Christmas Eve... Definitely one like no other...

These were the pictures that were texted to me as I was waiting for Kaliyah and her birth mom to be discharged from the hospital:)  Such a sweet and great group of kids!

My sweet dear kiddos waiting for Kaliyah to come home...

Such a weird, strange, beautiful, wonderful thing adoption is... Wonderful and hard... for everyone...

As I sit here this Christmas morning with my husband 1800 miles away... My heart is full...

And FULL it is of so many feelings and emotions I honestly don't know how to handle, articulate, or navigate... especially on my own...

Praise God for His faithfulness to step in when I don't know what to say,do,or think...

Fill me with your grace, love, and kindness Lord each step of the way... that is my prayer...

So after sweet Kaliyah was born (birth story to come another day:)  on Wednesday night, the case worker, Greg, and I left to come back home and give our birth mom some time alone with the baby... not an easy thing to do ... When everything in me is yelling, "I just want her in my arms!!!" My heart is telling me, "Put yourself in her position... what would you want or need?"

So we walked out those doors praying for God to work in her heart... Not easy for this birthmom whose own mother is saying, "Just bring that baby home." And all our homeless birth mom can say in response is... "What home?"  It's true, she doesn't even have a home for herself or her 9 year old to go back to...  Really hard stuff... but real it is...

So when faced on Christmas Eve with where to all go when we discharged... We asked her, "Where do you want to go?"  And she said, back with you all...

Oh my the graciousness of our friends to open their home to the 10 of us for an undetermined amount of time, and then to say yes to two more... Let alone a hurting birth mom and her daughter... Let alone on Christmas Eve when their home is already full with their own 7 children... That is sacrificial love and a giving, kind heart.  

So I checked her out and off we went... me as the chauffeur... not EXACTLY what I expected... But each step of the way, I am praying for God's grace and plans to unfold as he desires not as I might... And ultimately this isn't just about this beautiful baby becoming a member of our family (while we greatly hope that is the outcome!!!) It is about ministering to this birth mom in her broken hurting life... right from our broken hurting lives... We either all have been or are hurting and broken just in different ways... Some just don't want to admit it... maybe they feel it makes them appear weak... I just think it makes you appear more real... 

Above...  two sweet sisters adoring that beautiful baby girl... ( I have so many more pictures to share, but feel like I should wait to see exactly how things unfold in the next 2 days... )

Isaiah earlier in the day... sharing just a touch of his excitement...

This photo doesn't at all do it justice, but early Christmas Eve morning our friend's neighbors and friends opened up their home and hearts to us as well for their Christmas Eve brunch tradition... Seriously, our friends here are blessed with beautiful amazing friends... Completely loving open arms... Wow, what hospitality... such an example to me!!! 

So here I sit in my room with 4 of my kids waking and ready for Christmas morning with that precious baby girl on the other end of the house... I think the reality of this whole process is sinking in and she wanted another night with her... (I completely get that... if the roles were reversed, I would want forever!!  I get it, but it doesn't make it any easier to walk out that door full of the wondering of what is going on in her heart and mind... )  As I got everything set for her for the night, diapers, wipes, bottles, blankets... our birth mom just looked up at me and said, "I am so thankful for you!"  All I could do was repeat the same exact words right back to her... 

I have to tell you that as I texted Greg late into the evening after his 4 services yesterday... I could feel the love from our church family back home as well... What a gift to my heart, something that I would NEVER take for granted for a second... I know that isn't always the case...  Greg said that our head pastor even stopped in the service to explain to the members the situation and they all prayed for our family!  What beautiful loving supportive hearts... A HUGE gift to my heart!  Thank you St. Peter church family!

We will spend Christmas day together as a family... With lots of people to love that little baby girl... Who doesn't need more people to love them?  

Please pray for all of our hearts... It is wonderful and not easy... for all of us... Pray for peace and comfort for our birth mom and her 9 year old (not sure the 9 year old is understanding this all)  Praying for God to lead her heart to make the best possible decision for this precious little girl.  Praying for our kids too as they already are totally in love with Kaliyah as are Greg and I... Wow, she is a little miracle we would love to see as our own...

In AZ, the birthmom has 72 hours till she has to sign... I am praying that this time for her will be just what she needs, I don't want her to have any regrets come Saturday evening... And I want her to fully know that we want them to be a part of ours and kaliyah's life too... this isn't goodbye forever... it is just till we can see each other again... 

Now it is off to Celebrate our Savior's birthday, breakfast casseroles, and presents for lots of kiddos!  

Merry Christmas to all!  Thank you for walking this journey with us... and for your amazing love and prayers...