SINGING IN THE RAIN...

Last week we had a ton of rain... it was soggy for the whole week...

This week was totally different... sunny and gorgeous all week long...

It was amazing...

We homeschooled outside all week and it was wonderful.  I keep thinking that we better enjoy it before it is 100 degrees every day...

When I look at the crazyness in the above pictures, it gives my heart peace and joy...

God is so faithful to be right with us through challenging times...

Each one of those kids blesses me in a different way...

Hope, she is wild, sassy and as sweet as pie.  She is such a gift from God.  She reminds me daily that God sees our broken hearts and that He knows EXACTLY what He is doing and when He will do it.  We see through her that each and every child is created by Him for a family... we are so blessed she is in ours...

Jojo is like a tenderhearted sweet little love bug... He is so so sweet, knows exactly what to say to cheer me up and make me melt... He is not afraid to tell you how he really feels.  He has been gifted with such a sweet spirit from the Lord.  I always tell him, he is my delight...

And my Anna... I love that she wants to be like me... (not that it is something to strive for, but I just find it precious that she loves me that much)  She watches to see what I put on to wear in the morning and then tries to dress like me.  She is such a little mama to Levi... She is so good with him... In her I see that God is FULL of surprises that will knock your socks off... I was sure she was a boy... but was so blessed to discover when she was born that I would actually be blessed with the chance to be a mom to boys and a girl!  What a gift!
 

I will try to post more about the other 4 boys in the family... maybe in my next post...

Thankfully,

Sara

Feeling Different....

Life with this crew posted above is on overdrive...

I have always been more of a homebody... Greg always laughs because he hates big crowd gatherings (like when the packers won the super bowl types of parties in the streets)  I on the other hand would love to be there...

But when it comes down to it, Most of all,  I love my home and love hanging out there...with the whole family. 

It is almost April...  normally it takes me about 4-5 weeks at the beginning of the school year to feel like we are in a groove... This year there are days I still don't feel like we are there... I have been trying to figure out why it is so different this year...

Is it that Hope was 2 1/2, all over the place, and always needing to be entertained  when we started school last fall?

Is it that we added Levi last Spring and we were trying to get used to a new little guy in the mix?

Is it that we started doing the coop this year?

Really, I feel like it is a combination of a lot of the things listed above... but more importantly, the other day I was struck with the fact, that I am FINALLY living again... I am finally feeling fully alive...

When I look back, the first year after Samuel died is sort of a blur...
We got school done, the house picked up, the kids fed... but I think I was sort of floating through life...just trying to survive each sad day and keep going...(I know that sounds bad, but it really was unfortunately the reality at the time...)

I remember last summer finally feeling like there were parts of me that were coming back to life... That were being reawakened inside of me...:) Spring was coming so to speak and it felt so good...

I have always had a passion for certain areas of ministry (especially women's, young women, marriage,  and family ministry)... but after we moved here and Samuel's death, I  hadn't really had the energy to start anything, much less even participate on some days:)

But in the last year I have finally felt the energy to move towards some of that... and I am so thankful...

 I loved doing the mother/daughter class with Anna last summer.  It was such a special mommy/daughter time for us.... and the Wisdom for Mothers class that we have done on Sunday mornings has been such a benefit to me once again...Being able to be a part of the homeshool coop came at the perfect time for us:)  I loved leading the modesty talk for the youth girls at the true love waits weekend, and doing the mini  couponing class...  Not to mention that my dinner divas make and take meal nights have kept me super busy as well...

It is just funny to all of a sudden feel the exciting life blood pulsing through my veins again.  To feel alive and able to really participate in so many fun areas of life with my family brings my heart such joy and contentment... It is what I was made to do... be a wife and mommy. 

I don't mention any of those things to bring any attention to myself... but rather to help me remember in the future how Gracious our God was to bring me out of the muck and mire and give my heart a new song to sing...

And just because my heart is singing a new song, that doesn't mean the challenges are over, or that we miss Samuel any less... NOPE... Honestly, we face them everyday... we are praying the Lord gives us the grace to meet the challenges in the best, most loving way possible...

So now as we see the school year getting ready to start to wind down... there is so much to do...
So many little and HUGE projects to take care of around the house... 
So much relying on God to lead and guide our family through the road ahead...
So much prayer taking place each day...
So much thankfulness for the blessings that each new day and life with my crew brings to me...

