Have you ever felt invisible? Do they?

Have you ever felt invisible?

Can you relate to being in a room full of people and yet feeling all alone?

I have been there... 

Many times in life... I have been there...

I especially remember after Samuel died being in church and feeling totally unnoticed...

Let me rephrase that...

I felt like I was being watched.  I knew I was being watched... I was the lady whose baby had died... I felt the eyes on me... yet even with tears overflowing out of my eyes...Most days there wasn't a response... I felt totally unnoticed... 

I felt almost invisible... 

Then I didn't just feel totally broken hearted... but I felt brokenhearted and worthless...

Sad, but true...

(Praise God for His amazing healing and faithfulness to restore what was once broken and rebuild a shattered life into something beautiful again... He is soooooo good!)

Have you ever felt that way... 

Invisible...

Unnoticed...

Maybe even that you life might be lacking worth???  I would guess that most of us have at one point or another...

What about Tony?  How did he feel as his life reached a near life or death point severely malnourished and abused?

Or precious Jackson... How does he feel being deaf and having CP?

Or this sweet sweet baby Joshua with severe burns from a house fire... Will he feel invisible as he grows and watches how people may stare?  

(I love how every time I looked at him, he just got cuter and cuter... I noticed those burns less and less with each passing moment... Oh how I miss this baby so much... my heart is aching to hold him again and hear his amazing laugh...  He is such a precious gift!)

While in Uganda I was  talking with our leader about how I was feeling embarrassed and convicted that  I knew people at our current church that had special needs children... Some of them similar to the kids we had been working with daily at The Gem Foundation, and I had yet to approach those kids... I had spoken with their parents... but sadly not taken the time to reach out directly to the children... and speak directly with them....

Our leader right away said, "They must feel so invisible..."  

In that moment... My heart broke... 

Lord forgive me for the times I have made any of your precious children, young or old, perfectly healthy or not, in their right mind or not... feel invisible... 

I mention about my feelings after Samuel died, not with any ill intent... but  only because I get it... 

In people's own uncomfortableness with me and my baby dying they found it difficult to reach out to me...

And I have done the same thing... in a different situation... but ultimately, a very similar thing... probably having the same exact result... Because many times things have been outside my comfort zone, I haven't reached out... I haven't made an effort... I've stepped away... and...

The end  result has probably been me hurting those people many times over... ouch!

My heart breaks over that... is embarrassed by it... And thankfully recognizes it and wants to change. it... 

Does Bethany look invisible?

What a beautiful smile and and wonderful JOY that radiates from her... 

Does Jerome look invisible?

What tender love and Care Liz shows him each day... showing him... You are worth it!

What about this precious new little guy?  Does he look invisible?

Day after Day I watched Albert tickle, feed, and push the older boys in cars... all these young boys beaming in delight at the experience of knowing that someone loves them...

What about Shafik?  Living with Autism, does He look invisible to you?

Cradled in the arms of his caregiver... He knows he is home!

What about Tony... severely malnourished and abused... does he appear invisible?

This Tony, with eyes that captured my heart... continually with Rita by his side (and Maciej never far away while we were there:) tenderly being shown... he matters... His life is precious... His life is of unbelievable worth to God and us....

Each and everyday, we may not know fully what those around us are feeling...

Each and everyday... we can make someone feel special, loved, cared for and precious...
We can cast away our judging human eyes...
And see them how God sees them...

Oh the lessons that God impressed upon my heart while in Uganda...

I am excited... I have been in conversation with one of the moms from our church who has a child like some of the kids we cared for in Uganda... first I apologized... Then I asked to hear more about this precious boys story...

I can't wait to get connected with them...

I am so thankful for God's goodness to me...
I am so thankful that He continually teaches me...
And I am so thankful for all the different, unique, amazing precious people He uses in my life to teach me...

Safe on the ground in Kampala Uganda

Safe on the ground in Uganda...

So very thankful...

