MY VALENTINE

Sorry about the crazy pictures... that is what happens when you crop your pictures and then try to scan them... I thought you still might enjoy them.

What would I do with out my valentine this year? Today I am so thankful to God for my wonderful husband. I have to admit that I am 100% more in love with Greg today than I was 15+ years ago when I married him. He has proven that He is loyal and will stick by me through the beautiful moments as well as the really ugly ones. I don't know anyone who would have been able to be by my side so patiently, the way that he has for the last 3 months. I know it has been really hard on him to see me during the really low times. I am sure he has wondered if he will ever get his wife back. Thanks for sticking with me Greg... for better or for worse.

The bottom picture up above, (does that even makes sense?) was taken the night we got engaged, October 3rd, 1992. I am really disappointed that you can't see the full mullet Greg was sporting. He was so handsome:) We look so young, my Houston and I. I haven't called him that in probably 17 years.

The funny thing is, we had been friends for 2 years after we met in speech class my freshman year of college. Everyone called him Houston, so that is what I had always called him. Then when we were dating he told me that he would like me to call him Greg. I think he thought that would be special because no one in college called him Greg. Now I kind of miss calling him Houston... now, everyone calls him Greg, except for my sister-in-law Jane. I may have to pick up the old nick name again:)

We had a really nice day. A wonderful couple from church volunteered to watch the kids for us. It was such a treat to have free babysitting and a date. We went out to lunch at this really cheap Chinese Restaurant with the best food. A beautiful family came in after us with 5 children. It was like staring at what our family would have been like a few years from now. They had 2 sons, then a daughter, then 2 more sons. The littlest had dark hair just like Samuel might have had. I just cried right in the middle of the restaurant. So many what might have been thoughts run through my head. I am sure there will be many of those till the Lord calls me home.


Then we headed to Old Navy to spend some of my gift cards... on Greg and Louis:) Actually, it was great. Greg didn't have one pair of jeans, so we found a few pairs for $3.49 each. I love a good deal and rarely go shopping so it was sort of fun. Then we rounded off the evening with Sloppy Jo's and hunkered down on the couch to watch the movie Enchanted, myself, the kids and HOUSTON:)



Love is Patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love NEVER fails. ... Now these 3 remain, faith, HOPE, and love, but the greatest of these is LOVE.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 & 13

WAVES

The waves of grief are upon me. Some are smaller and gently roll in just lapping at my feet. Others are larger, but still manageable to swim against. And then others are more like tidal waves threatening to overtake me. I has been a tidal wave kind of week for me. Most times the waves come and go. This week it has just been like one huge wave after another. I usually can tell what has set me off, but not this time. Grief is so interesting that way. Sometimes I can see it coming, other times it blindsides me.

I won't get into all of the details or I kind of doubt you'd ever come back:) But let me just say once again my husband has been so supportive. I honestly don't know what I would do here without him. I am so thankful I have the Lord to cry out to, a few special gals to call up, but there are times I really need someone in the physical presence. I think that holding your wife for 2 hours in the middle of the night while she is over the edge in despair , praying for peace over and over again, while she begs for something completely different, is way more than this man bargained for 15 + years ago.

My wonderful Christian counselor, who herself has had a stillborn son, said that the ups and downs are all a natural part of grief. As time passes, she said the downs shouldn't be as deep as the previous downs. She was a bit concerned that my lows, when they do come, seem to be just as low as before. I am praying that will change as we move forward one step at a times. I usually pride myself in being the glue that holds our family together, but that hasn't been the case lately... Greg definitely gets that prize. Today when he was giving me a hug, he actually said he was so so thankful to have me in his life, he even repeated it. I had to laugh that he could even say that with the kind of week I have had. Wow, how did I get so blessed to have him as my husband.

I am a pretty honest and open person. Sometimes I wonder how far to go with how I am really feeling. In the end I want people to be able to glorify God for the great healing he will have done in me and our family. One thing I have realized through this is that many people have NO idea how to deal with grief or grieving people. I have had plenty of people who used to talk to me all the time when I was pregnant with Samuel, who haven't said more than 5 words to me since. I have had people see me, huge belly and all, just days before delivery, who have yet to speak of my son and our loss. I just want to shout it from the rooftops, that I still had my child, a son. His name was Samuel Mark and he was perfect. I held his soft, sweet, precious body in my arms for 5 hours. He just didn't live. That doesn't make him any less of a person, or any less my child. I just want to beg people to acknowledge his life. I know it counted, I know no one in this family will ever forget his short time with us. We think about it all the time. He is a part of daily conversation for us. But it hurts when others can't even acknowledge his existence. It hurts even more to know that as time passes he will be thought of even less by others, so mentioned even less. I don't know if that makes sense to others, but it is what is at the heart of why I share.

