still love you warts and all!

Some times you just long for the familiarity of home... and all the delicious food that comes with it!

And sometimes you long for weather that is not sooooo crazy hot!

Can I just say the heat here lately has been nuts!  We are going on day 16 of over 100 weather days... with only 1 of the next 10 days being under 100... It was a record breaking 112 degrees here today.  The hot breeze blowing on you felt sort of like when you open up the oven and it just smacks you in the face. It is oppressive!  It is supposed to be 114 degrees tomorrow...

I don't at all mean to be complaining.  I know God has planted us where He plants us for many reasons.  And really, I could live anywhere and be content... 

There is much to be thankful for... great AC that runs well!  

Really, when you know how hard life can be... and how many others are experiencing great difficulty and sadness...

The heat is pretty insignificant!

So here is to 114 tomorrow:)