JUST SOME MORE PROOF:)

Can you say precious???

Just some more proof that this little guy will do anything for a donut... see post below:)

CHRISTMAS COMPANY, PROGRAM AND BRIBERY:)

JOJO IS ON THE FAR RIGHT... THIS IS HIM SINGING THE "GO" FROM "GO TELL IT ON THE MOUNTAIN" THE FUNNY THING IS, THE DAY BEFORE THE PROGRAM THE KIDS WERE TELLING ME HOW JOJO NEVER DOES ANY OF THE MOTIONS AND BARELY SINGS... JOJO'S EXCUSE, "I'M SHY."

LITTLE DID I KNOW THAT MY DAD RAN INTO JOJO IN THE HALLWAY BEFORE THE PROGRAM, AND HE TOLD JOJO THAT IF HE DID A GOOD JOB, HE WOULD TAKE HIM OUT FOR DONUTS AT STICKY BUNS THIS MORNING.

WELL, BRIBERY WORKS ON THIS LITTLE GUY. HE SAID ALL OF THE WORDS AND WAS MORE ANIMATED IN HIS ACTIONS THAN MOST OF THE OTHER LITTLE KIDDOS. TODAY IN THE CAR, HE TOLD ME THAT WHILE HE WAS UP THERE HE WAS THINKING ABOUT DONUTS... YEP, YOU HEARD THAT RIGHT DONUTS, NOT BABY JESUS, OR THE MANGER... BUT DONUTS. WHAT A RASCAL.

CALEB AND ANNA BEING A PART OF THE CHOIR... ANNA IN ALL HER GLORY:)

CALEB, LOOKING A LITTLE TORTURED:) HE DID A GREAT JOB, I WAS PROUD OF HIM, CONSIDERING HE WOULD RATHER BE IN THE BACK YARD TOSSING THE FOOTBALL.



LOUIS, WORKING IT ON STAGE:)



AFTERWARDS WE TOOK MY PARENTS TO THE RHEMA DISPLAY OF LIGHTS... HOLY COW, DO THEY HAVE THE LIGHTS... IT IS BEAUTIFUL!

JOJO AND ANNA TAKING ON GRANDMA IN CONNECT FOUR.

We are plugging along. We had a really nice week. I was amazed at the kids Christmas program. They all did such a good job, and the message was awesome... I actually felt a little choked up just by the message of the play. It was really neat.

We have so much going on, so much I want to share, but now isn't the time. As always we appreciate your prayers for us.

As we plug along through this week, tomorrow my mom and I will go to my ladies small group Christmas get together. Then we will meet up with the men and all of the kids and go on a blue bell icecream factory tour....(there is always time for ice cream right?) Then we have our couples small group bible study tomorrow night, the 3 girls come on Saturday, and my parents leave on Sunday.

I prayed for distractions and I certainly got them:) Even with all of the distractions... I can't help but to be thinking of my Samuel... Man, do I miss him. Sometimes I wonder, how can I miss someone SO much who I only shared 9 mos in my womb, and 5 hours in our arms. How, I wish I had understood grief before, and how I realize how much I have probably misunderstood people, did not reached out like I should have, or just plain didn't understand how someone else was grieving... especially on holidays or special days. Oh my, what a year... really I am ready to kiss 2009 goodbye... I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for 2010. I am ready for it. I will enjoy this Christmas and cherish the times of making memories with my family, but I will welcome a new year at the end of it.

Who else is ready for a new year??

LET THE BAKING AND BUSYNESS BEGIN:)

JOJO HELPING WITH THE TEXAS TRASH.
THESE 2 SWEET PUMPKINS MELT MY HEART.

