BABY LOVE

THOSE SWEET BABY BLUES....

THE TINY LITTLE BIRTH MARK BY HIS NOSE...

SWEET BABY SOFT SKIN AND PERFECTLY UNIQUE FINGERPRINTS...

THE MOST KISSABLE LIPS...

ROUND LITTLE CHUBBY CHEEKS...

I COULD JUST ABOUT EAT UP EVERY SINGLE INCH OF THIS SWEET MIRACULOUS GIFT FROM GOD...

GOODBYE KITTENS:)

Today we say goodbye to the last of these 3 little kittens.

Louis's guitar teacher claimed one of the sweet little gray ones. Aren't their blue eyes so pretty?

The rest were snatched up at youth last Wednesday night... I told Lou he needed to find homes for all of them, and let me just say, taking them to youth with you will do the trick:)

It was really fun having them... but at the same time, I am ready to get the garage cleaned out and ready for summer playing.

Greg and Lou were in Joplin the last 2 days... Wow... is all I can say from the pictures he took and the stories he told me. It is overwhelming to think of all that was lost in lives, homes, possessions, jobs, income... I could go on and on... I will try to do a post soon, who knows maybe I can even talk Greg into posting about it. They met up with my oldest brother Mark, his wife Janie, and their 5 girls and worked with Samaritan's Purse.

Since Joplin is so close they are heading down here tomorrow for just a day I think... It will so great to have a quick visit together... we also are watching our friends 3 kids this weekend, so it will be a party around here. I am excited since we haven't seen them in the last 6 months...

I miss my family. The kids and I plan on heading up later in July for at least a couple of weeks... It already seems REALLY warm to me, so a couple of weeks in cooler Wisconsin will be wonderful in the crazy July heat around here...

THE RABBIT HOLE

Saturday night Greg and I watched the Nicole Kidman movie "The Rabbit Hole" You may or may not have heard of it, it is a movie about a couple's journey through the grief of losing their 4 year old son.

While it isn't a movie for kids, it was good, it sort of revalidates all the feelings I have as a mom who has lost a child... I remember at one point Greg leaning over and saying to me, "We could have written this movie. The characters have so many conflicting emotions, yet you could TOTALLY identify and understand why they ALL were feeling the way that they were.

In the movie, the mother to Nicole Kidman's character also had lost a son, but he was much older and it was due to very different circumstances. Nicole Kidman's character asks her mom, "Does it ever get any better, this grief?" And the mothers response just hit me right in the heart... I will paraphrase, She said no, after 11 years it hadn't really gotten better, but it had changed. She said at some point you are able to climb out from under the weight of that deep grief. That it was still something she carried around with her everyday, sort of like a brick in her pocket. She said she would reach in her pocket and remember oh, yeah, there it is... And that was fine, because it was all she really had of her son now since he was gone...

While I didn't agree with everything in the movie... I so could identify with so much of it... Even now amidst so much great joy... I do still feel the weight of that brick in my pocket... It is heavier at some times compared to other times. I love the joy that I am feeling these days, yet when I feel that brick it is SO OK with me... It is all I have of my son... and when I think of him, cry tears over his short life and our so so precious time that we had with him, it doesn't feel as awful, more sort of nice (I know that must sound strange)... remembering him and thinking on him makes me feel close to him in some way... I love that feeling.

There were a couple of crazy parts to the movie, but all in all I liked it a lot, I think just because I related to it on so many levels. I think it would be a great movie for anyone to see, not kids of course, but those who have lost a child or loved one, or those who are struggling to relate to someone who has lost a child. I think it might open up eyes to the deep despair people feel, and the extreme difficulty of stepping through each day after a loss like that...

I am sure it isn't a real popular movie because of the grief content...but I thought I would throw out my 2 cents on it for what it is worth...

I figured since I was posting about loss and grief it would give me a reason to share a few pictures of Samuel:) Oh how I love and miss this sweet boy...

Wow, it is so strange to look at this sweet picture of our family of 7 and to see the two sweet precious faces of Hope and Levi missing. I am so so so thankful that God chose to give us those 2 sweet miracles after such heartache... he is so faithful... (I always struggle because I know he could have chosen not to give them to us and He STILL would be faithful... but oh, I am so glad He saw fit to bless us in that way:)

WELL THAT WAS EXCITING...

Well, that was an exciting night. Thank the Lord for great neighbors who so willingly let our 8 and many other people join them in their cellar tonight.