I know before I lost Samuel that I had lost loved ones, grandparents. Though I grieved that loss it was different. I had a pretty good idea that they would pass away before me. I had faced the possibility of death with Greg when he had his cancer 17 years ago. But that was different too, even though he was sick and it was serious, he was still alive and there was so much hope that the Lord would heal him... and Praise God He did. This is different, it is so final right from the start. Don't think that I didn't pray for a miracle and even beg God to breathe life into my son when I first held him. Death is death and it is final, there is no getting around that, unfortunately.

I always wondered what to say to people who had a loss so difficult. I always just felt such sadness for them deep in my heart. Now I know, is isn't what you say... sometimes you don't need to say anything. Just be there for them. Hug them, cry with them, let them know they are not alone. Acknowledge the life of their loved one, no matter how short it may have been. Say that loved ones name. I can't tell you how much it means to me when someone actually has the guts and grace to mention my son Samuel, by name. To take the the time to ask how I am REALLY doing. It shows me they care.

When I look at how the last 3 1/2 months have gone it amazes me, what a process. At the very beginning after Samuel died, I was so thankful for how the Lord had worked out some of the details during those days. I really felt like if God had allowed something like this to happen to our family that He was going to work something great out of it. I felt He would move BIG and FAST, I just knew it. Now I realize that He will still move, but at the time I was in total shock. The reality of my loss hadn't even begun to set in. Now, I know my time table and God's are clearly different. I know He says in His word, and many have quoted Romans 8:28 to me, that God works all things for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. Honestly, I am struggling to see the good. It doesn't look good, and it certainly doesn't feel good. Some probably laugh thinking... Yeah, give God some time. But when you experience the waves that I have, each moment or day can feel like such a longggg time. I have always thought time moved so quickly... the last few months time has moved at a crawl many days. Until you have walked a mile in my shoes you just may not be able to understand. And that is ok, I wouldn't expect you to.

Over 2 years ago the Lord led to the blog of a Christian woman who had just lost her 7 mo. old son. I now know one of the reasons the Lord had me stumble upon Noah Steven's blog. He was preparing me for my own trial. She is an amazingly strong woman and continues to teach me things. Today on her blog she was talking about identity theft. John 10:10 talks about how the enemy, the devil comes to steal, kill and destroy. But the Lord has come so that we may have life and have it to the fullest.

How often over the last few months have I told Greg I want to have joy, sincere joy again. I know God says he wants to give me life and a full life. Will that be the full life I have in mind? I don't know that answer. I have to keep reminding myself that the devil is the one trying to destroy me, my husband, our marriage, and our family through this. He could win big by taking down a full time church worker and his family. I want to claim that full life God has for me... and my family. So I will continue to trust that God has come to give me life. I refuse to let the devil steal my identity. I am a child of the King. He has bought my life, and redeemed my soul, at the huge cost of His Son. Now I just wait on Him to restore my life and heal my heart in the here and now.

Sorry for the novel, I can get to rambling.... when I speak from the heart:)

ONE SWIRL

So our sweet little Samuel just had one swirl. This might not be anything most people notice. But I am one of those moms that loves to take in all of the detail of her babies. When Louis was a baby our pediatrician told me that Louis had a double swirl...meaning 2 on the back of his head. Then I was told that only 5% of people have a double swirl. The funny thing is Jojo has a double swirl too. So 40% of our kids have it. The beautiful, wonderful, crazy part of having the double swirl is that when you have your hair cut super short and you let it grow out, it come to the point where it sticks straight up in the air for at least a good month until it grows long enough to lay flat. Maybe I will be able to find some good pictures of Jojo or Louis' crazy hair to post. I am sure they hope I will refrain from doing that. So that is just another tid bit I noticed about our Samuel in the precious 5 hours we spent with him.

