Thursday, October 28, 2010

A FULL HEART....

(I can never figure out how to make a scanned picture appear the normal size... sorry... can you squint and see his preciousness??:)


On the eve ( Well actually, since it is after 12, it isn't really the eve anymore) of my sweet Samuel's 2nd birthday in heaven, my heart is full...
Full of love for my Gracious God for blessing us with this new son growing in my womb.
Full of thankfulness for the good news at today's ultrasound, of a healthy baby thus far... growing exactly as He should be. (As crazy as this may sound to those of you who haven't lost babies, and as normal as this may sound to those of you who have... I truly feel like at any ultrasound we may see that precious heart not beating anymore... so so so VERY thankful for a strong healthy beating heart today! :)
Full of love for this precious boy, I CAN NOT WAIT to meet at the appointed time God has for us to see each other face to face.
Full of amazement in a God who could create this life. Today at the ultrasound, as I was watching that little boy wiggle and squirm... I COULD NOT believe that this little one was literally frozen for 5 years... only God could work that kind of miracle! Isn't that incredible!?
Full of prayers for those who are hurting tonight.
Full of prayers to be able to fully ENJOY this pregnancy with a heart full of love and joy... not the fear that can sometimes grip me.
FULL OF ABSOLUTELY UNENDING LOVE FOR MY LITTLE BOY SAMUEL, WHOSE LIFE WE WILL CELEBRATE THE NEXT TWO DAYS.
(MANY ASK WHEN WE CELEBRATE HIS BIRTHDAY... THE ANSWER WHICH MAY SEEM STRANGE TO SOME, IS BOTH DAYS. THE 29TH WAS THE DAY THAT HE STOPPED MOVING, WE FOUND OUT HIS SOUL WAS ALREADY WITH JESUS, AND WE STARTED THE INDUCTION. THE 30TH WAS THE DAY THAT HE WAS ACTUALLY BORN AND THAT WE GOT TO SPEND WITH HIM, LOVE ALL THAT GOD CREATED IN THAT SPECIAL BABY BOY. I JUST CAN'T PICK ONE DAY, THEY BOTH WERE FULL OF SO MANY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCES)
FULL OF SORROW, SADNESS, AND BROKEN HEARTED CHEST HURTING GRIEF AS I STILL MISS HIM SO SO MUCH.
FULL OF SOME JOY AND THANKFULNESS FOR EVERY MINUTE WE HAD WITH HIM INSIDE OF ME.
FULL OF MEMORIES.... PONDERINGS... WHAT IFS?... WHAT COULD HAVE BEENS?... KNOWING FULL WELL THAT ALL OF THOSE THINGS AND PLANS IN MY MIND, WEREN'T THE SAME AS THE LORD'S AND JUST WEREN'T MEANT TO BE.
FULL OF SURRENDERING TO, AND TRUSTING IN THE ONE WHO PERFECTLY CREATED THAT SWEET BOY AND GAVE US THE GIFT OF BEING HIS EARTHLY FAMILY.
So there you have it... in a nutshell... The perfect blend of joy and pain all that the same time. That seems to be the new normal for us now. We honor one life and celebrate a new life... totally different and separate from Samuel's life, and in no way a replacement. No one could ever replace him. Each child is unique. This is the perfect new person that God has planned to be a part of our family.
I will try to update over the next couple of days to share how we honored the precious life of our Samuel.
Thanks for your love and prayers.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Loving you all from Texas on these special days....mary, chris and crew

Anonymous said...

Praying and thinking of you lots! Kimberly

Stacy said...

Keeping you before the Lord today. What a beautiful post. Thank you for including all of us on your journey.

Much love,
Stacy

Z is for Ramble said...

Hey there, I just wanted to stop in today as you are remembering your precious Samuel. I've been waiting to post this, hoping to send it your way at the time that you might most need it and I thought maybe today or tomorrow. I'm happy to come here and see you are having happy and greatful emotions in addition to those inevitable, painful ones. Anyways, the thing I wanted to share with you was a song. You may have already heard it, ad if you have maybe now is a good time to remember it...if you have not, well its a beautiful song, you might be able to listen to it on youtube. Its by a woman (couple?) who had a miscarriage and I think its beautiful. Its called "Glory Baby" by Watermark. Here are the lyrics:

Glory baby you slipped away as fast as we could say baby…baby..
You were growing, what happened dear?
You disappeared on us baby…baby..
Heaven will hold you before we do
Heaven will keep you safe until we’re home with you…
Until we’re home with you…
Miss you everyday
Miss you in every way
But we know there’s a
day when we will hold you
We will hold you
You’ll kiss our tears away
When we’re home to stay
Can’t wait for the day when we will see you
We will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you
‘till mom and dad can hold you…
You’ll just have heaven before we do
You’ll just have heaven before we do
Sweet little babies, it’s hard to
understand it ‘cause we’re hurting
We are hurting
But there is healing
And we know we’re stronger people through the growing
And in knowing-
That all things work together for our good
And God works His purposes just like He said He would…
Just like He said He would…
BRIDGE:
I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies
and what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home
And it’s all you’ll ever know…all you’ll ever know…

Molly Koop said...

Remembering your sweet son with you today. And praising God for the life growing in your womb. God bless you today and all days.

Christa said...

Praying for you today and remembering precious Samuel!

Becky said...

Praying for you and remembering all the details, from our end, of those days. And having a tough time believing that it was two years ago now...when it seems like yesterday. We love you Hintz crew...The Boggs bunch

Tonya said...

I'm not sure how I missed this yesterday, but I did. I will continue to pray for you and your family today as this is the day that you met that beautiful baby boy. I hope you find the perfect way to spend the day in his honor and may God fill each of you with peace that only He can provide.

Love you!
Tonya

Tonya said...

And by the way, that little one inside of you is absolutely precious. It is truly amazing what God can do! Praying for him, too! Love and (((HUGS)))!

Ebe said...

Even from the small picture, I can tell, he's beautiful!!!

Praying for you all this weekend. All your children are precious.

love,
ebe

blessedmomto8 said...

Congrats on that BEAUTIFUL picture of your sweet one. I can't imagine the heaviness you feel and will alwasy feel for your sweet Samuel! HUGS from KANSAS!