SOME RANDOM THOUGHTS

A few random thoughts and updates:

1. Our MEND bunco bash fundraiser turned out great. The boys took the day off of school and helped all day to get things ready. It was a lot of fun and a great success. Now we get ready for our very first Walk To Remember in less than 3 weeks. The main purpose is to offer a Christian based remembrance service for infants. There are other remembrance services, but nothing else that is Christian based. We want to offer HOPE to those who are hurting.

I know it be very special and probably will come at the perfect time for me... just 2 weeks before Samuel's 2nd birthday in Heaven.

2. I am 13 weeks along and growing like crazy... truly crazy. I am not sure if it is just because it is my 6th pregnancy or the fact that I graze constantly to curb the nausea... I am having a lot less spotting than I was a couple of weeks ago. That has been nice... I did find out that I have 2 abnormalities in my blood work, but thankfully nothing real serious. All we had to do was add a baby aspirin and new prenatals with a folic acid supplement as well. They will check for a few things on the anatomy scan that can be more common with the abnormalities I have. Truly I am not worried about that part. I know God is forming this baby perfectly as He desires...

I am still really nauseous, which I see as a good thing. And the older kids are just awesome in letting me nap when I just can't get through the afternoon with out one:) They have been such great helpers.

3. We had beautiful cool weather today. Fall has always been my favorite season. But I will be honest, for me now with the coolness of fall comes a whole lot of memories of the saddest time in my life. It is bizarre how just the cool wind in my face can vividly bring things back. Since Samuel's birthday is just about a month away... I am really starting to think of how we will celebrate it this year. I do feel different than last year... Last year we spent the 29th alone as a family. Then on the 30th we had special people come over... Local people who had really supported us in that first year with out him. The real reason for that was, honestly, that I wasn't sure I would survive the day without people supporting me in the flesh:)

This year I know we will make it through... there has been much progress in the healing, but at the same time I know the grief and memories will be REALLY hard to manage all the same. At this point all I know is that I want to be able to do whatever we need to do... whatever feels right to us at the time... Whatever will get us through the 2 days as a family... I know that those things that we choose to do may not be "normal" to the average person... I know for me as Samuel's mommy, the carrier of that precious life, the grief will be different than it will be for everyone else...we will see how that all plays out.

So in the crisper weather tonight we went for a really nice family walk and even put a fire in the fireplace... while we enjoyed some apple cider and popcorn for dinner.

4. The other night Lou, Greg and I watch the movie AMISH GRACE. I had never heard of it. Oh... my... goodness.... what a story of forgiveness. If you ever get the chance to rent it I would highly recommend it. I think Caleb would get a lot out of it as well, but it probably would be too much for Anna. It is based on the true story of the shooting at the Amish school that killed 5 Amish girls. It was done very respectfully and well. Wow... it is an excellent movie.

5. We should be able to find out the sex of this little one in 2-3 weeks. This is brand new to us... I will share more all about our reasons for finding out this time around, in a post coming up soon!

Well that is about all for now... off to clean up the kitchen and hit the hay!