One at a time...

 This sweet little smile...

 

 And those luscious lips...

 

And even these grumpy moments are the sweet spots amidst the crazy busy days right now:):)

 

One day at a time... is how we are taking it... and truly my prayer for the last few weeks has been that the Lord would multiply the minutes of my days to somehow allow me to get everything done that needs to get done...

 

At this point... I feel like we are in decent shape as far as the packing goes... but I am not naive enough to not recall that with every move near the end, the panic sets in and it usually always comes down to some "throw it in whatever box you can find" moments:):)  We aren't there yet:):) 

 

By the grace of God I had 3 precious friends come and help me get the majority of the kitchen packed the other day...It was a huge blessing...

 

Tomorrow the house gets listed with a realtor... we were trying it for a couple of weeks by owner... and we had a lot of action... but no offers... now it is go time... we will most likely be out in about a month...  I know God has the exact people for our home... and He will bring them at the perfect time... but our prayer is that it happens sooner rather than later:):)  Isn't that every one's prayer when they are selling a house?? 

 

Last night Anna, Jojo and I were sitting in Samuel's garden... Here are some random thoughts from a mommy with a child in Heaven...

 

There is a weird difficulty with leaving this house and place.  I am so thankful that we didn't bury Samuel here and that we can take his ashes with us.  I clearly know exactly where he is... but for some reason there is comfort in knowing his remains can come with us...  I also have this heaviness of heart leaving behind the place where he was with us... I remember so many moments of when we first lived here when he was still alive inside of me... the long nightly walks... relaxing baths in my tub... the kids painting my belly in the kitchen... a seminary wives reunion here just a few weeks before he died...so many more and all such precious memories...  I have shed lots of tears over remembering Samuel here in this place as of late...

 

 

But with that too comes the hard memories of my absolute heartbreak when I knew for sure he was gone as I was trying to get him to move while resting in my bed... the panic... the deep, devastating grieving I did right here in this house... The loneliness... Oh, that was so hard... I can hardly believe I survived it at times... There is a part of me that is happy to leave that place behind...yet it reminds me of him... and at the same time and in a weird way ... I love that about this house...

 

So we plug ahead... home school conference tomorrow and ordering our books so we are ready for the new school year... Louis has at least 6 more photo shoots he is trying to squeeze in before we leave (which means he needs transportation:) and loads of packing packing packing... We can't forget the awesome finalization of Isaiah's adoption next week... we are so thankful for that opportunity and CAN.NOT.WAIT!:) 

 

A last bit of news... our family was blessed with a new nephew this past week... Isaac Nathaniel... born to my sister and her husband... we are so thankful for his safe arrival!



So grateful for them...

These two young men are growing up WAY TOO QUICKLY!

Spending 2 weeks with them in Uganda opened up my eyes in new ways as to how the Lord has gifted and blessed them...


Louis... loving on those kids with reckless abandon...
proclaiming at the top of his lungs, "I love Jesus!!!"  While dressing a room full of kiddos at the baby home... And the parroting kids declared loudly back, "I love Jesus!!!"
The tears that flowed saying goodbye to those ones that were extra special to him.
His gift is to love, talk, engage, show compassion to... I could go on and on... He is a social bug and a very funny guy... very much a people person...


Caleb, the serious thinker... calmly and quietly receiving the hand of a former little street boy in His as we walked the 2 miles to church one morning.
Lovingly feeding babies whose pants were soiled through and through... never batting an eye...
Getting right in there, playing soccer with 3 different groups of former street boys...
I will never forget the little boy who latched onto Caleb big time ... he was really too old to be held but would not let Caleb put him down and Caleb just held him and held him.
My hard working brink laying boy...

I can not tell you how proud I am of them.

They work so hard taking turns each week, one going early with Greg to work on Sunday mornings up at church, mowing lawns in the neighborhood, ministering to orphans and street boys in Uganda... working for a neighbor each week (in fact they are both getting up at 5:15 in the morning tomorrow to help out a neighbor...

