A FULL HEART....

(I can never figure out how to make a scanned picture appear the normal size... sorry... can you squint and see his preciousness??:)

On the eve ( Well actually, since it is after 12, it isn't really the eve anymore) of my sweet Samuel's 2nd birthday in heaven, my heart is full...

Full of love for my Gracious God for blessing us with this new son growing in my womb.

Full of thankfulness for the good news at today's ultrasound, of a healthy baby thus far... growing exactly as He should be. (As crazy as this may sound to those of you who haven't lost babies, and as normal as this may sound to those of you who have... I truly feel like at any ultrasound we may see that precious heart not beating anymore... so so so VERY thankful for a strong healthy beating heart today! :)

Full of love for this precious boy, I CAN NOT WAIT to meet at the appointed time God has for us to see each other face to face.

Full of amazement in a God who could create this life. Today at the ultrasound, as I was watching that little boy wiggle and squirm... I COULD NOT believe that this little one was literally frozen for 5 years... only God could work that kind of miracle! Isn't that incredible!?

Full of prayers for those who are hurting tonight.

Full of prayers to be able to fully ENJOY this pregnancy with a heart full of love and joy... not the fear that can sometimes grip me.

FULL OF ABSOLUTELY UNENDING LOVE FOR MY LITTLE BOY SAMUEL, WHOSE LIFE WE WILL CELEBRATE THE NEXT TWO DAYS.

(MANY ASK WHEN WE CELEBRATE HIS BIRTHDAY... THE ANSWER WHICH MAY SEEM STRANGE TO SOME, IS BOTH DAYS. THE 29TH WAS THE DAY THAT HE STOPPED MOVING, WE FOUND OUT HIS SOUL WAS ALREADY WITH JESUS, AND WE STARTED THE INDUCTION. THE 30TH WAS THE DAY THAT HE WAS ACTUALLY BORN AND THAT WE GOT TO SPEND WITH HIM, LOVE ALL THAT GOD CREATED IN THAT SPECIAL BABY BOY. I JUST CAN'T PICK ONE DAY, THEY BOTH WERE FULL OF SO MANY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCES)

FULL OF SORROW, SADNESS, AND BROKEN HEARTED CHEST HURTING GRIEF AS I STILL MISS HIM SO SO MUCH.

FULL OF SOME JOY AND THANKFULNESS FOR EVERY MINUTE WE HAD WITH HIM INSIDE OF ME.

FULL OF MEMORIES.... PONDERINGS... WHAT IFS?... WHAT COULD HAVE BEENS?... KNOWING FULL WELL THAT ALL OF THOSE THINGS AND PLANS IN MY MIND, WEREN'T THE SAME AS THE LORD'S AND JUST WEREN'T MEANT TO BE.

FULL OF SURRENDERING TO, AND TRUSTING IN THE ONE WHO PERFECTLY CREATED THAT SWEET BOY AND GAVE US THE GIFT OF BEING HIS EARTHLY FAMILY.

So there you have it... in a nutshell... The perfect blend of joy and pain all that the same time. That seems to be the new normal for us now. We honor one life and celebrate a new life... totally different and separate from Samuel's life, and in no way a replacement. No one could ever replace him. Each child is unique. This is the perfect new person that God has planned to be a part of our family.

I will try to update over the next couple of days to share how we honored the precious life of our Samuel.

Thanks for your love and prayers.