What I wouldn't give for 5 more... or 5,000 more:)

Ok, so when we were at the hospital on October 29th after they finally gave us some answers about our baby... nothing like making you wait over an hour and a half to get an ultrasound to confirm what you already know in your heart. And even then the ultrasound techs not being able to tell us anything that they are seeing or aren't seeing. Once I was induced I was blessed with very sensitive, caring nurses, but prior to that point it wasn't pretty. You would think that if they HIGHLY suspect a baby has died in utero that they would get someone in there who can do the ultrasound and read it right then and there and give the parents some answers not just more waiting.... anyways, I can get revved up just thinking about it. Sorry!

My main point is this, once Greg and I knew, then we had to tell the kids. They were worried in the morning but felt reassured after we went to the Dr. and thought they had heard Samuel's heartbeat (which was really mine). So Greg gracefully told Louis, Caleb, Anna, and Jojo that the baby was already in Heaven. Of course they were all so sad and we just sat on the bed and cried. It is amazing how you can remember the details of all that happened that day and the next so clearly. Yet when I think about the weeks that followed it is almost a complete blur, so hazy. I think I lived in a fog that first month... sometimes I still feel like I am in the fog.

So one of the first things that Caleb, our baby lover (who am I kidding, they are all baby lovers:) said was, " Can we please have another baby or can we adopt one?" In no way was he forgetting about Samuel, it was just so disappointing for all of us to not experience all that we had planned to experience with him. Especially our 3 older kids couldn't wait to hold, feed, play with, snuggle with that new little one.

Just the other night, when I was in bed with a migraine my oldest crawled in bed and just started crying. That was one of the things I really grieved in the hospital was just the loss of innocence and joy for my children. I knew at that point they would be different too from the experience of losing a brother. Louis recalled that morning in October in my room kneeling and praying and asking God for the baby to be ok. What a precious boy he is. He said he just missed Samuel so much.

So back to Caleb's question... Can we have another baby or adopt one? Greg and I have had adoption on our heart for a long while. I won't ever forget talking to him again about it shortly after we moved here last summer. He said, "You're pregnant, lets take it one at a time:)" Little did we know at that time that the sweet baby I was carrying wasn't going to stay here with us. We have dear friends from the seminary...The Boggs Bunch... that have a beautiful family with 3 biological children and 3 adopted children. Their youngest is our godson, Asher... just a precious little guy. Being around them just kind of pushed adoption to the forefront of our minds. (Thanks Boggs Bunch:)

We would love to have another child biologically, now this may be too much information for some of you, but that just doesn't happen easily for us. Many people are shocked to find that out and think that it must be easy for us since we have had 5 children, but that is definitely not the case. We prayed for little Samuel for 15 months before I was finally pregnant. It was pretty much the same or worse with the rest of the kids. I won't get into the details of it all. Caleb was the only one that came quickly. Now that we know him, we laugh, he was destined to be here, one way or another he was going to make it here... that tough, little, persistent fella.

So we have decided to open the door to adoption. There is one thing that has been made abundantly clear in the last 3 months. That is, that our plans are certainly not always the same as the Lords. So we are opening that door and we will see what the Lord does with it. We have been accepted by Crisis Pregnancy Outreach here in town. They are amazing and really want to give the girls who choose life for their baby some options. We know it will have to take just the right girl to choose us for her child being that we already have 4 kids. But this family is so ready to shower a little one with lots of love and care. I have a real sense of peace about it. If it doesn't work out this way then this is not the way God has in store for us to grow our family. But, we are excited about the possibilities.

So we have our home study interview tomorrow and then we meet with the director on Thursday for lunch. After that, they could place a baby with us. When I asked the director how long it could take... she said between 2 months and 2 years. I guess it partially depends on the birth mom and partially on what we are looking for. The funny thing is that when Greg and I talked about adopting we initially thought we would do an international adoption, so we never pictured our adopted child to really look like us. So we are open to see what the Lord has for us down this road.

I am sure some people will think that it is too soon. But Greg and I talked about it right away in the hospital, we just knew that we couldn't end our childbearing years with such a tragedy. No new child, however that child may come to us, could EVER replace Samuel. He will always be our fifth child, precious, celebrated, prayed for and longed for. He was uniquely himself, no other child will ever be like him. He is our seminary baby. When I think of how God knit him together in my womb with everything from his single swirl to having his father's toes, I am in awe of God's perfect creation in making Samuel. We will always miss him. We will always imagine what he would be like or be doing at this stage or that. We will always have a place in each of our hearts uniquely for Samuel and no one else.