We have had a super busy weekend... had lots of exciting things take place:)

The baking has begun... we have the Texas trash made, and now need at least 6 dozen cookies made for the kids program at church on Wednesday night. The kids are all performing in it... Louis has a solo and some lines in it. This is the first time he has really had a part in a play and I think it will be great... right up his alley:) We have a whole list of cookies we would like to make... we will see what gets done. Honestly, I haven't even thought about what to get the kids for Christmas. I am a bit of a stasher. I like to buy ahead, but I need to look and see what we already have. We usually only do 3 gifts, just like the 3 wisemen bringing gifts to Jesus. So it shouldn't be bad to go out and get a couple of things. I am really trying not to stress about it, but just enjoy it. I know all of the important things will get done.

My parents come on Wednesday. We are watching 3 little girls, they are in foster care with a family from church, for 10 days over Christmas. Then my brother and his family are coming down for New Years. I am thrilled to have all of the distractions away from my regular routine. I think it will really help me get through the holiday while missing Samuel. We also plan to head to Houston for a bit at some point.

We are looking forward to having company and extra kids around the house. I REALLY needed the distraction this year... and I think I got it:) I don't mean distraction from the reason we really celebrate Christmas, but the distraction of celebrating it without Samuel here.

Better go get to bed, we need to try to crank out a full week of school before the Grandparents come Wednesday evening:) I will try to post something a bit more interesting... I do have a funny "NOT ME" picture I will try to get up for NOT ME MONDAY... we will see if I get to it...

Blessings on all of your Christmas preparations:)

OK GOD... I'M LISTENING:)

THIS IS AN EMAIL THAT WAS FORWARDED TO ME ALREADY TWICE TODAY BY 2 DEAR OUT OF TOWN FRIENDS... YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE...

THANK YOU SO MUCH TO YOU 2 THAT SENT IT TO ME (I HAVE BEEN SO REMISS IN GETTING IN TOUCH WITH BOTH OF YOU, I WANT TO, BUT WANT TO HAVE THE TIME TO REALLY CHAT:) ... MY HEART IS HURTING SO DEEPLY TODAY... HOW DID YOU 2 KNOW THAT? I KNOW YOU KNOW... IT IS HURTING EVERYDAY.

LAST NIGHT AFTER CHURCH, I WAS A MESS, THE RETIRED PASTOR'S WIFE (WHOSE FIRST BABY WAS STILLBORN OVER 40 YEARS AGO) GAVE ME A HUG AND SAID IN A COMPASSIONATE, UNDERSTANDING VOICE, "IT WILL ALWAYS HURT , THIS WOUND WILL ALWAYS BE THERE"

SHE IS A HUGE EXAMPLE TO ME THAT I CAN SURVIVE THIS AND THRIVE... SHE EXUDES THE JOY OF THE LORD... I JUST LOVE IT.

I HAVE FELT LIKE I HAVE BEEN WRESTLING WITH GOD SO MUCH LATELY... ASKING THOSE DEEP QUESTIONS THAT ARE KNOCKING AROUND IN MY HEART, MIND AND SOUL. MY DAD REMINDED ME A FEW WEEKS BACK THAT IT IS FINE TO WRESTLE OUT YOUR FAITH... TO ASK THOSE HARD, BRUTAL QUESTIONS I NEVER IN MY LIFE THOUGHT I WOULD HAVE TO ASK, TO WRESTLE WITH GOD... HE THEN REMINDED ME... I WON'T WIN. (YEAH, I ALREADY KNEW THAT DAD:)

I KNOW THAT, AND I AM NOT SURE MOST PEOPLE WOULD GET IT, UNLESS THEY ALSO HAVE HAD A SIMILAR EXPERIENCE OR EXPERIENCED LOSS IN THEIR LIFE. I WAS TELLING GREG TODAY THAT THERE ARE TIMES I FEEL TOTAL JOY OVER SOMETHING ONE OF THE KIDS DID OR I LAUGH A DEEP BELLY LAUGH... BUT YET THERE IN THAT SAME MOMENT, IT IS TEMPERED BY THE PAIN IN MY HEART. DOES THAT MAKE SENSE TO ANY ONE OUT THERE? JOY AND PAIN AT THE SAME MOMENT? BLESSED CONTENTMENT WITH MY FAMILY, YET SUCH LONGING I CAN'T EXPLAIN AT THE SAME TIME? THERE IS SUCH A CONFLICT OF EMOTIONS GOING ON INSIDE OF ME.

