Thursday, October 15, 2009


Baby Joel's precious foot

I don't know if I ever posted this picture because you can't really see Caleb... but look at sweet Anna, all of their expressions just cut through my heart, but Anna, little mommy at heart Anna, this was one of the few pictures where she let her true emotions of that day show. I know sweet Samuel changed all of us forever...

Isn't he just beautiful?

Samuel enveloped in his mom and dad's love, me enveloped in my husband's love.

Our only family picture, all of us together:) I love it because it is just that, the only one. I have a couple others with the kids looking this way or that, you know how that goes, but this is it. Now this is what Anna looked like in most pictures... so proud to be holding the little brother that she waited so long for. So often I look at all of our expressions and our eyes. Jojo, I don't think really understood the depth of what was happening that day. Louis, heartbroken Louis, so tenderhearted, wears his true emotions on his sleeve. Caleb, strong determined Caleb... so trying to hold it all together. Greg, my rock, that was all the smile he could muster. Me, I remember thinking if these are the only pictures I will have with my son, I want to smile. It was forced but it was there, but at the same time I look just awful. My face and eyes were so swollen.

These are true pictures, emotions and all that were felt that day... and quite honestly, still felt today, almost a year later.

Today is national Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day
I didn't intend to post any pictures on this post, but for some reason when I started it I just thought I want to share my precious son with you... again...

Last October 15th I was anticipating the arrival of our 5th precious child. Who would have ever thought this day, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day would mean something so personally to me this year. I still wish it didn't. But we will remember our precious son every day... We will never forget that beautiful baby Samuel.

So I guess, part of what they do on this day is encourage everyone to light a candle at 7pm in your time zone for 1 hour, in memory of a baby you lost or someone you know who lost a baby. Then it will be like one continuous wave of light going around the world as it moves from time zone to time zone. We will be lighting a candle here. We will light it to remember precious Samuel and baby Joel. And we will light it to remember all of our sweet precious friend's babies, Grady, Owen, Felicity, Jeremiah, Tatum, Carter, Lucy, Nate, Nathan, Stacy... I know there are many more that were lost to early miscarriage that maybe weren't named... my mom's babies, my sister -in-love's babies...
So as I light my candle I will be praying for all my sweet friends, that the Lord will bless them with great peace, comfort, and love tonight.
Won't you like a candle with us??


Anonymous said...

Isn't it horrible to see how the death of your child affects your living child/children?

It's been 2 years, and our 4-year-old still bears the scars.

It's a real struggle for me as a mom.

And no, you will never, ever forget. Nor should you.

mom2many said...

You look beautiful, and REAL, in that family picture. I have pictures at Jacob's funeral, but nothing close up...just an overview really, and I now wish someone had captured the emotions of the day. Family pictures will always feel not quite right without Samuel there in the middle of them. I miss the "new" pictures....praying for you...I am going to come and meet you in person one day.

Tonya said...

Baby Samuel is a beautiful, beautiful boy.

I know you treasure those pictures. I treasure the ones I have of Grady, but I will honestly go to my grave regretting that I don't have any of me holding him nor any of my girls or my husband with him, much less a family picture. I didn't even let my girls come to the hospital to see him. *DEEP SIGH* I just have to remind myself that I did what I could and thought was right at the time. I sure wish foresight could be as sharp as hindsight is...

I'm so glad you posted pictures again today. Sending you a (((BIG HUG))) today. BUT, I must give you one for real some day, hopefully sooner than later!

Love and blessings,

Casadeboggs said...

Oh dear friend, thanks for sharing what's on your tender heart, the heart that will never be the same again.

We're praying and lighting candles in memory. We love you and will continue to pray for strength and support for you and your precious family!

Samuel Mark is beautiful, so angelic.


Renegades said...

Thinking of you and your family.

Pictures are precious and even more so when they hold someone we lost.

Ebe said...

precious Samuel.

love you. Praying.

Anonymous said...

Sara, you look so beautiful in the family picture. And the picture of the kids at the top of the page is just gorgeous.

Blessings to your family. My family knows the pain of losing a baby girl after birth, except that she lived for nine hours. We are praying for you.