Friday, July 10, 2009





Tuesday Greg's parents came for a visit on their way to Indiana. It has been such a blessing to have them here. Greg's mom was a huge help with food and dishes... some days I just don't have the motivation like I used to. It has been such a treat to have help with that. Today we went to the aquarium together... we were blessed with a membership from some friends. Wow, there is so much to see. I can't wait to be able to take the kids back during the school year. His parents will leave tomorrow... bummer, but they will be back in a few weeks for Greg's ordination.
Having company this summer has been such a HUGE blessing for us. We have really needed the fellowship of loved ones and people who have known us before everything happened with Samuel. We are so looking forward to our dear Texas friends who will be here in a couple of weeks and then just after that a week or two lots of family for the ordination on the 2nd of August. It will be so nice. I do have to say, that all of the dates hold significance to our birth mom's due date. At ordination time, it would have been about 7 weeks to go. Oh how quickly things can change.
So I mentioned before that I am doing the Beth Moore Esther study on Wednesday nights at church. I have to confess that I was really looking forward to it, but kind of thought, I have read Esther so many times, how much can we really get from Esther? Wow, I was so wrong. Each week, I have felt she was writing it, or speaking it directly to me. It has been crazy... but crazy great. I have been blessed to be able to lead one of the small groups after we watch the video. I just love hearing what these ladies have to say, and having the opportunity to pray for them. It has a been a blessing for me to get to know them.
Beth was talking all about waiting. Oh waiting, so very hard for me. Is it this hard for everyone? Ever since Samuel died, I have felt like I have been waiting. Really waiting for the Lord to do something. I really felt like, if the Lord allowed Samuel to be taken, that He would do something big and quick. Almost 9 months have passed, and yet we are still waiting. We thought maybe He was doing something with the young birth mom living with us. Now it turns out, He certainly was doing something, but definitely not what I was hoping for.
I have had many people speculate why the Lord has allowed our last year to be what it has for us. I would love to list them all out for you... but I won't... too exhausting for me. And quite honestly I AM DONE SPECULATING! The more I wait, the more I realize there is so little I understand... and no amount of trying to figure it out will really get me any closer to figuring it out. We can not begin to comprehend the mind of God or why or how He does things. It is so beyond our understanding. So right now I am content to say that GOD IS GOD, AND I AM NOT. His ways are not our ways, nor his thoughts our thoughts. His ways and plans are so much bigger than we can understand.
So this brings me back to Beth's study. She was mentioning how exhausting it can be to wait. That it is just draining. I couldn't agree more.
She referenced Isaiah 40:31...
But those who wait upon the Lord, shall renew their strength. They shall soar on wings like eagles. They shall run and not grow weary they shall walk and not grow faint.
I have heard that verse a million times... but it has taken on new meaning for me. Her point was that waiting can be so tiring... but when we wait on the Lord, He will RENEW our strength. When we wait on the event... the new job, the new house, the new baby, the new car, etc. we will never be strengthened. We need to wait on the Lord, He will renew us and strengthen us as we wait. Not that we are to no longer desire certain things or pray for them... but it is where our focus is... is it on the event or thing? Or is it on the Lord?
Wow, I was convicted and refocused. Praise God. This may all seem so elementary. And it is something I have known for as long as I can remember... but I heard it with new ears tonight... the ears of a mother who longs for her son... the ears of a mother who has been waiting... the ears of a daughter of the Most High God.


Tonya said...

The waiting is so hard. No amount of speculating, by myself or others, helps me because it's not solid truth. The only truth for me is just what you said...His ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts. His will is sovereign and His plan is better than mine, even though I don't like it and it doesn't seem that way. I will never understand why Grady and Samuel were taken from us, just like I will never understand why other unjust things happen, like childhood cancer, etc. I will pray with you, while you wait, that your strength will be renewed and that blessings will abound, not just physically, but in your heart, too!

Rachel said...

Hey fellow lady-in-waiting,
I'm right there with you! I definitely don't understand, but I'm waiting to be renewed. I heard that SCC song about God being God and we are not and I thought about how he's probably struggling to still cope with his daughter Maria's death. I felt a kinship with him in a distant way. I hate that I accepted suffering in the world differently than I do know that I'm one of the ones suffering. Trying to reconcile that most days. And praying that I can be more compassionate, but it's hard when I feel so weak with grief many days. Glad you have much company coming to visit with and help make the days more fun.

Heather said...

This post was so encouraging to me- thank you for the reminder to wait on the Lord and not on events or things. Heather

Ebe said...

Oh, Sara. My heart aches with yours. Psalm 131 is the cry of my heart. Oh to rest in His goodness. I am praying for you and your family, for Faith and hers as well. I'm so sorry...

This post is so encouraging and is just what so many of us need to hear.
Waiting with you...