WRAPPED IN LOVE

THE KIDS SNUGGLING UNDER OUR FAMILY BLANKET

WRAPPED IN THE SNUGGLY BLANKETS AND THE LOVE OF FRIENDS

Wow, it is November 30th. How can a month have already passed since we held Samuel and so quickly had to say goodbye to him. Oh, how we miss him.

I said I would post pictures of the wonderful blankets our seminary friends gave to us, and here they are. We have loved snuggling as a family under the big blanket and the kids have been using their blankets every night in bed. It is such a comfort to know that our family and friends have been praying for us. When I am under that blanket it makes me smile knowing that it was made with 4 of our friends families tying and praying for the 6 of us. That is what is carrying us (and of course God's grace) through these tough days.

Speaking of carrying us, I was just talking with a friend last night who was here for Samuel's memorial service. It is just such a blessing for me to be able to talk about Samuel to people. I know many are uncomfortable around me and probably don't want to bring him up in conversation for fear that it will upset me. But I love talking about him, he is my son. Talking about him may or may not make me cry, most likely it will... but what people don't realize is that I already feel like I am crying on the inside... pretty much the majority of the time. He is constantly on my mind. Someone recently told me the more I dwell on it the harder it may be for me.(this was not the same friend:) I just had to respond that I don't feel like I am dwelling on it, it is just right there at the forefront of my mind. I think when you plan for 9 months, carry that sweet baby for 9 months and love every bit of it, you can't help but have it be so fresh on the mind. Caring for Samuel was going to be my new 24/7 job, and I couldn't wait to do it. It is still all so new and is going to take time for me to adjust to our new life without the child we were expecting to share life with now.

OK, back to my conversation with my friend last night. She was telling me what the service was like from her perspective. She was talking about how she was amazed that our family could walk in the church singing "I know that my Redeemer Lives." I told her at the time I really felt like I could sing and praise God amidst the pain I was feeling. But now looking back I don't know how we did it, how we even made it through those first few days after Samuel was gone. She just cupped her hands in front of her and and said that she knew that God was carrying us. It is so true, there is no other explanation for it. This is such a special friend to me and I was just thankful for her encouragement and listening ear and that she was willing to sit and cry with me. I know it isn't easy these days for people to be around me, but I am so thankful for those who are willing to share our memories of Samuel and walk along side me and our family as we persevere through each day.

I will try to post tomorrow about our Thanksgiving with family.

We are back safe from our trip to Wisconsin. Greg was awesome and drove through the night and let me sleep the whole way. We were blessed with some special times with family over the last week and I will update with that and some pictures over the next couple of days.

Since we have moved so many times lately I have sent out Thanksgiving letters instead of Christmas letters for the past few years. That way people have our new address each year. Actually I think I will keep doing it in the future... it is really nice to have that task completed well before Christmas. I thought I would just post our letter in case some of you didn't receive it this time. I hope you all had a blessed Thanksgiving.

I also couldn't resist posting another picture of our sweet Samuel since the ones from our letter didn't copy onto the blog:)

Dear Family and Friends,
As many of you have probably heard our dear son Samuel Mark Hintz went to live with his Creator before He had a chance to be born here on earth. The day after his due date he just stopped moving. He was born the next morning October 30th and the Dr. said that his death was due to a cord accident. Our whole family was able to spend lots of time holding and snuggling Samuel, and taking pictures with him. This is time we will treasure and remember forever. In a day and age when life in so undervalued and sometimes not even acknowledged, we were in awe of this perfect creation God had knit together in my womb and blessed us with . He was absolutely beautiful. We loved inspecting all of his perfect parts. This baby had been prayed for before he had been conceived. Our whole family was so looking forward to sharing life with Samuel and his 9 months with us were completely enjoyed by all of us. We are so thankful to God this Thanksgiving that He blessed us with Samuel. His life with us was much shorter than we were anticipating but even now we celebrate all that he did with us as a part of our family. His life was fun for all of us, feeling him kick, hiccup and wiggle around. We are so thankful also for all of the love, support and encouragement that people have given us over the last few weeks. It has been much harder than we could have imagined, but we are clinging to the hope we have in Jesus. He is a faithful and loving God and we will continue to trust in Him. We are so thankful for your continued prayers in the months ahead as we know it is going to be difficult.

We still wanted to send out our Thanksgiving letter this year because even amidst the challenges and grieving that we face we are still thankful to God for so much. We are thankful for the great 2 years God blessed us with at the seminary. We are also so thankful for our vicarage congregation here in Oklahoma who has rallied around us and shown us such love over the last few weeks. God has taught us so much already through this and we are treasuring all of you even more than before. We thank God for you this Thanksgiving. We pray that this Christmas you will have a renewed appreciation for the gift that Jesus is to us. Having lost a son, we look at God willingly giving up his son for us in a different light. He died so that WE could live eternally. Wow, now with a son in Heaven with his Creator we long for that day when we can join him.