We went over their house and watched on the news as the storm got closer... and then we all hunkered down in their cellar. IT WAS HUGE!! Honestly, I think that they could easily get 30 people down there, but we just had 14 tonight. We had lots of chairs down there so we just sat, listened to the radio, and visited... it was so nice to be under ground.

We have a sweet elderly neighbor lady who brought suckers down for all the kids... The best comment from her tonight was ... that she had her jewels and her chocolate with her and that was all she really wanted to save from the house... she is such a FUNNY and precious lady.

Once we got down there and tied down the door... the neighbor lady asked if Greg would pray and read Psalm 91... It was really cool, to pray, read scripture, and then just wait it out... It sure calmed everyone down and mentally gave us exactly the focus we needed... to have our focus on the Lord and His faithfulness...

We did have a smaller tornado touch down less than 8 miles from us that did a fair amount of damage to that little town... but we were totally safe. I am just glad that the threat is over for now:) Thank you God for your protection... These storms that hit Oklahoma tonight moved right into MO and Joplin... Please continue to pray with me for those poor people there...

Thought I would share a few of the most recent pictures of the kids:)

PRAYERS FOR JOPLIN

Wow, the devastation in Joplin is just gut wrenching to me. It is hard to believe that so many people lost their lives and worldly possessions just less than 2 hours away... I am hoping that somehow our church can help the people of Joplin in some way... I have been praying for the people there all day... And all of that on top of the other deadly tornadoes of this Spring... I just do not remember so many people losing their lives in other years due to tornadoes...so sad...

We are making sure our radio has batteries in it as we are expecting bad storms here tonight and over the next 2 days... I checked in with the neighbor next door as they have a underground shelter. I am REALLY hoping we don't need to make use of it... I actually called today to check on getting one put in at our house. These are the days that this northern girl misses her basement immensely...

WHAT A WEEK:)

MOTHER'S DAY 2011

This is one of my favorite pictures that we took on Mother's Day... why you ask... because it is so real... There is Jojo looking like he might wet his pants and there in the middle of it is sweet wild Hpe, sticking out her tongue... she is such a rascal...

This week she discovered how to climb out of the crib. It didn't surprise me at all... but she is the type of kid that I worry will hurt herself. We had to call poison control 2 weeks ago, because somehow when I was right with her, she snuck a bite of my deoderant... and to my disbelief she did swallow it. The lady at the poison control center said it is extremely common for kids her age. Really, to actually swallow deoderant? Yuck!

We have put childproof locks on all the doors in the house, which unfortunately Jojo can't even open. She is just so curious and busy... more so than any of the other kids. She also has started to throw temper tantrums. She is the first child where they haven't come to an abrupt halt as soon as we addressed it. It sort of makes me laugh because here we are with our 6th child and she is giving us a run for our money... Challenging us to try different things than we ever have had to before. It totally humbles me and really makes me realize I will never have this parenting thing down... I know that there will be new things, especially as we enter the teenage years that will totally have me pondering... What do we do now?

But at the same time I can see a calming down in her and she is listening so much better. It was funny, the other day when Greg and I were talking, I said, "Well this must be what they talk about when they say the terrible twos!" Up and down:) I just have never really experienced it with any of the other kids. And I say that all, with a happy heart, because they aren't really terrible at all, just a bit challenging at times. When I think of the fact that God brought this sweet, just precious, extremely smart, curious, somewhat bossy, full of the hootspa girl to our family in the absolute darkest time of my life I am soooooo very thankful! I fully trust and know that He is sovereign and she was meant for us! That brings me such joy:)!!!

The boys got 2nd in their soccer tournament last weekend. It was a really fun weekend, just busy... and that led into a really busy week. It has been so great to have them on the same team (Caleb plays up a division) but next year that won't work out because he will be 2 full years younger. It will make for a busier fall that is for sure. But honestly, it is so fun to watch them both do something that they really enjoy and are good at:)

Greg finally tonight had a night at home with us. I don't think he has made it home before 9:30 yet this week and he is always up and gone before any of us wake up:) It is funny how ministry flows because even though he is covering a lot more, (especially being the end of the school year, there are preschool graduations, national honor society deals, end of the school year activities etc etc. ) because our other pastor is on sabbatical right now, it has ALWAYS seemed like there are just weeks like this anyway in ministry... but then other weeks are a lot better. It ebbs and flows.