So fun to see kids reunited and having a ball...

Heading to the gem foundation soon...

Can't wait to meet the gems...

Heart overflowing for smooth flights and that my nerves were pretty good:):)

Actually had a warm shower.

Actually had a shower for that matter and not a tub bath:)

Loved being reunited with dear friends and team members...

Many prayers for my family back home (what a tearful goodbye:(

Interesting all the medical ministry of health things they do before you could enter the country this year...

Ready to hit the ground running to love some dear precious fatherless kids today...

Who am I to receive such a privilege and honor to care for them, love them and share Jesus with them?

All glory to HIM!!!

Missing...

My heart is heavy tonight...
Tonight I miss...

Cuddling up with these precious kids...( inevitably one was asleep in my arms in minutes... a safe place to finally relax)

Seeing the joy on their faces even with so little of anything that belongs personally to them...

Watching sweet Grace worship our same Savior...( Such a deep thinker at times....)

My Daniel... (Here as I get ready for bed... I wonder... Did he eat today?  When was the last time he ate? Where did he find a place to sleep last night on the streets?  Is he safe?  I miss his fun loving personality and passion for scripture... My heart hurts just thinking he has lived on the streets for 11 years... Oh Lord be with Daniel and all the street boys in slums tonight....)

Loving on Lawrence... I would bring that little sweetie home in a second... What a precious child...

Seeing the joy, laughter, love, and passion these orphaned children had for life and their Savior...

Watching the absolute delight in Lawrence's and the other 70 kids eyes as they picked out their Christmas presents...

Singing... "Higher Higher" with the street boys...

Being able to serve, love, care for, diaper, pray with, feed, the precious kids of Uganda...

It is wonderful being home...
It is hard being home... life gets busy and takes over...
The daily grind of raising, loving, homeschooling my 7 kids (which I totally 100% love doing and thank God for every single day) takes priority, which it should...

But I miss Uganda, the kids, and the ministry there...
My heart has been changed...
I don't EVER want to forget it...
I don't ever want to forget them...

As I head to my comfy bed in my warm cozy house... I am Praying for every single one of those precious orphans who have so very little... I am so very thankful for the opportunity to have spent time with them, and am praying continually for how the Lord wants to use those experiences to grow, shape and change me.  I continually pray for God to show us how we as a family can continue to be used in their lives...

I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you... John 14:18

Remembering the day...

Remembering the day... 

We discovered and visited a brand new orphanage to us...

23 sweet adoptable toddlers... be still my heart... Have you ever seen anything so beautiful??

Remembering the day... 

They immediately clamored up in my lab and cuddled around me to show me love... and to receive a tender loving touch... It wasn't long and 2 were fast asleep...

Remembering the day... 

Those beautiful deep dark eyes looked right into and stole my heart... 

What a beauty!!

Remembering the day...  

Love took on flesh for the orphans of Uganda whether it was through hugs, special talks or letting little hands play continually with your hair...

They were hilarious...

Remembering the day...

We got loads of giggles when a sweet precious little one cuddled up fast asleep next to Caleb...So content... so relaxed... so much so that she tinkled on the couch and it ran right down the angled couch cushion and soaked Emma's skirt through and through... She literally had to wring it out...

I am so thankful for the precious life the Lord has given me here in the states... 

But my heart is literally in two places... 

I love those people...

I love that country...

And my heart has been deeply blessed by every single second I got to spend with the precious kids in Uganda... 

It is hard to believe that just 3 weeks ago we were driving those red dirt roads of Uganda... it seems impossible... What a gift to have the opportunity to share such a special trip with my boys...

Sweet baby R...

And then she arrived just 2 days before we were to leave for the states...

Sweet baby R....
All of a sudden she was there... brand new to this place and with a expression on her face that immediately drew me to her... The hurt she was experiencing was undeniable... my heart TOTALLY went out to her...

