Thursday, March 18, 2010

MOVING FORWARD AGAIN...

THE FIRST SPRING "NEW LIFE" IN SAMUEL'S GARDEN:)
MY MOM BOUGHT THIS BIRD BATH FOR SAMUEL'S GARDEN WHILE WE WERE IN FLORIDA TOGETHER... I LOVE THE LITTLE BIRDS ON IT... IT REMINDS ME OF THE VERSE WHERE IT TALKS ABOUT IF GOD WATCHES OVER THE SPARROW, HOW MUCH MORE SO DOES HE WATCH OVER US... A PARAPHRASE OF COURSE... I ALSO LOVE THAT THIS CRAZY OKLAHOMA WIND CAN BLOW IT OVER AND NOT DAMAGE IT AT ALL:)


MY OLDER BOYS CAME OUR OF THEIR BEDROOM THIS MORNING WITH THIS LITTLE GIFT THAT THEY MADE FOR ME. I LOVE THEIR SWEET TENDER HEARTS.




Thank you so much for your words of encouragement to me... This has been one heck of a week, that is all I can say... I am continually amazed at how my personal journey of grief goes...
Sometimes I feel bad, this is our family blog where I share about our family... everyone in our family. Samuel is very much a part of our family everyday... others may find it odd that I still share about him. I know others that have 2 blogs, one for family, and one for their loss... but for now I think that this is just how we will continue... to share it all... the happy days of our family life and the days where our grief is more at the surface than others.
Back to my grief journey... I am amazed at how certain things affect me, can trigger a not so good day, or a really bad day. There are things that I think I will deal with fine... that then when it happens, send me into a tailspin. On the other hand there are things that I think will be awful and then turn out to be not nearly as bad as I had thought. It is a constant ebb and flow with me. And I think that is the hard part with grief... it is so unpredictable. Praise God I had a lovely lady from church offer to come to MEND with me last Tuesday... I needed the company on the ride. The meeting came at just the right time for me... God knew I would need it just this past Tuesday. I don't think I had a day like Tuesday since... I can't remember when... and Tonya, you were right... I was more like crashing...not just touching down... (Those are the days when you really just want the Lord to come back NOW, and take us all home) But praise God, He is faithful to allow me to take back off, and keep moving:)
We are super excited that we get to meet sweet little girl's birth mom tomorrow. She is excited to meet us too, I am happy about that. I just can't wait to thank her for giving this sweet little girl life... Under very difficult circumstances, she chose life. What a gift she has given to us for these past few months... and hopefully for the rest of our life on this earth is she becomes ours forever:) Time will tell... As we move forward we wait... we trust...
I am trusting thee, Lord Jesus, trusting only thee...

7 comments:

Ebe said...

Oh, Sara. His flowers are beautiful.

You know that song, tis so sweet to trust in Jesus, just to take him at his word...
I think about that song a lot. Just to take him at his word.

Praying, friend.

love you,
ebe

mom2many said...

It's funny you should mention Samuel's garden...I just noticed today that Jacob's tree is budding....it was like a breath of fresh air! Isn't God good to us?? Now...off to wait for Emma!!! THIRTY MORE MINUTES!

Tonya said...

You have precious children, in heaven AND on earth! What a sweet, beautiful, wonderful, thoughtful gift your kids made for you. I love it! But I love their hearts more!!!

I'm glad you had the company on the drive to the MEND meeting and it sounds like the timing of the meeting couldn't have been better. I'm glad to hear that your spirits are lifted a little. Grief is so hard, Sara. I had a full-out panic attack in the grocery store Tuesday. I'm not sure how I made it. It was so bad that when I got to the check-out the cashier asked me if I was okay. It was all in response to a very, very small newborn's cry. Completely caught me off guard. I really wasn't the same the rest of the day.

Praying for you and so excited with you that tomorrow is the day to meet sweet little girl's mom. Let us know how it goes.

Missing our boys SO much. Wishing things were different but longing for heaven where all things will be made right. Do you have the Selah "You Deliver Me" CD? I bought it for myself yesterday and I've been having "church" the last two days. It's amazing! So many of the songs speak straight to my heart...I bet they would yours, too.

Love you!!!
Tonya

Anonymous said...

thinking of you......
connie

Corie said...

Thinking of you often...
Corie

lprecour said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
lprecour said...

Hi Sara,

So glad to see that you are a little stronger and having a better day since the last post. Enjoy watching Samuel's garden pop with life! How exciting to watch that grow everyday and bring you comfort.

Thinking of you
Laura