I am not complaining at all. Earlier this week, when I was having a week moment, I was sort of feeling sorry for myself... wishing we could be camping with our Texas friends this week, like we had planned... and then I was just so thankful to have my husband at all. There are so many women whose husbands travel a ton, have passed away, or who are serving our country... I CAN NOT COMPLAIN about a really busy work week. God is good... He always allows me to get my cup full when Greg is around and then it doesn't seem bad at all:)

A friend and I co led the monthly MEND meeting this past week for my infant loss support group. I have never done that and was a bit nervous... you just never know... there are so many intense emotions involved and it can be so hard when there is someone new, fresh in their grief... your heart just wants to break for them. I am so glad that there is MEND and it really seemed to go well. I was thankful for that. It is an amazing ministry:)

Well, that is about all for now... heading to bed after a really sweet little snuggle time with the little guy just a bit ago... I was just soaking up the sweetness:) LOVE IT!!!

A FIRST AND MY TAKE ON IT...

I have now received my very FIRST negative comment...

I debated on if I should respond to it at all...

I showed it to Greg, and the older boys happened to over hear, and they all had their own personal responses... :)

Honestly, I had to laugh about the whole ridiculousness of the comment itself...

But I am responding to it because I want this person to know that I am praying for them... Praying for the Lord to help them to realize that each and every child is a precious and unique gift from Him...

This person obviously has never lost a child nor read my blog in the past...

As far as replacement babies go...

For me... losing Samuel has turned me into a mama bear as far as his memory goes... I am fiercely serious about honoring his memory and all of the things that make him the perfect unique creation that God made him... NO ONE COULD EVER TAKE HIS PLACE... it is impossible!

Had we not lost Samuel... we still would have added to our family, Lord willing...

And as far as this sweet little miracle Levi, that has joined our family... I would have loved this little beauty just the same had he come before or after Samuel.

His miracle embryo adoption story makes him all the more his very own person, with his VERY own extemely special place in our family... (just the other day, I was waiting for 2 MEND friends outside of a restaurant and another couple came up to me and were commenting on Levi...( I COULD NOT HELP MYSELF BUT TO EXPLAIN HOW HE CAME TO BE A PART OF OUR FAMILY... I Love sharing about the goodness and faithfulness of our God in bringing Levi safely to our family:)

When people have made some of their cliche comments about our loss...for example...Even though you lost Samuel, you need to be so thankful for the kids that you do have... I, a lot of times respond by sharing...

I have 2 arms and 2 legs and yes I am so very thankful for them all... but if I lost a leg... I would still be so thankful for the other leg and my arms... but would I not miss that leg? Of course I would miss having my second leg...

As far as a replacement goes... even if I got a prosthetic leg... it could never replace my other leg... it would be totally different... would I be thrilled to have the new leg? ABSOLUTELY! But would there be times that I still missed my original leg? Of course... that is because nothing could replace the old leg... it would always be different.

I could have 100 kids... and still miss Samuel, still wish he was here growing up with the rest of us.

I am thrilled beyond belief to have our new son here...thrilled beyond belief that the Lord has blessed us in this way, by giving us the desire of our hearts... but Levi could never replace Samuel... they each will ALWAYS ... ALWAYS have their very own special place in our family... just like Hope does, who also came after Samuel.... Just like Louis, Caleb, Anna, and Elijah have as well!

And I can GUARANTEE YOU, this sweet little Levi will NEVER doubt that he is loved deeply just for being who God made him to be... in fact, I am pretty sure that he is feeling pretty smothered in love these days... no lack of love from any of the hearts in this home:)


So there is my take on replacement babies... THERE IS NO SUCH THING... AT LEAST NOT IN THIS HOUSE:)...

WE ARE SO VERY THANKFUL FOR EACH AND EVERY PRECIOUS CHILD THAT THE LORD GIVES TO US:)... NO MATTER HOW AND WHEN HE CHOOSES TO GIVE THEM:)

FOR...

You created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well!
Psalm 139:13-14

This little guy is looking like he was knit together pretty beautifully by our Gracious Heavenly Father... His works sure are WONDERFUL!!

Knit together beautifully from the top of his head down to the bottom of his sweet little feet:)

SO GRATEFUL AND SO BLESSED:)

HERE ARE 3 OF MY DEAR FRIENDS...
THEY ARE THE LADIES IN OUR COUPLES SMALL GROUP...
LADIES WHO HAVE
CRIED TEARS OF SORROW WITH ME...
CRIED TEARS OF PURE HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER WITH ME...
TAKEN CARE OF ME IN THE HOSPITAL...
TAKEN CARE OF MY FAMILY WHILE I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL...

SOME OF THE LADIES WHO HAVE BEEN THERE IN THE THICK AND THE THIN OF THE LAST 2+ YEARS WITH ME...