With love in Christ,
Greg, Sara, Louis, Caleb, Anna and Elijah Hintz

ROSEBUD LIPS AND LOVE ALL AROUND

JOJO LOVING ON SAMUEL

ANNA... SO IN LOVE WITH HER BABY BROTHER

We were just amazed by Samuel's rosebud lips... they were so rosy red and beautiful. We couldn't help kissing them. The kids took all sorts of pictures while we spent time with Samuel. Any one who knows me knows I love pictures and am rarely in one because I am the one taking them. But the kids were busy that day, and they caught some very precious moments with our 4th son.

Another thing I noticed was how God created little girls with that "mommy heart". It was so evident in the time that Anna spent with Samuel. She was constantly wanting to hold him and love on him. I finally had to say, "Anna this is the last time." because I wanted to hold my son. All of the kids wanted to be with Samuel and hold him, there was just something a little different about how Anna went about it. She is probably, well already is just like me... A BABY LOVER.

We just had 2 very quick precious days with our friends the Boggs from the seminary. They would've have been Samuel's godparents along with our niece Hannah. Becky and I are so much a like, I know she completely gets me. Being in a new city and grieving has been difficult, I am not going to lie. Having her here was just a blessing and gift to me. She walked with me, listened to me, hugged me and cried with me. She isn't afraid to let me grieve and be right there with me... what a gift.

Their family along with 3 others from Sem. gave us the most precious gifts. Each family took one of our 4 living kids and tied a fleece blanket for them. Each family prayed over that specific child as they made the blanket for them. I will post pictures of them after thanksgiving. Then all four families made one huge blanket for Greg and I. It was divided into fourths. Each fourth was one of the same patterns of fleece from the other 4 kids. Then smack dab in the middle was a different piece overlapping the other 4 with a new pattern to represent Samuel. My description is not doing it justice at all. All 4 families got together and as they tied the big blanket they prayed for our family and Greg and I. When I saw the pattern for Samuel I jsut wept. What a gift and treasure, the blanket and those dear friends. I can't wait to thank them... but for now Thank you Boggs, Barketts, Hayters and Stinettes. I can't tell you how much we all love them and what they mean to us now and will mean to us in the future. Thank you for acknowledging Samuel's precious life. Thank you for loving us. Thank you for wrapping us all in your prayers and God's love shown in the flesh.

We thank you all for your prayers and love. We would ask that you continue to pray for us. Each day I realize what a journey this is going to be. I want to go back to who I was a month ago. That will never happen. I am forever changed, a totally different person. I know through God's work in the long haul that won't be a bad thing. Right now though it is rough. Just when I think it has to get better, I feel a deeper pain than before. I want to be on the other side of the pain... There is no way to get there, but to go through it. And I know the other side will never be what we had before. And that is OK, how can we go back to before our sweet son Samuel. He is our son and he will forever be a part of our family and who we are. God gave him to us and this Thanksgiving we are grateful for the precious 9 months we had with him.

We are off to Wisconsin for a week to be with family. Being here for Thanksgiving would have just been too hard. I may try to post while we are up there. Otherwise I pray you all are blessed with a wonderful Thanksgiving. Even amidst the sadness we have much to be thankful for.

SWEET BABY FEET

Even Samuel's precious little feet were perfect. Wow, I look at that picture and just see the handiwork of God our creator. He doesn't make any mistakes... that is what I keep telling myself. God is sovereign and nothing takes Him by surprise. He knew the number of Samuel's days before they came to pass.

When we were in hospital already knowing Samuel was gone, the doctor did an ultrasound. While he was looking at Samuel his body had moved from a head down position to a transverse position, meaning he was laying side to side in my uterus. The doctor had hoped to induce me and start labor, but that wasn't possible if the baby wasn't head down. He spoke with another Dr. and they decided the best thing was to send me home until the baby was head down and then at that time they could induce me. (Since I have had 4 previous uncomplicated births this would be safer than doing a c-section) He said that it was safe to wait up to 3 weeks. I couldn't believe what I was hearing, were they serious? I just knew that there was no way I could go home with my 4 kids and function knowing that the child I loved and was carrying was no longer alive.

I asked the Dr. if he could try to move the baby into a head down position. He said he would try. He turned on the ultrasound machine to locate the placenta and that was when we saw the first of many little miracles of Samuel's birth. He was head down again and they could induce me right away. I labored all that night. Greg was so strong, I was an obvious wreck. The next morning when the Dr. said I could push, I felt so weak and full of fear, I just didn't think I was ready to meet my son knowing I was going to have to say goodbye to him so much sooner than I anticipated. I asked Greg to pray for me and he did as all of the Dr.s and nurses prepared for the delivery. I only pushed 3 times and out came all 9 lbs. 2oz. of Samuel.

