We had the graveside service today for baby Joel. Obviously, it was hard, but really it was good. Our birth mom seemed a little fragile yet seemed to being doing pretty well. She herself would say that she isn't an emotional person at all. But yet, praise God, I think she is really dealing with what has happened and grieving her loss. I am so thankful for that, given that when she goes back home even her siblings will have no idea what she has just gone through. Yesterday she and I were talking on the phone about how she was looking so forward to being able to come over after she had the baby to visit. She was really looking forward to seeing Joel grow and change. We will both miss that tremendously. She looked beautiful and handled the situation so beautifully. I still can't get over what this 15 year old has gone through.
When we first got to the funeral home, they ushered us into a little room where Joel's casket was. I am so glad that Greg's parents came into town last night, and that they were able to meet this sweet young lady, her mom, and her grandma. There were probably 5-6 ladies there too from Crisis Pregnancy Outreach. They have been so supportive of this young girl. After we had been in the room for about 5 minutes Louis just whispered in my ear, "Is that little box where baby Joel is?" It hadn't really dawned on me that they wouldn't know that. When I said yes, he just started crying... bless his heart. It is gut wrenching to see that tiny little box and know that inside was the child you were hoping to raise in your home. He had a difficult time through the whole time. What a precious sensitive young man. The rest of the kids were sad, but praise God seem to be handling it as well as can be expected.
Greg led the short little service. My poor husband, he usually holds it together amazingly well in situations where I am surprised he can remain so composed. Today was different. There were a few spots in the service where he just lost it. This is going to sound bad... but I am so happy to see him visibly grieving. I want him to be able to release what he is really feeling, not just shove it aside because his job or the situation warrants it. I know men and women grieve differently, but he has consistently been so strong. I have wondered many times if he really has even dealt with the loss of Samuel. He did a great job, I have an amazing husband... who no matter what the circumstances, cancer, job loss, death of a child, he is ALWAYS steadfast in His faith. I have NEVER met anyone who was more solid in their faith. He is unwavering.
When he was done we were all able to surround the birth mom and pray for her. I am praying that the Lord will draw her closer to Himself through this whole experience. Greg's mom said that the birth mom's grandma had told her that never in her life did she think she would ever see the 2 cultures come together like we have. They really have become like family in a lot of ways. We are really hoping to maintain contact with them. I told her Grandma today that I am holding her to her promise of coming over to make greens and gumbo:) They are very special to all of us.
Thank you so much for the prayers. Actually, tonight I can really feel an indescribable peace. I am praising God for that. Between yesterday and today I have really been able to see God at work. I will try to share some pictures of Joel or the service at some point.
Please continue to pray for this young girl. We really appreciate that.
I better hit the hay because I am dozing off here at the computer.