HERE IS THE DEVOTION...

Where was God?

10 Dec 2009Lysa TerKeurst"But Stephen, full of the Holy Spirit, looked up to heaven and saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing at the right hand of God. 'Look,' he said, 'I see heaven open and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God.'" Acts 7:55-56 (NIV)

Sometimes things happen in life that are so horrible our minds have a hard time processing them. Even our souls don't know quite where to place the horrific. So, we pull out our trite Christian answers and hope they are good enough to keep the honest questions at bay.But somewhere deep inside us a question bumps around our heart. A question so honest we Christians feel we couldn't ever possibly ask it.

Where was God?

Where was God when the students were shot?Where was God when my sister's 18 year-old friend had a headache one day and died suddenly the next?

Where was God when my friend's baby wrapped the umbilical cord about his leg and he died days before he would have otherwise been delivered perfectly healthy?

Where was God when that precious girl was taken, and found a few days later in the trash dump?

Like I said, things so hard we can hardly process them. Sometimes we'd rather make an excuse for God than be brave enough to actually go to God and ask.

I've been guilty of this. I've tried to make excuses for God. And I hated the feeling of faking my way through with plastic answers just to gloss over something my God is certainly big enough to answer Himself.

For years, I asked God to help me wrestle with this hard question. And finally an answer came tucked away in Acts 7:54-60, the stoning of Stephen. It's easy to read the words of the story and miss the reality of what's really happening. Stephen is being brutally murdered. Stephen is living the horrific we can't process. Yet, in the midst of his most desperate moment, Stephen is absolutely not alone.

While I hate - absolutely hate - what is being done to Stephen's body, his soul is experiencing something completely separate. And what I discovered when I dared peak inside the horrific was a miracle that makes me weep with relief.

God was there. Jesus was there. And my Jesus wasn't just sitting by observing. No, He was standing. And please forgive me for daring to make an assumption here but because I know Jesus, I have a picture in my mind of what He must have looked like in this moment. With tears streaming down His face, full of the purest compassion ever known, Jesus makes sure Stephen sees Him. Locks His eyes on his. And from what I can tell, Stephen never took his eyes off of Jesus. In the midst of chaos and screaming and the most vicious of acts, Stephen's soul talks with Jesus. His body falls as Stephen cries out forgiveness for all who dare to hear. And with that, a merciful sleep takes Stephen away.

I know this is hard to process. I know just reading these passages doesn't answer every question. And might I encourage you to wrestle with this and pray about this and ask God the bold questions that knock around your soul? I'll be posting a little more on this topic on my blog today and I'd love to process this with you further. But, let me assure you I won't be offering cookie cutter answers. These are hard questions with no easy answers.

I don't understand why Stephen had to die this way.I am still horrified by all of the events I listed above. And while I don't have all the answers, there is one thing I know for certain. I do know where God was. He wasn't too busy. He wasn't cold and heartless. He wasn't caught off guard. He was there. And I'm convinced with holy tears dripping in the midst, He is grieved over how sin has broken this world. And He walks to the edge of eternity and reminds us He will avenge, He will redeem, He will make all things right.Especially those we can't possibly understand right now.


Dear Lord, it is so hard to understand the horrific events that happen. Thank You for this reminder in Stephen's story. Even though we may never have answers on this side of eternity we can still stand on the truth that You are good even when life isn't. But Lord Jesus, please pour out Your loving comfort and reassurances. Our hearts need Your touch in those deep hurting places. In Jesus' Name, Amen.


WELL THIS IS JUST WHAT I NEEDED TO HEAR TODAY, WHAT I NEEDED TO BE REMINDED OF, GOD WAS THERE THE DAY SAMUEL DIED, HE HEARD OUR WEEPING, PLEADING, AND MOANING. HE WAS WEEPING WITH US... HE WAS COLLECTING OUR TEARS... HE STILL IS, NOT ONE GOES UNNOTICED BY HIM. THE PAIN THAT SIN IN THIS WORLD HAS CAUSED DOES NOT GO UNNOTICED BY HIM EITHER.

