MORE UP NORTH PHOTOS:)

THERE WAS A LOT OF TREE CLIMBING AND RUNNING AHEAD TO JUMP OUT AND SCARE THE PARENTS ON THIS HIKE... WHEN WE LIVED IN WISCONSIN WE LIVED LESS THAN A MILE FROM BOTH OF MY BROTHERS, SO COUSIN TIME WAS ABUNDANT BACK THEN... THEY REALLY TREASURE THE TIME THEY GET TOGETHER NOW:)

ISN'T THIS A BEAUTIFUL PICTURE? I THINK I MAY TRY TO BLOW IT UP IN BLACK AND WHITE AND FRAME IT WITH THE BIBLE VERSE AT THE BOTTOM... TRUST IN THE LORD WITH ALL YOUR HEART AND LEAN NOT ON YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING, IN ALL YOUR WAYS ACKNOWLEDGE HIM AND HE WILL MAKE YOUR PATHS STRAIGHT.

RIGHT NOW I CAN'T REMEMBER WHERE IT IS FOUND. TO ME THE TALL TREES LOOK A LOT LIKE THE HUGE CHALLENGES OF THIS WORLD JUST STARING YOU IN THE FACE... BUT THE PATH IS STILL STRAIGHT. AS I SIT HERE 11 MONTHS FROM THE DAY I HELD MY SWEET SAMUEL, I KNOW THERE IS SO MUCH THAT I DON'T UNDERSTAND... I DON'T THINK I WILL EVER REALLY UNDERSTAND HIS WAYS. THEY ARE SO NOT MY WAYS, NOT AT ALL THE WAY I WOULD HAVE HAD THINGS PLAY OUT. BUT I NEED TO CONTINUE TO TRUST AND ACKNOWLEDGE HIM AND HE WILL MAKE MY PATHS STRAIGHT. GOOD GRIEF... LEFT TO MY OWN GRIEF....MY PATH IS ALL OVER THE MAP, UP... DOWN...WIDE...NARROW... BUT WITH MY SAVIOR HE CAN KEEP MY PATHS STRAIGHT EVEN AMIDST MY GRIEF:) THAT COMFORTS ME TODAY AS I THINK OF MY SWEET BOY AND MY HEART LONGS FOR HIM. WE WILL SEE IF I EVER GET AROUND TO DOING THAT WITH THE PHOTO... GOTTA ADD THAT TO THE TO DO LIST:)

ME AND MY HONEY AT THE OVERLOOK POINT. WHAT WOULD I DO WITH OUT THIS MAN?... HE ALWAYS SAYS HE IS MORE LOYAL THAN A DOG... I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT WAS KIND OF FUNNY SINCE I HAVE NEVER HAD A DOG. BUT HE HAS BEEN MORE LOYAL TO BE PATIENT, KIND, LOVING AND IN TRYING TO UNDERSTAND ME IN MOST THINGS THIS PAST 11 MONTHS. I AM BLESSED GREATLY BY HIM EACH DAY.

WISCONSIN FALL PHOTOS

THESE 2 PEAS IN A POD, BORN JUST 12 DAYS APART, ABSOLUTELY LOVE

THEIR TIME TOGETHER. THE MORNING WE LEFT WE HAD TO RUN BY THEIR HOUSE TO PICK SOMETHING UP AND ANNA HAD TO RUN UPSTAIRS TO WAKE SOPHIE UP TO GIVE HER A HUG:) SUCH LITTLE LOVEBUGS!
GRAMPS AND JOJO
DURING OUR HIKE.
ANNA AND GRANDMA




THE COUSINS ON THE HIKE THROUGH THE KETTLE MORRAINE FOREST. THERE IS JUST SOMETHING ABOUT HIKING THROUGH THE WOODS IN THE FALL. I LOVE IT, THE SMELLS, THE LEAVES, THE CRISP AIR... ALL OF IT.
FALL IS MY FAVORITE SEASON... WE JUST MISSED THE CHANGING OF ALL OF THE LEAVES. THAT IS ONE THING I MISS HERE IN OK, YOU GET SOME CHANGE OF LEAVES HERE, BUT IT ISN'T THE MAJESTIC CHANGE YOU GET UP NORTH:)

