She is God's little girl first...

I want to be honest and real about the journey of adoption...
When anyone asks me about adoption, one of the first things I say is, "Adoption is not for the faint of heart!" And when I say that, I mean for anyone involved... First and foremost for the the birth parents, in some instances members of their family, the caseworkers, and the adoptive family...

I also want to be abundantly clear on how much we want to love, honor, care for, support, and respect the birth parents of our kids.  The reality is that most birth parents (I know that isn't always the case...) really aren't coming from ideal situations at all... Many are in these situations because of drugs, alcohol, homelessness, abuse, neglect, rape... I could go on and on...

In a perfect world, lets be realistic, there is rarely a birth mom who wants to give  up their baby... after they have carried that baby for 10 months... Most if given a perfect situation would parent that child...  But unfortunately very few of them are in that position...

 So enters the beautiful redeeming and very difficult possibility of adoption for these women...

But even women who aren't really in any position to parent, those that seem firm in their adoption decision, those that may have even sought out an abortion as an option, those that don't seem to be bonded to that baby at all during the pregnancy... All of these moms can and will often change their minds and decide to parent the babies they have been carrying...

Like I said there is no easy adoption... for really anyone involved...

And so it was and probably will continue to be in this adoption journey... sometimes absolutely beautiful and sometimes.... absolutely heart wrenching...

Christmas morning... like no other really... Our gracious friends were so sweet to have an additional 10 people in their home, on Christmas Day,  and given it was a pretty tense situation... none the less... they opened up their home and hearts so graciously to share Christmas day with all of us...

In a home with 18 kiddos it wasn't long before we were all crowded around the tree to start opening some presents... The kids had all had a chance to hold Kaliyah the night before and they were smitten already... Some might think it odd to spend the day together; the birth family and my family.... But it really wasn't.  I knew that if she needed time with the baby this was really all she was going to have... And I wanted her to not have regrets about not spending this short time with her.  It was a different, but precious time for everyone.  Even our birth mom and her older daughter, through the generosity of friends had lots of gifts to open.  We got the most beautiful gift from our friends... I love it and am going to have to find a perfect spot to hang it in our home...

Most of the morning  that sweet little baby girl was resting in her birth mom's arms... with an occasional break with one of us holding her... I could see the gravity of the situation and the tension of having to potentially say goodbye was weighing extremely heavily on her... She was in turmoil...  What was really hard and making things harder by the moment, were the constant calls from home...

Even in the hospital she shared with me that her mom was telling her, "just bring that baby home!"  (She had hid her pregnancy from most back home so when she left not many knew she was even expecting... well that wasn't the case anymore)  She had family members that had spilled the beans about the pregnancy to pretty much everyone back home... She was getting calls constantly from home saying numerous really mean, hurtful things... even those closest to her, people you really should be able to trust  were telling others that she was selling the baby... Many, many hurtful things said by those you would expect would be supporting her at a time like this... that wasn't the case... And really... the calls kept coming...

By mid afternoon my stomach was in knots... I KNEW she was wavering... I could see it all over her face... she had made a couple sort of off comments that made it even more clear... Not comments saying she was changing her mind, but more subtle comments that I could tell she was now uncomfortable with her previous adoption plan...

Our friends have a big hunting tent set up in the back for the kids to have an extra place to hang with 21 of us in the house... The big kids were out there so I went out to visit with them.  Our birth mom had taken the baby to the bedroom and been back there with the door closed for a couple of hours... I needed prayers... The teens and I were discussing things and we prayed together... I sincerely felt like, if I had known that she was still firm in her adoption plans I wouldn't have cared how much time she spent alone with the baby... but that peace over her plans was no longer there in my heart at all... it wasn't in the kids hearts... it was not longer in the case workers heart. (prior to this day since the day this adoption was set into motion, she had consistently felt that this birth mom was extremely firm in her adoption plan... more so than most moms)

After she finally came out of the back room, The husband, our friend, went over to the birth mom asked to hold the baby and asked how she was doing?  Her words were, " I think I am going to have to keep her..."

I went out and shared with Anna, who was immediately in tears.  I went to praying in my room... The husband had the teens praying and texting friends they knew would pray...

