What a day... Mother's day... beautifully hard...

Today I rejoice that I was blessed with such a dear sweet mama to raise me and my siblings...  I am sure we put her through the ringer at times, but she has always been very gracious, loving, helpful, prayerful, faithful, kind, hard working, compassionate... I could go on and on...
(couldn't help but post a sweet picture of my mom and siblings... oh the funniness that abounds in that photo)

My heart also rejoices that we too have been blessed with a wonderful mother who raised my wonderful husband... I know that much blood sweat and tears went into raising him to be the man that he is today... That does not go unnoticed by me... He is a wonderful loving husband and father and I know that we owe much of that to my mother in law...:)

My heart rejoices in these 7 precious kiddos who call me mommy everyday... They are the amazing miracles on this earth that I get to pour into, that keep me humble, that consume my time and energy and that love me inspite of myself each and every day... What a HUGE gift they are to me...

(I couldn't help but post a picture of me and sweet baby Lou... the little man that first made me a mommy... 16 years has changed me a bit... wouldn't change any stretch mark or wrinkle... they were all worth it!)

To be perfectly honest,  I have struggled all day with putting into words how I feel today...   There is an aching in my heart as well as a deep rejoicing...  While it is a beautiful day to honor our moms and rejoice for many reasons... Mother's Day can be a sort of in your face kind of day to hurting women... 

My heart aches for the women that long to be a mom and for whatever reason struggle with fertility issues... (I have been there... wondering if it would ever happen for me as year after year I waited)... It is extremely difficult to desire something so much, watch it happen for so many others, and just be let down month after month... My heart hurts knowing how many women are in that place today...

My heart hurts  for the women whose mom's are no longer living and they just wish they had one more day with them... one more day to pamper them... one more day to sit and visit with them... one more day to glean wisdom, caring and compassion from them.... there is no one else like your mama...

My heart hurts for the moms that maybe no one recognizes as moms because they don't have any living children...Oh... such a difficult place to be... knowing that you have children... they just aren't this side of heaven with you...

My heart aches for all the moms that miss their children because they carried them for almost 10 long months, went through all the nausea, felt every kick, hic cup, and movement... and then UNSELFISHLY chose adoption for their children... (where would I be today with out these precious women in my life??? the biological mamas to some of my babies...)

My heart hurts for all of the moms who have a piece of their heart in Heaven with their children... It doesn't matter if that life lived inside of you for just a few short weeks or lived with you in your home for many years... The ache of the empty womb or the empty chair at the dinner table can be a void like no other... And truly it doesn't matter if that child died 10 years ago or 50... that ache remains in some way... (just last week after an announcement in church about the start of our MEND Chicagoland chapter, an older woman came up to me to offer help... she said that she doesn't talk about her loss often (a child lost at about 25 weeks)  but that she still cries about it... 51 years later... That missing remains... and truly that comforts my heart... My babies lives mattered... and they will still matter when I am old and gray... 

Mother's Day can just be a beautifully hard day...

I am so thankful for the gift of all of my children that made me a mom... 

My heart bursts with gratefulness for my sweeties here on earth  with me (the ones I have given birth to... the ones other moms have given birth to and we have adopted, and the one we adopted and I was blessed to give birth too... Still amazes me how miraculously the Lord has brought me all of my children:) 

And my heart longs for my precious children in heaven... My beautiful dark headed chunky 9 lb. 2 oz. Samuel... Baby Joel we had hoped to adopt but was stillborn at 28 weeks... and sweet baby Taylor (lost to an early miscarriage... the kids picked his/her name... I love that they wanted to name that baby...)

My heart rejoices for the work Christ has done to make a reunion in Heaven possible, one that I look forward to every single day.

Mother's Day... and all of the feelings it brings with it for me... My journey to being a mom to all of my kids has not always been easy... in fact it has been down right amazing.... wonderful... beautiful... exactly as I wanted it to be... despairing... debilitating... full of wondering... daily surrendering... full of turmoil and longing... heart breaking... exactly as I NEVER would have wanted it to be...

If I could change it, would I???  Oh that is a hard question... Selfishly, yes... but ultimately NO WAY!  

Do I wish and long for Samuel to be a 5 year old snuggled in his bed upstairs??? For sure... but ultimately, earth would be so sad for him in comparison to the glory of Heaven... I wouldn't ever want to take that away from him... 

The Lord has blessed me abundantly by the big picture of His plan for our family!  Blessings I never could have imagined or dreamt up... 

Blessings that I certainly would have missed out on if children had come to me exactly as I had wished... He knows best... I am so thankful he carries us through those HARD HARD TIMES TO THE BEAUTY that can be on the other side when we rest in and surrender to His plan for us... 

So as my heart aches for all of the women in the situations listed above... I pray for them... Praying for the Lord to comfort them and sustain them... If any of you have any hurts or friends that are hurting, I would love to pray over those needs... feel free to comment or email me at hintzmom27@yahoo.com with any requests... It would be an honor to pray for you... 

Much love to you this Mother's Day 2014