GRIEF AND MOURNING

I received the following in an email from a friend at church who worked in Hospice. It was an eye opener for me. I know how I am feeling but I can't always describe it... This described it for me. I grieve for my son everyday. My sister laughed the other week when we talked. I had told her that I still haven't made it through a day without shedding tears over our loss of Samuel. She asked what makes me cry. I went on to tell her, it might be a song, looking at his pictures, something someone says to me, or something nice that someone has done for me, or just my empty arms aching. We both agreed it might be MANY more months until the tears stop falling on a daily basis. So I grieve deeply for my son, but I am also mourning... I never really understood the difference until I read the following:

“Let’s remind ourselves of the importance between the terms grief and mourning. Grief is the internal thoughts and the feelings of loss and pain, whereas mourning is the outward, shared expression of that grief – or grief gone public. All bereaved families grieve when someone they love dies. But if they are to heal, they must have a safe, accepting atmosphere in which they can mourn.”

“To companion the bereaved means to be an active participant in their healing. When you as a caregiver companion the bereaved, you allow yourself to learn from their unique experiences. You let the bereaved teach you instead of the other way around. You make the commitment to walk with them as they journey through grief.”
Alan Wolfelt




The above quotes recognize that we need each other when journeying through life’s losses and this includes our need for God as well. This past Memorial Day marks a day of remembrance for those living and for those who have died. It is through the life experience of bereavement that we realize how important remembering is to the healing of those who are grieving. It is in the remembering that we attend to our grief. The phrase “time heals all wounds [our grief]” is a myth. Like any wound, it takes time to heal, but the healing usually does not happen without careful attention. The careful attention of a physical wound might include cleaning, debriding, stitches, and the application of medicines. In the same manner, the careful attention of someone with an emotional/spiritual wound like grief would include:
*Remembering the one who has died in his/her fullness (things he/she did well and not so well)
* Honoring and accepting the pain (tears) of the loss of the individual
* Remembering that the healing process leads us through the grief, not away or around it
* Learning to adapt to the major changes in life (there is no getting back to normal — whatever normal was)
* Walking through the grief with others at times and sometimes walking alone (yet always knowing that God and other trusted loved ones continue to be a resource)
* Realizing that the grief work does not get easier ­— we adjust, though, and get stronger in dealing with life.

Thanks for letting me share that with you. I am praying it helps you in your interactions with those around you who are grieving and mourning.

Peace and Love in Jesus<><

BLOCK PARTY AND BUGGING OUT

We will be bugging out of here tomorrow after church and heading to the big state of Nebraska. Greg will be taking his class and the kids and I will be finding fun things to do around Seward and Lincoln. We were even invited to have dinner with my sweet friend Becky's brother and sister-in-law. We are really looking forward to that. How kind of them to invite us strangers:)


So we hosted the neighborhood block party tonight. One of our routines is to take a family walk each night. So when we first moved in if anyone was outside we would introduce ourselves and visit with them a bit. I was amazed that it seemed like many didn't know each other even though they lived next to each other. Greg and I have been saying that we needed to do this since shortly after we moved in. Then when everything happened with Samuel dying, entertaining was not high on the priority list... Heck, I could barely get dinner on my own table. I didn't actually for a good month... others did.


It was beautiful night, besides the crazy Oklahoma wind. We only have 16 homes in the neighborhood so it isn't real big. And we had a great turnout. The kids had a blast playing together and all of the adults REALLY visited with one another. Everyone was mingling and getting to know each other. It was great. Everyone even wanted to do it again... so that was good... mission accomplished. I learned a lot more about many of them so that was really nice. With having little ones, getting to know my neighbors has always been a priority for me. We love our neighborhood, it is perfect for us. It is far enough out of the city to feel like country. There are enough kids for the kids to have others to play with. Our yard is big enough to keep this homeschooling family busy and have lots of space to run around. It is also pretty quiet and we are thankful to have really nice neighbors.


Well, I better go run, I need to prepare to teach the big boys Sunday School class. I told the boys I wouldn't have treats every week like Miss Shelley did, I think they are already disappointed that they have a new teacher:) Actually, they seem excited that I will be doing it. It should be fun.

Not much else is new... I kind of feel like I don't have too much to say... lots of the same, missing my sweet Samuel like crazy and forging ahead day by day... step by step appreciating the blessing of each new day. Thanks for joining us on this journey.