ME WITH MY 2 SWEET SISTER IN LAWS:) KATY AND JANE

A WISCONSIN WEDDING:)

THE BEAUTIFUL BRIDE AND GROOM, ANNIE AND BRETT:)

This precious couple, Annie and Brett are finally married. We were so blessed to be a part of their special day. It was Greg's first wedding to perform, so that was kind of exciting. But really it was just so exciting to see them get married. We always knew that they would, but it was so fun to have the day finally arrive for them. Annie was one of Greg's youth at St. Paul's, and she and Brett have dated for the past 8 years... Greg was so honored to get to marry them. It was kind of funny after the ceremony Greg admitted to me, that when they opened the door and Annie and her dad were starting to walk down the aisle he started to get all teary eyed. I hate to think about what he will be like when it is his own daughter. It was a beautiful ceremony, beautiful bride and groom, beautiful day and great to get to talk with old St. Paul's friends.

We absolutely enjoyed our trip to Wisconsin, although it was REALLY quick we were able to cram in a lot. For me the at the wedding I was struck with a bit of the long term reality of not having Samuel here with us. I couldn't help but think that we would never see him get married. We know there is no guarantee that we will see all of our living children get married, that may not be what God has for them... but at least they will have a chance to. So far I have really missed all of the here and now that I would be missing, cutting teeth, crawling, almost walking, smiling, snuggling, etc. But it made me realize I will never get to experience him learning how to drive, graduate from High School, get married... all of those long term things. Kind of made me sad in a new, different way.

We went to the church that I grew up at, Brookfield Lutheran Church. It was amazing. We had never heard their new pastor... but today I spent time in the car writing him a letter. I had to tell him what a miracle it was that we were there yesterday to hear the message that he preached. Seriously, I haven't been back to that church in at least 10 years. But the week we are there, the pastor preaches a message that was written for me. All of it, every single bit of it. It was on Lazarus being raised from the dead. He talked about worry, doubt, fear, our faith,and the big one WAITING ON GOD'S TIMING. I am sure he wondered what was going on when our eyes connected during his message and the big puppy dog tears were just rolling down my face. He was a dynamic, powerful preacher, but really I was amazed by what he said and how God brought us there to hear it. I think I will download it so I can listen to it again and again when I need to. Seeing old friends there was wonderful too, and it always neat to see how other churches do things.

I will post more pictures in a couple of days from our hike with all of the family. We praise God for safe travel and a wonderful time with family and friends... I do have to admit traveling with a bit of space was an incredible blessing for us.

THIS TIME LAST YEAR...

MY LITTLE MONKEY JO:)

LOUIS WITH DOOFUS, SPARKEY... WE JUST DISCOVERED HIS NAME IS REALLY FRED. NOW YOU BETTER SIT DOWN, WE LOVE THIS DOG... YES I SAID WE, MOST PEOPLE KNOW THAT I HAVE NEVER LIKED DOGS, REALLY HAVE BEEN PRETTY SCARED OF THEM MY WHOLE LIFE. BUT FRED IS JUST SO SWEET... BELIEVE IT OR NOT, I ACTUALLY TOLD THE KIDS THEY COULD GO ASK HIS OWNER IF WE COULD HAVE HIM. THEN I RETHOUGHT IT ALL. WHAT BETTER KIND OF DOG THAN THE KIND THAT IS HERE TO PLAY WITH, LOVE ON, BUT YOU NEVER HAVE TO FEEL OBLIGATED TO FEED, OR FIND HELP FOR WHEN YOU LEAVE TOWN. BUT MAN, HE IS THE NICEST DOG... KIND OF HAS BECOME A PART OF THE HINTZ CREW:)

ANNA KISSING SWEET SAMUEL IN MY TUMMY

What a week, take a deep breath. It has been busy, mostly because we had to get ready for a quick trip up north. (side note, Caleb just came in and said, " Freddy is a good dog, I just done feeding him the leftover bacon schniblets." Is that even a word? No wonder this dog loves us, kids to play with all day long and left over bacon:) Anyways we are so excited for Greg to do the wedding for his former youth girl Annie and her sweet fiance Brett. We can't wait to see them become one. So it will be a jam packed weekend with the wedding, and trying to spend some time with family. We are excited and a bit frazzled I might add. We will be back on Monday.

