Saturday, August 28, 2010

MORE OF UP NORTH...

ALL MY SIBLINGS, THEIR SPOUSES, KIDS, AND MY PARENTS.




THIS IS WHAT WE REALLY LOOK LIKE MOST OF THE TIME...

My brother and sister in law have this beautiful out door porch where we visited and sipped lemonade... It is truly like right out of a magazine. Aren't this jar candles cool? I just love them. My sister in law is one talented decorator... I can't tell you how many times we have said, "Man, I wish Katy were here to tell us what to do in this room." Her whole house is like walking into Country Living magazine... but truly she is frugal too... she will garbage pick something, paint it, and it looks amazing:)



Jojo and the Goats.
I just had an amazing weekend at the Women of Faith Conference... Wow, they have some of the greatest speakers... so funny and witty, yet really touched my heart. It was a total blessing to me. Par for the course we had a bought of the stomach flu at home while I was gone... that happened the last time I was at a conference in Dallas. Poor Greg... but they all did great and it was very short lived, Praise God!
I will say, I so wish MaryBeth Chapman would have been speaking at this one too, but she is on the other Women of Faith tour... Maybe next year... we will see:) Well, It was an absolutely crazy week, and I am whipped so I best be getting myself to bed...
By the way, I did get another glimpse of the "wee one" this past Thursday and he/she looked great... precious little heart pumping away... Honestly, I still can't believe this is really happening:)





Wednesday, August 25, 2010

FINALLY, UP NORTH PHOTOS

Here is a picture of all the cousins on Sunday night before we left on Monday morning. It was sort of a throw it together sort of gathering at my parents house. We literally had maybe 2 hours with all of us there. That hasn't happened in over 2 years. It was really nice... but I do have to admit that my heart was a bit sore, that is the only way I can describe it. I can't tell you how many times I heard that night, "Wow, we are all together... everyone is here." I know others don't think twice about a comment like that. I would never hold it against anyone, but I do hear it differently for-sure. Over and over that night, my heart just broke in two...knowing my son was missing... never would be part of the big family get togethers... never would get to play with his 2 boy cousins born with in a year of his death. At the same time it was really nice, just a bit bitter sweet for me. It is funny all the situations that used to be perfectly easy and wonderful, are now wonderful... just difficult at the same time. It was fun to see the cousins together and be with my siblings and their spouses. And praise God I remember having a really good laugh in the kitchen after dinner... a truly gut level laugh and it felt good...
I just had to laugh at the tube's name... BIG MABLE. I think that is hilarious. The kids had a blast riding on it at the cabin. We were really fortunate to spend a day with my brother and sister in law Katy up there. And they left Ella and Grace with us for the week so the kids had a ball together. It is absolutely one of the nicest places to vacation ever. We were so blessed to be able to finally get back up there after 2 years. There is something so special about the north woods. Unfortunately a lot of my pictures from up there didn't save on my memory card. I had a great one with my parents and the kids that was lost. Big bummer.


We had not met my nephew Elias until this trip. We just laughed... the kids thought he looked like Hansel from Hansel and Gretel... he really kind of did... such a precious little guy. The kids loved getting to play with Will and SaraBeth too:)


Jo and Will by the chicken coop. My parents live on a big plot of land with my two older brothers and their families. It is a great place to run around and explore as well as see all kind of wild life and great pets including, horses, chickens, goats, llamas, cats and dogs...


Anna and her two cousins, Isabella and Sara Beth... we like to call Isabella, Gretel:) She is the most precious petite thing ever.
I was so thankful that my little sister Beth's family was able to come over from Boston. I hadn't seen her since when she came out for Samuel's memorial service. Wow, my sister has put up with many a depressing conversation over the last almost 2 years. Really, we have always been close, but she was incredibly gracious to truly be there for me... way more so than I would have ever imagined . She would just listen over the phone, cry with me, let me be right where I was at (whether that was in a place of total anger, complete despair, loneliness, emptiness...all of it) and the crazy thing was she would always call back and do it all over again the next week if need be. I cry just sitting here thinking about it. She was incredibly patient and understanding with me through her pregnancy with Elias. As much as in my heart I wanted to be more a part of it... I just couldn't, it was too hard... my wound was still too fresh just 4 months after Samuel's death and she was fine with that. Really there are times, that I still wonder how we navigated that... God was gracious that is for sure.
Anyways, I love my sister Beth, and am so thankful that God gave her to me. It makes my heart leap for joy that Anna now has a sister to grow up with. Of course I don't think I have any pictures of us together except for the big family picture, I will try to post tomorrow. I am glad I finally got these pictures posted... but there are a couple more I will try to get to soon.