Praying you have a blessed Sunday.
Sara

PRECIOUS BOY:)

I know that I post a lot of pictures of the little ones sleeping. I just can't help myself... they look so peaceful. It gives my soul rest to just sit and watch the kids sleep. I always go in to check on each child before I go to bed. Usually I am so tired that I think I will just buzz in and out of their rooms quickly, but when I see them in all their preciousness sleeping I can't help but just sit and watch a bit... even the big boys. I think it is the fun fact that they are NEVER that still during the day. Anna and Jojo sleep together in the same bed... the bottom of the bunk bed and the top stays open every night. They just love to be together and that warms my heart. Sometimes I even crawl in there with the two of them for a bit.

Anyways, not too much else is new. The big boys and the birth mom who is living with us went out to a farm today to work all day for some people at church. The boys were looking so forward to it. We will head to Nebraska next week for Greg to take a family life class there. I think the kids and I will just go for a couple of days. So seeing as how it is time to pack again... I should probably unpack from our trip to Texas THE WEEK BEFORE EASTER. YIKES... so unlike me to let something go like that.

I would love for you to pray for me... I really feel the Lord stretching me in BIG ways. Having another person in our home full time is part of it. I love having company but I have never really had another person other than family live with us for an extended time. She is a real delight for the most part. We really do enjoy having her here, but sometimes my own selfishness kicks in and I long for some good "alone" family time. And just today I was stretched when her morning sickness got the best of her on the Living room floor and I had to clean it up:) (I really did feel so bad for her) I would love for you to pray that we can continue to have things go smoothly with her here. Pray that we can love on her and serve her while she is here and that the Lord protects her and her baby. Pray that she is drawn closer to her Savior during this time. I would also ask that you pray for the Lord to sustain me over the next 3+ months until she is due. (It isn't easy to see an ever growing baby belly in my own home with the longings I have in my own heart) Thank you so much for your prayers...

That is one of the best parts of being a part of the body of Christ, that we can go to the Lord on behalf of our friends. When we went to the sem, we started our family prayer board. It has REALLY helped hold us accountable to pray for people when we say we will. I love it and I love that we get to see answered prayers. The kids love that and I also love that the kids get to focus on praying for others and not just ourselves. That prayer board has been one of the best things we have done as a family. That being said I would love to pray for any of you that need prayer. So just leave a comment or email me if there is something that you would like prayer for. My email is gshintz@yahoo.com if you don't feel like posting it for everyone to see:)

What a journey. Sometimes I feel like it is an ever present balancing of myself... grief and joy with my family, longing and contentment. I am so thankful that the Lord walks this road with us but it can still be exhausting at times.

He gives strength to the weary

and increases the power of the weak.

Even youths grow tired and weary,

and young men stumble and fall;

But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary,

They will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:30-31

WHY IS EVERYTHING WORSE AFTER MIDNIGHT?

I remember one summer when I was pregnant with Anna, and Greg had been gone for a couple of weeks on youth trips. I decided to take the 2 boys up to my parents lake home in upper Wisconsin. It was a CRAZY week... It was constant, one thing after another. The first time I talked to Greg I had to explain how Louis has gotten swimmers itch from the lake. He was covered head to toe in little itchy bumps. He was miserable. I had maybe 15 bumps and it was enough to drive me batty, the itchiness. The next time I talked with Greg maybe 2 days later I had to explain that Louis had literally knocked one of his teeth out root and all, after a fall down the wooden steps. And if you know Caleb... constant motion:) Crazy times, but still precious times.

I remember laying in bed that night after the tooth incident and thinking,"Oh Lord, I am not sure I can handle another boy." I was really fretting over the all of the things that had happened that week. Wouldn't you know it, that sweet little baby in my womb was Anna, a girl:). The next morning it was a whole new story... I wasn't worried at all anymore. My fears had melted away.

That is how it ALWAYS has been for me... worse after midnight... The kids illness seem to get worse during the nights... and my mind is much worse off after midnight... running... thinking...remembering... Now it is still the same, worse after midnight, but unfortunately I can't say that things like the death of your son change just because the sun is up and shining...

A sweet girl from Church sent me a link to this song on video last week and this morning she had this CD for me. So, so sweet of her. The words just spoke to me, I could so relate to the 2nd verse... It was almost as if, she, the singer, had been watching me at night. I also was so touched by the part where it talks about the sweetest voice calling your name. In those rough, rough, night time moments... oh to hear the Lord calling my name.


