SOME OF OUR HOSPITAL VISITORS:)

MY PARENTS WERE HERE HELPING WITH THE KIDS AND BROUGHT THEM UP TO MEET THEIR LITTLE BROTHER RIGHT AFTER HE WAS BORN... MY DAD CLAIMS HE GOT LEVI'S FIRST SMILE:) LEVI HAS ONE OF THE MOST EXPRESSIVE LITTLE FACES, AWAKE OR ASLEEP... IT IS ABSOLUTELY PRECIOUS AND SO MUCH FUN TO WATCH...

MEET CHRISTY...SHE IS THE CHARGE NURSE ON THE FLOOR I STAYED FOR 7 WEEKS. SHE CAME IN AND TOOK PICTURES DURING THE DELIVERY.... SHE GOT SOME AMAZING PICTURES THAT I AM SO THANKFUL TO HAVE. WHEN YOU ARE IN THE MOMENT YOURSELF YOU JUST CAN'T SEEM TO TAKE IT ALL IN, SO NOW WE HAVE IT ALL ON FILM TO NEVER FORGET THOSE PRECIOUS MOMENTS LEVI ENTERED THIS WORLD.

FOR ALL YOU CHRISTIAN MUSIC LOVERS OUT THERE... CHRISTY NOCKEL'S (FROM WATERMARK) DAD IS CHRISTY'S (MY NURSE) PASTOR... DID THAT MAKE ANY SENSE? SHE WAS SO SWEET... ALWAYS TRYING TO REASSURE ME AND ENCOURAGE ME WHEN SHE WOULD POP BY MY ROOM:) DURING MY 7 WEEKS THERE.

THIS IS MY SWEET FRIEND SHELLEY FROM OUR SMALL GROUP... SHE WAS ALWAYS BRINGING BY COFFEE ICE CREAM, SANDWICHES, AND SNACKS WHEN I WAS CRAVING SOMETHING... LUCKY FOR ME SHE ONLY LIVES ABOUT A MILE FROM THE HOSPITAL. SHE ALSO BROUGHT THE MOST DELICIOUS FRIED PICKLES TO ME AFTER LEVI WAS BORN... I THINK SHE STARTED A NEW "SECRET ADDICTION" FOR ME WITH THOSE FRIED PICKLES:)

SHE WAS ALSO INCREDIBLY SWEET TO BRING UP A LOAD OF BLUE BALLOONS FROM OUR SMALL GROUP AS A WAY TO REMEMBER OUR SAMUEL ON THIS SPECIAL DAY THAT LEVI WAS BORN. WE WERE ABLE TO WRITE ON THEM AND RELEASE THEM... (JOJO SENT THE SWEETEST LITTLE MESSAGE TO SAMUEL ASKING IF HE KNEW THAT LEVI WAS BORN... MY MOM SAID THAT HE INSISTED ON MAKING SURE HE GOT TO RELEASE IT AND SEND IT TO SAMUEL. )

I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW MUCH IT MEANT TO KNOW OTHERS WERE REMEMBERING AND THINKING ABOUT SAMUEL TOO...

TRICIA AND HANNAH, ALSO FROM OUR SMALL GROUP... WE ARE GETTING READY TO WELCOME LITTLE JACKSON, TRICIA'S BABY IN ABOUT 7 WEEKS... WE ARE SO THRILLED FOR THEM AND ARE PRAYING FOR THE LORD'S PROTECTION ON THAT LITTLE GUY UNTIL HE ARRIVES:)

THE TIEWS GIRLS:)...

IT WAS SO SPECIAL FOR ME TO HAVE THEM THERE THAT DAY AS WELL. LULA WAS THE ONLY OTHER PERSON BESIDES OUR FAMILY, DR'S AND NURSES, TO SET EYES AND HOLD OUR SAMUEL THE DAY HE WAS BORN. IT WAS SO SPECIAL TO HAVE HER THERE TO HOLD LITTLE LEVI TOO.

I AM NOT SURE OTHERS REALLY GET ALL THAT GOES INTO THOSE MOMENTS THAT WE SHARED WITH SAMUEL... BUT SHE KNEW...SHE FELT IT TOO...