I want to tell you... I wasn't praying that she would place the baby with us... One thing I remember my sweet friend Becky saying to me many years ago regarding waiting and adoption was... " You don't want a baby God doesn't want for you... or one that isn't meant to be yours..."  I have held fast in that over the years.  In an adoption journey, there are a lot of families you get shown to... and I have always wanted to have the exact baby God has planned for us... not one sooner, in all honesty!!!

Truly, I was praying that His will be done and I was repeatedly telling Him that I trusted Him... I also recalled the words of my wise friend Linny, "Praise Him ahead of time for what He will do!"  I wasn't claiming to know that she would still place her with us, but I was praising Him for what He was going to do regardless of if it was going to be in line with the desires of my heart or not... I was on my knees in my bedroom earnestly praying...

I knew that our friend, the caseworker was just in the other room talking with the birth mom... basically she was asking what her plans were, and when she confirmed that she was thinking that she was going to have to keep her, the caseworker pretty much said, that if she was intending on parenting or was wavering at all that she and her daughter had to go back to her apartment, that there were too many hearts that were getting attached to this baby and it wasn't fair to make it any worse.  Our birth mom  went to one of the back bedrooms to pray and decide if she would take the baby with her now when she went back to her hotel or if we would arrange for cradle care till she was sure on her decision to parent... but the baby would not be staying here with us...

I was immediately told that she had pretty much changed her mind and was leaving... Honestly, I didn't cry right away... I was actually pretty shocked... While you know it is always a possibility, this situation seemed really good right from the start.  I am not sure we would have dragged the whole family out here if we thought there was a decent chance she would change her mind and parent this baby...

Our friend the case worker was calling the head of the agency and I was in the kitchen with the husband... He still had Kaliyah in his arms and something happened where he was going to have to hand her off to me... He asked if I was ok with it... Of course I grabbed her... I told him, I was fine with it... I knew she was God's girl first... not really mine... And that is when the tears started flowing... I knew she never really belonged to me... kind of like any of my kids... They belong to HIM  first... They are HIS, really they are just on loan to us... 

Could I understand why she was wavering and was now planning on parenting that precious one?  100%  If the roles were reversed I don't think I could do it... Could I relate to all that she was feeling?  No way... I haven't walked in her shoes.   I could empathize, as I have carried a baby full term that didn't get to come home to me, but went home to Heaven... But I could also TOTALLY recognize that this was a completely different situation...

My heart was breaking...  I was hurting for Greg and I and our kids... but I WHOLEHEARTEDLY was hurting for her... Really, even more so, I was hurting for her and her older daughter... First to be at the point in life to have to consider adoption for your child, and even more so for the lack of support, love and care she had in her life during this time... to have to walk through this alone (she has great support here from agency people, and new friends... but not in her own life personally)... It just wasn't fair...

 Here right before me,  I was seeing the full pain that goes along with adoption and it was gutwrenching...

All the teens were in the kitchen with us... silent prayers constantly being lifted up... They had texted numerous people and we had a small little army of prayer warriors praying all across the US... After talking with the the caseworker too, I decided I would head in to her room, Kaliyah still in my arms and share my heart... Never with an intent to change her mind at all... NOT FOR A SECOND WAS THAT MY INTENTION, but really just to sincerely express to her how much we loved her, her older daughter and Kaliyah...

All I could ask was that the Lord would give me the words she needed to hear, His words, no matter what they were...  I prayed before I knocked on the door and went in...

Part two... coming tomorrow... sorry... too much to share in one sitting... Thanks for journeying with us...

It's official... she will be a Hintz

This evening our Birth mom did one of the most courageous things possible... 

She chose out of love to officially give Kaliyah up for adoption...

And oh does she love her, and oh is it hard... 

But she decided this was the best thing for Kaliyah...

We rejoice, and are overjoyed as a family... that she is officially ours!

Yet our hearts ache for Kaliyah's birth mom and her older sister...

We are thankful that the plan is to have them be a part of our lives!

Please pray with us, that God will comfort her and give her great strength as she goes home in just a couple of days.  She isn't going home to an easy life, so my prayer is that she feels God, undeniably right beside her now and when she gets home!

We are in awe of this  beautiful gift from God!  What an honor and joy to be her forever family!

