MORE ABOUT THE WALK TO REMEMBER...

THE ORNAMENTS THAT WE RECEIVED IN REMEMBRANCE OF SAMUEL AND OUR MISCARRIAGE, TO HANG ON THE REMEMBRANCE TREE.

HERE IS MY SWEET PRECIOUS JOJO... WHEN WE WERE WALKING OUT FROM THE CHURCH TO WHERE THE CEREMONY WOULD BE HELD, I SAID TO HIM, "JOJO THIS A TIME THAT WE CAN REMEMBER BABY SAMUEL AND THINK ABOUT HIM." HE THEN SAID BACK TO ME, "BUT MAMA I THINK ABOUT SAMUEL ALL THE TIME.:)"

I AM CONSTANTLY STRUCK BY HIS INNOCENT FAITH; SO HONEST AND SWEET IS OUR JOJO:)



THIS IS OUR MEND TULSA CHAPTER DIRECTOR MICHELE (IN THE MIDDLE) AND MARCIE AS THEY READ THE NAMES OF ALL THE BABIES WE WERE REMEMBERING YESTERDAY.




OUR WALK TO THE CEREMONY


SOME REMEMBRANCE ITEMS THAT SOMEONE BROUGHT IN TO SHARE...





Tulsa's first Walk to Remember ceremony was beautiful. God blessed us with beautiful weather. The boys and I worked really hard helping to set up the night before and the morning of... but when it came time for the ceremony I could totally feel my focus change, and I felt just like a participant... my focus was on my babies, the ones already with Jesus...



The whole ceremony was so touching and emotional for me. I am not sure anyone can fully understand how I describe what it meant to me, unless you maybe have experienced the loss of a child yourself... but I will try to explain.




To see all of my MEND friends and to know the stories of their babies lives in detail, and to be able to remember their babies with them touched my heart deeply. To know the great support I have felt from them, the full acceptance of my grief, their encouragement over the past 2 years that I would make it through the sorrow and despair I have felt at times made the ceremony take on a whole new meaning for me. To be able to spend this time focusing on my sweet Samuel and the other baby the Lord blessed us with for such a short time early in 2010 is something I needed to do.




I have to quickly explain about baby Joel... because Joel was a baby that we were going to adopt but that was stillborn at 28 weeks, I didn't know if we should mention him in our losses. I am torn... If that precious boy would have been ours we would have mentioned him. With adoption you never know if the birthmom will change her mind or some other family member would come forward... there are a lot of what ifs... And for some reason I didn't feel a right to claim him so to speak... Does that make sense?



This is where the confusion comes in for me. We absolutely love Joel's birthmom and her family. But I really doubt that they do anything to remember his life. I only say that because I think for them, they really wanted to move forward with this young girls life, and not really focus or remember the situation. When Joel was born, they wanted us to go to the funeral home, make all the arrangements for the service and burial, and gave us all the remembrance items from the hospital.




I really feel like every single life that God creates, whether for 5 days, 5 weeks, 5 years or 50 years deserves to have its place in a family. They deserve for their life to have value to someone and to be honored and remembered. So we may have to include Joel next year for our family. I will have to talk to Greg about it.




Back to the ceremony... there was something about being pregnant that made the ceremony a blessing too... this baby will be Samuel's little brother. This baby will in no way EVER be a replacement for Samuel. But he will hear all about his precious big brother whose very short life blessed us so greatly.




There were many tears shed, by me of course, and by some of the kids. It felt good:) It felt good to share the hope that we have for eternity in heaven with our Savior and our babies. It felt good to publicly remember our Hintz babies.




I remember that I prayed for months, probably for well over a year that the Lord would allow me to some day be able to look back on Samuel's life with joy in my heart. I can honestly say that now I can... not always, but some days I truly can say I do feel joy when I think of him... I can see how God is using Samuel's story to encourage others... the pain is still there, brutally painful at times still, but I know my heart is being healed and put back together by a very gracious God, who has held me through it all!

THE WALK TO REMEMBER AND SOME OF THE FACES OF LOSS...

LOUIS WAS ASKED TO READ HIS POEM, A BROTHER'S LOVE" AS A PART OF THE CEREMONY. HE DID A GREAT JOB... THIS MAMA HAD A HARD TIME... MY FRIEND LISA AND HER FAMILY HANGING THEIR ORNAMENT ON THE TREE IN REMEMBRANCE OF THEIR PRECIOUS DAUGHTER BROOKE.

THE BALLOON RELEASE...

INFANT LOSS REMEMBRANCE DAY

TODAY IS NATIONAL INFANT LOSS REMEMBRANCE DAY.

TODAY WE REMEMBER OUR PRECIOUS SAMUEL WHO WE MISS SO MUCH AND THINK ABOUT SO OFTEN...

WE TOO THINK ABOUT THE SWEET LITTLE BABY WHO WE MISCARRIED LAST FEBRUARY.

IT IS NICE TO THINK OF THEM IN HEAVEN TOGETHER WITH BABY JOEL, THE BABY WE WERE GOING TO ADOPT.

