A FULL HEART....

(I can never figure out how to make a scanned picture appear the normal size... sorry... can you squint and see his preciousness??:)

On the eve ( Well actually, since it is after 12, it isn't really the eve anymore) of my sweet Samuel's 2nd birthday in heaven, my heart is full...

Full of love for my Gracious God for blessing us with this new son growing in my womb.

Full of thankfulness for the good news at today's ultrasound, of a healthy baby thus far... growing exactly as He should be. (As crazy as this may sound to those of you who haven't lost babies, and as normal as this may sound to those of you who have... I truly feel like at any ultrasound we may see that precious heart not beating anymore... so so so VERY thankful for a strong healthy beating heart today! :)

Full of love for this precious boy, I CAN NOT WAIT to meet at the appointed time God has for us to see each other face to face.

Full of amazement in a God who could create this life. Today at the ultrasound, as I was watching that little boy wiggle and squirm... I COULD NOT believe that this little one was literally frozen for 5 years... only God could work that kind of miracle! Isn't that incredible!?

Full of prayers for those who are hurting tonight.

Full of prayers to be able to fully ENJOY this pregnancy with a heart full of love and joy... not the fear that can sometimes grip me.

FULL OF ABSOLUTELY UNENDING LOVE FOR MY LITTLE BOY SAMUEL, WHOSE LIFE WE WILL CELEBRATE THE NEXT TWO DAYS.

(MANY ASK WHEN WE CELEBRATE HIS BIRTHDAY... THE ANSWER WHICH MAY SEEM STRANGE TO SOME, IS BOTH DAYS. THE 29TH WAS THE DAY THAT HE STOPPED MOVING, WE FOUND OUT HIS SOUL WAS ALREADY WITH JESUS, AND WE STARTED THE INDUCTION. THE 30TH WAS THE DAY THAT HE WAS ACTUALLY BORN AND THAT WE GOT TO SPEND WITH HIM, LOVE ALL THAT GOD CREATED IN THAT SPECIAL BABY BOY. I JUST CAN'T PICK ONE DAY, THEY BOTH WERE FULL OF SO MANY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCES)

FULL OF SORROW, SADNESS, AND BROKEN HEARTED CHEST HURTING GRIEF AS I STILL MISS HIM SO SO MUCH.

FULL OF SOME JOY AND THANKFULNESS FOR EVERY MINUTE WE HAD WITH HIM INSIDE OF ME.

FULL OF MEMORIES.... PONDERINGS... WHAT IFS?... WHAT COULD HAVE BEENS?... KNOWING FULL WELL THAT ALL OF THOSE THINGS AND PLANS IN MY MIND, WEREN'T THE SAME AS THE LORD'S AND JUST WEREN'T MEANT TO BE.

FULL OF SURRENDERING TO, AND TRUSTING IN THE ONE WHO PERFECTLY CREATED THAT SWEET BOY AND GAVE US THE GIFT OF BEING HIS EARTHLY FAMILY.

So there you have it... in a nutshell... The perfect blend of joy and pain all that the same time. That seems to be the new normal for us now. We honor one life and celebrate a new life... totally different and separate from Samuel's life, and in no way a replacement. No one could ever replace him. Each child is unique. This is the perfect new person that God has planned to be a part of our family.

I will try to update over the next couple of days to share how we honored the precious life of our Samuel.

Thanks for your love and prayers.

CALEB IN HIS SOCCER GAME.

ANOTHER BATCH OF BABY BUNNIES... I KNOW THEY LOOK A LITTLE

BIT LIKE MICE... THEY WILL BE SO CUTE IN A WEEK OR SO.

ANNA AND TWO FRIENDS AT THE NEIGHBORHOOD BLOCK PARTY.


SUCH A SWEET, PRECIOUS, LITTLE GIRL

So after helping with some cooking at the Bottoms house on Thursday night, after listening to the rain fall, we piled into the van and headed down their driveway only to find that there was no way we would be heading home. We were going to be staying the night, we couldn't get across a part of the driveway. It had rained 5 inches in a very short amount of time. By morning we were good to go... and the Bottoms were so gracious as usual. We all had cozy beds to sleep in and a delicious breakfast in the morning. They are such dear people. The boys went back last night to sleep over help with the chili cook off today in a town close by.

Yesterday during the day I had my ladies Bibles Study. It has been such a blessing to be with those ladies. God knew I desperately needed some friends that I could share with in the study of God's word. They, as usual, supported me when I crumbled. Do you know how nice it is to feel free to be yourself and know that you won't be judged. The funny thing is, I am pretty much an open book. And I think I have grown in the area of not worrying so much about what others think of me. I do care, because I ALWAYS want to be a good witness for my Lord... which I fail miserably at most days. But I do know that God allowed Samuel to be taken so soon, and I am trusting in Him as I grieve, not trusting in what others think. Living for an audience of ONE, that is my motto. There are times as a Pastor's wife or even just a Christian I have felt the eyes of others upon me taking my tears and grief as a lack faith. It isn't that at all. In fact I have faith in a SUPER powerful God... I know He can do anything. But even knowing that He can do anything doesn't take away the sting of living with out one that you love so dearly. And knowing that He can do anything, doesn't necessarily mean that He will do anything or do those things that we are hoping He will do. So for me it is living in the balance of HOPING, TRUSTING, and living in the reality that His plans may not be what I have planned. All that being said, I am so thankful for this group of ladies that loves me for me, no matter where I am at some days. (Boy that was a lot of rambling... to get to that point)

Then last night we had our first small group bible study here at our house. Ahhhh, I have missed having fellowship with a group of couples like that. Greg and I have almost always been a part of a small group. We have found in the past that is when our church usually has become our church family. We are so looking forward to being able to get to know these couples better. I just NEED those kinds of closer relationships. I know Greg and I also need to have a community of friends to support us and encourage us and us in return to them. It is a good thing.

Tonight our neighbors hosted a little block party... and I think I found an answer to my prayer for a music teacher for the boys. Our neighbors older son, whom I have never met before because he was out of state at college, was there with his girlfriend. Can you say precious? They kind of went off and were sitting at a table by themselves so Greg and I joined them. What a sweet, endearing young Christian couple. We totally enjoyed visiting with them and through talking discovered that he would love to lead worship at a church. When I asked him what instrument he plays, he told me he plays guitar and the drums. Caleb has always wanted to play the drums. And if you ask me, with his enormous amounts of energy:) I think it would be perfect for him. And Louis loves to sing... Greg and I have always thought the guitar would be good for him... Having 3 brothers that have all been apart of leading worship at their churches at one time or another... I kind of think that might be up Lou's alley. This young man ,Brandon, said he has never taught before, but honestly that would be perfect for us. We are kind of low key about this kind of stuff. And the beautiful thing about it is that he lives a mile down the road with his grandparents. Yeah, we would not have to drive far. I am so happy at the possibilities. Yeah God!

I am really thankful, I have been able to see God at work through lots of little things this past week and it has been really nice. Not that any were momentous things, but all together I can see the blessings He bestowed on us this week... and I am thankful. Praying you all have a blessed Sunday.