Today was a rough day for me. There are so many layers of grief... so many things that can set me back... so many feelings that are still so fresh and raw. I looked at my 6 year old niece today and it struck me a new. I will never know what Samuel would look like at six. I will never know what he would have acted like at 6. I wonder what he would look like now at four months. You know if I had to pick one age that I like best, I couldn't. I love them all. Newborns... so fresh, sweet, special, soft, so quickly passing. 6 months... so much fun, they are doing so many new things. 2 year old... a lot of people say terrible, I say terrific, their personalities just come to life, I love guiding and training them as they experience the world around them. So you get the picture... I love it all and I miss it all as far as Samuel is concerned. So much will never be and I mourn that. He had so many characteristics that resembled Anna at birth... but yet he had pieces of all of the kids. The other 4 look so different from one another, but I love that he seemed to be a combination of them all.
Today, my heart is aching for a new friend. We met Kim through MEND (the infant loss support group we attend). She and her husband have 4 children, 2 living with them and 2 living with our Lord. Can you imagine losing 2 children? She is an amazing woman of such strength. She has been a great encouragement to me. She and her husband were getting ready to welcome their next child into their home through adoption. They did get to bring their baby girl home... but a few hours later their birth mother changed her mind. It was a complete surprise to them. Please pray for them. Their hearts are broken but they are steadfast in their faith. Their blog is http://www.bevinsfamily.blogspot.com/ feel free to stop by and leave them a note of encouragement if you feel led. Thanks prayer warriors.
Today I am seeing the brokenness of this fallen world again... Today I am on my knees...Today I am clinging to the fact that God is the same today as He was yesterday and will be in the future. He is still Good even when life is so hard...
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you. I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
Please be gentle with me for I am grieving.
The sea I swim in is a lonely one
and the shore seems miles away.
Waves of despair numb my soul
as I struggle through each day.
My heart is heavy with sorrow.
I want to shout and scream
and repeatedly ask 'why?'
At times, my grief overwhelms me
and I weep bitterly,
so great is my loss.
Please don’t turn away
or tell me to move on with my life.
I must embrace my pain
before I can begin to heal.
Companion me through tears
and sit with me in loving silence.
Honor where I am in my journey,
not where you think I should be.
Listen patiently to my story,
I may need to tell it over and over again.
It’s how I begin to grasp
the enormity of my loss.
Nurture me through
the weeks and months ahead.
Forgive me when I seem
distant and inconsolable.
A small flame still burns within my heart,
and shared memories may trigger
both laughter and tears.
I need your support and understanding.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve.
I must find my own path.
Please, will you walk beside me?
OUR GROWING FAMILY... GROWING DAY BY DAY, BY GOD'S GRACE...
Pages
About Me
- Sara
- OKLAHOMA, United States
- I am a stay at home, homeschooling mom to 8 wonderful children. Our 5th child Samuel went from his home in my cozy womb to His Heavenly Fathers arms on October 29th 2008, just 1 day after his due date. We still miss him like crazy everyday. We have since added our daughter, Hope Jubilee, to our family through domestic adoption, as of August 2010. In March of 2011 we were blessed with the birth of our son Levi, who is a miraculous gift we received through embryo adoption. And we anticipate the finalization of our adoption of Isaiah in early May 2013. This is not the life we ever anticipated living, but we are in awe of God's plans for our family. We are living life surrendering to the will and plans of our Heavenly Father... Our life is one filled with great joy as we daily live life, and as we look forward with great anticipation to being united with our Savior and reunited with our son Samuel in Heaven.
Followers
SAMUEL'S NAME IN THE SAND
A FAVORITE PICTURE OF OUR FIRST 5
ME AND MY HONEY
OUR LOUIS
OUR CALEB
OUR ANNA
OUR JOJO
OUR SAMUEL...SAFE IN HEAVEN
Baby Joel safe in Heaven
OUR SWEET BABY GIRL
Levi... our miracle through embryo adoption
Our Isaiah
Please Be Gentle By Jill B. Englar
Please be gentle with me for I am grieving.
The sea I swim in is a lonely one
and the shore seems miles away.
Waves of despair numb my soul
as I struggle through each day.
My heart is heavy with sorrow.
I want to shout and scream
and repeatedly ask 'why?'
At times, my grief overwhelms me
and I weep bitterly,
so great is my loss.
Please don’t turn away
or tell me to move on with my life.
I must embrace my pain
before I can begin to heal.
Companion me through tears
and sit with me in loving silence.
Honor where I am in my journey,
not where you think I should be.
Listen patiently to my story,
I may need to tell it over and over again.
It’s how I begin to grasp
the enormity of my loss.
Nurture me through
the weeks and months ahead.
Forgive me when I seem
distant and inconsolable.
A small flame still burns within my heart,
and shared memories may trigger
both laughter and tears.
I need your support and understanding.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve.
I must find my own path.
Please, will you walk beside me?
Remembering
Remembering
Go ahead and mention my child,
The one that died, you know.