AS STRANGE AS IT MAY SOUND, IT IS ABSOLUTELY PRECIOUS TO BE ABLE TO SHARE LEVI WITH HER... IT IS LIKE A HUGE VICTORY FOR US ALL... I KNOW VICTORY SOUNDS STRANGE.... I KNOW IT IS MORE LIKE SHARING A HUGE MIRACLE AND BLESSING.... BUT AFTER THE LAST COUPLE OF YEARS IT FEELS LIKE A HUGE VICTORY TOO:)

GOD IS SO GOOD!

WE HAD LOTS OF OTHER VISITORS TOO. I AM NOT SURE WHO HAD THE CAMERA AND WAS SNAPPING PICTURES, BUT I AM SO THANKFUL THAT THEY DID... I WAS JUST SITTING TAKING IT ALL IN... THE BLESSINGS OF THAT SWEET SWEET DAY THAT LEVI WAS BORN!

AGAIN GOD IS SO GOOD!

A FEW LAST PREGNANCY PHOTOS...

I HAD TO INCLUDE AT LEAST ONE OF THE SWEET LITTLE BUG:)

HERE IS ONE CORNER OF ROOM 630, MY HOME AWAY FROM HOME FOR 7 WEEKS... THE NURSES ALWAYS GOT A KICK OUT OF ALL OF THE KIDS PICTURES AND NOTES ON THE WALLS:)

A NOT SO GREAT PICTURE OF ANNA AND I OUTSIDE ON ONE OF MY WHEELCHAIR RIDES.

GREG AND I ALWAYS LAUGHED WHEN THEY WOULD BRING THIS WHEELCHAIR TO MY ROOM FOR RIDES... WE CALLED IT THE GHETTO CHAIR, AND TALKED OF EQUIPPING IT WITH SOME NICE FUZZY DICE:)

I wanted to get a few of these last pregnancy photos up...

As much as I couldn't wait to have the Levi here... I do miss being pregnant...

Now that I see him outside of the womb, he isn't a big mover or a wild mover. It makes sense that I didn't feel huge movements from him inside either. It is strange to me that as much as he changed from head up to head down those last few weeks and even the last few days, I still can't believe that I couldn't feel those big movements.

Right now, he is snuggled in his daddy's arms while the kids finish up some tres leche cake someone from church made us... YUMMY!

The boys and Greg just got back from a late soccer tournament game in town. It was freezing out so I stayed home with Levi and Hope. I really love going to the games, but not when it is cold, windy, and misty out.

I actually wanted Greg to build a fire tonight, but since they were all gone maybe we can do it tomorrow night. I sort of feel like I got jipped out of all my cozey fires this past winter being in the hospital for that time:)

This is totally off topic, but has anyone ever printed off their blog into a sort of memory book to have for their family. If anyone has done that I would love any tips or info on how to go about doing that...

We are all looking forward to Greg being home with us a few days this week... Yay, some much needed time together. Treasuring these times:)

BLESSINGS...

Please pause the playlist on the bottom right of my blog so you can be blessed by this beautiful song...


Wow...what a song...

I was so struck by the last few lines of this song by Laura Story...

What if my greatest dissapointments or the aching of this life...
is a revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy.
What if trials of this life...
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights...
are your mercies in disquise...

I know 2 years ago I could not have read those words with out being angry... but the Lord has brought me to a new place in this journey and I am thankful!

I tell you I look at my precious Levi and I am completely overcome by the faithfulness of our God to bring us through these last 2 1/2 years...

I am completely overcome by the selfless gift of our donor mom to let us adopt her 7 sweet little embryos...

I am completely overcome by the power of our God to create life again from what was frozen for 5 years...

I am completely overcome by the love of God to create life again in me to a part of my heart that I was not sure would ever be reawakened...

These days are filled with so so so much joy... but at the same time there is a new realization of the pain of losing Samuel. Seeing Levi, nursing Levi, hearing his first cry, watching his brothers and sisters loving all over him are all reminders of things that we never got to experience with Samuel. My heart is overcome with joy for getting to experience all of this with Levi... yet at the same time overcome with sadness for what we missed with Samuel. I rest in knowing that God's will is perfect... but I still miss my Samuel.

When I look into the dark gray blue eyes of Levi I am totally overcome with love for this precious little person. I can not tell you how much I love that little boy... He is such a gift, miracle and BLESSING in our life... I am blown away!!