Just another little tid bit, we got a call from another agency in OKC last night that wants to show our profile to a girl due in a week and a half. Interesting... what a road the adoption process is... these last 2 places have sought us out, just because we are willing to bring home a baby of color. Wild. The adoption journey is not for the faint of heart that is for sure. There are lots of ups and downs and waiting. So as always every day we continue to pray for all those girls that are having to make such tough decisions because they love their babies and want the best for them. We are always praying that God would protect them and their little ones and guide them in their decisions and really give peace to their hearts. I can't imagine willingly giving your baby up, wow!

I really want the baby God has planned for us, not just any baby. I will say Greg and I have said from the start that we would love a drop off baby, one that just arrives and they need to find a home for. That would be ideal, not to have to go through 8 mos. of planning and waiting with a birthmom who could change her mind when the baby arrives... you just never know. But I will admit, my patience and hope grows very thin at times. But I don't want a baby that really isn't meant for us... does that make sense?

Not sure if I will get a chance to update while we are gone.

So as always... waiting on Him and His timing.

NEED A LITTLE HELP HERE...

Eating watermelon at Grandma and Grandpa Bottoms
I couldn't help posting this one, check out Anna's eyes... HMMMM, what does she see in that watermelon... a big black bug, a 100 dollar bill... what could it be? Wooh, this was some gooooood watermelon.


2 satisfied customers

OK so I need help. I am going crazy with the fruit flies at my house. Does anyone out there have a sure fire way on how to get rid of them for good. I have tried a glass of vinegar, that was somewhat successful, but I need something that will really work. I think with living in the country and having a bunch of kids coming in and out all day long we have invited the little critters to join us. Between that and the regular house flies, I am starting to loose my mind... Oh yeah, that already happened last month when I forgot my husband's birthday after 16 years of marriage... good grief. I would love any ideas.

One other thing, we have never had a thumb sucker till Anna and in fact she had a pacifier till she was 2... had nothing till 3 1/2, then after seeing some other little booger sucking his thumb, she took up the habit at 3 1/2. Who does that? Well apparently my precious little girl does. Here we sit at almost 7 and she is still doing it. Has anyone tried something that will work to break the thumb sucking habit. We try to have here sleep with a mitten on at night. We have tried to work towards a fun pizza party out with the family, but I am fresh out of ideas. I would love what ever ideas you might have.


Today was just one of those days. I was either on the verge or crying the majority of the day. I don't know what set it off, but whatever it was, the grief came back heavy and with a vengeance. Plain and simple, I still just wish things were different. So much has changed and quite frankly it exhausts me sometimes just thinking about it. Many days I still don't recognize myself... this former social bug, much rather sit in the comfort of my own home, or with a smaller more intimate group, than be in a large crowd. Today for the first time, I had a brief moment where I just thought I am going to take all of the pictures of Samuel down... and pretend he never existed, then would the pain go away or lessen? Then my gut just felt sick, that is what it has felt like so many others have done, pretend he didn't exist. That has added to my grief BIG TIME over the last year. So obviously, all of his pictures are still up:) And there is no way I would give up the 9 months I spent with Samuel, just to avoid the pain I feel now... it was a fleeting thought, once I thought it, I knew it was wrong for me. Just one of those days....

Baby Joel

A few days ago we got our Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep pictures from when Joel was born.

The top picture is the little card they tape to the door of the room that has a family inside that has lost their baby... we all remember that same card from the day we lost Samuel as well.

