Wednesday, March 18, 2009






We have had a very busy week... but it has been nice. Normally I don't like being busy, but for some reason it has felt good and exhausting at the same time. With Spring arriving... there is so much new life budding out... honestly I just don't feel ready for it. I normally love to be out in the beautiful weather, but a part of me just isn't there. With all of the new life and excitement... my heart is still aching, it just doesn't seem to mesh well together. Don't get me wrong, I am not sulking and moping around. I try to put on a happy face and attend to all of the daily tasks of life... but deep down there is still such a great sadness. I think the kids see it all, mom being positive, yet there are still many tears that flow from me and them at times too. In fact I just got back from the Dr. I have an ear infection... honestly, I think from all of the crying. I have been saying since October that I am surprised that I am not dehydrated and that I haven't done permanent damage to my tear ducts. Well now my ears are on board. I have felt like I have been in a tunnel for a week, not much pain though thankfully.

We were so blessed this week by members of our church. The "egg lady's" (as the kids call her, she is Jojo's Sunday School teacher, but she also gives us fresh farm eggs, the kids do really know her REAL name:) husband came over and dug up our yard for our garden. The kids are so excited... they have no idea the work that is coming their way shortly:) They are all revved up and giving all of their ideas as to what we should plant. So far we have raspberry, blackberry, and blueberry bushes, asparagus, strawberry, onion, broccoli plants, and tons of kohlrabi, corn, cucumber, tomato, squash(all kinds:), pumpkins, cantaloupe, watermelon, pepper, green bean and pea seeds. It is a really big area. I hope we are not biting off more than we can chew...literally. We are starting some seeds inside today so we will see how that goes. We also added some peach and another cherry tree to our "orchard" out back. The kids all picked out fruit trees last fall. I am sure it will be a while before we really get anything from them, but we will see.
Yesterday we spent the whole day in Oklahoma city at the Capitol and the History Museum. The only other homeschooling mom at our church invited us to go along with their Coop. It was lots of fun for the kids and me too. We knew NOTHING about Oklahoma history so now we have a start on that and finally understand what a Sooner is. It was a blessing to be able to sit and visit and get to know this other mom better.
I can't wait to get my hands dirty in Samuel's garden. We have an area all set aside for us to be able to sit and rest in the blessing that he was to our family. We planted lots of plants that were given to us when he died and lots of bulbs that were sent from my sister's friend who also has lost a baby. I will post some pictures when we get it all done. I think there will something healing for me with getting down and dirty during this season. I want Samuel's life to count for something besides just what it meant to our family. I am praying that the Lord is weaving together a tremendous story that can do nothing but bring Him glory. Please don't waste this pain Lord.
When I ponder what we have lost, and being in the season of lent, I am continually amazed at how God WILLINGLY gave His son for us. Do you want to hear something crazy... sad? Here come true confessions... Sara Hintz, warts and all. Greg sat down for dinner right around Ash Wednesday, in the beginning of Lent. He announced that he had decided to give up coffee and soda for Lent. He asked the rest of us what we wanted to give up for Lent. We all sat and thought about it... and after a couple of minutes, actually it was probably a few seconds... I blurted out, "You know I think I have given up enough already this year." Greg kind of laughed and said, "That was last year." I said, "Sorry I am going by a 12 month period." Here my husband was trying to be the spiritual leader and have some spiritual discussion with the family... and I hate to even admit it, but I put the Kabosh on that one real quick. The poor guy, he has been so patient with me.
The crazy thing is when we lost Samuel, our son, I didn't do it willingly, I had no choice in the matter. But God did do it willingly, for you and me. To save me, the lousy, sinner I am. Wow, I know how much I love my children, and for the Lord to let Him die for others who are so unworthy, it is sometimes too much for me to take in. I also think of Mary, Jesus' mother and all that she went through. She knew that her son would die to be the Savior. I wonder what she thought when she looked at him as a baby... knowing and wondering all that the future would hold. I can't imagine the pain she must have felt at times.
So there is much to be thankful for this Spring amidst the difficulties. Because of what Jesus did there is HOPE for the future... eternity. Some days eternity seems soooo FAR away. But I remember reading the book The Purpose Driven Life years ago, and I clearly remember how Rick Warren mentioned this life on earth as one little dot on an entire line... that entire line is eternity. This life is so short. When you are in the throws of it, it doesn't seem that way at all. But because of what Jesus did I can have that HOPE that I will spend all of eternity with my precious son. Oh I can't wait for the day:) And I want to take as many people with me... I know I can't take them with me... but maybe the Lord will use this vessel to plant seeds or be used by Him however He sees fit. When we lived in Texas 10 years ago, our church there had the best mission statement. I still remember it today, To build a bigger Heaven tomorrow, by sharing Jesus on earth today. That encompasses it all, I love it!

1 comment:

Samantha said...

Sara, yes, God is doing an amazing work in you through the hardest, most painful trial of your life. God is being testified of in every post you write, in every tear you cry, in every Word of Scripture you quote. You are His willing vessel, and so beautiful your precious heart. I praise God and I encourage you. He is near your mommy's heart. How deep the Father's love is for you. So overwhelmingly deep! Bask in His promises for you dear friend. Thank you for sharing your guts with us. Continuous prayers going up from Wisconsin! Love you so much friend. Sam