At the same time we are excited to see what the Lord will do. I remember last year going down to the planned parenthood in St. Louis with my good friends Becky and Leigh and praying for the girls and the workers. I will never forget a very young girl coming in, she must have been around 14 years old. My heart broke for her. Her parents drove her there. I just wanted to yell out to her that I would take her baby. I have especially been convicted lately, especially with the FOCA (freedom of Choice Act) that President Obama wants to pass, that as Christians if we are Pro-Life we need to do something. Precious babies lives are at stake. If we don't want women to choose abortion we need to give them some other options and support them in that. Greg and I are excited to get involved with Crisis Pregnancy Outreach and their efforts here in Tulsa.

So we have added the birth mother and her baby, whoever she may be, to our family prayer board. Please pray with us.

FEELING????

Caleb and Samuel

I have had a few people call, or email me regarding our news so I figured I better post somewhat soon about it as to not leave you all hanging... but I will get to that in a bit... or maybe not.



How am I feeling? That is a great question. I guess tonight I am all over the map. I don't think in my life I have ever felt such a crazy combination of emotions all at once. Is it possible to be angry, sad, distraught, hopeless, and hopeful at the same time. We had church tonight... again a hard night. I am not trying to beat a dead horse... but just being real. I am curious if anyone else who has suffered a loss had such a hard time at church, and how did you cope with that? I know my counselor, who also suffered the stillbirth of a child said across the board she hears the same thing from women after women, church is one of the most difficult places to be.



Is it all of the pregnant moms, all the babies the same age Samuel would be, all of the talk about How Great God Is and how He works all for our good? Wow, church is such a feel good kind of place. What about when you aren't feeling good? What about when you don't see any good from your trial? What about the times when you are crying out to that same all loving, compassionate God for peace, relief from your despair... and you don't get it... or it takes hours or days to get it. I have never experienced anything like that before in my life before now. You know I can accept that he doesn't relieve any of my pain at times, I can accept that, that is who God is at times. I have spoken with some who just can't agree with me that He is that way at times. I don't understand what His purpose is in those times to not come to my aid. What I do know is that I am in the company of many in the Bible who said... Why have you forsaken me, Lord, why are you so far from me? I continue to wait on the Lord to bring me out of the pit, when those times do come. And those times do still come. Sorry, I know many wish that I didn't still feel that way at times, but it is the truth. Anyone who knows me, knows I am pretty open and honest about my feelings.

It is amazing all of the crazy things people say to you when you are grieving.... just one today. You seem like you are better. Ahhh, feeling better at times, yes. Better? Not really, will I ever be? I have had people tell me that their friends are in fear for their birth because of me... that felt good! I also have had the distinct feeling that some think I could have done something to prevent what happened to Samuel. It makes me feel like they think I am a bad mother. In my heart, I know there was nothing I could have done differently. I had just seen the midwife 5 days before and the Dr. 2 days before. He was moving around just like normal Tuesday night, and Wednesday morning when I woke up, nothing. You can't prevent a baby from tangling themselves up in the cord. I know it was just an accident that doesn't happen very often, thank God, but it did happen to my son. I have had people complain to me about their pregnancy symptoms...hey I would take ANY pregnancy symptom instead of the pain of my broken heart. I could go on and on, but I won't. I just wish people would think before they speak sometimes.


It also reminds me that I have probably said stupid things myself in the past. Oh how I have begged for forgiveness over my own mistakes. So I do forgive those who say things I wish they wouldn't have. But I still need to figure out how to react and not have it send me into the tailspin your reading about now. I am now able to recognize things or situations that kind of set me off to feeling worse. I need to figure out practically how to hear things like that and not let it burden me so much.



So any of you prayer warriors out there, please pray for me. I need an extra dose of the Lord's comfort tonight. I would also love prayers for my time at church. I just want to be able to go and worship. It is weird, but I feel like I want to have integrity through this all. If I can't sing it and mean it from my heart, I won't sing. I will not just go through the motions. I know God will put a new song in my heart at some point and you know I did have one Sunday a few weeks ago that I could honestly worship the Lord with joy in my heart. That felt so good.