I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR THEIR LOVE, SUPPORT AND FRIENDSHIP:)
TODAY WE GOT TO WELCOME TRICIA'S SWEET LITTLE JACKSON INTO THIS WORLD...
I AM SO THANKFUL THAT HE ARRIVED SAFELY... PRAISE GOD!

NOT THE GREATEST PICTURE... BUT LEVI AND JACKSON'S FIRST PICTURE TOGETHER:)

IT HAS BEEN A JOY TO BE PREGNANT AT THE SAME TIME AS TRICIA:) SHE IS ONE OF THE MOST GENEROUS, FUNNIEST, BRUTALLY HONEST GIRLS I KNOW... I REALLY LOVE THAT ABOUT HER:)

IT IS KIND OF FUNNY... TRICIA AND I ARE ALMOST THE SAME AGE.. AND QUITE HONESTLY THERE ARE TIMES I HAVE FELT LIKE SARAH IN THE BIBLE, HAVING A BABY IN MY OLDER AGE. :)

I KNOW THAT I AM NOT OLD AT ALL, AND REALLY DON'T FEEL IT AT ALL. BUT WHEN I WAS AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE, I COULDN'T BELIEVE HOW YOUNG THE OTHER PREGNANT GALS LOOKED:)

IN REALITY, MOSTLY THEY WEREN'T THAT YOUNG... PROBABLY ABOUT THE SAME AGE I WAS WHEN I HAD MY FIRST LOUIS...

HONESTLY THOUGH, WE WAITED LONG AND HARD FOR GOD TO GIVE US LOUIS, AND BOY DID I TREASURED MY PREGNANCY AND MY TIMES WITH HIM AS A BABY...

BUT OHHHH THE SWEETNESS OF HAVING LEVI HERE... IT IS JUST INCREDIBLE AND SUCH A PRECIOUS BLESSING FROM GOD! I FEEL LIKE I HAVE BEEN GIVEN THE SWEETEST PRESENT EVER!!

I WILL TRY TO POST PICTURES FROM MOTHER'S DAY SOON...

SOME OF THE REASONS I LOVE BEING A MOM...

THESE ARE THE TOP 7 REASONS I LOVE BEING A MOM:)!!!!


LEVI...OH...MY... PRECIOUSNESS...I COULD JUST EAT HIM UP:)

SAMUEL...OH...HOW I LONG TO BE REUNITED FOR ALL OF ETERNITY WITH THIS PRECIOUS SON OF MINE...

JOJO, ANNA, AND HOPE. THERE IS SO MUCH JOY, AND GIGGLES THAT FILL MY DAYS BECAUSE OF THESE FUN LOVING KIDDOS...

LOUIS AND CALEB...MY OH MY, HOW THESE TWO ARE GROWING INTO YOUNG MEN...

Mother's Day has been on my heart all week... Of course I look forward to it with great joy... yet there is so much more that goes into it for me....

I can't help but think of all the women who are longing to be moms to children here on earth... I know too many women whose babies or kids are already in Heaven, and even some whose ONLY kids are in Heaven. I know that not everyone will acknowledge them as Moms today and that makes my heart so sad for them. I remember the years when I wanted to be a mom SOOOOO badly, and it just wasn't happening. Those Mother's Days were hard... I wondered if it would ever happen for me.... would that be in God's plan for my life?

So this week I have been praying a lot for my friends and even people I don't know that struggle with infertility or have had repeated miscarriages, or have lost babies full term, that just long for a child to hold here on earth...

I don't think I mentioned about my ride to church Easter morning. I was so overcome with missing Samuel. Easter is one of those family holidays where you can't help but think of all of your kids. I was thinking about what he would have been like as a 2 year old hunting for his Easter basket, what he would have looked like in his Easter dress ups... Just honestly, what he would have looked like at all... would that brown hair be curly or straight. I just missed having him here with us so badly. I cried almost the whole way to church... About 5 minutes before we got there, Anna noticed and asked why I was crying... It was then that we started talking about what Easter must be like in Heaven... that did change my perspective, thinking about my son celebrating Easter with the risen King Jesus himself.... but I still missed him and thought about him so much that day....

The sweet thing was that one of our friends was greeting people that morning and since it was raining, he greeted me at my car with an umbrella in hand... I can not tell you how much it meant to have a smiling friend's face greet me and help me get the kids into church with out getting soaked. It was like the perfect touch from my Heavenly Father that morning to remind He cares about all the big things I was thinking about and the little things too...

I know that this Mother's Day Samuel will be on my mind more than normal as well... Oh how this mama just longs to have all her children with her on Mother's Day... But for Samuel's sake, I know he is so much better off where he is... safe in heaven...