Levi and Jojo's birthday pictures

We ended up celebrating the boys birthdays on the same night because I think Greg had a meeting till late and couldn't eat cake with us.  Jojo had his King for the day meals on his birthday, ice cream for breakfast, chinese for lunch and pizza and soda for dinner. 

 Jojo picked his usual Schaum torte with Strawberries for his birthday treat... A little unconventional for a first birthday:)  So it wasn't exactly a smashing type of cake for Levi to squish but he loved it anyways:)

I finally made the birthday banner I have been wanting to get done... in all of my free time:)  The intent is to hopefully reuse it each year and just change out the names for the other kids... we will see how that goes...

 Levi Enjoying his first Schaum Torte:)

We took this picture right after he woke up on his birthday... Good morning birthday boy! 

It was such a precious day celebrating one of year of life with this little guy and 7 with Jojo... We are so very thankful for the gifts that they are to our family!

THAT IS ALL IT TOOK....

THAT IS ALL IT TOOK...

ONE LITTLE FLOWER...

TO MAKE THIS HANDSOME LITTLE FELLA LOOK LIKE A BEAUTIFUL LITTLE GIRL...

(I know G will not be fond of the above pics:)

I believe it was Anna and Hope that put the flower in Levi's hair when we were in Florida...

I can't tell you how much this little guy looks like his biological sister, at least in my opinion... She is such a cutie pie... His biological brother is a doll too, but I think Levi really favors the sister more.  Every once in a while our sweet donor mom will email us pics of her twins when they were Levi's age.  It is funny, because a lot of times I think he really looks like us, especially Jojo as a little one... but when I see her pictures it is just so neat to see how much  he looks like them.  God is so amazing to have brought us a baby that looks exactly like he fits in with us too:)  

I am feeling so incredibly blessed these days by getting to share them with this little love! 

Thoughts on Uganda

Tomorrow morning G and Lou will be doing a presentation about their trip to Uganda during our Bible Study hour...

Seeing their pictures and hearing all of the stories has my heart pondering a lot of things... Going on a run is always my thinking time...

Recently my running time has me thinking on Uganda...  (I know it is crazy, I didn't even go on the trip:) but how do we take all that we now know and all that they experienced and allow it to change us here...  What does that mean for our lives now... What does it mean for our future... What can we do to help.  It could mean any number of things... we just need to keep praying and try to discern what the Lord's will is... All I know is that once your eyes have been opened to see first hand the poverty and needs, you can't just pretend you don't know or that you didn't see it...

Louis already has a box on his dresser that he is using to save money to go back...

The day after Louis got back he was having an extremely hard time readjusting to life here.  He wanted to get rid of all sorts of things... but the couldn't do it because he wanted to take it all back to them... He knows that they would love to have any of his old stuff...

The 2 boys in the above photo touched a sweet spot in both Lou's and Greg's hearts...

A peek into Africa...

Louis and some of the kids at one of the schools that they visited...

This is he tent where around 1,000 pastors and leaders came to be taught...

The Go Team said that when they arrived at the place where the conference was to be held that there were some that had been there waiting for 4 days with out anything to eat... They were so hungry for God's word, there they were just waiting to be fed...

Beautiful eyes...

So we will see...

Greg has always had a heart for missions... Why else would a man literally give up 2 weeks of his vacation time to go serve... getting dirty in the thick of God's work to the people in Africa??  We both feel a calling to adopt and care for the orphans... God's word calls us to...

 So now how it all comes together or what that plays out to be or looks like for our family is up to Him...

My heart had a little "ugh" moment when a friend sort of implied that those feelings are so normal when someone comes home from a trip like this, and that those feelings quickly fade... I totally get that... but at the same time, that is so not the desire of our hearts to go back to life as usual... So we are trying to discern what God has for us...

If you think of it, will you pray with us...

ABSOLUTE YUMMY..NESS TURNS ONE!

Our sweet miracle baby Levi Ryan turns one today... It seems absolutely impossible that Absolute Yummyness is already a year old... I know everyone says it, but truly our days are so full it seems like time is just going by faster and faster.  It is crazy!

This little boy has me totally and fully smitten and in Love.  He is such a little sweetheart, so cuddly, has the most soft squishy thighs, long toes, button nose, beautiful blue/green/grayish eyes.  My heart just delights in him... And in HIM for giving us this miraculous gift!