Can you see that look in her eyes??  Can you see the distrust in her expression?  Her expression over our last 2 days was changeless... not one bit of change in it... The only thing that did change was the tears... Occasionally she would cry... other times she had silent tears falling down her face... (I have never seen that before, a child crying silently)

She had been left by her mom with her dad... then abandoned by him... My guess would be that she was around 18 mos... But clearly wasn't very healthy and was very small...  Can you imagine the fear in her heart as she now has to adjust to orphanage life... Life with not nearly enough care givers and way too many kids needing the attention offered... (please hear me...I am not coming down on the caregivers...  I think most of the mama's, what they call the care givers, really do try to care for the kids... it is just next to impossible to provide the adequate care that these little ones deserve)

She had scars that were suspicious of being used in witchcraft rituals... Can you imagine that precious little soul being used in witchcraft rituals?  BREAKS MY HEART!

She had some scars on her legs making it seem that at some point her little tiny legs were bound.  MORE PIECES OF MY HEART BREAKING... 

Her story is not uncommon... I will say it again... her story is not uncommon... I know... how can it even be possible one time... right???  Yes this kind of thing is repeated again and again... day after day in Uganda... babies abandoned by the family that is supposed to love them and provide the best care for them.  Some of those abandoned babies even found in the squatties (their deep pit latreens, toilets) left to die.  I DON'T THINK MY HEART CAN ACCEPT ANY MORE HEART BREAK FOR THESE LITTLE INNOCENT ONES...  I just wanted to hold her close, never put her down, and make sure she felt loved, safe, and cared for...  (Oh I would still be doing that right now if I could...)

That is the kind of trauma that many of these little orphaned souls need to recover and heal from.  Only by the grace of God can one heal from that kind of hurt...

That is my prayer for baby R... that God does a transforming miracle in her life and heart.  That He can slowly replace that look of fear and distrust with joy and confidence in the love and care that a forever family can offer her.  I pray that God heals her physically as well as emotionally so that her little heart can be receptive to the work of the Holy spirit in her life... She is a beautiful, precious little creation...

 Will you pray with me for  baby R's healing?
Will you pray with me for all the Baby R's in Uganda and the rest of the world?

The time is now...

We sang this song in church the first Sunday after our return from Africa...

My heart was ready to burst...

My heart was full of total thankfulness to God for the utter fact that when I reach my heavenly home, I WILL SEE HIM FACE TO FACE...

And then I will see my Samuel face to face...

And then I will see....



Immediately the tears came to my eyes... who will I see?

 Will I see Daniel no longer longing to get off the streets?  Will I see Lawrence without his sweet little drooping eye then fully healed?  Will I see Akampa who stole my heart?  Will I see Hildie as we swing and sing in Heaven?  Will I see Ruth with her mischievous grin?  Will I see Josiah with those HUGE beautiful eyes?  Will I see precious Michael previously so badly scarred... but then in a perfectly healed body?  Will I see sweet, so sorrowful, so recently abandoned Robina...  but now healed from the trauma she experienced in this earthly life??

The precious faces were flashing through my mind... one after the other... sweet souls that my heart loves... Sweet souls that I want to see for all eternity...  

What a burden on my heart... pure joy and thankfulness to God for His faithfulness and redeeming power to die so that I will fully live... But yet a real burden... knowing I don't know...

The time in NOW friends... not a one of us is guaranteed tomorrow... heck, we aren't even guaranteed this afternoon.... there isn't time to waste... Our lives or our loved ones lives or our neighbors lives can change in an instant... We have lived that...

The time is now to forgive those that maybe you have bitterly held things against... The time is now to step outside our comfort zone and get dirty in the work of our Father's kingdom... The time is now to reach out and lovingly get to know our neighbors... The time is now to look beyond ourselves and invest in the lives of others... The time is now to love love love... (I am speaking to myself here just the same)  The time is now to be the hands and feet of Jesus right here in our backyard and beyond...