I am so thankful for all my kids here on earth with me and my children in Heaven... Each one is perfectly created by our Heavenly Father. He knows the number of each of their days... And we are feeling so blessed to be able to enjoy each of them we have now... they add SO SO SO MUCH JOY to my days. I remember as a little kids dreaming of being a mom... I am so thankful that God saw fit to give me those desires of my heart.

I am so thankful today for the gift of a wonderful mother who was a great mom and still is today (I so wish I could be spending part of my day with her today)... and for a wonderful mother-in-law, who did such a great job in raising my husband to be the man and father that he is today!

KEEPING IT REAL...

YEP... JUST KEEPING IT REAL HERE FOLKS...

THIS IS THE EVER GROWING PILE OF LAUNDRY THAT HAS MADE IT'S HOME ON MY DINING ROOM TABLE...(SORRY MOM:)

I NEVER GOT TO FOLDING LAST WEEKS LAUNDRY AND ADDED TO IT IS THIS WEEKS...

I AM HOPING THE KIDS AND I CAN GET TO IT TOMORROW SO WE CAN START EATING IN THE DINING ROOM AGAIN...:)

I ACTUALLY LOVE THE CHORE OF FOLDING LAUNDRY... DON'T REALLY LIKE THE JOB OF PUTTING IT ALL AWAY...

DOES ANYONE ELSE STRUGGLE WITH JUST FINDING THE TIME TO GET TO IT? I HAVE A REALLY BIG WASHER SO I REALLY ONLY DO ABOUT 5 LOADS A WEEK NOT INCLUDING CLOTH DIAPERS...

I HAVE ALWAYS JUST DONE ALL MY LAUNDRY ON ONE DAY OF THE WEEK... MAYBE I NEED TO GO TO A LOAD A DAY TO AVOID THE ABOVE PROBLEM...

ADVICE ANYONE???

THE WEEKEND...

SWEET JOJO HEADING TO THE HOMESCHOOL CONFERENCE...

I KNOW THIS PICTURE LOU TOOK IS BLURRY... BUT OH, HE LOOKS SO SWEET...I LOVE THOSE BLUE EYES...

WE HAD A SERIOUS THUNDERSTORM TODAY... AND THIS IS THE HAIL IT BLEW ONTO OUR BACK PORCH... I HAVE NEVER SEEN HAIL ANY WHERE ELSE, LIKE WE SEE HERE IN OKLAHOMA...

THIS IS HOW I SPENT THE MAJORITY OF MY SUNDAY AFTERNOON... AND IT WAS DELIGHTFUL!!!

On Friday and Saturday we had the homeschool conference in town... I have always wanted to take the whole family. Really it isn't Greg's thing at all, but he came because he knew it would make me happy. We went to a couple of different workshops and hit the vendor hall. I usually always try to buy all of my books for the following year... I love having that out of the way. I loved talking with Tracy, my now blog in real life friend, who helps to organize the Oklahoma homeschool conferences. She is amazing! I am always so thankful for people who do all that work so people like me, and our family, can benefit from it.

Another highlight was taking the kids to Gengis Grill, a mongolian stir fry place where you pick out all your foods and they fry it on the big grill. It was really fun and the kids loved it!

Yesterday, I took Levi, Jojo, and Anna back to the conf. Last year just Jojo went with me and on the way home we had gotten him his first Gyro. This year the convention hall actually has a Greek Restaurant in it. I told Anna and Jo that maybe we could get a Gyro for lunch... Jojo said, "That would be like a slice of Heaven!" He is such a goof ball, but makes me smile so much!

Levi woke up yesterday with a little cough, but it was getting a little worse as the day progressed. By the time we got home it sounded pretty tight in his chest. So around 10:30pm Louis and I took him to the ER. I just knew if we stayed home, the cough would probably get worse during the night, that is the way it usually goes around here with coughs... always worse after midnight. I was just worried that maybe he had RSV. They got us right in and diagnosed him with an upper respitory infection and sent us on our way. It was just a relief to me to have gone and have him looked at. He is so much better today... Thank God!

After a baptismal luncheon for a family at church today, we came home and totally relaxed. It was such a nice afternoon. I told Greg, it was perfect... hours of just hanging out on the couch cuddling my baby and the rest of the kids. The weather was rotten, cold and rainy, so there was no pull to go out and get some much needed yard and garden work done. It will have to wait for sunnier weather.

It was such a treat to be able to have the afternoon to just enjoy each other.

Gearing up for another busy week:)