There is not a day that goes by, that I still am not totally amazed at how God brought our embryo donor mom into the picture of our life... She was the first person to wish this sweet pumpkin a happy birthday this morning, and I love it... I love her!  Truly, I look at Levi and see God so HUGELY at work in our lives... It lays HIS power and miraculous work right in front of my face.  After such hurt and pain in this life, it throws the Love God has for us right in front of me...

This smile makes my heart sing... Sing with love for all the kids that the Lord has given us, sing with love for our God who is so very gracious to lift us up from the miry clay and put a new song in our heart... A hymn of praise to our God! 

Happy Birthday Levi Ryan... You are our miracle boy!  God knew exactly what he was doing when he formed you almost 7 years ago... and when he started to regrow you almost 2 years ago in my womb... It amazes me!  You are such a gift to our whole family!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY E!!!

It has been 7 precious years of sweetness with this little guy.  Jojo is the most easy going, loving little guy.  He is so easy to have around... Truly he is a joy and has always been... Easy, easy kid!   I am beyond blessed to have had the last 7 years with this little man.  He is an unbelievable blessing from God.   

 Elijah Thomas Hintz came into the world at 5:59 am 7 years ago after pretty much my dream birth.  When I arrived at the hospital at around 3:00 am, I was 4 cm.  I got into the hot tub at 7 cm... and about an hour later I sort of  thought... hmmmm something feels different... I was complete...

 Honestly I was as calm as could be... my mom thought I might just drown during labor as I just rested on my side with 1/2 my face under the water... Nature's epidural, as they like to call water... made my drug free labor a piece of cake... and I am not kidding.  (That's why I call it my dream birth:)

Now pushing would be another thing... Intense!!!  But after less than 10 minutes and just a few pushes out came Jojo,  9 lbs. 6 oz. later... He had the fullest face and the most beautiful golden colored hair. 

He has always been so funny... He comes out with the funniest, but yet most serious things to say... He is so tender hearted and I can see the Lord growing his faith and heart and it brings me such joy. 

Happy Birthday Eli T...

Thank you Lord for blessing us 7 years ago with this precious gift of our Jojo!

Pastors wife... never thought I would be...

I am linking up with Kelly's Corner blog link up... I rarely do any link ups... but I thought this would be one that I would do... It is nice to connect to others who are walking the same path that I am...

Never would I have thought that I would be a pastor's wife... never would I have thought that we would lose a child... There are a whole lot of things that are a part of my life... that I never dreamed would be...

Being a pastor's wife can be a little lonely at times... but there is nothing I rather do than walk along side of Greg and be His mate as he ministers to many.  I am so thankful when I have the opportunity to be there for members of our congregation.  We have the opportunity to be there for people and support people in their most special times of life and their most difficult. 

When we lost Samuel, and we were in a brand new city...I had never felt more alone and sorrowful... That has been one sweet nugget I have gleaned from losing Samuel... that I NEVER want someone to feel so lonely in their sorrow.  I know not everyone may want to share their sorrow... but if they are?  Then I want to be able to be there to help carry the burden...

Many days I feel very ill equipped to be a pastor's wife...But I am trusting God to fill me with himself, to give me the right words when needed, to open my eyes, to prick my conscience, to strengthen and equip me to be His hands and feet here, to fill me so full of His love that it overflows to those around me:)  Life can be so hard, but,  God is so good...

Why today???

Grief is such a strange and overwhelming thing sometimes...

My arms are so full ...

My heart is so full of love for all my kids...

But my heart has been tugging especially a lot lately for Samuel...

Why... I am not sure... I can't put my finger on it...

Is it because my partner has been gone for almost 2 weeks and I am just needing his touch and listening ear?

Is it because Levi is almost a year old (IMPOSSIBLE in my mind???) and I know that the babyhood stage in this home is most likely coming to an end... at least from my womb:(:(:( ?

Is that I have had a couple of people mention him recently and it made my heart swell with love for my 5th born?

Is it because I had a sweet precious cousin mention to me that she has had dreams of her son with my Samuel playing...