Christmas Eve... Definitely one like no other...

These were the pictures that were texted to me as I was waiting for Kaliyah and her birth mom to be discharged from the hospital:)  Such a sweet and great group of kids!

My sweet dear kiddos waiting for Kaliyah to come home...

Such a weird, strange, beautiful, wonderful thing adoption is... Wonderful and hard... for everyone...

As I sit here this Christmas morning with my husband 1800 miles away... My heart is full...

And FULL it is of so many feelings and emotions I honestly don't know how to handle, articulate, or navigate... especially on my own...

Praise God for His faithfulness to step in when I don't know what to say,do,or think...

Fill me with your grace, love, and kindness Lord each step of the way... that is my prayer...

So after sweet Kaliyah was born (birth story to come another day:)  on Wednesday night, the case worker, Greg, and I left to come back home and give our birth mom some time alone with the baby... not an easy thing to do ... When everything in me is yelling, "I just want her in my arms!!!" My heart is telling me, "Put yourself in her position... what would you want or need?"

So we walked out those doors praying for God to work in her heart... Not easy for this birthmom whose own mother is saying, "Just bring that baby home." And all our homeless birth mom can say in response is... "What home?"  It's true, she doesn't even have a home for herself or her 9 year old to go back to...  Really hard stuff... but real it is...

So when faced on Christmas Eve with where to all go when we discharged... We asked her, "Where do you want to go?"  And she said, back with you all...

Oh my the graciousness of our friends to open their home to the 10 of us for an undetermined amount of time, and then to say yes to two more... Let alone a hurting birth mom and her daughter... Let alone on Christmas Eve when their home is already full with their own 7 children... That is sacrificial love and a giving, kind heart.  

So I checked her out and off we went... me as the chauffeur... not EXACTLY what I expected... But each step of the way, I am praying for God's grace and plans to unfold as he desires not as I might... And ultimately this isn't just about this beautiful baby becoming a member of our family (while we greatly hope that is the outcome!!!) It is about ministering to this birth mom in her broken hurting life... right from our broken hurting lives... We either all have been or are hurting and broken just in different ways... Some just don't want to admit it... maybe they feel it makes them appear weak... I just think it makes you appear more real... 

Above...  two sweet sisters adoring that beautiful baby girl... ( I have so many more pictures to share, but feel like I should wait to see exactly how things unfold in the next 2 days... )

Isaiah earlier in the day... sharing just a touch of his excitement...

This photo doesn't at all do it justice, but early Christmas Eve morning our friend's neighbors and friends opened up their home and hearts to us as well for their Christmas Eve brunch tradition... Seriously, our friends here are blessed with beautiful amazing friends... Completely loving open arms... Wow, what hospitality... such an example to me!!! 

So here I sit in my room with 4 of my kids waking and ready for Christmas morning with that precious baby girl on the other end of the house... I think the reality of this whole process is sinking in and she wanted another night with her... (I completely get that... if the roles were reversed, I would want forever!!  I get it, but it doesn't make it any easier to walk out that door full of the wondering of what is going on in her heart and mind... )  As I got everything set for her for the night, diapers, wipes, bottles, blankets... our birth mom just looked up at me and said, "I am so thankful for you!"  All I could do was repeat the same exact words right back to her... 

I have to tell you that as I texted Greg late into the evening after his 4 services yesterday... I could feel the love from our church family back home as well... What a gift to my heart, something that I would NEVER take for granted for a second... I know that isn't always the case...  Greg said that our head pastor even stopped in the service to explain to the members the situation and they all prayed for our family!  What beautiful loving supportive hearts... A HUGE gift to my heart!  Thank you St. Peter church family!

We will spend Christmas day together as a family... With lots of people to love that little baby girl... Who doesn't need more people to love them?  

Please pray for all of our hearts... It is wonderful and not easy... for all of us... Pray for peace and comfort for our birth mom and her 9 year old (not sure the 9 year old is understanding this all)  Praying for God to lead her heart to make the best possible decision for this precious little girl.  Praying for our kids too as they already are totally in love with Kaliyah as are Greg and I... Wow, she is a little miracle we would love to see as our own...