My faith is strong, but let me tell you when God allows something like the death of your child, it rocks you to the core. I feel beaten down and broken, like my heart is shattered into a million pieces. How can He put that back together and make me whole again? I will never be whole again, like I used to be. My heart will be whole again, with a whole lot of scars or cracks in it. My heart will always have a Samuel shaped hole in it that can never be replaced by anything or anyone else. But maybe that hole won't be so jagged as it is now, but will have softer, smoother edges. To feel it won't hurt as much. I picture Him planting all of the pieces of my broken heart in the ground, and then growing a new plant or heart out of it all, a heart that looks different than the heart I had before. It will be a beautiful, more sincere, more compassionate, more devoted, heart than before because of losing our precious Samuel. How can you go through something like this and not end up coming out the other side looking completely different. I want God to use this pain to do something beautiful from it. What will it be Lord, show me a glimpse of it... or just come back quickly Lord! Hey, I will take the latter any day:)

Ok, now it is too late to post our news. But I will say this, no I am not pregnant... that was the question I got asked by a few people:) But it does have to do with why I posted a picture of Caleb and Samuel. It has to do with what Caleb said as soon as he knew that Samuel was already in Heaven. I will try to post tomorrow... Sorry to keep you hanging. Thanks for your prayers.

PRICELESS!!!

One pair of blue jammies.... free from the neighbors

One pair of fleece jammies...a gift from Grandpa and Grandma

One set of bed sheets... a hand me down from the Cecils family:)

One stuffed animal (squished by the wall) ... $.50 from the Seminary Resell it Shop

One set of Bunk Beds (Now probably an unnecessary purchase since they sleep together in the same bed each and every night:)...$400

THE LOVE OF A BROTHER AND SISTER... PRICELESS!!

OK I caught them AGAIN! I will try not to post another picture of my precious kids holding hands in their sleep... but hey it is my blog:) and I can't help myself.

These days we are celebrating anything that makes us smile and treasure

the gift we are to each other.

I have some exciting news that I will share hopefully in the next week or so. I just need some time to get it all into words. Thanks for your continued prayers for our family. It is appreciated more than you know.

PRAISE GOD!

Anna and Jojo caught again holding hands.....PRECIOUS

The big boys being pulled on the sled


The end result.... a wipe out and Caleb laughing being pulled by the car.

It really was a whole lot safer than it looks. I could hear the kids laughing from the other side of the neighborhood. That was good for my soul:) Yesterday was Snow Day #2. Today is Day #3. I know for all of my Wisconsin friends, it is hard to believe. When I was growing up we needed a good foot of snow to shut things down.

Yesterday we had a Dr.'s appt. down town that we had to get to. We took it slow and the roads were actually a lot better than we anticipated. On the way home we had to drive right by where our good friends the Tiews live. Now this is where the "How you grew up" factor comes into play. The kids were begging us to stop. I thought, how fun to surprise them all the way in town on a day when most people are held up at home. (This coming from the girl whose father drove all the way across town in a snowstorm that shut down a Wisconsin city, in his long underwear, to meet my college boyfriend... Yes it was Greg... and yes he still married me:) You gotta love my dad, he is the best) Greg who grew up in maybe not quite such a crazy home, but still such a great home, thought... we should just get home, the roads aren't the greatest. At times I call Greg the safety patrol man. I mean that with the best of intentions in my heart, he is a great protector:) (I love you honey:)... So we did end of stopping and hit their local High School sledding hill. I never knew that card board boxes could fly down a hill like that. We had 7 of us piled on the big box. It was fun for everyone. Our friends are so great, they even invited their uninvited guests to stay for lunch.

We talked about how 1 year ago we were at the seminary with them discussing where we could all possibly be living the next year. We had an idea it would either be Oklahoma or Wisconsin for us, they thought maybe Texas or California. God clearly had His hand in putting both of us here Tulsa. I don't know what we would have done with out them here when Samuel was born. They had the kids that day when we went to the Dr. when Samuel had stopped moving. They rejoiced with us when we thought we had heard a strong heartbeat. They then kept the kids all night, ready to wake them all up at any time when Samuel was born to come and be with their little brother, while Greg and I waited all night at the hospital to deliver our son whom we knew was already in His Heavenly Fathers arms. To me that is one of God's small miracles in this whole Samuel thing. He knew Samuel wouldn't stay on earth with us, that did not take God by surprise. But He also knew that we would need people who knew the kids well and could comfort them when we couldn't and He knew we would need people who have known us for more than 10 years when we now were in a brand new city. God was faithful to provide so much of what we needed that day through them.

