THE RABBIT HOLE

Saturday night Greg and I watched the Nicole Kidman movie "The Rabbit Hole" You may or may not have heard of it, it is a movie about a couple's journey through the grief of losing their 4 year old son.

While it isn't a movie for kids, it was good, it sort of revalidates all the feelings I have as a mom who has lost a child... I remember at one point Greg leaning over and saying to me, "We could have written this movie. The characters have so many conflicting emotions, yet you could TOTALLY identify and understand why they ALL were feeling the way that they were.

In the movie, the mother to Nicole Kidman's character also had lost a son, but he was much older and it was due to very different circumstances. Nicole Kidman's character asks her mom, "Does it ever get any better, this grief?" And the mothers response just hit me right in the heart... I will paraphrase, She said no, after 11 years it hadn't really gotten better, but it had changed. She said at some point you are able to climb out from under the weight of that deep grief. That it was still something she carried around with her everyday, sort of like a brick in her pocket. She said she would reach in her pocket and remember oh, yeah, there it is... And that was fine, because it was all she really had of her son now since he was gone...

While I didn't agree with everything in the movie... I so could identify with so much of it... Even now amidst so much great joy... I do still feel the weight of that brick in my pocket... It is heavier at some times compared to other times. I love the joy that I am feeling these days, yet when I feel that brick it is SO OK with me... It is all I have of my son... and when I think of him, cry tears over his short life and our so so precious time that we had with him, it doesn't feel as awful, more sort of nice (I know that must sound strange)... remembering him and thinking on him makes me feel close to him in some way... I love that feeling.

There were a couple of crazy parts to the movie, but all in all I liked it a lot, I think just because I related to it on so many levels. I think it would be a great movie for anyone to see, not kids of course, but those who have lost a child or loved one, or those who are struggling to relate to someone who has lost a child. I think it might open up eyes to the deep despair people feel, and the extreme difficulty of stepping through each day after a loss like that...

I am sure it isn't a real popular movie because of the grief content...but I thought I would throw out my 2 cents on it for what it is worth...

I figured since I was posting about loss and grief it would give me a reason to share a few pictures of Samuel:) Oh how I love and miss this sweet boy...

Wow, it is so strange to look at this sweet picture of our family of 7 and to see the two sweet precious faces of Hope and Levi missing. I am so so so thankful that God chose to give us those 2 sweet miracles after such heartache... he is so faithful... (I always struggle because I know he could have chosen not to give them to us and He STILL would be faithful... but oh, I am so glad He saw fit to bless us in that way:)