In AZ, the birthmom has 72 hours till she has to sign... I am praying that this time for her will be just what she needs, I don't want her to have any regrets come Saturday evening... And I want her to fully know that we want them to be a part of ours and kaliyah's life too... this isn't goodbye forever... it is just till we can see each other again... 

Now it is off to Celebrate our Savior's birthday, breakfast casseroles, and presents for lots of kiddos!  

Merry Christmas to all!  Thank you for walking this journey with us... and for your amazing love and prayers...   

Kaliyah Joy!

Kaliyah Joy made her arrival yesterday 12/23/2015 at 5:50 pm. 

She was born healthy and Greg and I were both able to witness her arrival into this world and her first breath!  What an incredible gift that was from her birth mom!  We hadn't even talked about who would be in there room so this was a total bonus for us! 

She was 8lb. 4oz. and 20 inches long...

She is precious and perfect in every way:) 

Pics to come as soon as we are able to post... 
We are so incredibly thankful for this perfect Christmas gift this year!  

Praying that you too are celebrating Jesus Birthday with those you love! 

On the road again

We start our road trip out with a beautiful Illinois sunset... 

The kids were so thankful for the group Christmas present from grandparents of a car DVD player and headphones... So were mom and dad... a much quieter ride and less potty stops:):)

A super quick stop in OK... literally we pulled in at 2 am... visited for a bit, jumped in bed, had a delicious breakfast with friends, visited a bit more, and hit the road for AZ!!!

We were sent on the road with the newly anticipated member of the crew on the back window... Yoda for now... baby girl coming soon!

Late night potty and drink stops:)

Finally asleep at the hotel... night 2 on the road!

AZ sunrise... It was beautiful... unfortunately in the opposite direction it was dark and cloudy... We hit a lot of snow and fog up on the rim... It was almost a white out for a bit... and we are not new to snow... While we don't mind driving in snow, we know our van drives terrible in snow especially on the mountain passes... Praise God it cleared up pretty quickly!  And we made it to our destination earlier today! We are so thankful for God's protection!

We spent the afternoon celebrating our birth mom's older daughter's birthday.  We were then able to take our birthmom to eat dinner.  It was great for Greg and I to spend some time with just her... We were so thankful for the opportunity to get to know even more about her. We know this will be important to our daughter down the road!:)

And now we wait again... Induction scheduled for the 23rd early in the morning!  She could still go before that... We shall see!  God knows the perfect timing in all things!

Keeping busy!

T -minus 2 days till we hit the road...
T- minus 6 days till induction... So the 21st turned into the 23rd for induction.  The hospital was booked.   They have her on a wait list for the 21st, so there is a chance baby girl could arrive earlier than the 23rd:)  God willing!

So our birth mom will be induced at 4am on the 23rd and Greg leaves at 2am on the 24th to head home for the 4 Christmas Eve services.  He has to sign papers in AZ after the baby is born.  Please pray with us that she will go fast enough to allow that to happen.  Her last labor was 2 hours... She is 4cm and 80% effaced so it seems like this would be able to work out.  Right now we don't know if he will come back out at all.  We will see... At this point we are taking it one day at a time:) We will see what tomorrow holds... maybe a baby:):)

Oh my goodness the amount of things to do is a bit overwhelming if I think about it, but I know God will provide the time or multiply my time to make it all happen!

Isaiah is not so sure what to think about all this crazy commotion going on!  

The kids at the Birthday Party for Jesus... Isaiah wouldn't take his Olaf hat off to save his life... so funny!

My view out my front window one night at sunset.  It was 59 degrees here today... Crazy weather we are having.  There won't be a white Christmas that is for sure:)

My little rascal after face painting at the Birthday Party for Jesus!  Those eyes!!!

The generosity of our St. Peter family.  God is overflowing with grace to cover us each day... just like the Giving Tree Presents are overflowing!

So we wait... The baby we thought could easily arrive 2+ weeks ago seems pretty content in that warm womb... We prepare... we pack... we clean... We plan for subs... Getting all set for sweet baby girl!

Advent... We wait...

It is the season of Advent... and we wait...

We light our Advent wreath at night... We read our advent devotional book... we wait...

