Monday, October 28, 2013

FIVE YEARS CLOSER TO HEAVEN...

 
Five years closer to Heaven...
 
 that means 5 years closer to meeting our Savior...
that means 5 years closer to scooping up this precious little guy and embracing him again... taking in his presence all while within the amazing presence of our Savior... I CAN NOT WAIT...
 
 
I can not wait to see ALL my boys together...
 
 
I can not wait until our family is whole again...
 
 
I can not wait till there is no more pain or sorrow... till there are no more hurting hearts, no more longing or aching arms, and NO MORE GOODBYES... EVER!!!
 
 
Today, 5 years after we were told that Samuel's heart was  no longer beating...
 
I am...
missing him...
treasuring every single second that I had him growing healthily inside of me...
thanking God for the 9 beautiful mos. that he was a part of our family...
honestly, wishing I could have had more time with him...
(I think I will always feel that way even though I know the Lord knew the exact number of days his life would be and I fully trust him in that)
 
 
Days like today are filled with mixed emotions... such thankfulness... and sadness...
 
I think as the mom who carried this precious little boy... and personally experienced his death fully, literally inside of me and then bringing forth, birthing a child that wasn't living any more... I can not help but remember the moments of these days in a more personal intimate way... There are traumatic memories, there is no way around that... probably more traumatic for me than the rest of the family...
 
 
At the same time... I am so thankful that the Lord chose me to be Samuel's mom... from the moment that I knew he existed and for the rest of my earthly life, regardless of how quickly he was taken from us... I will praise the Lord for his good and perfect gift to us in the sweet life of Samuel. 
 
 
He was perfectly formed by our Heavenly Father down to every last detail, perfectly formed for our family, perfectly used by our gracious God to bring us closer to Himself... perfectly formed to teach us and change us in so many ways...
 
I love this beautiful little boy, Samuel, so very much... more than I can describe...
 
 
 
I am so thankful today that I am...
 
5 years closer to Heaven...


3 comments:

cashmoney said...

i know we have never met, but i just wanted to thank you for sharing your story with us. i know that the Lord is receiving much glory through Samuel's life, especially today! You and your family are in our prayers.

Tesha Papik said...

Praying for you and your family today. Samuel s forever loved and a beautiful testimony of Jesus.

Jska said...

Sending you prayers of comfort today. And thanking God for your heart so full of LOVE for your beautiful Samuel, and thankful that he is in a place where love is abundant and eternal.
(Sorry I'm not able to comment often. My phone doesn't let me write on blog comments for some reason. But I love following your family adventures. I hope you are enjoying those beautiful apples!)