It was 3 months ago today that we knew Samuel had already entered his eternal home. Praise God I have had a much better last 2 days. There is still sorrow and many tears but my heart hasn't literally felt the heaviness that has just made itself at home there for the last 3 months. I know many don't like to hear it, and wish that I would just feel better already. To them I just say, they maybe have never had a loss like I have. I am not trying to dwell on my loss, but I know I have said it before, I want to face the grief head on and deal with it now, not in 5 years because I stuffed it. That is why this is my blog. I am just telling it like it truly is for me and my family on this road that we never would have dreamed we would have to walk. Not much is held back here.

I laughed with a friend the other day because I said, I always feel a deep sense of sorrow. I just wake up feeling that way and even as I go through my day, the sorrow is never far away. But I was thankful for that... just the sorrow, and that it wasn't the deep hopeless despair that I have also felt at times. Sorrow, I can deal with that... so funny how just persistent sorrow can be a GOOD thing compared to the despair. Oh how my perspective has changed. And I mean that whole heartedly that I am thankful for days when I just feel sorrow and can still function and attend to my other kids and home.

But the last 2 days have been different, even better. Praise God for His comfort and peace. Could it be that Greg has been home with us so much more this week than normal because of the weather? Who knows, but whatever it is, I will take it! Funny what an up and down road grief is... Yeah, I am on the up:) I know the downs will come again, but I am thankful for the ups when I have them.

Thank you Lord for walking this road with me. Thank you for being there with me, even when I don't feel you at all, I know you are still there and see my pain. And I know you see me now and rejoice in the peace that you send that is comforting my weary heart:)

The following verse was on a plaque that I got for Greg's parents when Greg was being treated for his cancer 17 years ago. It is amazing how God's words apply to so many seasons of life. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever!

I waited patiently for the Lord (I am still working on this:)

he turned to me and heard my cry.

He lifted me out of the slimy pit,

out of the mud and mire;

he set my feet on a rock

and gave me a firm place to stand.

He put a new song in my mouth,

a hymn of praise to our God.

Many will see and fear the Lord

and put their trust in HIM.

Psalm 40:1-3

A picture of our 2nd Ebenezer stone coming soon!!!

ICE COVERED

We are covered in ice here in Oklahoma. We have a Doctor's appt. tomorrow morning, we will see if we can brave the roads. Greg will be off of work for the second day. We love having him home with us. We have always loved having him with us, but so much more so in the last 3 months. We laugh about this that his once very low maintenance wife has stepped it up quite a bit and is now quite HIGH maintenance. I need him so much more now than ever before:) He is loved that is for sure.

Our poor kids, the beauty of homeschooling is that because you are at home you can go on with or with out the ice:) We did lighten the load a bit today so the kids had plenty of time to play outside. We rented a movie off the TV and all hunkered down and snuggled up to watch it. We also had our neighbors over to eat. We have been meaning to do this for some time, and since nobody was going anywhere it was the perfect night. We are neighbor knowing people. It is so sad to see people live next to each other and not know one another or reach out to one another. It was great to visit and get to know them a bit... they of course got to know us and the 4 kids who couldn't stop chattering. We hope it wasn't too much for them who are just expecting their first child.

I had a nice visit on the phone with my older brother tonight. I was encouraged when he prayed with me and shared the following verse. It is one of my favorites that I committed to memory years ago. It was a great reminder that even though there may be moments or days I feel like outwardly I am wasting away or falling apart, God can and will inwardly renew me in His time. Oh it is hard to be patient and wait for his timing. I fail miserably at this. At times I just want to yell out BRING IT GOD, BRING IT NOW. Today on the treadmill I had to remind myself that those who wait upon the Lord will renew their strength. Greg keeps telling me that I need to give God the time to work and bring good from this. Hmmmm... maybe the Lord is teaching me something:)

2 Corinthians 4:14-18

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.