 I know that leaving our home now for a new city in just a few short weeks is not easy for them.  It is probably hardest on them.  And we had a few rough days of sadness, worry, and anxiousness in the beginning.  But now, they have chosen to embrace it!  I know that they will miss their friends and youth group A LOT... But they have had a great attitude about it and I really appreciate that.  I know that there will be bumps a long the way...but I am so thankful for their willingness to go where God wants their dad and also where he wants them to serve as well.  I am so thankful for these great young men:)

Our girl..

 

 

The house is all quiet... now that is a rarity:)

I have the 3 littles and all 3 are napping... another rarity:)

 

I just got done reading with this precious pumpkin...

I don't think I have ever seen or personally had the priveledge of raising such a busy, wiggly little person... And oh,she is so affectionate!  Love this little one!

 

As we get ready to finalize Isaiah's adoption 2 weeks from today  (PRAISE GOD!!!) I can not help but think about Hopie's adoption journey... Up and down for sure... quite the emotional roller coaster... Yes, I think she will get to stay... oh then again maybe not... Ahh... 7 months of my heart literally all over the map:) 

Yesterday we had loads of tears from one youngster on the way home from coop... I literally called Greg in the car in front of me and said,"Detour to Braums for ice cream!"  (It was such a treat and not something we do often)  That is how we celebrated Hope's finalization... ice cream at Braums almost 3 years ago... Yesterday as we nibbled on our cones, all the kids were recalling Hope's finalization.

 

God is so good and faithful... I know I say it over and over again... but it is so true! Today in the car...even after a somewhat crazy ( 2 year old melt down) grocery store experience with the 3 littlest ... minus all my big helpers:)  I marveled that there I sat in my van with these 3 kids... all given to us by 3 amazing biological moms... all from such different circumstances in life... GIVEN TO US!!!  Wow!!!  Only God could do a work like that!   I can't tell you how often I look at them and am TOTALLY amazed at the gift that they are! EVERY.SINGLE.DAY!

 

Well, it is no longer quiet... Off to pack some boxes with a sweet little dark skinned 5 month old by my side:):)



This about how we all feel these days...

 

 

Jojo is full of the priceless expressions...

 

But this is about how we all feel these days... a little like deer in the headlights...

So much to do, and time is moving at mach speed! 

 

Will we get it all done???  Tonight at our impromptu family meeting right before dinner (they will really listen if they are HUNGRY!)  It was determined that if I have to do it all myself or daddy does there is not way it is going to happen... but we are a team and if the team works together like it should then I think we will get the job done...

 

In all honesty, the stress is high... I can feel the crabbiness from everyone, including myself...

NO GOOD!  I truly want this time to be as joyous as possible...   It is hard, but really not hard in comparison to what life has been like at times... I know I need to be in constant prayer that The Lord would smooth out all the edges as I think everyone feels the burden of trying to get ready to move... finish school etc...

 

Today I had my sweet friend Shelley come help me organize and pack up my home school closet!  OH MY GOODNESS, SHE IS AN ORGANIZING GURU!!! And I am not:):)  It was such a HUGE burden lifted.  I am so thankful she was willing to give up a big chunk of her day to help me... She also watched the baby while I showed the house to 2 different couples...

 

I think it was the perfect kick in the shorts to really get the packing rolling!  Thanking the Lord tonight for organized friends... willing to share their gift!:)

 

 

A first goodbye...

 

This past Tuesday I went to my last MEND (Mommies Enduring Neonatel Death) meeting here in Oklahoma.  I tried not to even think about the fact that this could potentially be my last MEND meeting ever.... I didn't do a very good job of not thinking about that. 

 

We had 2 new gals this month, one losing a baby to stillbirth and the other lost her baby girl at 4 days old.  It was so sad... It NEVER gets any less sad.  To see those girls in the depths of a fresh loss... breaks my heart.  It NEVER  gets any easier... especially after you have been there and you know full well, that most likely it is going to get much harder before it gets any easier. 

 

At the end of the meeting our director gave us each a rose for Mother's Day.  (They won't meet again until after Mother's Day)  For some of those girls it may be the only recognition they receive for being a mom since the child they lost is their only child to date. 

 

I held it together pretty well, until the very end.  They were thanking me for helping these last 3 1/2 years... but honesty, I was already breaking down, but knew there was no reason they should have been thanking me, but rather, me thanking them.  And then I LOST IT!   Totally!