Many times over the past 2 years people have said to me... "If Samuel would not have died, you never would have adopted Hope" That has never sat well with me... We got Hope over a year after Samuel died... We had always wanted to adopt, could the Lord have allowed us to have Samuel and still adopt Hope? I truly believe anything is possible if God wanted it to happen... Obviously that wasn't the case... but I still like to think that He could have if He wanted to...:)

But when I look at Levi and the long string of miraculous events that led up to him being a part of our family... I am overcome with feelings of wondering if God could've have allowed Samuel to live, us adopt Hope and still have Levi... it seems less probable to me...

Would we have ever considered embryo adoption had Samuel lived? I sort of think we would have just done a domestic or international type adoption... but most likely not an embryo adoption.

There are times I look at Levi and almost feel like Samuel almost had to die to allow this turn of events to get Levi here... Does that make sense? Any one who has more than one child knows that your love for each of your children is monumental, HUGE, almost impossible to be measured... I look at the possibility of having Samuel or having Levi... It would be totally impossible for me to choose... The love I have for both of them is equal, and fierce... like a mama bear...

Though surrendering to His plans in the moment can be difficult, it brings me such peace to know that God's plans always have a purpose, that He knew exactly what was happening when Samuel's heart stopped beating on October 29th 2008 and He knew exactly what was happening when Levi's heart started to beat last July 2010. He is in control... and I am SOOOOO VERY THANKFUL FOR THAT!

I also think of our donor mom... I know that she and her husband probably would not have given their embryos up for adoption had he not passed away. I can not tell you the feelings that evokes for me. I have been crying the whole time as I heard this song, have been writing this post, and whenever I think about this all in regards to Levi's life.

I know the pain of losing my son. I don't know the pain of losing my husband... I can't really imagine... well I guess I can, but I know it is probably so much worse than what I can imagine. I know that is what it was like when Samuel died... as bad as I had ever thought it would be to lose a child, it was far worse. The thought that someone had to go through the loss of their dearly loved partner and husband to allow this plan to come to fruition is almost to much to take in at times.

Yet there again, I rest in His promises, His plans, Him being in control. Neither the donor mom, nor our family would have ever imagined being on this journey or this path... Yet this is where we find ourselves. And on our end of the experience we are blessed with the MOST AMAZING gift... the most precious gift of a child, Levi... again I am blown away!

Levi means united... God united our families here on earth to bring this precious little guy here. And I know He will reunite us with Samuel and her with her husband someday in Heaven. He is so gracious.

Don't get me wrong, I know that having Levi here will not take away the grief or the missing of Samuel, I am sure that will always remain in my heart. But I am so very thankful for the continued healing He brings through the tears and the blessings He allows into our lives...

I honestly, am overcome that God would see fit as to bring beauty from the ashes, gladness from the mourning, and peace from the despair in our lives...

I am overcome with thankfulness that I can actually say that after all we have been through that His ways are best, they may not make sense to us, they may hurt like crazy to go through, they may not even end the way we want or maybe they will... but I know that our Savior knows what He is doing and He will sustain us through it all...

He is good...
He is faithful...
He is in control...

LEVI'S BIRTH STORY!!

DADDY AND HIS BOY:)

SO VERY THANKFUL FOR THIS PRECIOUS GIFT.... FINALLY IN MY ARMS!!

OUR GREAT DOCTOR...

AHHHHH.... TO FINALLY HEAR THAT PRECIOUS CRY!!

OUR FIRST FAMILY PICTURE WITH LEVI:)

I have to say right off the bat that God was more gracious than I could have imagined the day we had Levi...

I do also want to say that being a previous doula and natural childbirth instructor this post may give too much information... but I will try my best to make it child friendly as I know my sweet nieces will be reading:)

LEVI'S BIRTH:

They put me on a low dose of pitocin Sunday night because they figured he was head down. They continued to bump that up just a little each hour over night and then at 5 am they were bumping it up by bigger increments each half hour. I had such a hard time sleeping overnight... but I think I managed to get in a few hours. I think my mind was totally on overload and the contractions were probably 5 minutes apart, but were totally manageable.

My wonderful doctor came in around 7 and right away asked, "They did scan you last night to make sure he is head down right??" I told him that they hadn't for some reason. He did that right away and confirmed that Levi was indeed head down. I was so thankful that God did the turning and we didn't have to even venture down that path...

