SWEET BABY JO... HE HAD THE BEST GOLDEN, REDDISH HAIR
Oh our precious Jojo is 4. It seems impossible to me. To be honest it is quite bittersweet for me. Jojo is the youngest in the house and it shouldn't be that way... it doesn't feel right at all. He is not the youngest of our children but the youngest still living here with us. He seems so big and feels so old to me... it makes me sad. He is growing up so fast... Life is so fragile and fleeting. We never know if we will have tomorrow with the ones we love and that is all too real for us everyday.
I was taking a run with my sister-in-law while we were up north. We were talking about truly enjoying all the moments that each day holds. When I started talking about the longing I have for my heavenly home I think it freaked her out a bit...(Sorry sista:) I went on to explain to her that I do treasure each day with the kids. I treasure each child, they are just precious. I know I am so blessed to have the 4 with me each day. At the same time I have a great sadness in my heart and spirit. It seems weird that you can feel gratefulness, blessed beyond measure, yet at the same time feel such sorrow. I didn't know that the two could co-exist at the same time... but they do.
So today Jojo, Eli, Elijah T, Jo, Joey, E... got to be king of the day. (Greg keeps telling me we need to stop with the nicknames, that he won't know his real name... I just can't, at least not yet:) He picked pancakes for breakfast. The other kids were trying to convince him to pick ice cream sundaes. He was set on pancakes. We had a family from church over for lunch and it was so nice to have them here. The kids had a blast... and I really enjoyed having someone to talk to. I am thankful God brought them my way today.
Then tonight we had our good friends the Tiews over for dinner. We have celebrated every birthday with them over the last 3 years, here in OK and back in St. Louis at the sem. They took the kids when we were at the hospital having Samuel, their kids comforted our children when they spent that night trying to grasp that their baby brother was gone. Lula was the only one who saw Samuel besides our family and the Dr. and nurses. She knows exactly what we went through that day. She knows what it felt like to hold our son... not alive, not breathing... she held him. Looking back I wish other people could have seen him. Sometimes I feel like people just can't begin to grasp all that day entailed because they didn't experience any of it themselves nor did they see us in the situation. I know people think it had to be such a hard day... it was so much more than that. It was the death of so many things... Samuel of course, but the death of so many dreams for him and our family. My kids heard of another baby born this week and all 3 of the older kids just cried. They just don't understand why their brother didn't get to live like most babies. I don't really have an answer for them... I wonder the same thing. I keep trying to reassure them of God's love for us and His good plan for our family... but it is hard to see the good plan when it hurts so bad. We continue to wait to see that plan revealed in His timing. Oh, in reality, that is so hard to do.
Obviously I get to rambling, my point is... it is so nice to be with them. It is such a comfort to be with someone who was there, really experienced the loss with us. They are treasured friends. So we had dinner, talked and ate Jo's birthday dessert... Schaum torte. I thought it was pretty funny that out of all the desserts he could pick, he picked that.
So to our sweet Jo, we are so very, very, grateful that the Lord blessed us with you 4 years ago. I remember the day you were born... you surprised us, we figured you were a girl. And you were 2 lbs bigger than all of the others at 9 lbs. 6 oz. ( except your little brother Samuel, he was pretty close to you at 9.2 lbs) You have grown to be such a joy to us all. You make us all laugh and smile. You are so easy to raise, so good natured. You have such a sweet spirit, there are very few times that I get frustrated with you because you are just that easy going. You are so smart and say the funniest things. We love to watch you play by yourself, you entertain yourself with anything, but you especially love your trains and cars. You are just plain fun, we love living life with you little man. We can't wait to experience life with you and to see what the Lord has planned for you in the future. You are a treasure!