I pray that the seeds we planted while in Uganda will be nurtured in the lives of these little ones.  I pray that the Lord sends the perfect little helpers and people to love, nurture, and give these precious ones guidance as they grow in their faith... I pray that all those prayers uttered as I cuddled, prayed, and sang will come to fruition in time...

That is my most fervent prayer that one day... I will see... I will see them all... That when I reach my heavenly home my eyes will meet all of the precious Ugandan eyes of those little ones I miss so deeply...

HOME

I am so thankful to be home safe and sound back with my family...

Seeing every last one of my kids in the car as we jumped in at the curb at O Hare brought total joy and peace to my heart.

Not to mention the angst that I felt the week or so prior knowing that my sister had come into town to help and within 30 mins. of her arrival... my kids started dropping like flies due to a stomach bug... yes... 4 of my 5 got it... and then 3 of her 5 caught it.  OH MY GOODNESS!  That was my biggest fear...

Greg continually said how calm and not stressed out Beth was... and that totally is my sister... and Greg for that matter.  They handled it all extremely well...said it almost reached a comedic state at times... I just felt bad not to be able to love on my babies while they were sick and to have them bear the brunt of all that extra work... But praise God... it was a very short lived virus and all are well and back to normal now...

But MY SISTER BETH DESERVES A MEDAL FOR AUNTIE OF THE YEAR!!!  I owe her big time.  She was such a huge help!

So now comes the processing of all that we experienced while in Uganda...  Wow... it is WONDERFUL coming home... but it is DIFFICULT too! 

How do you leave that precious little girl who just was abandoned and dropped off at the baby home with a look of utter terror and sadness that was constant in her eyes knowing that she won't be getting the full love and nurturing care she so desperately needs and deserves ...  it breaks my heart!

How do you leave a certain street boy right where he is in the slums... KNOWING FULL WELL the amazing potential he has to make so much more of HIS life with the right guidance, love and support...  Oh he has my prayers!!!

How do you walk right back into a beautiful home on the church campus with a well stocked refrigerator and pantry... KNOWING FULL WELL that those boys on the streets may  not possibly have a thing to eat for 2 days... or maybe even longer...

How do you leave all that behind... 1/2 way across the world and not have it impact you every single day.

I can't and I won't let it not impact me or change me... Once you see them, live by them, experience them, hug them, love them, work with them... they leave their imprint right on your heart...

I am praying that we did the same... that the love that we showed, and the time we spent together will leave that same lasting imprint on their hearts...

Someone asked me yesterday... a very pointed question... What is my take away?... (I was glad that she asked such a pointed question... sometimes it is literally impossible to answer the question... How was your trip???  How do you articulate all that your heart is full of now??)

But a more pointed question helps with that processing... Yesterday I told her one thing... But today my take away is something different... (That will probably happen... my takeaways will change and be added to as the Lord reveals more and more from what we saw and experienced)  Here is my takeaway for today...

When all that we saw and experienced seems overwhelming or the problems too big...

I need to remember and  focus on the fact that what we did makes a difference... maybe to one, maybe to many...

Maybe to a group of orphans orphaned by a mudslide who are waiting for a home...  who now have a fully equipped orphanage to call home...

Maybe to the hundreds of kids who will come back to a new freshly painted school room after holiday...

Maybe to the kids from 3 orphanages who had their first Christmas party and got to actually pick out their very own presents... (oh the utter delight in their eyes I will never forget:)

Maybe to the frightened street boy who now has a bible to read...

Maybe to that toddler you pushed for hours on the swing  all the while singing to her of the faithfulness of God and His love for her...

Maybe to that baby who you cuddled and whispered the promises of God to over and over again...

Maybe to those lonely abandoned pregnant teens you shared your most difficult life experiences with...  and prayed for and encouraged them with the promises of God's word... He will NEVER leave or forsake you....


I could go on and on...