I was around 3-4 cm so he tried to break my water. Greg and I had to laugh because I notoriously have a strong bag... Honestly it took probably 5-10 minutes for him to break it... And even then he wasn't sure he had gotten it... but with time and a few contractions it was quite obvious that he had gotten it done:)

I know that I said it before, that because of my total concern over Levi and the pregnancy in general that I hadn't really prepared for the labor and delivery itself. I really went into it just praying that God would help me make the right decisions as far as pain meds and everything. I have had natural births that were beautiful before and epidural births that were wonderful too. I wasn't sure what I could handle with the pitocin and really I was more concerned about how I would be emotionally this go around.

That being said, I got an epidural around 10:30 am. I was 5-6 cm. dilated. I wasn't sure what to expect. I figured the labor would go quickly seeing as it was our 6th delivery. But I have never been induced this early at 37 weeks. In fact all my babies have been after my due date, from one day late to 12 days late. This was just sort of slow and steady the whole time.

One major blessing was that Levi's heartrate was really stable for the most part. We only had one time where he was having some decels during and after the contractions... man it seemed to get way too slow for my liking, but they were still ok with it. They did have me switch sides and then he liked that much better. Besides that short bit... he had a strong steady beautiful sounding heart beat the whole time. That was such a gift from God as I could hear that he was doing great in there:)

Around 1:00 p.m. my doctor came in to check on me. I was 8 cm. dilated. He left to do another delivery. Around 2:40 ish the nurse check me and said I was complete. This is where I am just in awe of how God allowed things to work out so beautifully for me.

The nurse asked me to give a little push and when I did she told me, "STOP... don't push, don't sneeze, don't cough... we saw the baby's head." She called for the Doctor to come back over. He was just in his office which is attached to the hospital. He rushed over.

(I distinctly remember with the birth of Samuel when they said I could push, I totally broke down... I just couldn't do it. I wasn't ready to meet him knowing he wasn't alive. Greg prayed for me and then we heart breakingly pushed and delivered our still son)

This time was SOOOOO VERY DIFFERENT! When my doctor came in, the nurse quickly told him that he NEEDED TO HURRY, that the babies head was coming. I clearly remember my doctor saying if he didn't get gloves on he was good. I remember asking Greg to pray... and he just snuggled right up to my ear, grabbed my hand and prayed for Levi and me. Literally I didn't even need to push, his little head just slipped out. I gave the tiniest push for his shoulders and out he slid. It was so very peaceful. It was absolutely perfect. And then we heard that beautiful cry... it was music to my ears...

God was so gracious to make this its own beautifully wonderful experience for Greg and I. I have ALWAYS said over and over again... that Levi is his own precious person... totally separate from our Samuel... but I feared for how Samuel's birth would affect me this go around. Honestly, in the moment it wasn't even an issue. Levi's birth was so healing for me. I couldn't have dreamed for it to go any better. God showed His faithfulness to us in such a precious way on Levi's birthday and I am so grateful!

The only thing that could have been an issue with Levi's delivery was that I had a small abruption that probably occured minutes before he was born. Basically that is when a part of the placenta separates before it is supposed to. In our case it was fine because we were already delivering then... but if you have a complete abuption prior to delivery it can be catastrophic for mom and the baby. We are so thankful that it was just small and that it occured when it did where we could be exactly where we needed to be had it caused any complications... which it didn't at all, to Greg and I, there just seemed to be a bit more blood than usual.... praise God for His protection!

They put him right up on my chest and Greg and I just marveled at how small and perfectly created he was. I have to tell you the minute I saw him... from the very first second... he just totally felt like our baby. There was not one single feeling different for me than the other 5 I have delivered. All the worry and fear for Levi's life that I had over the last 9 months, totally disappeared in that instant. I had wondered if when it was born it would feel any different than my other kids because he was an adopted embryo and not genetically ours... but honestly even now if it weren't for the fact that I am completely in awe of God's miraculous work in Levi's life to get him to us as an adopted embryo... I would have to remind myself that he isn't genetically ours.

I look at him and he looks like the other kids... Our donor mom has said on more than one occasion that Levi looks like me. I think that is so funny and wonderful at the same time. God is so good to do that all, it is like a cherry on top for me.