WE HAVE A SUPER BUSY DAY AS WE HEAD OUT TO GET TOGETHER WITH HOPE'S BIRTH MOM IN 40 MINUTES AND THEN COME BACK TO GET READY FOR MENDS FIRST WALK TO REMEMBER TOMORROW.

I CAN'T HELP BUT BE THINKING OF AND PRAYING FOR ALL MY PRECIOUS FRIENDS THAT I HAVE MET THROUGH BLOGS OR MEND, THAT ARE WALKING THE SAME ROAD OF GRIEF AND HAVE SUPPORTED ME IN WAYS I HAVE TRULY NEEDED. I AM PRAYING FOR YOU LADIES, AND REMEMBERING YOUR PRECIOUS LITTLE ONES TODAY AS WELL.

WE WILL BE LIGHTING A CANDLE AT 7 PM TONIGHT IN MEMORY OF OUR SWEET BABIES WHO PRAISE GOD, ARE PERFECTLY WHOLE IN HEAVEN....

GETTING READY FOR COOL MORNINGS:)

I love when the weather starts to cool and we can get geared up for warm beverages in the morning during our home school break time...

Usually, we will either make honey lemon tea, an old favorite of my grandma Rose's, or herbal tea.

But the kids favorites are homemade hot cocoa or friendship tea.

Anna helped me make the friendship tea mix... This came in handy since today she had to write some instructions for her English assignment... you guessed it... she chose to write about "How to make friendship tea mix."


Caleb and Jojo made the hot cocoa mix:) Jojo looks 1/2 asleep and I never thought to have Caleb put a shirt on before he started... is that gross??:)


So it looks like we will bet set for a while... although I am sure with all 5 of these sweet little tummies, we will be making another batch before winter is over:)

My honey has been gone for the last couple of days... so I have been sharing my bed with the kiddos the last 2 nights... Can't wait to have my hubby back tomorrow:)

Here are the recipes for the Hot Cocoa and the Friendship Tea

Hot Cocoa:
1 box 8 qt. dried milk powder
1 lb. of Nestle Quik chocolate drink mix
2 cups of powdered sugar

We usually put a couple of heaping tsps. in about 8 oz. of hot water.

Friendship Tea:
1 container of Tang orange drink mix
equal amount of sweetened iced tea mix
1 pkg Koolaid lemonade drink mix
1 tsp. cloves
1 tsp. cinnamon

We usually put 1 1/2 tsp. in about 8 oz. hot water.
Enjoy!

IT'S A .....:)

CAN YOU GUESS FROM ANNA'S EXPRESSION WHAT KIND OF PRECIOUS SIBLING WILL JOIN THE FAMILY, LORD WILLING IN THE SPRING???

YEP, A SWEET LITTLE BOY:)

WE COULDN'T BE MORE THRILLED! ANNA WAS REALLY HOPING FOR A SISTER, BUT BY THE TIME WE MADE IT HOME IT ONLY TOOK ABOUT 30 SECONDS FOR HER TO RUN TO THE NEIGHBORS TO TELL THEM THAT SHE IS GOING TO HAVE ANOTHER BABY BROTHER... WE ARE ALL SO HAPPY!

WHEN WE GOT TO THE ULTRASOUND PLACE, I ASKED LESLIE TO JUST GET THE SPOT IN VIEW AND LET ME SEE IF I COULD GUESS IT. WELL ONCE SHE GOT IT THERE... WE ALL SORT OF STARTED GIGGLING... IT WAS SOOOO OBVIOUS!

LATER IN THE DAY, WE WENT OVER TO THAT SAME NEIGHBOR'S HOUSE TO LOOK AT A LOFT THEY ARE PUTTING IN A BEDROOM, AND THE MOTHER HAD ALREADY RUN OUT AND GOTTEN THE CARD ABOVE... THAT WAS SO SWEET. OUR VERY FIRST CARD FOR THIS LITTLE GUY!


THE ULTRASOUND TECH TOOK A GOOD LOOK AT WHAT SHE COULD SEE IN THAT 15WEEK OLD BOY. THERE WERE A COUPLE OF THINGS THAT THEY TOLD US WE MIGHT HAVE A SLIGHTLY HIGHER RISK OF BECAUSE OF THE 2 ABNORMALITIES IN MY BLOOD WORK THAT I MENTIONED A COUPLE OF WEEKS BACK... BUT PRAISE GOD EVERYTHING LOOKS GOOD AT THIS POINT. I HAVE MY FULL ANATOMY SCAN IN 2 1/2 WEEKS. WE WILL GET AN EVEN BETTER LOOK THEN:)

THIS LITTLE GUY IS IN THE LORD'S HANDS!!!:) THE VERY BEST PLACE FOR HIM TO BE:)

FINDING OUT WHO THIS LITTLE ONE IS PART 2

So it looks like maybe this Saturday we will find out if we will, Lord willing, be adding a little boy or a little girl to the family in the Spring.