We await the coming of a babe... our Savior Jesus being born in a humble manger...
We wait as we anticipate celebrating His birthday and our God coming to us in Human form...
And we await Him coming again a second time... Oh how I long for that day...

Sometimeswith the amount of bad things going on in the world, my heart cries... "Lord, how much longer... don't tarry long Father... Come back soon!

Wow!  Christmas is a mere 11 days away... That seems impossible...

And induction day for our birth mom is only 7 days away... That seems even more impossible.

Our house is over flowing with blessings...
Girl Clothes from a friend of ours...
A car seat given to us...
Clothing intended for my dear friends daughter who was stillborn being lent to us for this little one coming... (I know what a big deal that is... clothes intended for sweet baby Emily... now being shared graciously with us...)
A onesie sent from friends who always seem to remember us at special times...
A sleeper sent from one of my dearest friends... specifically one that almost matches the one she bought for our Samuel over 7 years ago... How kind to be that intentional on remembering even now our precious baby boy...
My first rustic cuff, out of the blue from the boys old youth director...

I could go on and on ...

We are so very thankful for God's faithful provision... Adoption isn't easy... Adoption can be stressful... Adoption doesn't always turn out the way you are planning... Adoption is financially draining... and most IMPORTANTLY...

ADOPTION IS SO BEAUTIFUL!!!  ADOPTION IS SUCH A GIFT AND WONDERFUL BLESSING!  

This came in the mail from SHOW HOPE ... The timing was perfect...
Sweet new baby girl... 5 days and we are coming for you... And our hearts are thrilled!

Yeah, that would be it...

Those terrible  kidney stones...

I have had so many x-rays this fall... 

And my last one revealed this...

 A whole line up of stones forming a bit of a blockage... There they are, clear as day! They since have moved and been passed... Now I have another x-ray and ultrasound so that they can make sure they have proof that all have passed...

Goodness, if it isn't one thing... it is another... I guess it is good, a bit of extra things to take out mind off of the waiting for baby girl to show up at any time situation:):) 

Honestly, I feel great and am soooo thankful to feeling so weell! 

How do you???

We are back from the quickest trip to AZ known to this family:)
Anna and I were so blessed to get cheap tickets to head out and meet our birth mom and her precious older daughter...  What an amazing time...

Anna and her older daughter became fast friends.  They were so precious together and them getting along means more than you can imagine to me... 

Here is my beautiful friend Kimmey Sue who is loving daily on our birth mom and is taking such great care of her and her daughter...  She is a busy mom to 7 and yet she is ministering to them with such love, compassion, and joy!  (We were out for walk enjoying the beautiful AZ weather and landscape... OH MY GOODNESS, it was 78 degrees that day... Gorgeous!! )

Sorry had to include another cactus... Those things are so cool!

Anna and Baby girl's sweet older sister making a build a bear for the baby... Now she will have something to share with her baby sister...

How do you adequately put into words what a weekend like last weekend means??? 

It is next to impossible...

How do you express to someone you just met who is potentially carrying a baby that you will raise as your own... the amount of love you instantly have for them??

How do you tell someone the immense gratefulness that you have for them in choosing life for this precious baby they are carrying?  Things could in a very real way have turned out totally different...

How do you tell someone how much you admire, honor, and respect them for making the decision that they are planning to make???

How do you express to someone that if things go as planned you TRULY see them as a part of your family as well???

How do you share with them how much your heart breaks imagining and also knowing the pain they will endure when they have to walk out of the hospital empty handed after carrying a baby inside for 9 months???

How do you share with them your hopes and dreams for this little one, for your family, and for theirs when they go home when you see so much strength, beauty, and bravery in them even after such a short time with them???

How do you share all of this???  Well quite honestly, you just do... you open up your mouth and let the words come... really... more like Pray and let the Lord lead... :)

I am TOTALLY in awe of our gracious God and the miraculous ways HE worked this past weekend...

On Sunday we picked them up for worship and there I sat next to the sweet lady that is carrying my baby... God willing... Right there next to me, in her stomach... our baby... God willing... Wooh... at times, it was too much... God is so good!

Even right after church we started talking about the hard things... How do you help your older daughter through this?  I was able to quickly and clearly articulate that if we do indeed raise this sweet little one, that we hope and pray they can be a part of our family as well... Ultimately, it is in her hands to do whatever she feels she is comfortable with ... her heart may need time to heal... 