Monday, August 23, 2010

UPDATE ON HOPE'S FINALIZATION

IT WAS A GREAT DAY... WE STAYED THE NIGHT IN A HOTEL NEAR WHERE WE NEEDED TO FINALIZE. WE JUST KNEW THAT TO GET ALL OF US THERE ON TIME, WE WOULD HAVE HAD TO LEAVE BY ABOUT 5:30 THIS MORNING... THAT JUST WASN'T GOING TO HAPPEN. OF COURSE FOR US WITH THE KIDS THINGS NEVER GO OFF WITH OUT A HITCH...
ANNA WAS FREAKED OUT BY THE PITCH BLACK ELEVATOR AT THE HOTEL. (IT WAS A LITTLE SPOOKY:)
WE GOT SOME GREAT LAUGHS OVER THE "SQUEAKIEST BED IN THE WORLD" THAT ANNA AND I WERE SHARING... OH... MY... GOODNESS... YOU COULD BARELY BREATHE WITH OUT IT MAKING TONS OF NOISE:)
AND THIS MORNING WHEN GREG WENT TO GET DRESSED... HE WAS MISSING HIS PANTS... YOU KNOW YOU DON'T WANT TO SHOW UP BEFORE THE JUDGE LOOKING SLOPPY... SO WE WERE A BIT PANICKED.... WE WERE IN A TOTALLY UNFAMILIAR AREA AND HAD NO IDEA WHERE TO FIND A 24 HOURS STORE TO FIND SOMETHING BEFORE OUR HEARING AT 9 AM. WE WERE RUSHING TO GET EVERYONE READY.
WELL, PRAISE GOD I TOLD GREG TO CHECK THE COUCH IN THE HOTEL LOBBY. WE HAD PUT THE PILE OF CLOTHES THERE LATE LAST NIGHT WHEN WE ARRIVED... AND THANK GOD, THERE THEY WERE.
BUT BESIDES THAT, IT ALL WENT OFF WITH OUT A HITCH. WE BASICALLY JUST HAD TO AGREE TO TAKE CARE OF THIS SWEET LITTLE GIRL THROUGH ALL THE GOOD AND BAD OF LIFE. WE WERE THRILLED TO AGREE TO IT ALL:)
HERE IS CALEB HITTING THE GAVEL TO MAKE HOPE OFFICIALLY A PART OF THE FAMILY... THE JUDGE WAS REALLY NICE AND EVEN LET THE LITTLER ONES STAND RIGHT BY HIM SO THEY COULD GET A GOOD VIEW:)

THIS IS DIERDRE THE DIRECTOR OF THE AGENCY THAT WE GOT HOPE THROUGH... SHE IS AMAZING... SUCH A SWEET, SWEET LADY, WHO HAS BEEN SUPER PROFESSIONAL, YET INCREDIBLY SUPPORTIVE OVER THE LAST 8 MONTHS. I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW OFTEN SHE WOULD EMAIL ME AND REMIND THAT THEY WERE PRAYING FOR OUR FAMILY AND HOPE THROUGH THIS ALL.


WE JUST LOVE HER AND ARE SO THANKFUL FOR HER.




THE WHOLE CREW INCLUDING DIERDRE AND OUR LAWYER AFTER THE FINALIZATION.



HERE IS ANNA... JUST OVER THE MOON THAT SHE ACTUALLY FINALLY HAS A SISTER!!
REALLY WE ARE ALL THRILLED TO FINALLY HAVE THIS DAY BE HERE.
WE ARE SO BLESSED TO HAVE HER IN OUR LIFE:)
YAY GOD... FOR YOUR GOOD WORK IN GROWING HOPE IN HER BIRTH MOM'S WOMB, AND ALLOWING HER TO GIVE OUR SWEET, PRECIOUS DAUGHTER THE GIFT OF LIFE.
YAY GOD... FOR MAKING HOPE A HINTZ FOREVER!
FOR YOU FORMED MY INWARD PARTS, YOU KNITTED ME TOGETHER IN MY MOTHER'S WOMB. I PRAISE YOU FOR I AM FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE. WONDERFUL ARE YOUR WORKS, MY SOUL KNOWS IT VERY WELL.
PSALM 139:13-14