I feel like my hands look huge in the second picture... Joel was just that small... teeny, tiny, but still perfectly created by our creator.

Just thought I would share a couple with you.

Tonight we had Faith and her family over. We haven't seen her in over a month. We all miss her. We got to meet her little brother and cousin. Her mom, grandma and little sister came too. We had an absolutely wonderful time. They invited us for Thanksgiving if we are around and don't have plans. I thought that was so nice. There were so many times I looked around all night and just felt a warm fuzzy feeling inside. Anna was sitting on Faith's grandmas lap just laughing away, the rest of us all were playing Monopoly Deal together having a really nice time. The kids were absolutely thrilled to have them all here. I am so glad she is doing well, and am so thankful that God brought them into our lives. I really have learned so much from them and I think them from us. This may sound odd, but I haven't had that many opportunities to spend tons of time with any other African Americans. Honestly, I NEVER even notice any color difference when we are with them...(except when they bring over greens for us to try, boy were they delicious... loved them:) We are all just people who love each other. It really is such a great thing for us and the kids. I will say it does make me long for that little black baby Joel who would have been a part of our family already or very shortly had he lived.

This verse gives me comfort in the fact that both Samuel and Joel were here on this earth for exactly the amount of days that the Lord had planned for them... not what I had planned for them, but God's ways are sovereign and good... even when they don't necessarily feel good.

For you created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mother's womb. I will praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are WONDERFUL, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

Psalm 139:13-16

Continually trusting in the one who holds our future...

FULL DAYS

I know my kid needs a haircut... but can you believe the size of that green bean someone from church gave us?


Ok, I think it is official.... running in the rain is my absolute favorite weather to run in. Probably not the best for your shoes, but really good for the soul. You know a lot of people talk about the storms of life hitting you... the downpour. I can certainly relate to that and I can appreciate that word picture. For some strange reason though in this journey I am on, the rain is actually a good thing. Sometimes just seeing the rain fall, feels good to me, it sometimes just perfectly suits my mood. And other days it feels like a healing rain, a cleansing rain. I have a dear friend Becky who has been praying together with me that this year, 2009, would bring renewed promises, intense healing and flooding... and we have been praying for flooding in a good way:)





I feel like our days are always so full. I enjoy it all, but sometimes I feel like I am under the gun. This will sound crazy but I finally feel like I have the energy to cook and maintain the meal part of our life again... For a while it was going better, then after Joel died that was one thing that just seemed to be overwhelming to me. I know that sounds so lame. That is very unlike me, I love to cook yummy, homemade things, but I just didn't have the energy to. So I am finally back to it, and it feels good. I made some really yummy quinoa today for lunch. All of the kids actually loved it.



Tonight we had the MEND, my infant loss support group, fundraiser. This was funny. I had asked the ladies at group if there would be men there and it seemed like plenty of them said yes... it just so happened that they gave their husbands jobs to do at the fundraiser. I think my husband was the only man, and Louis and Caleb were 2 of 3 kids there. They had a ball, Greg on the other hand said that I owe him Big time. I think he will be coming to collect:) Poor guy, he was a pretty good sport though... He even won a prize, which embarrassed him even more. It was a big success which was great. I have to say that of all the things that have helped me since losing my son, my counselor, my dearest friends, the volunteer photographers at Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep, and MEND have been some of the biggest blessings to me.



This week we were also blessed to trade in our old minivan for a BIG van, an 11 passenger. I realized as I drove to church in it last week, when I declared out loud, "I love this car" what a total geek I have become. Really I do love it. It will be such a HUGE blessing when we have to travel... like next week when we hit the road for a 12 hour drive to Wisconsin for a wedding. Greg is marrying one of his youth that he had in youth group up there before we went to the seminary. We will stay 3 days and then turn around and head back. It will be really quick, but it will be so nice to travel with a little more room. Previously I was always traveling with 3 bags at my feet and every nook and cranny filled. This will be so nice.



Praying you have a blessed Friday... Yeah, the weekend.