Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Feeling Different....





Life with this crew posted above is on overdrive...

I have always been more of a homebody... Greg always laughs because he hates big crowd gatherings (like when the packers won the super bowl types of parties in the streets)  I on the other hand would love to be there...

But when it comes down to it, Most of all,  I love my home and love hanging out there...with the whole family. 

It is almost April...  normally it takes me about 4-5 weeks at the beginning of the school year to feel like we are in a groove... This year there are days I still don't feel like we are there... I have been trying to figure out why it is so different this year...

Is it that Hope was 2 1/2, all over the place, and always needing to be entertained  when we started school last fall?

Is it that we added Levi last Spring and we were trying to get used to a new little guy in the mix?

Is it that we started doing the coop this year?

Really, I feel like it is a combination of a lot of the things listed above... but more importantly, the other day I was struck with the fact, that I am FINALLY living again... I am finally feeling fully alive...

When I look back, the first year after Samuel died is sort of a blur...
We got school done, the house picked up, the kids fed... but I think I was sort of floating through life...just trying to survive each sad day and keep going...(I know that sounds bad, but it really was unfortunately the reality at the time...)

I remember last summer finally feeling like there were parts of me that were coming back to life... That were being reawakened inside of me...:) Spring was coming so to speak and it felt so good...

I have always had a passion for certain areas of ministry (especially women's, young women, marriage,  and family ministry)... but after we moved here and Samuel's death, I  hadn't really had the energy to start anything, much less even participate on some days:)

But in the last year I have finally felt the energy to move towards some of that... and I am so thankful...

 I loved doing the mother/daughter class with Anna last summer.  It was such a special mommy/daughter time for us.... and the Wisdom for Mothers class that we have done on Sunday mornings has been such a benefit to me once again...Being able to be a part of the homeshool coop came at the perfect time for us:)  I loved leading the modesty talk for the youth girls at the true love waits weekend, and doing the mini  couponing class...  Not to mention that my dinner divas make and take meal nights have kept me super busy as well...

It is just funny to all of a sudden feel the exciting life blood pulsing through my veins again.  To feel alive and able to really participate in so many fun areas of life with my family brings my heart such joy and contentment... It is what I was made to do... be a wife and mommy. 

I don't mention any of those things to bring any attention to myself... but rather to help me remember in the future how Gracious our God was to bring me out of the muck and mire and give my heart a new song to sing...

And just because my heart is singing a new song, that doesn't mean the challenges are over, or that we miss Samuel any less... NOPE... Honestly, we face them everyday... we are praying the Lord gives us the grace to meet the challenges in the best, most loving way possible...

So now as we see the school year getting ready to start to wind down... there is so much to do...
So many little and HUGE projects to take care of around the house... 
So much relying on God to lead and guide our family through the road ahead...
So much prayer taking place each day...
So much thankfulness for the blessings that each new day and life with my crew brings to me...

2 comments:

Tesha said...

Beautiful Post and Beautiful Pictures! I really need to hear this today. I was starting to feel like it would never get better. I know you have walked this path and I am thankful to here someday the full measure of joy will return. Thank you for being a blessing to me!

SingerMamaMelody said...

Thank you for writing this. I'm still at the beginning of my journey with losing my baby Solveig just four weeks ago when she was born still. It is encouraging to me to hear how God has brought you through to a place of living fully again. That is beautiful. I look forward to that time when I will again feel like I can live fully. In the meantime, there are glimmers of hope. Thank you. And may God be with you today.