God calls us to love one another... God calls us to serve others... God calls us to be HIS hands and feet to the world around us... at our back door and beyond...  Giving ALL GLORY TO HIM!!

I have much more to share about our trip in the days ahead.... these are just my first thoughts back on the home front...

tomorrow

Tomorrow we will get in one more visit with all the special babies we get to love on here in Uganda... my heart is sad...

Today as I was snuggling and loving on the one above,  I was checking out this little guy... checking out every inch of his chunky face...  his perfect lips... his dark full eyebrows... his little bit of hair on top...

oh my yumminess!!  I loved looking over all the details that make him who he is...

I am smitten with him...

Then it dawned on me... No one pays attention to every last detail of his precious face...

Everyday some  one Is missing out on some seriousness preciousness...

He deserves to be treasured... every child does... he deserves to be gawked over, cuddled,  and totally loved on... Someone should know how chunky his thighs are... Some one should know How fuzzy his forehead is... someone should know how  his little lips curve and the shape of his nose... truth be told, he reminds me of my Isaiah a bit... He is beyond precious...

So so many orphans here... it can be too much for me at times... and honestly i dont even want to think about walking out that door tomorrow and having to leave him and the others behind...

Tonight my prayers is that somehow these little ones find their forever families quickly... that those caring for them will really look at what is the very best for them... that someday soon this little guy will be clinging onto his forever mommy like he was clinging onto me today...

We leave tomorrow night late after a full day at the baby home and the street boy feeding program in the slums... may God be glorified in all we do on our last day here in Uganda...

Prayers for safe travels home would be greatly appreciated...

youth conference

We are so blessed to stay at our missionary friends house in Kampala.  She has a beautiful viewwas the city:)  we usually eat local food for dinner each night!  It

is delicious!  This night we had stuffed chapoti... kind of like burritos!  It was so good... I got to taste some and hit the sack early with a migrane...:(:( Thankfully, I felt MUCH better the next day!

Saturday we spent all day out in the village at a youth conference.  Our kids did an excellent job sharing with the teens.  There was around 300 kids there.  What a neat opportunity for my boys.  I am so thankful for how God is using this trip to stretch and grow my boys!  Caleb shared about losing samuel and had an opportunity to pray for others there that are hurting because of the loss of a loved one.  And louis shared on forgiveness... all 4 of our teens did great!

Our leader, pastor dwight and his missionary daughter, emma gave some great messages and testimony of what God is doing or has done in their lives!     . It was a great day filled with great worship, sharing Gods word, and testimonies.  This conference was held where we had the Christmas party.  A special little guy lawrence snuck in the back door, crawled in my lap, and fell right to sleep!  He is so precious... what a way to end my day being able to love on Lawrence!  Perfect!  I am so thankful to be here!!

Day 2 in the slums

.Louis, Caleb, and Logan with their new friends... Some of the street boys...

We had another hard fought game of futbol out on the pitch... Today 4 cows joined us on the field... Only in Uganda do you share the soccer field with multiple grazing cows:). 

Our sweet new friend Daniel is between the boys in this picture... He was so excited to have the new bible I gave to him yesterday... He started reading it immediately... Tonight my heart was broken thinking of the possibility of never seeing him again... Or the possibility of not seeing him in heaven...

This life is short... This is not our home... And I desperately want to see him in my forever home...

He is an amazing worshipping young man... But life on the streets is hard... 11 years on the streets, really unfathomable to me... Fighting... Sexual abuse... Running from police... Hiding from those stronger than yourself... Huffing jet fuel... Extreme hunger... Desperate poverty... This is his life... Can you imagine the fear, temptations, and willingness to do things you might never want to do for food, or to stay alive??  What a reality check for us...

I encouraged him to stay in the word... Read his bible... Attend the church near the slums... Attend the outreach program and classes and to work hard to get into the program to get off the streets.   That is one of the main purposes of the feeding program... To get the boys to commit to making changes in their life and they then have homes to move them to... Our leader said he was shocked Daniel was still on the streets... He has so much potential... So much potential...