That has been another new thing for me. I have never really struggled much with my self-esteem... not that I have been full of myself at all, or overly confident... Just confident of who I am in Christ and who He made me to be... no proudness of who I am, but who I am in HIM. I have never been easily swayed by the "in thing" or doing what everyone else is doing. I just never really felt the pressure to conform. Can you tell... I home school, was passionate about "Natural" childbirth, love natural and homeopathic remedies etc. I could go on and on. But losing Samuel has rocked pretty much every part of me. Circumstances surrounding his death, moving to a new city just a couple of months earlier, and peoples reactions to me afterwards... just had me wounded... feeling so worthless. On top of the grief I felt so beaten down... all of me. I know that is something I never would have understood before losing Samuel.

I think that is another reason this song speaks to me. Wow, how I would love to audibly hear that sweet, sweet voice calling out my name. We may never hear that sweet voice call our name, this side of heaven. But to think that the Lord called sweet Samuel's name as he met him last October 29th. "SAMUEL MARK HINTZ, I LOVE YOU, WELCOME HOME. What a beautiful sound... I wish I could have been there to hear it.


Also our Lord to be the only one who has really loved me ALL OF MY LIFE. I know my parents love me, but most likely they will be with our Savior before me... they won't be here to love me then in that part of my life. Greg loves me, but he hasn't known me all of my life. How cool is it that the Lord has known us and the number of our days since before time began. I know I have said it before... but I have needed to be reminded of the Lord's love for me. He loves me regardless of life circumstances or how I feel.

I pray you enjoy the song! Turn up the volume and revel in the Lord's great love and faithfulness to you in the good and rough times!





You're Not Alone
Meredith Andrews


I search for love
When the night came
and it closed in
I was alone
but you found me where
I was hiding
and though I'll never ever be the same
It was the sweetest voice
that called my name
saying

CHORUS:
You're not alone
For I am here
let me wipe away your every fear
My love I've never left your side
I have seen you through the darkest night
and I'm the one that's loved you
all your life
All of your life

You cry yourself to sleep
cause the hurt is real
and the pain cuts deep
All hope seems lost
With heartache your closest friend
and everyone else long gone

You've had to face the music on your own
but there is a sweeter song
that calls you home
saying

CHORUS:
You're not alone
For I am here
let me wipe away your every tear
My love I've never left your side
I have seen you through the darkest nights
And I'm the one that's love you
all your life
All your life

Faithful and true...
Forever For my love will carry you....

You're not alone
for I am here
let me wipe away every fear...
Oh yeah
My love I've never left your side
I have seen you through your darkest nights
Your darkest nights

And I'm the one that's loved you
all your life
All of your life

BLESSINGS OF THIS WEEK

THE BUNNIES ARE GROWING

All in all it has been a hard week, a real battle daily for me. My mornings are especially hard. This has never been the case in my life before. I am the first to admit that I am not a morning person:) But this is different, from the moment I open up my eyes there is a heaviness in my heart. Right away I remember why it is there. I think many mornings I just wish the last 7 months were a bad dream... I wish I could go back and change the way things happened. But each morning when the reality of losing Samuel is fresh, I am immediately crying out for the Lord to carry me through the day. And by God's grace that is what we are doing, being carried through the day... some days safely cradled in his warmth and care and sometimes just hanging on by my fingernails... but none the less he is carrying me.

We had some wonderful blessings this week. Our elder and his wife from our church came over with a dogwood tree to plant right by Samuel's garden. Oh, it was such a precious gift... something for our area where we can sit, pray, and remember our son. The men planted it, and then we all, including our house guest:) held hands and prayed together. It was beautiful... lots of tears dripping onto the ground from these eyes...Thank you, thank you, thank you Krahns for that incredibly kind gesture... you touched our hearts in a deep place with that special tree. I can't wait to see the blooms on it next Spring.

We had the bible study ladies and their kids over for Bible study. I am so thankful for these women. God has heard many cries on the behalf of many people that I might start building some friendships here. They are blessing me greatly, by asking how I am coping and by being ok with all my tears and struggles... I am so thankful for these ladies.