But her response to me warmed my heart... She has told her daughter that it will be like she is gaining a whole bunch of brothers and sisters... BEAUTIFUL!!!  The amazing gift of open adoption to both families...

We dropped the kids off at home to be watched by the older kids and the moms had some lunch and got a pedicure... It was such an amazing treat for me... But even more amazing to do it with her and my sweet friend...

We went back home and spent the rest of the day letting the kids play and getting to know each other better.  We sat on the back porch and talked for a couple of hours... 

She shared many things that gave me a clearer picture of her life and the pain she has experienced... There were many times... I had to hold back the tears... And I was able to really express to her how I feel about the sacrifice she is making and my tenderness towards her time in the hospital and when she has to leave... 

Moments shared that only occurred by the Grace of God!  I am an open book... and she was very receptive and so open to sharing in return... 

We even named this sweet baby girl together... Honestly, I can hardly believe it...  It was such a precious time for me.  I do not take this for granted that I had the privilege of getting to know her more... 

God takes two completely different people who already love this little one... forges a bond of moms that only He could do... weaves our stories and families together  in a whole new way... 

While we maybe getting a precious child out of the adoption process, it is really SO MUCH MORE!!!  I pray we can be a blessing to both she and her older daughter as we pray for them, minister to them, and love on them... 

But really they are such a blessing to us... God is using her and has used the birth families of Isaiah and Hope to open our eyes to a whole new world and for that I am so grateful... (We are so blessed by Levi's family... they just seem to be pretty similar to us:)  Besides, we also get the HUGE bonus of understanding our kids roots better and in a clearer way...

 All of this is such a gift to my heart!  

Do I sound like I am getting ahead of myself... She is going to have this baby in 12 days or less... and yes, she could change her mind...

Would I be sad?  Totally, ( that is an understatement!!!  But we are trusting that this little one will end up exactly where God wants her... And the time invested isn't in vain no matter the outcome... While it can be a bit emotionally draining... It is so worth it... every single second... 

Thanks for coming along on the journey!

The Beautifullness... The Brokenness...

Friends...
My mind has been swirling with much lately...
We are less than 3 weeks out from God willing, meeting our new baby girl...

3 weeks is going to fly by...

And given that our birth mom is 4 cm. dilated and yesterday thought her water broke... HELLO????  It could be anytime:) OH.MY.GOODNESS... IT COULD BE ANYTIME!!!!

And as we prepare and await this precious ones arrival... not a bit of this story is lost on me... not for a moment...
(In fact last night as I was frantically trying to adjust flights to get out there when she was at the hospital checking on the water situation... I was also at the same moment mentally preparing to go lead our MEND infant loss support group... knowing full well there would be many moms who had recently lost the precious babies they loved, adored, and anticipated... Really,  I don't at all take for granted that this baby will be born healthy and alive...  I know this precious life is in God's hands...

I am in awe of a gracious God who is allowing us the opportunity to walk this adoption journey one more time...

I am in awe of this sweet mama who has been through so much and is so unselfish to make an adoption plan for her little girl...

I know what it is like to leave the hospital with out your baby that you carried within you for 9 months... granted, I didn't have any choice in the matter when Samuel died... But she does have a choice (could that be even harder... I think I am too selfish sadly and wouldn't be able to do it...) and at this point she is planning to consciously make a decision to hand this beautiful baby over from her arms to another mama... I am completely HUMBLED and GRATEFUL beyond words. 

At times I literally feel stripped bare... there is so much to take in and absorb when I look at all the details that surround adoption... I don't feel adequate to be a part of this beautiful story...

To me it is the perfect picture of what the Heavenly Father does for us... Willingly sacrificed his son, so that you and I could be called his own... Even though we were and still are so unworthy... He adopted into His family, the faith family... He made us His children... What a gift!!! 

Some people may think because of difficult things surrounding how this pregnancy came to be to begin with, or the fact that our birthmom doesn't have a place to call home that this decision could be easier for her, since she can't really provide for the baby.

I don't really buy that for a second... I am a mama, and not for a moment do I look at this situation and not see fully the hurt, the brokenness that surrounds adoption... Someones heart is going to be broken... there really isn't any way around it...