Louis even had a chance to pray with him... (So proud of him... And all the teens with us... They have stepped up and it has been awesome to witness!!)

Please pray for Daniel and the other boys... That God would draw them closer and closer to himself...

 

This is a great picture of where the street boys get a meal 3 times a week...  Right in the slums... The smell and the amount of garbage seemedP worse this year...

Can you believe this bit of preciousness?  I could just eat her up... We will see if I end up with ringworm... I gave another little boy a big hug.... Put my head right down and cuddled him up... Only to realize later that he had a really bad case of ringworm, noticeable the minute I lifted my head up... Oh well... It is so worth it to be able to love on these kids...

Pastor Dwight sharing Gods love and word with the boys... Worship was a blast with these boys today... I loved every second of it!! The boys loved the relay races our teens planned for them...

Sweet slum kids... Not a part of the feeding program... But ended up coming to the program anyways... A lot of times the kids of the slums (who do have parents) will tag right along as we walk up to the pitch where we play soccer... Then they follow us back and worship with us...technically they aren't supposed to be fed because they have families... But it is nearly impossible to not feed them...when they stare up at you with such longing in their eyes...

What a beautiful day..

Firsts...

First Christmas party with 60 of their closest friends:)

First mini spa treatment... (Don't I wish.... We just painted nails and faces... But they loved it!!)

First time shopping to pick out his own presents... (It wasn't really shopping... But instead we set up about 10 different stations around the orphanage where they could choose their gifts...  The items included toothpaste and brushes, pencils, a shirt, candy cane, beanie baby, coloring book and crayons, balls, purses, play dough, and so much more... The biggest and probably most special was a new pair of shoes. They wanted to wear them right away:) You should have seen their faces... Some could not believe it...These kids may receive a small item here or there that was given to them... But to actually get a chance to choose what they wanted... This was a first...

This little guys name is Lawrence (that is how we would pronounce it). He is the youngest of all the kids at these three orphanages... Every time I said to pick something... He lit up... A HUGE grin from ear to ear... He was cuddled up in my lap most of the morning while the kids sang and danced for us.... Then we danced for them... A big mistake... But super funny!!

First group team photo!!!   It is even better with the 60 smiling little guys joining us:)

They were so thrilled with their new boxes:)

What an AMAZING day... One I don't think I will ever forget...

 The way they treasure each little thing... The way that they even want to share the little they have with us... The way their smiles floods your heart with joy... The way they ran out of the church screaming when we first arrived... The way they fed us first... The way they teach me to treasure ALL of my blessings:)

Today we gave them gifts... 

But really they keep giving right back... Our hearts are full...

Saturday and Sunday in Uganda:)

Jillian, Louis, and Caleb with heir new buddies.   I literally had to leave the painting to hear what all the fun was about... The laughing erupting from their game of hot corn (hot potato) was so awesome!!!  Beautiful day loving on kids!

Nicole from our team measuring feet for new shoes... That will be a part of our Christmas gift to them on Tuesday:)

Kim and a special from from the village orphanage... (Notice the paint on her glasses... We were covered)

Painting the orphanage out in rural Uganda.

This precious girl couldn't have been more than 4... Cared for her little brother ALL day... What a little mommy... 

Today we were so blessed by the amazing worship out in the village.  They built the church on the bottom floor and an orphanage up top... They believe it is the churches job to care for the orphans of this country.  What a beautiful ministry !!

 We had  the wonderful privilege of praying for the  members there during worship.  I actually had a mommy come up to me and say that when she gets pregnant she  loses every baby.  She wants to get pregnant and keep a baby.  I right away told her that I too had lost a baby... And could pray for her from my heart... I too know that pain... What a precious sister in Christ.  The Lord always brings the exact people right to us for us to minister to.  

Thanks for the prayers!