IT'S OFFICIAL, SHE IS FINALLY A HINTZ


IT IS FINALLY OFFICIAL... THIS SWEET LITTLE PUMPKIN IS FINALLY AT HOME FOREVER WITH US!
SWEET BABY GIRL IS NOW OFFICIALLY HOPE JUBILEE MARIE HINTZ...
AND WE ARE SO VERY GRATEFUL TO GOD FOR ALLOWING IT TO HAPPEN...
FOR ALL YOUR PRAYERS OVER THE LAST 8 MONTHS OF UNKNOWNS...
FOR AN AMAZING AGENCY WHO WAS SO INCREDIBLY SUPPORTIVE THROUGH IT ALL:)
I WILL TRY TO UPDATE LATER WITH SOME MORE DETAILS AND PICTURES:)

Saturday, August 21, 2010

SOON TO BE SISTERS:)















I woke up this morning to the older of these 2 little beauties in bed with me... I could hear her over and over again saying, "Yes...yes... yes... Yes...YES!" I said, "What are you talking about?" She replied by saying... , "Yes, really soon I really will have a REAL SISTER!"
As long as all goes as planned... we have a court date to finalize our adoption with sweet baby girl this coming Monday. We are praying that there won't be any glitches...and the agency, and our lawyer do not expect any at all:)
We were hoping to get together with sweet baby girl's birth mother at the agency after we finalize, but now that isn't going to work out. She did want to see us all again and I can't wait to really tell her how much we appreciate her and her gift to us. When we first met her, we didn't really know if we would get to keep sweet baby girl, but she knew that she was in our care and wanted to meet us. Now we will be able to tell her how much we admire her for her love of sweet baby girl and her sacrifice. Hopefully that will get arranged soon:)
We will be so thankful to finally make this little pumpkin an "official" Hintz... Yay God for working this all out in the way that He did... we are so thankful to HIM.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

OVERCOME...

HERE IS THE NEWEST LITTLE HINTZ FAMILY ADDITION... YEAH... I KNOW IT ISN'T THE CLEAREST PICTURE... BUT THIS WAS AN AMAZING SIGHT FOR THIS MOM AND DAD'S EYES!
Today I was totally overcome with gratefulness when we saw ONE beautiful heartbeat on the ultrasound screen. (Don't get me wrong, I would have totally been grateful with 2 or 3 heartbeats:) I was overcome with gratefulness to God that He has allowed this to actually happen... we gave these babies a chance at life ... and it worked... It was ALL HIS work... every single bit of it:)




Today on my drive home from the ultrasound I was totally overcome with tears of gratefulness for our embryo donor! I just am amazed that she would bless us in such a way... with such an incredible gift... LIFE! I am completely humbled and truly feel pretty unworthy of such an awesome gift.


The Doctor (whom I love by the way, who also himself has lost a child, but his child was 18 I believe... He gets the grief, loss experience first hand which I really appreciate as we move forward with this pregnancy) was great as usual. The first time I met him, I called Greg after the visit and said, "I really hope I get pregnant so that we can actually use this guy as our Doctor... you will love him honey." He will have me see a high risk doctor just to make sure we stay totally on top of things given what happened with Samuel. I love that he will be vigilant with this go around.


I also know that anything can still happen, but the Doctor did say that those statistics go down significantly after you see a good heartbeat on a normal ultrasound. That gave my heart some peace. So we place this little baby in the Lord's hands... the very best place for he/she to be:) and we will see what happens...but at this point we are filled with joy.

One more thing... I know maybe some of you found my blog because you also have lost a child. Maybe some of you are longing for that baby or long to get pregnant, but it isn't happening for you. I know that hearing the news of a another pregnancy can be really difficult. I want you to know that I completely understand that. My heart goes out to you. I pray that our embryo adoption miracle doesn't deepen your pain. I also want you to know, that if you let me know, through an email or comment, I would love to be praying for you where ever you are in that grief journey. I mean that whole heartedly.


Oh by the way, here is a little bonus! Greg and I had lunch at PF Changs between the ultrasound and the Doctor's appt. After we ate we were talking with the waiter, who I think was a manager. We mentioned to him that we were celebrating this new life, and told him some about all of our other kids, including our miscarriage and Samuel. He then said that his wife had also had a stillbirth and a miscarriage... I was shocked... you just don't hear it that often... Then he came back and said that lunch was on him... What a special gift and treat!