I long for a dream like that... just to see what he may look like... (God knows why I haven't ever dreamt of Samuel... I think the disappointment of waking up would be too hard... not to see that precious little guy till heaven again... I know that sounds bad and I don't mean it that way... I would wake up the joy and thankfulness of another day... but I know it would be hard at the same time)

I am amazed that the longer I get from Samuel... my love for him still grows...

I know many won't understand this at all... And that really is ok... The Lord is working on my heart big time... There is  much forgiveness... regardless of whether or not there has been apolgies or repentance, but if I am honest it still stings at times... Thank God He is healing me...

I am ok with being where ever the Lord wants me on this grief journey 3 1/2 years out...

I have seen the incredibly beauty the Lord has brought out of my precious Samuel's short life...

I wouldn't want it any other way for him... He is enjoying sweet communion with our Jesus...

Selfishly, I do long for a different reality here sometimes... Oh to have them all here with me...

Samuel... and Hope... and Levi...

Some sweet day... all things will be made new...

So thankful he is in the Lord's hands till he can be in mine again...



LET EVERYTHING THAT HAS BREATH...



PRAISE THE LORD!!!

I COULDN'T RESIST POSTING A PICTURE FROM LAST WEEKS CHURCH SERVICE IN  UGANDA... ISN'T SHE BEYOND PRECIOUS??

(you can click on the picture to enlarge it:)

I LOVE THAT IT DOESN'T MATTER...

YOUNG OR OLD,

RICH OR POOR,

BLACK OR WHITE,

THE TIME OF DAY...

WHEN CHRISTIANS GATHER TOGETHER IN WORSHIP...

THE LORD IS THERE...

AND IT IS WRITTEN ALL OVER THIS WEE ONES FACE...

HE IS MY TRAVELING COMPANION...

 Levi fell asleep in grandma's arms in the pool:)

 Jojo and gramps... oh we had tears from this little guy when we had to leave grandpa and grandma...

 Tonya, Matthew, myself and Levi...

I am so thankful the Lord has given me friends to walk this journey with and am so thankful for the friendships that have come specifically because of Samuel...

 My kiddos with Tonya's kids:)

I am so thankful to be home safely.  I was thankful to have the Lord driving right along with me today.  I think we were in the car for almost 15 hours... Would you believe we only had to stop twice? I think that was totally God also.

It was funny because the day before we left for home the kids started telling me all of the things that they needed for their soccer games tomorrow... Cleats for one, shin guards for one, socks for two... So there I was praying as we got off for dinner... "Please Lord let there be a sporting goods store at this exit, so that I don't have to drive all the way into town after we get home tonight... There was a store directly behind the Chick-fila we ate at... Thank you God, that saved me tons of time later when everyone would have been even more tired...

 The kids did amazing... totally God.  Levi didn't cry at all...totally God.   Anna did such a great job entertaining him and giving him snacks.  Hope, who usually isn't the best car traveler, was a doll... I had some good laughs looking back at her in her seat... She was in such a good mood... totally God.  We had some continuous singing of praise and worship songs for hours on end... I thought it was cute, the other kids...not so much.  (I think it may have gotten on their nerves a little bit:)  Caleb was a great co-pilot and navigator and Jojo is just Jojo... easy going almost all the time:) 

We were so blessed to be able to go visit my parents while Greg and Louis were away... It was a total treat... beautiful weather in Florida... beautiful pool... It was a sweet blessing to get to be with them and enjoy some sunshine:)  They were extremely gracious in letting the 5 kids and I crash into the retirement community down there. There were lots of tears from my Jo and Hope when we left...

Then on the way home we stopped at my blog friend Tonya's house...  We met in person 2 years ago, a little more than a year after the loses of our sons Grady and Samuel... It did my heart such goodness to meet her son Matthew this time.  I was overcome with how good and faithful God is to be able to sit and watch our 2 boys cruising around and playing by each other.  They are such precious gifts after such hard times.  My heart was warmed...

It was so sweet to be able to stay and extra day and visit... I feel like we have known each other forever.  (I know people say that a lot, but I really mean it)  It was nice to talk about our boys in heaven and discuss how much healing has taken place and where we are at now and where we were.    I told her the first night that it was just so nice to know that she gets it, where I have been in this journey, that she has seen me at the lowest of my lows... there is no reason to not be totally myself with her and it was a treat.  She was a great host too:)

Thank you Jesus for sweet travels to break up the routine of daily life... more to come on Uganda soon:)