One other crazy thing happened at church last week, there was a new couple that wanted to meet me. She is a close friend of my college roommate. For 6 years they attended the church that I grew up in. They even remembered my parents. It was like talking to someone who already knew me because she is so familiar with my home. They are currently living in Sweden but when they lived in Wisconsin they were close to all of my old church friends that I grew up with. It was so nice talking with them. They are moving here this summer. We were thrilled to hear that.

The retired pastor's wife is leading the new Beth Moore study on Wednesday nights at church. She is such a gem. She is so on fire for the Lord, His joy just pours out of her. It really is amazing. One of the incredible things that Beth talked about was that she had heard people tell her about really dark despairing times where they could not feel God's presence at all. Does this sound familiar?? She said she always prayed that the Lord will never allow that to happen to her... She said that about a year ago, that she had that feeling for about 6 wks. She said it was one of the hardest times in her life. I could so relate to all that she was saying. She knew He was present just felt so far from him and didn't sense Him at work at all. I am really looking forward to the rest of the study, I have a feeling that there will be a lot that applies to me.

I had the nicest talk with my mother-in-law this week. She is very compassionate and just listened to me and shared how she misses Samuel and when she thinks of him. That made me feel so good. She was telling me that at her work there is a little boy born right around the same time as Samuel. She always looks at him and thinks of what Samuel would be like. Yeah!!! I am not the only one wondering and thinking about how my precious son would have looked. She was making sure that he was included in the updating of the Hintz family reunion book. She will never know how much that meant to me... Some people just have a neat way of letting you know that just because he was born not living doesn't mean he isn't just as much a part of your family forever. She showed me that he matters to the whole family.

I totally was not going to mention this but it kind of relates to what my mother-in-law did with the family reunion book. A few months back a friend at the seminary, who is in charge of all of the baby announcements that get put in the women's newsletter on campus, had emailed me asking if I wanted to put Samuel's announcement in. She said she could write it up or I could. I was sooooooo incredibly touched by that. He was born to us... all 9lb. 2 oz of him:) all 21inches of him:) He was born to us, just like all of the other babies on campus, just because he wasn't alive didn't mean he shouldn't be included. (I am sure that may sound weird to some, or freak some people out to put in a baby announcement for a dead baby... but really come on, if we REALLY value life, that is what it is, a life. From the moment he was conceived a life. All 9 months and 1 day that he grew... a short life, but a life none the less... Ok I will get off my soap box:) It was a wonderful chance to introduce our beautiful son to people on campus and to remind people of how much we appreciate their prayers. Ashley that meant more to me than you will ever know. Thank you for being so thoughtful!

Last night we went to a Christian concert down by the riverwalk. It was a beautiful night. Next Tuesday Christy Nockels is giving a concert. I hope we get a chance to go. She sings the song Grace Flows Down. We had my sister-in-law Katy sign to that song at Samuel's memorial service. It was one of my favorite parts of the service... if you can have a favorite part of your son's memorial service. I clearly felt God's grace during that night. Tonight we had an end of the year soccer party with BIG fireworks, jupiter jumps and free dinner. Yes, mom had the night off, it was great. Jojo was hysterical during the fireworks the poor little guy.

Well, that is all for tonight. Blessings on your weekend!

I cried out to God for help; I cried out to God to hear me. When I was in distress, I sought the Lord; at night I stretched out untiring hands, and I would not be comforted. I remembered you, God and I groaned' I meditated and my spirit grew faint. You kept my eyes from closing; I was too troubled to speak. I thought about the former days, the years of long ago; I remembered my songs in the night. My heart meditated and my spirit asked; Will the Lord reject forever? Will he never show his favor again? Has his promise failed for all time? Has God forgotten to be merciful? Has he in anger withheld his compassion?

Then I thought , To this I will appeal; the years when the Most High stretched out his right hand; I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago. I will consider all your works and meditate on all your mighty deeds. You ways, God are holy. What God is as great as our God? You are the God who performs miracles. Psalm 77:1-14

VALIDATION

OH, HOW I LONG TO HOLD THAT SWEET BOY IN MY ARMS AGAIN. I WAS JUST TRYING TO SOAK IN WHAT HIS SOFT SKIN FELT LIKE AGAINST MINE.... I MISS IT SO MUCH!