The funny this is... last Thursday when we went to my regular appt. with my OB, he did another ultrasound. I was so enamored with the beautiful profile of this little one and the perfectly beating heart that I didn't even think to look for the gender. After visiting with the Dr. for a bit, he left and Greg looked to me and said, "I think that I know what it is..." I laughed, "Are you kidding me?" The doctor happened to walk back in and asked what we were laughing about. We told him and he said that if he had to make a guess he would say he thought that Greg was right. What is funny is, that Greg can normally barely make out the face on an ultrasound.

In our previous pregnancies, we never found out the sex of the little one that we were carrying. For me there was something so fun about the surprise of it all. When I had Anna and Jojo, I didn't have any medications or epidurals so I really wanted the surprise at the end to look forward to. It was so fun to not have the Doctor announce the sex when they were born, but to hear Greg tell me who it was by naming them whatever we had chosen for a boy or a girl.

This may sound strange... but since Samuel was stillborn, I have totally changed my view on all of this. After we had him, and only had the 5 hours with him, before we handed his sweet little body back to the nurses and left the hospital, I have wished I had known it was him in there for the 9 mos. that I carried him. I know that I bonded with him... but I had just wish I had known it was him...had been able to call him by name even. Since the 9 mos. was all we had with him, I wish I had known everything that was possible to know about him during that time.

And quite honestly as far as the surprise goes... after you have given birth to a baby that isn't alive anymore... just having a living baby that is pink and screaming, will by far take the cake over the surprise of the gender of that little one.

So this Saturday, we will all head to the ultrasound office to meet with our friend Leslie and see if we can figure out who this little pumpkin is. We have never cared one bit if we were had a boy or girl, and it is the same this time... although Anna is pulling for another girl:) We are just praying for a healthy little one. Hopefully, we will get that sneak peek, and then I have my full anatomy ultrasound in a few weeks.

I have my guess... but do any of you have any guesses? We have had 4 boys and 1 girl biologically... as well as precious Hope through adoption... don't forget this little one is adopted as well... It won't be long and we will hopefully know:)

OH WHAT A NIGHT....

The older boys and I made the 3 hour trek up to Springfield MO for A NIGHT WITH THE CHAPMANS...

Over the last 2+ years my heart has been ministered to by their whole family. When their sweet precious Maria went to be with Jesus and I started following their story more closely I never would have imagined that we too would be losing a child just 5 mos. later. The Lord used them to prepare my heart in many ways.

Watching them grieve openly on the Larry King Live show...

Seeing their gut level honesty of what grief is like on their blogs...

And yet through it all seeing them still proclaiming the Lord's faithfulness amidst their questions and struggles blessed my heart immensely when I had to come to grips with losing my own son.

So much of what MaryBeth said tonight and in the past through her blog was like hearing words right from my own mouth... she doesn't sugar coat it at all... which I so appreciate it. She is real about the lowest of the lowest points as well as giving Hope for the promise we have of eternity with our little ones. I just love her to pieces... (Is that weird?... I am totally not a stalker:)

Seeing their boys again and seeing them perform with their dad was so neat... honestly when SCC was performing some of the songs off his newest CD Beauty Will Rise... it was almost too much for me at times... had I been in the privacy of my own home... I would have done the ugly cry FOR-SURE! Knowing personally the deep pain he was describing and hearing him sing it himself right in front of me was almost too much to bear... I am so thankful for the work the Lord is doing through their family and the strenght he gives them.

I was able to talk with Caleb's wife Julia during the intermission... I had spoken with her on the phone shortly after Samuel died as we and many others had money given to them in memory of Samuel. She remembered last year's donation when Greg's cousin did the cook off to raise $5000 for SHOW HOPE in memory of Samuel... I was completely in awe of God's work through them for ophans ... worldwide... it was totally inspiring... and made me really want to get my hands dirty... not just sit by safely in my comfort zone... and of course it made me want to adopt like 10 more kids... (I am kidding... maybe not 10:) but wow, my heart hurts for those kids that need and deserve families to love them fully!

It was such a special night... well worth the drive...:)

As MaryBeth said tonight, "We are so thankful to be able to stand here tonight and thank you personally for your prayers over the last 2 1/2 years. We are still very much in the trenches of grief, and if the Lord brings us or Will Franklin to mind, would you continue to pray for us?" I can not tell you how often I think of that young man and the burden that must be on his heart many days... and how often I pray for all of them... But after seeing and talking with him a 3rd time tonight... He is such an amazing kid... so sincere... He inspires me to keep putting one foot in front of the other each day. I just know that God is going to use what he has gone through for His glory.

Isn't that what we all want... the Lord to use us where we are at... the good, bad and ugly of our lives for His glory... it is so hard for us to see that big picture sometimes in our trials... But that is my prayer as always... use me Lord ... use my small life Lord... use Samuel's short precious life, even now Lord...don't waste this pain Father... Take me out of my comfort zone Lord... Let me get dirty for you God... May it all be for your glory!!

Steven Curtis Chapman
Sweet Will Franklin:) Caleb loved watching him drum... wow, was he good!

Caleb Chapman... Louis totally enjoyed watching him. I think we are going to have to get started again with the guitar lessons after tonight:)

The boys and Caleb... yes our boys need hair cuts in a serious way!

The boys and Will Franklin:)