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

THE TRANSFER:)

2 of the 3 precious miracles that were transferred to my womb on July 14th:)
Isn't that just absolutely wild... there they are. The more I have learned about embryo adoption and the further we get in the process... the more amazed I am by God's working through this.
That God could take these little tiny babies, allow them to be frozen and then thawed and breath life back into them is just incredible to me.
My sweet hubby and I flew out to CA on the 12th of July. We really had a fun couple of days before the transfer. Like I had said we haven't been away together in 12years so it was an incredible treat for us. On the 13th we met with our Dr. for the first time. Let me just say I was greatly impressed with him when I spoke with him over the phone. He was incredibly helpful and went above and beyond to be available if I needed to talk to him or his nurse.
When we met him on the 13th, he did a mock transfer where they basically map the cervix (sorry if that is TMI:) so there aren't any surprises on the day of the transfer. That all went great and then we met in his office to talk.
Our embryos had been thawed I believe early Monday. So now it was Tuesday... we didn't even really know if any of the 7 had survived the thaw. He told us all of them had. We were a little surprised, but thankful. We just hadn't expected that... but we were really happy... God had allowed them to survive the thaw even when the donor had been told that some of them really weren't worth freezing because they probably wouldn't survive the thaw... God had more days for those little babies. We firmly believe that God created those lives and He is the only one who should decide how long their lives are to be.
The doctor said that all had survived the thaw, but with partial survival. An example of this would be that one that had been a 10 celled embryo before the freeze, was now an 8 cell.... so on and so forth with the others. He said that all it takes is one good cell to keep multiplying into a baby. Our plan was to let them all grow out... transfer some and refreeze any others that were still growing. We really prayed that night that the Lord would guide our steps in knowing how many to transfer the next day.
After that appt. on Tuesday Greg and I had a ball driving through Beverly Hills, up the coast and spending a great evening with seminary friends the Barketts. The next morning we were up early to head to the clinic. My acupuncturist was going to give me a treatment before and after the transfer (This is supposed to up the chances of success with a Frozen Embryo Transfer)... but we needed to meet with the Doctor or the embryologist before as well. I think the Doctor was in surgery so we met with the embryologist and he gave us the picture from above. I do have another picture of the other 5 embryos...
At this point right before the transfer there were 3 that we knew we would transfer. There were 3 that were already starting to show signs of not living anymore and one that they said probably had a 5% chance of surviving. I headed in to the transfer room with the acupuncturist , ( who of course was awesome and had me relaxed in no time:) and Greg was going to decide with the Doctor if we would transfer the 4th also or let it grow out and refreeze if it lived. I have to say I was completely at ease... I think we had prayed about this so much... felt like God had just mapped out the journey to that point and now we were just resting in HIM, waiting for it to unfold.
Greg had a great chance to share his faith with the Doctor... he was so excited about it when he came in the room to me. They had decided to just transfer the 3. The main reason was that with our donor being young when the embryos were frozen, even if they had maybe lagged behind in growth from what the Dr. had ultimately desired, the potential genetically was still there for multiple healthy babies... and he wanted to err on the safe side.
The procedure was completely painless... really I didn't feel a thing. I got to watch on the ultrasound machine as they went in, but I couldn't see anything. It was just downright wild to know at that moment these little lives were put in my womb. The Doctor said that I did everything I needed to do to get to that point and now we just wait and see. I had some more acupuncture, got some instructions for bed rest for the next couple 24-48 hours and we were on our way.
This was one funny thing... he did say to not stress my body physically, emotionally, or calorically... yes, you read that right:) calorically:) I asked what he meant by that, and he said this was not the time to stay away from ice cream, but to allow myself those treats... and allow myself those treats I did. When Greg and I went out that night to BUCAS, a family style Italian Restaurant, I of course forgot the family style part and ordered myself some family style
Tiramasu... OH, MY... DELISH!!! But I was eating it for the next 2 days:)
I also had cut up 2 pineapples the night before at our friends and ate the cores of those big boys! Apparently, there is something in the core that is supposed to aid in the implantation of a baby... YAY... it worked!
We spent all that Wednesday and Thursday just hanging around the pool, the hotel room, reading, watching TV, and eating delicious Thai food. Then Friday morning we set out early for the LA airport.
The plan was to be in contact with the clinic over the next few days to see if the remaining embryos continued growing. We were sad to hear that all of them were no longer living. We didn't have any to refreeze. That was a little sad, but it did give my heart comfort to know that was too in the Lord's hands... he had allowed them the number of days He planned for them.
So that was the transfer in a nutshell. And here we are on the other side. We have our ultrasound tomorrow afternoon. There is already a balancing of emotions on that arena. Thank God my hubby will be going with me, and we will be meeting with the Doctor afterwards to discuss the ultrasound. We are praying for a good outcome... knowing God is able... and knowing we don't know what His will is for these 3 babies that were transferred... we will see soon enough. I am delighted to have been a warm, safe place for them to grow for as long as the Lord allows:)