SAMUEL LOOKED LIKE OUR ANNA...BIG, FULL, ROUND FACE... PRECIOUS! I HAVEN'T POSTED ANY COLOR PICTURES OF HIS FACE CLOSE UP BEFORE. YOU CAN SEE THE BLISTER BY HIS EYES, THAT IS ONE OF THE FIRST THINGS TO HAPPEN WHEN A BABY DIES STILL INT HE WOMB. YOU COULD SEE HIS SWEET SOFT SKIN LOOSENING UP (GUT WRENCHING) AND ACTUALLY IT HAD TORN IN PLACES ON HIS NECK, HANDS, AND TUMMY FROM BIRTH...SO SO HARD THE REALITY OF IT ALL.

SO MANY MONTHS OF WAITING TO SEE WHAT THIS PRECIOUS PUMPKIN LOOKED LIKE...SO LITTLE TIME TO SEAR ALL OF THE DETAILS OF HIS PRECIOUSNESS INTO MY MEMORY.

So it is probably pretty obvious that I am heartbroken today and missing Samuel like crazy. If you are looking for a pick me up, come back another day. If you are looking for honesty, you will get it here. Today I have felt all day that this can not possibly be my life. Today I want to be a hermit. Some days it just hurts too much to put yourself out there. There are TOO many things that set me off. Obviously, I wish it weren't the case but that is the reality of it. There are days that the reality of all of the details, which I haven't posted the half of, all that we went through last October 29th and 30th are all too graphic in my mind. Some days the memories are softer, not quite so brutally ugly. Today isn't one of those softer kind of days... much more vivid.

The time that we spent with Samuel was beautiful, yet traumatic to say the least. Will the pain that goes with seeing your child's lifeless body in your arms ever really lessen? I was so happy to see him after waiting so long. But were we really seeing him as we should have been? He wasn't pink like the rest of my babies. He wasn't breathing or making any noise like the rest of my babies. The silence and stillness of him was heart wrenching. How do see all of that and not let it affect you? How do you allow your other children to see all of that, and not wonder how it might affect them down the road. Who am I kidding, their lives will NEVER be the same either.

I don't know why, but a couple of weeks after we had to pick up Samuel's remains from the funeral home, I wanted to look at them. I was expecting to see about a handful size amount of powder, actually it was what I was told was in there. That isn't at all what I saw. Do you realize what my son's ashes looked like when I saw them? Do you realize I could see pieces of my son's bones in there? Can you imagine? I was horrified and basically freaked the heck out of Greg when I caught him at the computer... I felt like I was suffocating. Another one of my not so shining moments, but real none the less. I think that is something that they should have warned me about. There is a whole lot that they should have warned me about. We almost took them back to the funeral home to see if they could do anything about that, who knows we may still at some point. That is the reality of what goes through my mind... ALL of the memories of my Samuel, the beautiful and the really horrific.

Some days I can focus on and appreciate the beautifulness ( I don't think that is even a word:) of our family time with Samuel, but today just isn't one of them. I feel raw, exposed, pained, and alone. My heart is torn in 2, the longing I have to be with my Savior and son is so strong. And obviously I long to be here with the rest of my family. Why can't the Lord just come back now? That would make it all better. I can accept God's will, but that doens't mean that I have to LIKE it, all the details of it, all of the time.

I think part of the reason I feel so cruddy, is that pretty much daily there are those who will try to fix how I feel. Daily there are those who give excuses for or defend those who say things that are insensitive. I don't at all mean this to sound critical, I understand that things are unintentional, but they affect you none the less. I understand that they have moved on, their life is going on as normal and mine will NEVER be normal in the same sense that it was again. You know when someone says something... complaining maybe about their little one, or when I am in a situation where I can't get away from a crying baby, I would love for someone to say... "That must really stink, that must be really hard to hear other babies cry when you never heard that sweet sound of your baby boy." Yes, that is correct, the crying of a baby is sweet, precious. I remember when Elijah was born and was soooooo fussy, till we found out that he had a wheat sensitivity, my sister-in-law said, "Man how do you handle that all day." Honestly as I held him in my baby pack and carried him around, I hardly heard it. He needed me and I loved it. I could comfort him. I digress...