There is great PAIN to labor and deliver a baby...
great SACRIFICE to willingly give that child up, (and and most likely down the road for our children as they get old enough to fully understand their stories)...
and there is great LOVE given to give this sweet child life....

For this baby, her story could have gone many different ways and ended long before now... and we praise God that he has spared her life and that the birth mom is doing really well right now...

ADOPTION... Full of brokenness and beauty all at the same time... for so many people... It is true... Joy and pain can coexist... Brokenness and beauty as well...

We so appreciate your prayers...

For this sweet birth mom and the precious little one that she is carrying...

That God would fill her with his undeniable peace and comfort...

For the induction on the 21st to go smoothly and that their lives would be protected...(if she doesn't deliver before then... )

For this sweet mama... as it looks... if she has the baby on the 21st, she would have to terminate her rights 72 hours later... likely on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day... can you imagine?  My heart breaks for her..

That the God's prefect timing as far as travel would work out well for this large family...

That I will be able to find a decently priced ticket when the time comes for me to get out there ASAP.

For safety and protection for Greg and the kids who will travel by van right away as well... (we are extremely blessed to have dear friends that are willing to house us while we are out in AZ... I don't take that for granted... How many people are willing to welcome a family of 10 into their home right over Christmas??:) 

God knows each and every detail of this story and we are trusting Him fully as we walk through this journey... He has faithfully walked with us, carried us when needed... and we are so grateful for every bit of this story!  To God be the Glory!

And just like that...

It is time to get the packing of the baby bag rolling...

Our birthmom is 4 cm dilated... I can hardly believe that I am even typing that out...

First of all we have a birthmom...  Who chose us!!!

Secondly, she could give birth to our baby girl ANYDAY!!! 

BE STILL MY HEART!!

Baby clothes washed and put away...

Car seat here and ready to go...

Preschool plans for the next three weeks complete...

A house full of crazed, super excited brothers and sisters ready at any moment to jump in the car for a 30 hour drive to meet the newest member of the family...

And a mom and dad In AWE of our gracious God and this precious birth mom who is choosing life for her baby, despite very difficult circumstances, and God Willing choosing us to parent THIS BEAUTIFUL BABY  through this life...

We are HUMBLED... So HONORED...

So VERY BLESSED!!!

First snow fall of the year...

It is official, WINTER has begun in our area...

Last weekend we had about 10 inches of snow in a 24 hour period and it was downright gorgeous...
It looked like a winter wonderland with the snow sticking to all the trees and pretty much everything in sight...

It made for some dicey driving, especially in our big white van, which is terrible on the roads in snow... Thankfully, we didn't really have to get out for too much...

This is one way to commute to church on a Sunday morning:)   We are so blessed to be so close to church:)

The old historic chapel is right outside our house. The chapel is beautiful to begin with, but the snow makes it look even more beautiful!

We have had some warmer temps so all the snow is gone... but not for long, I am sure:)  

MEND tree at the zoo lights...

MEND was blessed this year to have a tree at the Brookfield Zoo Lights Display...

There were almost 500 trees that lined the mall at the zoo and were decorated by different groups or businesses.

We all took to the zoo amidst the first snow fall of the year.
We had one gal who worked very hard to get decorations and make ornaments remembering every MEND Chicagoland baby...

My heart was so touched and the tree turned out beautiful!

Some of the precious ladies that come to our MEND meetings each month...

We even had an envelope with extra MEND angel ornaments for others to add their baby to the MEND tree if they wanted to remember their baby with us, as well as information on our monthly meetings.

Samuel's ornament...

What a special day it was... Beautiful snow falling... friends with a unique bond that few fully understand... 

It was another great way for us to get the message of MEND out to some people who may not know that MEND even exists...

But most importantly it is another way for us to remember the beautiful and precious children that God has blessed us with, that are no longer here with us... 

No longer here...

But NEVER EVER forgotten... 

It's a...

It's a ...

Healthy...

Baby Girl... 

Our birth mom's Doctor's visit went great... 

They did a 3D ultrasound and Praise God, The baby looked great! 

This was super great news considering she hasn't had a lot of prenatal care... 