HE WILL AVENGE... HE WILL MAKE ALL THINGS NEW...I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE DAY WHEN THE ENEMY IS DEFEATED ONCE AND FOR ALL. THE DAY WHEN THE DEVIL WILL QUIT PROWLING AROUND LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO DEVOUR. THE DAY WHEN EVERY, YES, EVERY KNEE WILL BOW AND EVERY TONGUE CONFESS THAT JESUS IS LORD.

AHHHH. IT GIVES ME CHILLS JUST THINKING ABOUT IT...

COME LORD JESUS COME!

HERE'S THE PROOF:)

So here it is the proof behind my previous post... that my animal disliking days of the past are now truly in the past:)

Can you believe that, the bottle is bigger than the little bunny. He was just going after it. It was pretty precious.

It really makes me see the awesomeness of all of God's beautiful little creations:) Man, His handiwork is amazing.

A SOMEWHAT QUIET WEEK

2 little pig-tailed girls... Anna and Ellie


Jojo, Caleb and Josh


Louis with his and Samuel's butterfly ornaments from last year.

2 of my favorite ornaments... I love that picture of Samuel and anything that glitters and glistens against the lights.

We have had a bit of a low key week around here. Greg went hunting with a man from church. This was a big treat for him, he loves getting out in the woods. He has really missed being able to head up to northern Wisconsin with the boys, my Dad and all my brothers. He misses the camaraderie of being with the fellas. It wasn't something he did that often, but he enjoyed it when he did get the chance. So this was a treat for him.

Our Swedish friends the Dinkleman's kids are with us this weekend. Actually we have 2 of their 3 here. ( I always refer to them as our Swedish friends, but really they aren't Swedish at all. They just moved here from Sweden) So that has made for lots of fun for the kids, they are having a ball together.

Here is kind of a random, sort of strange, but funny story for those of you that know me. I have never been a HUGE fan of animals. Really I kind of dislike them. Greg grew up with dogs, so he loves them. My mom had terrible asthma while I was growing up so the only kinds of animals we had were the ducks or chickens that we hatched. (Yeah, it was a little odd to have ducks in the back yard in the suberbs of Milwaukee) Anyways... this gal who really dislikes animals was spotted heading to Atwoods Farm and Ranch store for bunny formula. Yep, you read that correctly.... Bunny formula. The mama rabbit had 9 rabbits and the runt was just still not really growing at all. On the way home from the store, Louis called saying that the bunny had passed away. He was so sad, he was holding it when it happened. I know that is part of the way it works. I really think he was so tiny he was just getting pushed out the way when he would try to nurse. The old me, animal disliker, would have just let nature take its course, which it did. But I found it shocking myself that here I was heading out, spending money to try to save it. In fact the kids were trying to feed one other one today... we will see what happens with that one.

So either animals are growing on me, or I just love my kids so much and love the fun they have with the rabbits and kitty. Now the guinea pig on the other hand... we are kind of trying to find a home for him. Anyone out there want a guinea pig... Free for the taking:)

We are missing the snow that seemed to be falling up north, and even my in- laws called from Houston saying they had snowflakes the size of quarters. We just had cool weather and tons of wind... I really miss the white Christmas time. There is something so beautiful about that blanket of white that covers everything and hangs on the branches:)

Have a blessed weekend!