Don't worry about
hurting me further.
The depth of my pain doesn't show.
Don't worry about making me cry.
I'm already crying inside.
Help me to heal
by releasing the tears
that I try to hide.
I'm hurt when you just keep silent,
Pretending he didn't exist.
I'd rather you mention my child,
Knowing that he has been missed.
You asked me how I was doing.
I say "pretty good" or "fine".
But healing is something ongoing
I feel it will take a lifetime.
~ Elizabeth Dent ~
Go ahead and mention my child,
The one that died, you know.
Don't worry about
hurting me further.
The depth of my pain doesn't show.
Don't worry about making me cry.
I'm already crying inside.
Help me to heal
by releasing the tears
that I try to hide.
I'm hurt when you just keep silent,
Pretending he didn't exist.
I'd rather you mention my child,
Knowing that he has been missed.
You asked me how I was doing.
I say "pretty good" or "fine".
But healing is something ongoing
I feel it will take a lifetime.
~ Elizabeth Dent ~
Blog Archive
Labels
- a mother's love (2)
- adoption (115)
- Adoption baby 2015 (19)
- Adoption baby 2015 faithfulness of God (3)
- Africa (3)
- Anna (89)
- anniversary (1)
- answered prayers (1)
- baby (1)
- baby loss (40)
- bedrest (22)
- BIBLE STUDY (2)
- bigs (1)
- birthdays (4)
- birthmom (1)
- birthmoms (3)
- birthparents (3)
- Blessings (6)
- brokeness (1)
- brothers (1)
- cabin (1)
- Caleb (70)
- Chicago (1)
- church (1)
- Church family (2)
- college (2)
- communication (1)
- Concordia (1)
- country living (2)
- cousins (3)
- CPO (2)
- CUBS (1)
- CUW (1)
- Cystic Fibrosis (1)
- daily life (1)
- door county (1)
- Easter (2)
- Ebenezers (1)
- embryo adoption (77)
- embryo adoption. (2)
- faith (88)
- faith. (2)
- FAITHFULNESS OF God (30)
- family (220)
- FAMILY LIFE (15)
- family pictures (1)
- FMSC (3)
- friend (1)
- friends (55)
- friends. (2)
- frugal living (2)
- gardening (6)
- Greg (36)
- grief (117)
- Haiti (2)
- healthy eating (1)
- Heaven (3)
- His plans (1)
- holidays (9)
- home (1)
- homeless (1)
- homeschooling (7)
- Hope (69)
- HOPE JUBILEE (24)
- human videos (1)
- identity in Christ (1)
- infant loss (4)
- International Voice of The Orphan (27)
- international voice of the orphan. (1)
- Isaiah (53)
- IVO (10)
- Joel (20)
- Jojo (103)
- Joplin (2)
- journey to kaliyah (6)
- kaliyah (20)
- large family life (1)
- lessons (1)
- Levi (147)
- Levi family (3)
- life (1)
- loss (1)
- Lou (1)
- Louis (71)
- love (8)
- making memories (3)
- marriage (4)
- meal planning (1)
- meals for missions (1)
- memorial box Monday (6)
- memories (1)
- MEND (27)
- MISC (4)
- miscarriage (1)
- mission trip (1)
- missions (7)
- Moore (2)
- Mother's Day (2)
- mountain mover (1)
- moving (4)
- natural living (2)
- NEW BABY (17)
- new year (1)
- New years eve (1)
- Not me Monday (3)
- orphan (3)
- Orphans (50)
- parenting (1)
- Praise (1)
- Prayer (1)
- prayer request (9)
- preschool (1)
- questions (1)
- RABBITS (1)
- raising Godly children (1)
- RANDOMNESS (2)
- recipes (2)
- running (1)
- Ryane (1)
- Samuel (161)
- Sara (5)
- school (1)
- seminary (5)
- service (1)
- sharing our story (1)
- soccer (1)
- special needs (1)
- spiritual warfare (1)
- Spring (1)
- St. Peter (2)
- St. Peter Lutheran (3)
- stillbirth (3)
- summer (6)
- sweet baby girl (5)
- Texas (3)
- Thankful Thursday (2)
- THANKFULNESS (1)
- thanksgiving (1)
- The Gem Foundation (5)
- thegemfoundation (1)
- Tiews (7)
- tornado (1)
- Uganda (65)
- updates (1)
- vacation (60)
- Watoto (1)
- wedding (1)
- widows (1)
- winter (1)
- Wisconsin (3)
- worship (1)
- youth group (3)
I'm a
Hintz Family
2 comments:
Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you...and sending you a BIG HUG!!
See you at church when you get back.
~Jennifer
Hey friend,
So good to see you and spend time with your family. I was wondering if you were still in town. Feel free to call if you would like. If you're staying passed Wednesday, you and the kiddos should come for dinner. We'd love to have you. Just let me know.
Praying for you dear friend. So glad you have been able to be surrounded by your awesome family. They are a treasure and near and dear to my heart. Love you so much, Sam
Post a Comment