Today was a rough day for me. There are so many layers of grief... so many things that can set me back... so many feelings that are still so fresh and raw. I looked at my 6 year old niece today and it struck me a new. I will never know what Samuel would look like at six. I will never know what he would have acted like at 6. I wonder what he would look like now at four months. You know if I had to pick one age that I like best, I couldn't. I love them all. Newborns... so fresh, sweet, special, soft, so quickly passing. 6 months... so much fun, they are doing so many new things. 2 year old... a lot of people say terrible, I say terrific, their personalities just come to life, I love guiding and training them as they experience the world around them. So you get the picture... I love it all and I miss it all as far as Samuel is concerned. So much will never be and I mourn that. He had so many characteristics that resembled Anna at birth... but yet he had pieces of all of the kids. The other 4 look so different from one another, but I love that he seemed to be a combination of them all.
Today, my heart is aching for a new friend. We met Kim through MEND (the infant loss support group we attend). She and her husband have 4 children, 2 living with them and 2 living with our Lord. Can you imagine losing 2 children? She is an amazing woman of such strength. She has been a great encouragement to me. She and her husband were getting ready to welcome their next child into their home through adoption. They did get to bring their baby girl home... but a few hours later their birth mother changed her mind. It was a complete surprise to them. Please pray for them. Their hearts are broken but they are steadfast in their faith. Their blog is http://www.bevinsfamily.blogspot.com/ feel free to stop by and leave them a note of encouragement if you feel led. Thanks prayer warriors.
Today I am seeing the brokenness of this fallen world again... Today I am on my knees...Today I am clinging to the fact that God is the same today as He was yesterday and will be in the future. He is still Good even when life is so hard...
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you. I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10