HOUSEGUESTS LEAVE... MORE PETS ARRIVE

OUR 2 LITTLE PILGRIMS
9 NEW BABY BUNNIES... WHEN THE BOTTOMS MOVED WE DECIDED TO EMBARK ON A NEW LITTLE JOB FOR THE BOYS. WE TRADED OUT OUR PREVIOUS FEMALE RABBIT FOR A NEW MAMA... WE ADDED ANOTHER FEMALE AND A MALE. SO THE BOYS WILL HAVE A LITTLE RABBIT BUSINESS. WE FIGURED THIS COULD HELP TEACH THEM SOME RESPONSIBILITY AND HELP THEM TO EARN A LITTLE MONEY ON THEIR OWN... NOT TO MENTION THAT THE BABIES ARE JUST PRECIOUS. (WHEN THEY GET OUT OF THE HAIRLESS MOUSE LOOKING STAGE:)

THIS GO AROUND WE WERE ALL ABLE TO ACTUALLY WATCH HER HAVE THEM, IT WAS AMAZING. WE ALL PEEKED OUT OF THE BACK DOOR WINDOW ONTO THE BACK PORCH WHERE HER CAGE WAS... SHE IS A GOOD MAMA. ALL 9 ARE DOING WELL, SO FAR SO GOOD!

HERE ARE THE BIG BOYS MAKING A LITTLE RABBIT BOX, SO THAT ONE OF THE OTHER RABBITS CAN GO IN TO GET OUT OF THE COLD OR WIND. THEY CAME UP WITH THE IDEA ALL ON THEIR OWN AND DID A GREAT JOB. I AM SURE THAT RABBIT IS HAPPY, IT IS OUR COLDEST NIGHT TO DATE THIS FALL. THE CRAZY PART ABOUT THIS ALL IS, THAT I AM NOT AN ANIMAL PERSON AT ALL. I WILL ADMIT THEY ARE GROWING ON ME, BUT REALLY I AM FINE WITH IT, AS LONG AS THEY ARE OUTSIDE.

Well, all our house guests have left. Yep,that is right, all of them. The girl and her son that were to come on Sunday... did come, but only stayed about 7 hours. She said it had nothing to do with us. Really, I can't blame her, I can't imagine just having a baby, then giving that baby up, and then going to a complete strangers home to recover. She was very sweet, we had a really nice talk during the time that they were here. I don't think her mother was very supportive of the adoption and that is where she was going to stay... She did seem very solid in her decision to place the baby for adoption though. So that was good. The adoptive mom said it probably also had to do with the fact that we hardly get any cell reception at our house. She felt a little lost without the use of her phone. I said she could use our phone anytime. I think she just wanted to be in her own home. I know when I don't feel well, that is where I want to be. I just continue to pray that the Lord will provide what she needs and that seeds will be planted in her heart to turn to HIM. It was a bit of an up and down day, just gearing up to have them here and then for her to leave so soon. We are trusting that was how long God wanted her here.

It has been a busy week with company and all, but I loved it. The tree is up and really looks pretty, Walmart had some beautiful live trees this year... The kids really loved looking at all of their ornaments that they have gotten over the years and we all loved putting up all of Samuel's ornaments that we received last year.

Tonight was the choir program at church... this was where they have a couple and a baby come in dressed as Mary, Joseph, and baby Jesus. Last year that was supposed to be us, until Samuel died. It stung a little tonight. Even putting up the decorations put me back to what it felt like to put it all up last year. It had only been about a month since he had died. It is all kind of a blur, but I just remember forcing myself to put up a tree for the kids sake... I didn't really feel like it all. This year it felt different, it was actually nice, but it stung a little too. Oh, how I wish he was here to take in all the brightness of the lights or to pull on the ornaments. He would have been just at that age, where you know they are truly starting to understand when you say no. Putting up the tree probably would have been one of the first few teaching, training times. I miss that. I love seeing those sweet precious kids learn right from wrong... even if it would have just been training not to play with the ornaments. I know that sounds crazy that I would miss the training part of it, but I do. I miss so much about not having him here.

At the same time, I feel so much stronger than last year. I feel like I am able to face so much more. It still hurts incredibly, I think I am just learning to deal with that hurt. I still miss him tremendously, but I am learning to live life with a longing for heaven I NEVER had before. I am so thankful that God is walking beside us every step of the way. I am thankful for His sustaining power as we move forward each day.