This may sound a little bizarre, but there are parts of this hospital stay that have been such a blessing to me....
When ever I feel like I could lose my mind with missing the kids and Greg soooo sooo much, I try to remind myself that I probably will not have time to myself like this anywhere in the near future. Now, I would never want to go on with this much time of my own... yet at the same time, I remember days where it truly was difficult to find 10 minutes of quiet. I am thankful to have time to read my bible for as long as I want, or to take up a new hobby like crocheting... I am really trying to focus on all of the positives.
I have had lots of people visiting from church or my MEND group. It has really been nice to have time to get to know some of the people from our church better. It is a gift to just have time to visit with them without interruptions, that is really hard to come by for me at church normally, so I have enjoyed that part of these days. I also have treasured my visits from my MEND friends. It has been nice to process and talk about all that has been going on in my mind with people that fully understand. 3 of these gals have had the anniversaries of their babies deaths in the last couple of weeks or in the coming couple of weeks. It is so nice to share what we are feeling and to know that it is normal. ( I have really missed the regular MEND meetings while I have been on bed rest)
I have to tell you I have been so blessed by the nurses. There have only been a couple that I haven't been real fond of, or that were not very friendly. It is amazing what a difference a friendly nurse makes. I had one the other night that was so short with me. When she would monitor me, she would come in look at the strip tell me she was leaving me on longer and walk out... I had been watching the strip myself and it seemed good comparing it to all the others I have seen since here... Just the fact that she was so quiet sort of made me nervous. It was all fine, but just their demeanor can make a big difference in how I feel at times.
But for the most part they have been so awesome, and so caring. I have had so many nice conversations with so many of them. They are great care givers as well. The first couple of weeks, whenever they would come in and check my swelling the nurses would ask about my tattoo of Samuel's footprint. I loved sharing about it and my sweet Samuel... and the neat thing was that they really wanted to know about him:) They were very compassionate as well:)
I have had a lot of neat conversations also about how sweet little Levi came to be. This automatically gives me the chance to share about our view on life and when it begins and how much we value it:) Of course sharing about Samuel and Levi have given me many opportunities to share about my faith and how that has come into play with everything that has happened with our family over the last 2+ years. That has been such a sweet part of this hospital stay... I find it almost humorous that I can look at parts of this 5 weeks hospital stay so far as sweet:) I love how God can do that:)
Greg's parents have been here all this past week and will leave the beginning of this coming week. I know the kids have loved it and hopefully the inlaws have too:) I know it was a lot of work for them to be in charge of all of the kids for the week... but we are so very thankful for their help.
My parents are planning on coming next weekend and then they will be here hopefully when Levi arrives, if we make it to the 14th of March:) It will be great for Greg to feel like part of the load of taking care of the kids will be lifted that last week before Levi arrives, Lord willing:)
My doctor actually said they may induce me in the evening of the 13th depending on how things look... That means only 15 more sleeps for me if that were to be the case. Now that makes me smile:)
He also did mention that the hospital case worker wondered if we would have any issues with inducing me at 37 weeks if for some reason Levi needs any NICU time... Typically they will take a baby 3 weeks before when you lost your previous baby. 37 weeks is considered full term. I would think that it would be a slam dunk given my previous still birth, my placenta issues, high blood pressure, etc. I would think that they have plenty of medical reasons to induce at that point. Would you please pray that they will not want to go beyond the 14th... and that we can all joyfully agree on that if something doesn't happen before? I would so appreciate it!
I know that so many of my viewpoints have changed from my previous natural childbirth class teaching days... I still totally love all that, but at this point, I am in a totally different place. We don't want to take a single chance as Levi's parents. We are praying for the Lord to lead and guide us in making any decisions we might need to and for complete wisdom for the doctors who are caring for Levi and me. It is in His hands. Thanks for praying for Levi and our family these last couple of months....
FOR YOU CREATED MY INMOST BEING; YOU KNIT ME TOGETHER IN MY MOTHER'S WOMB. I PRAISE YOU BECAUSE I AM FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE; YOUR WORKS ARE WONDERFUL, I KNOW THAT FULL WELL! PSALM 139:13-14