I had cried all night. Then the strangest thing happened. Once he was out everyone else cried. For Greg this was when it became real to him that his son was gone, the Dr., the nurses, my midwife were all crying... but not me. The minute they put him on my chest all I could do was admire him. Samuel was so perfect and completely beautiful. I was utterly in awe of this wonderful creation that God had knit together inside of me. What a miracle Samuel was. Wow, I just loved looking over every inch of him. Getting to hold, snuggle and love on him was such a blessing. How I wish I could do that right now.

And that brings me to his feet. I knew this son of ours was conceived in love and was so precious to Greg and I. He is part Greg, part me, and all God. As we were looking him over, I just laughed, he had Greg's little toes. I will spare you all of the details, but they are uniquely curved to the outside and Samuel's were just like his papa's. He was precious and beautifully created even down to his little toes.

Wow, these days are difficult, so much harder than I ever imagined. I never knew such kind of pain was even possible. There are moments that I feel a hope for the future and then there are times that all I can utter is just a plea for help from our Lord. We covet your prayers as we continue day by day... sometimes moment by moment on this journey. We know that the prayers of many are what have helped sustain us over these last 3 weeks.

NOT AT ALL WHAT WE PLANNED BUT GOD IS FAITHFUL

Dear Friends and Family,

We honestly can't believe how much our lives have changed in the last 2 weeks. We know that we are forever changed by what we have gone through.

Our sweet son Samuel Mark Hintz was taken to be the Lord before he had a chance to be born here on earth. We are devastated by this loss and just miss him so much. But we do see God's fingerprints all over our experiences over the last 10 days.

I was due on the 28th and the day passed like any other. In fact I remember sitting on the couch just laughing at how much wiggling the baby was doing that night. The next morning I woke up, got the kids breakfast and vacuumed the house. It was then that I thought I wasn't sure if I had felt him move that morning. After seeing the Dr. where we all thought we heard the heartbeat (which was mine... beating really fast) and going to the hospital we realized that he was already gone. We told the kids and then they went to stay with dear friends from the seminary while they induced labor. Samuel was born the next morning the 30th at 9:41. He was absolutely beautiful and perfect. The doctor thinks that it was a cord accident, the cord was around his neck and must have just gotten too tight. Our friends brought the kids back up and we were all so blessed to be able to hold him and kiss him and just inspect all of his perfect parts. He was so precious and such a cutie. There is a national organization that offers their photography services when an infant dies. They are called Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep and they came in to take pictures of us with Samuel. I am so grateful. I know that these are pictures that we will treasure forever.

God was so good to send just the right people to be with us during the labor and delivery. My midwife was such an encouragement reminding us that God would give us the grace to handle each little step one at a time. I still cling to this as we go through each day. There was a nurse that God sent to pray over me when I was completely overcome with grief. He was faithful and continues to be as the Body of Christ lifts us up in prayer. I know that is the only reason we have made it through this time. There are many other details that maybe I will share with time. I wanted you all to see our precious boy Samuel. Below the pictures is what we shared on the back of the church bulletin for his memorial service that we had last Monday. We really wanted everyone to see that we treasured and valued the life that God gave to Samuel. We loved every minute of the 9 months that we had with him.

This is what we had printed on the bulletin for Samuel's memorial service:

We thank you all for coming to celebrate the life of our sweet son Samuel. When we found out we were expecting him, our family rejoiced. We had already been praying for this baby. We are so thankful and feel so blessed that God chose us to be his family and that we had the time that we had with him. Some may think that he never had a chance to live… we know these were the days God had ordained and planned for him. We celebrate all Samuel did with us, his time with us at the seminary, going on family walks, packing and unpacking many boxes, moving here to Oklahoma, trips to Wisconsin and Texas and so much more. Our whole family loved feeling him kick, move and hiccup. We all loved talking and singing to him and the kids and Greg kissing him goodnight. We treasured and enjoyed the 9 months God gave us with Samuel. Though it was so much shorter than we ever would have thought or desired, we just praise God for the special, wonderful life of our son Samuel.


Samuel was prayed for, loved, and much anticipated by
Parents: Greg and Sara Hintz
Brothers and sister: Louis, Caleb, Anna and Elijah Hintz
Grandparents: Gary and Beverly Hintz & Wally and Ann Neumann
Aunts and Uncles: Mark and Jane Neumann, John and Katy Neumann, Josh and Lyndsey Neumann, Theron and Beth Dodson, and Lisa and Dale Quickel
Cousins: Leah, Hannah, Lindsay, Callie, Sophia, Ella, Grace, Will, Sara Beth, Isabella, Titus, Tobias, Ezra, Meaghan and Madison.
And many other dear friends

Though the fig tree may not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines;
Though the labor of the olive may fail, And the fields yield no food;
Though the flock may be cut off from the fold, And there be no herd in the stalls-
Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my Salvation.
The Lord God is my strength.
Habakkuk 3:17-19