OH, HOW WE ALL WISH THERE WAS A CHUBBY LITTLE 8 MONTH OLD BABY BOY IN MY ARMS IN THAT PHOTO... TRUSTING IN OUR LORD EACH DAY AND EVERY STEP OF THE WAY.
I thought I would share a few more photos with you from St. Louis. Man, we love that city... so many free things to do with the family. There are lots of wonderful people there too:) We miss them.
Praise God today was a better day... In honor of feeling better, can I share something crazy and really rotten that happened yesterday that just helped add to my crazed, sad mood? I know, I am a little weird.
I was on the way to church with 3 of the kids, Greg had taken Caleb with him earlier in the morning. I took the back country roads. I was low on gas, but knew I had time to stop to get some on the way. Right after a stop sign I got pulled over by a police officer. Honestly, I didn't know why he had pulled me over. He was not the nicest fellow. He sat in his car laughing and visiting with another officer that had pulled over behind him. Finally after about 10 minutes of letting me sit wait and squirm, he walked up. I nicely asked him what I had done wrong. He told me I didn't stop for the stop sign. I asked if maybe I didn't come to a complete stop? He said no, that I had blown through it. Honestly, I was completely shocked. I know that stop sign is there, I drive that road all of the time. Actually, it is kind of a bad intersection, so I am always careful there.
Now if he had said I made a rolling stop, I could have admitted to that, but to blow through it??? If I had done that, I would have blown through it at 40 mph... meaning I would have completely missed it. It was one of those Twilight Zone kind of moments. Were we really talking about the same situation? I was shocked, he was rude, honestly I had to wonder if maybe he wasn't a Christian, and maybe it was obvious that I was on my way to church. Even Louis in the front seat said, "But mom you stopped. There was other traffic at the intersection." Now I would be the first one to admit if I did something wrong, or was caught speeding, I deserve the ticket. But I wasn't going to argue with him. When he came up with my ticket, he had the guts to peek in my car and tell me that I better be careful with my kids in the car, that I better watch those stop signs.
It took everything in me to not just freak out right there. Obviously, I know he really doesn't care about me, my life, or what I have been through. But having lost one child this year... I am extremely careful. I usually am not an anxious person... but that is one thing I have been anxious about is losing another child. Good grief, if anyone is careful with their kids it is me. I home school my kids, I really watch what and how much they see on TV, I could go on and on. I was on my way to teach my son's Sunday school class for Pete's sake. Anyone who knows me, knows how much effort I put into raising our kids like Greg and I feel God has led us to at this point.
Well, needless to say, that had me totally fried. Thanks for lettting me vent... ahhhh, I feel a little better now. If anyone has any advice for me I would love it. I am going to go to court for it, mainly on the principle of it. He said I blew through it, and I didn't. Really, I think he had it out for me. Anyways that set me off, my gracious husband found someone else to teach the class. Thank you Rich! I was a total mess, it was the straw that broke the camel's back for me. I am embarrassed to admit it.... but this previously very independent, have it together kind of girl, completely loses it sometimes. Having someone living with us for the past 2+ mos., knowing we will have someone who is getting to be noticeable pregnant living with us for the next almost 3 months, has had its stresses and challenges, living with all of the "what ifs" of what may happen with this whole adoption situation, still dealing with my loss of Samuel, the daily tasks of raising my family... can be enough. Add on some crazy situation and it can put me over the edge. It is not something I am proud of. I know I need to find a better way to deal with things when I encounter a situation that can get me to that point. I sat and talked with my dear sweet husband for a while and he helped me pull myself together. What would I do without him?
So tomorrow is a new day. Praise God for new days, new beginnings. I am longing for a new beginning. I am longing for complete healing and restoration. But for now I wait for HIM and HIS timing for HIS plan for our family to be revealed.
I know I have probably posted this verse before... but I love it, it is one of my favorites:)
Yet this I call to mind, and therefore I have HOPE, because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail, they are NEW every morning. Great is thy faithfulness. Yet, I say to myself, the Lord is my portion, therefore, I will wait for Him.