 

Obviously, the Lord walked this journey right along side of us but with out MEND I am not sure how I would have survived that first year after Samuel died. 

Living in a new city when we lost him didn't help matters. 

 I have NEVER been more lonely in my life. 

 My heart was shattered (at times I thought unrepairable) but at MEND I never felt alone and my new normal actually felt normal. 

I was encouraged by seeing gals further in their grief journey actually surviving the loss of their child...

It gave me hope for the future. 

 

 

These women NEVER made me feel judged in my grief,

never pushed me to be somewhere else in the process than where I was,

made sure I knew I wasn't alone,

fully supported me,

said the hard things to me when I needed to hear that,

literally walked through the valley of the shadow of death with me (instead of turning the other way and running)  And they did it willingly... and with such tenderness and compassion.  Even with saying all of that... those words don't even come close to describing what they have meant to me.  It was hard saying goodbye...OUCH!! 

 

What an amazing organization! I have been so blessed by their ministry.  We will see if the Lord ever opens the doors to start a group where we will be moving to.  God knows and we will rest in that:) But I know that I often still cry out for the Lord to never allow me to waste the pain I felt after Samuel died. I want him to conitnue to use that pain for His glory and  something beautiful.

 

 

A new journey...

The packing has begun...

I've already had so say some goodbyes... ouch:( 

It is with great joy mixed with sadness that we move forward in a new journey the Lord has our family on in moving to Illinois.  Truly... life is so bittersweet... I have lived that fully the last 5+years... and now those feelings are so fresh. 

That bitter taste in your mouth as you say goodbye to precious friends who have literally walked right by your side through the valley of the shadow of death (that is a whole other post) and then the sweet of the excitement that a new journey brings. 

I am SO SO THANKFUL that the Lord made it abundantly clear what His will for our family was.  As we headed to visit the new church I had my list of questions and things that I wanted to make sure we talked about at some point over the weekend.  And the big majority of them were answered with out me even having to bring them up the night we got there.

Peace... sweet peace... the Lord gives us... (even amidst, laundry, dirty diapers, packing up 9 people for a move, meal prep...selling a home... the constant clean up... purging... the crazy singing 4 year old in my ear at the moment:):) 

There have been moments when I literally start to feel overwhelmed by the amount of things that need to be accomplished in the next 4 weeks... By the fact, that I CAN NOT be everything everyone wants me to be.  But the Lord gently whispers in my ear what really matters and continually gives me the reassurance that this is all in HIS perfect plan... I am so thankful to have that peace. 

I would love for you to pray that miraculously...

• Our house would sell fast
• For our kids in this transition... especially the older 2 boys (as it seems to be much harder for our older kids... although all in all they are doing sooooo good with the move)
• For the Lord to multiply our time to get everything done and still be able to to spend time with those we love here before we go.
• That God would fully prepare our family and the church we are headed to for the great ministry that the Lord will accomplish there. (We can not wait to see the plans of the Lord unfold there as it was precious to see a passion to reach all people for the Lord, and a warm love among the people there)
• And of course for our church here... that the Lord would do amazing things after we leave.  We desire only the best for Immanuel.  That God will provide the exact person that He wants and needs here to take Greg's place to truly accomplish the ministry that the Lord desires to be done here. 
• For our hearts as we say goodbyes in the coming days... I desire the constant peace of the Lord amidst the sadness of leaving people we love...

We serve such a good and faithful God!!!

Photo from Easter Sunday at the Faust house:) 

I realized I had not posted any pictures from Easter. After a super busy Easter week... we were so blessed to literally plop down and enjoy the day...

Our friends are always so gracious to make Easter Sunday easy going, fun for the kids, with plenty of delicious food for everyone... It was a blessing to us!

 

So tonight while on the phone with a friend...

I realized...

 

It was April 12th... which means...

We have 3 days to get our taxes done...

 

Poor Greg has been super busy, but was very patient to allow me to get all my Dinner Divas tax stuff in order so he can get them done...

Never have we waited this long...

 

Oh well, we have learned not to sweat the small stuff... It is  not life or death so we can rest easy... they will get done...

 

Looking REALLY forward to our ladies... and Isaiah sleepover tomorrow night...