We are so very thankful!  And are super thrilled that there is PINK in our future... 

We would have been just as thankful for a sweet baby boy too, but PINK will be a fun change around here:) Wahoo!  Let's bring the Testosterone down a bit :)

This makes things a bit more real... We have tentative plans for an induction a little over a month from now... 

We are JUMPIN on the crazy train... right about NOW! And we couldn't be more thrilled about it:)  We love this baby girl already and her sweet, incredibly brave birth mom!

Big news... She chose us...

This beautiful boy has something to share...  

He is going to be a big brother...

We have been chosen by a birth mom who is set to deliver at the end of December...

We are thrilled!!!

We know that this little ones life is in God's hands as HE/SHE has had quite the start to life already in the womb... 

As with any adoption... it is never easy, with out it's own share of bumps along the way, or with out risk... But we want this little to be where ever the Lord desires he/she to be... We are trusting in HIS faithfulness for us and that HE walks with us each step of this journey!  But we are praying of course that if it is God's will, that he/she will indeed be our baby!!

It was incredibly special to actually get the phone call from a dear precious friend that we had been chosen by this birth mom... I honestly was TOTALLY in shock...

Greg has always been the one to get the calls due to sort of strange circumstances with our other 2 domestic adoptions... So this was an extra special treat for me... 

To be honest, both of our other adoptions, besides our embryo adoption were drop offs... or stork drops as some call it... Hello????  Your baby is here!!!  Wow, talk about a great surprise...

So this is different.  It is a bit of a waiting game... We have spoken to the birth mom one time and she is in route to live where the agency is located as we speak... She will live there till after she delivers. She was sweet and good natured... We can't wait to be able to visit in person...  

She visits the doctor for the first "real" time tomorrow... We are excited to get any more information that might be available after that... Obviously, our prayers are that the baby is growing healthy and strong!  

This sweet Birth mom has her own precious, but difficult story... and for a number of reasons, immediately when I read her profile I felt my heart literally go out to her... Her story is similar to both Hope's and Isaiah's in different ways... Her story is like a combination of both of theirs... So we are familiar and pretty comfortable with it... which is nice... 

I am sure there will be surprises along the way... probably some hiccups and bumps... who knows maybe big mountains or valleys... Most of all we want to, Lord willing, be able to minister to this sweet mama and her other daughter... 

Anna and I are excited to go meet them in person in a couple of weeks... Thank God for flying at off times of the day and cheap airfare!  I hope that we can impress upon her that we love her, we are praying for her, and ultimately want God's very best for them all, including the sweet baby that she is carrying.  

But of course... we are over the moon excited... How do you guard your heart, yet prepare for this little one to come live with you and TOTALLY change your life! 

We are talking baby names, trying to locate the baby seat (how did that thing go mysteriously missing... I don't recall getting rid of it... maybe it was past it's expiration date???)  , and doing lots of mental planning and thinking on how this will all go down for our family of 9 when he/she is making their impending arrival:)

We would love your prayers for this precious lady who has chosen our family to raise her little one... Prayers for her and the baby's safety and protection and most of all that she, her daughter will grow to more and more know how loved they are... how precious they are... and how much our Savior loves them and wants to know them!  Thanks so much friends... 

Hot chocolate run 2015

An early morning RV trek downtown with the crew...

We were so grateful when my brother surprised us all, the night before the race, after dinner with coming down... YES, we rode in style (lol) down to the race!!! 

Actually it was awesome not to have to worry about parking... And surprisingly he didn't have to work too hard to find a parking spot for the RV in downtown chi town....

Right before the race... My sister Janie with 4 of her dAughters... Louis, Caleb, Anna, and myself... And two friends...

After the 9.3 miles!!!  We made it!  I was so thankful to have my older two boys to run it with me...(Anna ran the 5K with some of her cousins!) 

It was really fun and we got some yummy chocolate at the end... Plus an hour and a half of laughter!  

Thank you Lord for the beautiful weather you blessed us with!!

Beautiful day celebrating our boy...

ALWAYS remembered...

ALWAYS loved...

ALWAYS missed...

ALWAYS treasured...

We had a beautiful day celebrating the precious life of our Samuel !  

7 WHOLE years closer to Heaven!!!