I completely understand that people don't really understand what might pain a person who has lost a child if they themselves haven't had the same loss. But you know some things to me seem pretty obvious... for example don't complain about your pregnancy to someone who would give anything to be pregnant again, or to someone who is infertile. Don't complain about your beautiful living baby to someone who would just about do any thing to have their baby back in their arms alive or to someone whose baby is terminally ill. Maybe describing someones perfect, wonderful labor could be tough to hear for someone who recently had no choice but to deliver their baby already deceased. Thank God that I pushed for them to try and turn Samuel's body so he would be head down and they could induce me instead of leaving me to go home for up to 2 weeks waiting for his body to turn on its own or go into labor naturally.... Honestly up to 2 weeks with my child already gone inside of me. It is too hard to even think about.

OK, so those are some of the obvious. I realize other things are not at all obvious that could hurt or set me off. For example, just 3 weeks after Samuel died we went up north for Thanksgiving. We did a Sader meal with the kids and all of the cousins. This sweet very knowledgeable man presented it for us. When he held up this little white cloth, he was telling about the symbolism regarding it and how they wrapped up Jesus' body after he died. Now, immediately my mind went to Samuel and how when I handed him over to the nurse the very last time, she carefully wrapped him up in a blanket and put a little sticker on it to kind of keep it closed. She was treating him very respectfully, but it still seemed weird, very out of my body like. Was I really seeing them do that to MY son, and that would that really be it, the last time I would see him this side of heaven? Now I completely get it, that gentleman would have no idea what I was thinking, or what I had just been through.

My point is this, when something really stinks, why not be honest and say that REALLY STINKS. That must be so hard, I can see how that could hurt. That was an insensitive thing to say. Did that bother you? Did you have a hard time with that? My heart is broken with you. The whole situation just rots.

I don't think that validation comes naturally to many. I seriously think that it is a gift for some. When people possess that gift, it is such a huge blessing to the people they interact with on a daily basis. That is all I want many days, just someone to validate my feelings and my son's life.

There are a few people who I have been very blessed with over the last 7 months, a handful, and they are a Godsend. They are ok with where I am at. They don't try to fix the situation or make it go away. They listen, they sympathize, they admit that they really don't understand because they haven't lived it themselves, but in a sense they get it because they get me. And they admit how much they miss Samuel and his presence in our lives, oh how that warms my heart. Someone else hasn't forgotten about him. I am so incredibly thankful for them. Honestly, I am not sure I would have made it through what I have been through with out them. And my fellow mommies who have also had losses at MEND or here in blog land, what a blessing they are. Obviously they just get it, no need to explain, they understand ALL that having a stillborn baby entails, the physical, emotional, the mental, all of it. Dealing with all of it affects you every day.

So there you have it, brutal honestly from a mother missing her son... for almost 7 months. Wow, he would have teeth, be sitting, making so much noise, laughing at his brothers and sister and being smothered in love by them all. And I would have been loving every minute of it. It drives me crazy all the what ifs???? What could have beens??? For Samuel's sake, I am happy for him, for me... today, that is a WHOLE other story.

I'M LETTING YOU IN ON A LITTLE SECRET:)

OK, I am letting you in on a little secret... I am a total American Idol addict. No, not really an addict, but I love watching it. We don't watch any of the shows of the tryouts. They can just be too brutal and mean. We usually pick up once they get it down to 32 contestants or so. Of course I was sad when Danny Gokey, my fellow Milwaukeean (is that even a word??) and worship leader at his church got kicked off. So when it was down to Adam and Kris Allen, we totally had to pull for Kris. Even though my husband and I both have tatoos:) neither one of us are really rockers... unless of course you are at the Seminary Valentines Dance:) ( I just had to put that one in there for my fellow Sunday night Club ladies and the fond, funny, no crazy, memories of that night, it still makes me laugh when I think about it.)

So on Wednesday when it was revealed that Kris won, the Hintz household was excited. I just found out that Kris too is a worship leader at his church. How cool is that? I am hoping that he can use his new found fame with American Idol to share his faith. Wouldn't that be awesome?

Hmmmm. Any other secrets I can let you in on???

• OK, I also love The Biggest Loser.


• Once I start eating Swedish fish or Dark Chocolate I have a hard time stopping.


• My family thinks I am a bit of a neat freak.


• I can't stand the texture of Oatmeal... unless it is baked.
• I love Chinese food, it is probably my favorite.
• I must love to eat, most of these have been about food:)

Obviously those aren't real interesting secrets... but honestly I don't have too many. I am kind of an open book. Enjoy your Sunday and the video of Kris leading worship at his church.