So that is the story of the day that our precious Levi entered this world. I am so thankful that God wrote it for us... I could not have had it go any better if I tried... He is so good to us!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Greg and I went out tonight to hit Walmart and get a bite of dessert with the little guy! We talked over many heavy things. I am so thankful to have such a loving and supportive husband. Due to circumstances, Greg was only able to get off the day that Levi was actually born. He is such a hard worker and I am so grateful for that... but I have missed him like crazy. This is not at all how we thought the last week would go... but God has been faithful there as well, to provide the listening ear of friends when I needed them when Greg just could not be available. And truly I am really fine with that. I know that his job is one where sometimes things just come up and there are other circumstances that have to take priority. I know we are all looking forward to being able to spend some long overdue time together celebrating that Levi is here safe and sound. Having a baby in the house has been a long time in coming:)

There are so many emotions that have come up since having Levi... it is like emotional overload at times for me. I am sure that the hormones don't help either:) I will try to post about that soon.

My mom leaves this Wednesday... we will all be sad to see her go. She has been an unbelievable help to us all. At this point, I am not quite sure how it will go with her gone... I know it won't be long and we will get into a new groove. I am thankful to have older kids that can help out so much.

But for right now... we are savoring every precious moment we have together. I am not sure that there are enough hours in the day for all of us to get in enough loving on this little guy!

SO MUCH TO SAY... SO LITTLE TIME:)

A SWEET LITTLE WELCOME HOME BANNER FOR OUR BOY:)

SEE, LEVI IS HAPPY TO BE HOME TOO:)

SNUGGLE TIME WITH LOU...

FOR SOME REASON THE COMPUTER IS ACTING UP A BIT AND NOT LETTING ME CENTER THINGS. WE HAVE ACTUALLY HAD A REALLY BUSY WEEK...

I WANTED TO GET SOME PICTURES UP AND I WILL UPDATE THIS POST HOPEFULLY LATER TODAY WITH SOME OF WHAT WE HAVE BEEN EXPERIENCING THIS WEEK...

THE OTHER PASTOR AND HIS WIFE, FROM OUR CHURCH ARE ON THEIR WAY OVER. THEY ACTUALLY HAD THEIR 2ND BABY THE SAME DAY AS LEVI JUST A FEW HOURS LATER... CRAZY THING!!

GOING TO FEED LEVI BEFORE THEY GET HERE... CAN'T WAIT TO UPDATE... I HAVE SO MUCH I HAVE BEEN FEELING, SO MUCH JOY OVERFLOWING IN MY HEART...

I TRULY DON'T FEEL WORTHY OF THIS INCREDIBLE GIFT...FROM OUR DONOR MOM AND OF COURSE GOD~!

I CAN'T HELP MYSELF:)

I CAN'T HELP MYSELF FROM POSTING A FEW MORE PICTURES OF LEVI...

I HOPE TO GET HIS BIRTH STORY UP IN THE NEAR FUTURE...

EVERYTIME I LOOK AT THIS PRECIOUS LITTLE FACE, I AM TOTALLY BLOWN AWAY BY THE HANDIWORK OF OUR GOD... CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS LITTLE PUMPKIN WAS A FROZEN EMBRYO FOR 5 YEARS??? IT IS MIRACULOUS TO ME...

I KNOW I KEEP SAYING IT... BUT I AM BEYOND BLESSED TO BE A PART OF THIS MIRACLE BOY:)

Pictures are below the last post....

Hey friends,
I had a few people ask where the photos were...

Here is another example of my great computer skills... not really:)

They are below the last post where I posted just the stats of Levi's arrival...
Sorry for the confusion...

SCROLL DOWN TO SEE THEM:)


We plan on going home tomorrow afternoon sometime...

OH MY GOODNESS... HOME AFTER 50 DAYS IN THIS PLACE!!!

PRAISE GOD!!! LEVI IS DOING JUST GREAT AND WE HAD AN ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL, PRECIOUS DAY TOGETHER THE 2 OF US... REALLY I FEEL LIKE I AM STILL DREAMING. IT SOUNDS SAPPY, BUT IT IS TOTALLY TRUE!!! Greg had to get ready for 2 services that he has to do tomorrow...

We can't wait to go home and be a full family again... Will Levi be ready for the party to begin:)?? It is going to be wonderful!

PRAISE GOD FROM WHOM ALL BLESSINGS FLOW!!!
ENJOYING THIS PRECIOUS BLESSING TO ITS FULLEST!

SCROLL DOWN 2 POSTS TO SEE A FEW PICS OF LEVI...